Gin

Two months later

The bleachers at the Roper High School stadium are packed full of people. I had no idea it would be this loud. Either the crowd is hollering, the band is playing, or the cheerleaders are yelling. And everyone is dressed in red—some people even have their faces painted red and their hair is the shade of a fire engine. For once, my red hair fits in.

It’s like the entire town is here, everyone wanting to cheer Roper on to a state championship. It didn’t matter that the game was more than an hour from Roper—school buses were loaded up with people of all ages for the trip. And the bus windows were filled with red “Go Roper” signs, of course.

This is everything I’ve always hated about Roper. The near-worship of the football program. It’s put on a pedestal by most everyone in this town like nothing else.

But this time…I kind of don’t hate it. I kind of love it.

I’m wearing one of Chase’s jerseys, which he insisted on. Since it’s December and it’s freezing, I’m wearing a black thermal shirt beneath the jersey and a red stocking cap.

Lauren is on one side of me, and Raj is on the other. Beside him is Michelle, sitting extra close to Raj. I’ve never been to a football game before. I vowed I’d never go to one. But when Chase asked me to be here for the final game of his final high school football season, I said yes.

When he throws a perfect pass to Anderson for Roper’s second touchdown of the game, I jump out of my seat with everyone else, screaming with excitement.

Lauren stays seated. It was all I could do to get her to wear a red hoodie to the game.

“Gin, I’m the antithesis of school spirit,” she said in a deadpan voice. “Before you started dating the golden boy, you were too.”

“I know. I get it, I really do. But will you please just do it—for me?”

She rolled her eyes and called me a few names as she put on the sweatshirt.

“You want me to put your hair up in a ponytail with a giant red ribbon, too?” she asked, heavy on the sarcasm. “Maybe we both should just wear cheerleading skirts.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” I said, nodding.

“Fuck you.”

What can I say? I love Lauren, rough edges and all. She’s accepted that I’m with Chase pretty decently, considering. For the first couple weeks, she was extra chilly, but seeing how happy he makes me warmed her up eventually.

She still drops the occasional off-color joke about jocks, but he doesn’t mind. And when he kisses me in front of her, she tells us we’re more sickening than a powerful strain of Ebola, but that’s just part of her charm.

“I’m freezing my tits off,” she says to me in a rare quiet-ish moment of the game.

“Want me to go get a coat and gloves from my mom?” I ask her.

“I’ll go.”

We came to the game with Mom and Michael. Michael drove us all in his big SUV. Mom insisted they sit with the other parents, while we sat in the student section. I wasn’t loving that idea, but then I saw that the student section was in front, where I could get a good view of the game.

Brittany Dively is leading the cheerleaders in a cheer on the track in front of our team’s stands. Her hair is up in a ponytail with a giant bow, like Lauren was teasing me about earlier. As I watch Brittany, I think about how different I’ve always felt from her. She’s blond and very outgoing. I swear she’s in a good mood every moment of every day.

Where will life take her after this year? Will she go to a big college and be one of thousands trying to find their way? Maybe she’ll stay in Roper, where she’ll always be a former cheerleader, watching from the stands as younger girls bounce and yell on the sidelines.

I feel commonality with her for the first time. After we graduate, we’re all headed into unknowns. We may have goals and dreams, but none of us knows for sure if we’ll reach them. Life could throw any of us a curveball.

“Gin.” Michelle leans across Raj to pass me a paper cup. “Hot chocolate.”

“Thanks.”

She smiles at Raj, who puts his arm around her. The two of them have been so good for each other. He adores her, and she trusts him. I don’t know how serious they are, and I hope neither of them ends up brokenhearted, because they’re both good people. But nothing is ever guaranteed.

It’s halftime, and I watch as Chase pulls off his helmet on the sideline. A puff of air forms in front of his face as he exhales in the cold night air. He takes a sip of water from a paper cup someone hands him and then looks up into the stands.

He’s looking for me. My heart pounds as I watch his eyes roam the crowd, trying to spot me. A few months ago, I would have thought this was impossible—even more unlikely than me going to a football game.

His gaze lands on me, and a smile spreads across his face. I grin and blush, because I can’t help it when he looks at me that way. There are 1,913 people here tonight—according to the announcer, anyway—but the warmth on Chase’s face makes me feel like the only one.

We’ve been doing a lot more than kissing recently. When we’re tucked under a blanket on the couch at my house watching movies on Saturday nights, our hands roam and things usually turn heated. There was one time when Chase’s shoulder was sore from a game and I didn’t want to touch him there, no matter how much he told me it was okay, and things stayed PG that week.

Other weeks, though…we spend hours making out, discovering what touches make the other’s breath catch. When Chase kisses the side of my neck, I melt. If I gently run my nails along his spine, he shudders.

The intimacy between us is like nothing I’ve ever felt. I didn’t know a simple touch could set me off in so many ways. Chase whispers in my ear how much he loves it too, telling me no one has ever gotten to know his body like I am, and that he’s never been closer to anyone.

Could sex be more intoxicating than this? Could anything?

Chase’s coach yells out something, and he looks away, breaking the spell between us. He leads his team into the locker room, and I sigh softly, sipping my hot chocolate.

“You two are sweeter than cotton candy,” Lauren grumbles as she sits down beside me. “I get a fucking cavity every time I look at you eye-fucking each other.”

I look over at her and laugh. She’s now wearing a gray parka, and her hair is tucked into a knitted stocking hat that says, “Go Roper” and has a big, fuzzy red ball on top.

“Yeah, so funny,” she says. “Laugh it up. This is all Mama Fielding brought. She cleaned out the sporting goods store. Roper scarves, gloves, and hats for all.”

I love that my mom is here, and that she’s seeing Michael. I’ve always wanted her to have more than her books when I go away to college. This is the first time she’s been part of the Roper crowd too, and I think she’s liking it.

“We need a picture,” I tell Lauren.

“Eat shit.”

“Seriously. One picture. Come on.”

She rolls her eyes but goes along, letting me take one of the two of us and another of us with Raj and Michelle. She even smiles…kind of.

My mom stops by our seats with hot dogs, nachos, and more hot chocolate for all of us. We eat and put blankets on our laps, warming up a little before halftime is over.

When Chase leads the team back onto the field and we’re all standing and cheering, I see a few snowflakes through the bright stadium lights.

It’s December, after all. My nose feels like it’s Roper-red as the game starts back up, but I’m having the best time.

Roper hasn’t lost a game since the Mercer one. Still, this season won’t be an undefeated one. Chase said he thinks the loss has made the fans and support feel more vital. The stands have been packed past capacity since, people cheering until they’re hoarse.

My voice will probably be weak after this game. The team we’re playing is good, and it’s not an easy win, but finally, a 27-21 victory ends the season.

There’s red and white confetti everywhere. Bullhorns are sounding. People are crying. I lose track of everyone who grabs me for a hug.

I scan the field, trying to find Chase. The players are in a big pile on the field, but I spot Chase when he crawls out, laughing and pumping his fist.

It means everything to be here right now. Happy tears shine in my eyes as I look at Chase, who finally knows he’s leading his team in the right direction. This win was important to him—proof that they could come back and not just be as good as before, but in some ways, better.

He looks up at me, and I morph into a mushy girlfriend, smiling and blowing him a kiss. When he gestures with his arm, waving for me to come to him, I look around me and shake my head.

I can’t go down there. Everyone would see me. It’s only players and coaches on the field.

He nods and gestures again. I shake my head again.

I’m expecting him to give up, but instead, he shrugs and starts walking toward me.

“Oh, hell,” Lauren says under her breath. “This is about to be some ‘you complete me’ bullshit.”

Chase jogs across the track and pulls himself up and over the metal rail in front of the bleachers. Everyone cheers as he jogs my way, a huge grin on his sweaty face.

My tears spill over when he reaches me and sweeps me into his arms. I wrap my arms around him as best I can with the shoulder pads, and he swings me around just like he did the night of the play.

He kisses me, and I cup his cheek in my hand. The crowd is still in full celebration mode. A few seconds later, his sisters both run up, and he sets me back on the ground, putting an arm around each of the girls and picking them up next.

They’re so proud of him. Everyone is. In these stands, there are no colors or classes dividing anyone. Young, old, rich, poor—none of that matters tonight. We’re all Roper fans.

I see it so clearly in that moment. Roper’s football program means so much to so many because it gives them something to believe in. Something to be proud of.

And right now, I couldn’t be prouder of our team myself. Not just Chase, but all of them. The players who are left are finding a new way forward, without sex as a reward they’re entitled to.

They deserve a chance to win at it. And if they do, they’ll never have a bigger fan than me.