Eden

 

My plan worked like a charm. A little hair and makeup, plus one cute outfit and my girl Allie’s got herself a date. Of course, not with Connor, but Jamie Barnes was stinking adorable and the perfect guy to make Connor jealous.

Allie’s date was that night and I had my work cut out for me. So, I packed up my make-Allie-cute kit and headed to her house.

It took some convincing.

“Please tell me you’re joking,” Allie groaned, throwing an arm across her eyes where she lay on the bed.

“I am so not joking. No way is my best friend going on a date without the whole package,” I replied glaring at her t-shirt and jeans.

“I like t-shirts and jeans,” Allie defended, reading my mind.

I marched to her closet and yanked the items hanging inside across the metal rod. T-shirt after t-shirt. Not even cute t-shirts. Most of them were athletic shirts given to the team for spirit days. Except. I reached for one of the shirts at the back. It was noticeably larger than the rest, hanging six inches lower on its hanger. I held it up for her to see, one brow cocked questioningly.

Allie blushed. “I stole it from Connor. I sleep in them sometimes.”

I glanced at the shirt again, surprised. Who knew Allie had it in her? “Really? Can I have one,” I teased with a wink. I knew she’d never give me one. And I didn’t blame her. I still wore the same thing to bed every night. The same thing I’d been wearing every night for the last year and a half. I saved the hoodie for special occasions, when I missed him so much wearing it was the only way to ease the pain.

A couple of hours later, Allie’s gorgeous self was decorated as she should always be, and we made our way downstairs to show her mom the results. I couldn’t have planned it better myself. Of all things, Connor was downstairs when Allie and I emerged from her room. She was all dolled up in a sweet little sundress, her hair and makeup done to perfection. The look on Connor’s face was priceless, but nothing compared to his expression when Jamie arrived to pick up Allie. I wished I’d had a camera. Yep. Connor was sure to come around soon enough.

 

I was right, of course. Allie and Connor finally got together. It was a thing of beauty watching things work out for my best friend. As for me, I felt happy for the role, however small, I’d played in getting those two love birds to admit their feelings for each other.

Allie never did figure out why I stopped going to football games or going to school dances. She stopped asking after a while and I never felt like I was missing out on much. I worked at the salon all our junior year and into our senior year. Of course, Allie and Connor were rocking the long-distance thing. Connor drove the forty minutes from State whenever he could to visit Allie and he made sure he was around to be her date for Homecoming and Winter Formal.

That night in my backyard was the last time I’d seen Dylan in over two years. I heard tidbits here and there about his life in the Army. After basic training, he went to Washington to Joint Base Lewis-McChord and he’s been stationed there ever since. I knew he’d done one tour in Afghanistan. I was sure to keep my ears open for news from his mom while he was over there. I worried about him constantly and was tempted more times than I could say to send him an email or text. But I didn’t. He’d been clear when he never responded to my letters that he was done being my friend, or whatever we were.

I admit that it hurt. We’d been friends for years and then to be completely cut off from Dylan, especially after the time we’d spent together my sophomore year, well, it was awful.  I spent a lot of time hating Dylan and loving him at the same time. And then just hating him for a long time. And then, when the dust settled in my tumultuous heart, I realized I would probably always love him.

I kept hoping I would meet someone who would make me forget or at least distract me for a time. But that never happened. So, I stuck to my decision to remain single during high school, to avoid relationships. I dated. I went out. I had fun with friends. But I was always sure it was understood with anyone I went out with, that we were just friends and I wasn’t at all interested in anything more. It was hard and yet it wasn’t. There were lonely times.

And sometimes, I missed Dylan with a vengeance. Others, I hated him with a vengeance. And then there were the times I just wanted him to sit beside me and steal my can of Pringles and let me admire his gorgeous eyelashes.

It was dumb. I was dumb. There was some part of me that understood why he’d done what he did. I mean, he was embarking on a whole new life away from our hometown- away from me. Our age difference at that time was a major obstacle. He didn’t want me to hold him back. I got it. I really did. But that didn’t mean I didn’t remember what it was like to hang out with him. To be held by him. To be kissed.

 

Senior year went by in a blur. Allie planned to follow Connor to State to get her Athletic Training degree. I would be attending a cosmetology school in the next town over while living at home. Josh had one more year of his undergrad to finish before heading to law school. He was dating this amazing girl named Lisa. I kept thinking he was going to propose, but Christmas came and went and Valentine’s Day. If I was Lisa, I’d be giving that boy an ultimatum.

“You have to go to senior prom, Eden.” Allie’s proclamation drew me from my musings. We were at the mall. Allie still needed help- and more than a little convincing- from her personal fashion consultant- me.

“I’m not going to prom, Allie.” I shook my head and added another dress to the growing pile on my arm.

“Ooh, I like that pink one.” Allie pointed to the dress I currently had in my hand. I removed it from the rack and held it up in front of her.

“No. Not for me, for you,” she said, her eyes wide as she shook her head and pushed my hand back.

“I’m. Not. Going.” Allie had been on this kick for weeks. I’d tried all I could think of to get her off my case. I hadn’t been to a school dance since Homecoming our junior year and the only reason I’d gone to that one was because of Allie. It had been worth it because that was the night Connor and Allie solidified their relationship.

Allie’s determined expression softened into one of deep sadness.

“Are you ever gonna tell me what happened,” she sighed, sinking onto a bench near the fitting rooms.

With a feeling of dread, I sat down beside her. I hadn’t talked to anyone about Marshall or Dylan or any of the reasons why I’d decided not to pursue a relationship in high school. And especially not that I still longed for Dylan.

“Come on, Eden. Don’t you trust me?” Allie stared at her hands in her lap. “You’ve been there for me through everything. Why can’t you let me be there for you?” Unshed tears glistened in her eyes when she finally lifted them to meet mine.

“I’m sorry, Al.” I never thought hiding my pain might have caused pain for anyone else. And never Allie. She has been my best friend for years and I loved her like she was my sister.

“I’m not mad at you. I just don’t understand-”

“I’ll tell you. All of it.”

And that’s what I did. For the next twenty minutes, I spilled my guts. I told Allie every detail of those first weeks of sophomore year. I told her about Marshall and how I’d been so wrong about him. About myself. I told her how Dylan had been there for me and how our friendship had blossomed into something more. I relived the kisses we’d shared in my backyard, but only briefly mentioned them to Allie. (She didn’t need to know everything.) I explained how we’d exchanged letters while he was in basic and ended with his final letter. The one where he ended it all.

“So, you never heard from him again,” Allie asked with disbelief, collapsing against the back of the bench. “How is that possible? He’s Josh’s best friend.”

Leave it to Allie to focus on the Dylan aspect and not Marshall. Bless her heart. “Of course, I’ve heard about him, just not from him. His parents live across the street for heaven’s sake.”

Allie’s eyes widened at the reminder. “He hasn’t been home in almost three years?”

That was the crazy part. “Okay, so check this out.” I turned to sit sideways on the bench, so I could see her better. Allie watched me like I was the next Real Housewife. “After basic, Dylan’s family drove to Fort Benning for his graduation. They vacationed in Florida for a week and then flew back home. Dylan was home less than twelve hours. He had two weeks to get to Washington, so he got on the road and drove by himself the whole way. And then, he was in Washington.” It wasn’t like I was going to see much of him when he was ten states away or however many there were.

“So, what? He never gets any leave?” Allie’s brows furrowed at the thought.

“No, he does. Like a lot, too.” I’d looked it up one time. It was like twenty-eight days a year or something like that. “And he has been home. He came home for one of Reed’s games about a year ago.” Reed was some kind of soccer prodigy. Our school didn’t have a soccer team, so he played for a league. They travelled all over the state to play and even though Reed was a sophomore, he already had college teams looking at him.

Allie frowned. “And you never saw him?”

No. “That was the same weekend Josh invited me to Syracuse to meet Lisa.” Or at least that’s what he said. I didn’t think anything of it until I heard Dylan had been home in my absence. It was then I realized things were truly over between us. If Dylan was so determined to not see me that he would somehow orchestrate my being out of town when he came home? Well, what else could I believe?

Allie sat silent for a moment, deep in thought. “Do you think Dylan had anything to do with that?” She lifted a brow. “That seems pretty extreme.”

“I know, right. But what else am I supposed to believe?” I slumped back against the hard arm of the wooden bench. “I guess he was home last Christmas, but we went skiing, remember?” I’d been surprised when I heard from Dylan’s mom that he had been home. Both times, actually. Of course, she’d been just busting with pride, had shown me several pictures on her phone. He looked different, older. His eyes held tales of adventures he’d been on that I knew nothing of.

“What I don’t get is why he didn’t just say ‘Hey, Eden, I feel bad about making out with you, but could we still be friends?’” I shook my head. “We’ve always been friends and now he hates me so much he won’t even see his parents because of me.”

Allie stared out into the racks of clothes in front of us. “No,” she shook her head. “That can’t be it. It doesn’t make sense.” She turned to me. “I mean, you didn’t do anything did you?” I shook my head and she continued. “Like to make him mad or upset with you. I can’t even think of anything you could possibly do that would make him cut you off.”

I rolled my eyes. “What other reason could there be?” For a moment, I let myself miss him. “Ugh. Enough of this. We need to find you a dress.” Rising from the bench, I walked to the nearest fitting room and hung the clothes up on the hook inside.

“No.”

I turned to find Allie still sitting on the bench.

“What do you mean ‘no’?” There was still plenty of time, but this was one of the few Saturday mornings I had off at the salon.

“No. Uh-uh.” Allie stood and walked to me. Taking my hand in hers, she said, “Look, Eden, I get it. Marshall hurt you. Broke your trust. And then Dylan did, too. But that doesn’t mean all guys are bad.” Her eyes twinkled. “Look at Connor. He’s practically perfect.”

I had to giggle at that. “I promise I won’t tell him you compared him to Mary Poppins.”

Allie laughed, but then her expression sobered again. “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. I really am. But don’t let it hold you back from enjoying life. You’ve already missed out on so many fun things. You can’t let either of those jerks keep you from missing out on our Senior Prom.”

Her face was so earnest and sweet, I wondered vaguely if Connor had a tough time denying her anything. Who was I kidding? Of course, he did.

“I don’t know, Al-”

“Just get a dress. Okay? Just do it. Then you can decide if you want to go or not, but either way you’ll have a great dress. Please? For me?”

Sighing, I wondered if Allie was right. Actually, I knew she was. I’d given Marshall and Dylan power over me. I’d let the hurts I’d sustained keep me from living my life. I glanced at the pink dress draped over the pile of dresses I’d picked out for Allie.

“Okay. I’ll try it on.”

Allie squealed.

“But-” I interjected over the noise and she quieted. “I’m not making any promises about actually going.”

She nodded. “Fine, fine. Let’s just pick out dresses and go from there.” Grabbing my arm, she dragged me into the fitting room. There was more than enough room for the two of us. “However,” she said with a cheeky smile. “I know a lot of guys that would love to be your date if you do decide to go.”

“Heaven help me.”