“What do you mean, hit you? I’d never lay a finger on you.”
Talk about throwing a spanner in the works. Neither one of us saw that coming. Griffin looked as if someone had told him his parents had been killed. He was distraught, struggling to come up with words.
I had Mack in my arms as he sobbed. He could not stop crying. Something had happened, and my heart was telling me something was really wrong. He glanced up, rubbing his eyes as he spoke with a shaky voice. “I can’t tell you. You’ll get mad.”
“Mad? Why would I be mad?” he asked, much calmer. His pacing stopped, and he joined us in the living room. “You boys need to start talking. You’re confusing me.”
Toby sat still, silent as Mack cried even harder. In the whole time Griffin and I had been living together, not once had I seen these boys cry. It was devastating, and my heart ached for him.
“Sweetheart, what’s the matter?” I asked, softly.
“You know…” He sniffled back. “Can’t you tell him? Please don’t make me say it.”
My heart was hammering like a drum. Oh, shit. She knew, and now his dad was about to know.
“Griffin, umm…” How the hell was I going to bring this up? I could not do it. I just could not tell him. It was not for me to reveal. “Mack, you have to tell your dad.”
“Tell me what?” he asked. “Is something wrong?” His voice was frantic. Moving from around the coffee table, he came towards us with a worried look. “Mack, you can tell me anything.”
Yeah, he might say that now, but who knows how he’ll react. “Toby..”
“I’m not leaving him alone.” Toby got up and came by his brother’s side, playing the protective role. “Don’t even think I’ll leave.”
I brushed my fingers through Mack’s hair, hoping to calm his crying. “It’s okay. I promise.” I knew it would be. “You can tell your dad.”
Pulling away, my stomach was in my mouth as Mack looked into his dad’s eyes. Griffin was crouched in front of us both, and his hands wound into fists on my thighs. “Did you steal something or break in somewhere?”
“No.”
His eyes flickered to mine then back to Mack’s as his voice went to a low dull tone. “Did you get a girl pregnant?” Oh, shit. History repeating itself.
“No!” Mack loudly assured him.
“Oh. Okay, well nothing will be as bad as that.” He breathed a sigh of relief.
“Like racing a car and getting caught?” I asked with a hint of a smile. “I could name a few others.” Karen, Karen, and a big fat Karen.
He playfully glared at me. “Point taken.” His focus went back to Mack. “Come on, son. You can tell me.”
“I…” He stuttered. “I’m… I’m gay.”
The whole room went eerily silent. You could hear the loud swallow that finally came from Griffin’s throat as he took in his words, clearly never expecting to hear such a thing from his youngest son. It was not something anyone would be expecting, I guess. Then again, some parents would have an inkling of whether or not their child is gay. Mack showed no signs other than perhaps being quiet, timid, and shy. He loved reading and was a caring soul.
To me, it did not matter. Everyone deserved the right to love whoever they wished. Nothing should stop, or try to change that.
I opened my mouth to say something, to break this uneasy silence, but no words came out. I did not have a clue what to say, and I did not want to force words from him right now. Mack was shaking in my arms as his face buried into the crook of my neck.
I could imagine how he was feeling; he was absolutely shitting himself in fear that he would be disowned or worse.
I gave Griffin’s hand a small, reassuring squeeze, and he broke his trance, finally breathing a soft sigh.
Still, no words were spoken by him yet as his eyes went to mine, shooting me an accusing glare. It rocked me to the core. He was not pissed at Mack. He was pissed for being the last to know.
He knew that I knew and had not told him. Shaking his head, he simply stood up and turned around. Leaving the room, he went to the kitchen and opened up the fridge. Pulling out a six pack and tucking it underneath his arm, he then made his way outside. The backdoor closed with a quiet click.
I wanted to go after him, but I could not. He needed to do this on his own, however long it took. He had to be the one to break the ice and speak to Mack first on his own terms without me pushing him to do so.
Toby frowned, smirking. “I thought you were going to say you shagged a girl and got her pregnant.”
“Please, don’t say that.” I sighed, rubbing my temples then giving Toby a raised brow. “If anything, I’d expect that from you, not him.”
Toby snorted, sitting on the couch beside us. “I’ve never even kissed a girl, let alone boned one. I’m not that bad.” Boned, seriously?
“Your father will be relieved to know about that.” Hell, I was relieved to know he had not done any of that stuff yet. Mack’s body began to shake again, and I pulled him close, kissing the side of his head and soothing him with words. “Shh, it’s okay. Everything will be alright.
“He hates me.”
“No, he doesn’t hate you. He just needs a minute to think and calm down. I think he’s upset that he didn’t know sooner, but you told him. That’s the main thing, and now you can keep talking. Can you tell me why you’re supposed to be so naughty for us that it would cause your dad to hit you?” That did not make any sense. He would never lay a finger on them. Yeah, maybe a slap on the back of the head when they were being rude. Otherwise, it would be in a playful manner, nothing like a punishment.
“I don’t know.” Toby shrugged. “I hate her. She wouldn’t even let us call Dad and say hello.”
“You have a phone.” I reminded him. “Did you run out of credit?”
“She took them from us.”
“How was the week with her? Did you do anything exciting?” Maybe they have had a good time with her.
Mack shrugged. “She’s got a new boyfriend. They stay up drinking all the time. We had to walk to school on our own.”
“That’s a forty minute walk. It rained during the week.” I pointed out. Did this woman really not care about these boys at all? I wondered who this new boyfriend of hers was. “Does the man live at the house?”
Toby nodded. “We know. We got soaked and ended up late. He’s there most the time. Doesn’t talk much. They just tell us to shut the fuck up and stay in our room.”
Bloody hell. “How about I get us some cake?” Cake makes everything better.
Mack nodded, slowly looking back up. “And ice cream?”
I smiled, relieved he had stopped crying. “Yes, sweetheart. We brought ice cream today for you both.”
Toby stood with a grin. “What about sprinkles? Mum, you can’t have ice cream without sprinkles.”
Mum. I beamed. Fuck, I really did love hearing that.
“Yes, or toppings and whipped cream. Actually… we’re out of that.” I remembered and found myself blushing as I went to the fridge to start on their bowl of desserts. Griffin had eaten that last night with as much determination as he ate me.
Both boys jumped up, and I spotted Toby giving Mack a back rub. “Don’t worry. I’ve got your back if anyone picks on you at school. I’ll knock ‘em dead.”
“No fighting, Toby.” I pointed out. “Well, make sure it’s out of school grounds so you can’t get expelled or suspended.”
“I like the way you think.” He winked and gave me a thumbs up.
The three of us were in between mouthfuls of ice cream when Griffin walked back inside and strutted straight down to the bedroom. There was no pause or a look. He kept his head down and walked right by us. Mack made a sniffing sound, and I shook my head at him, telling him that everything would be alright.
He was on the edge of the bed, facing the wall when I walked into our room.
“How long have you known this for?” he asked, his voice barely audible.
“Since his birthday.” His eyes lifted, and the hurt was in them. “He didn’t tell me. I accidentally found out.”
He stood up and ran both hands through his hair. “How did you accidentally find out?”
“I caught him and his friend..”
His pacing stopped. “Caught them doing what?” His words were rushed and frantic. “Jesus, what were they doing?”
“No. Not that.” God, I would have died if I caught them doing that. “Just kissing, that’s all.”
“That’s all? Fuck, Ayla. I feel like I’ve just been blown up by a grenade. You should have told me. That was months ago.” Sitting back down again, he pinched the bridge of his nose. “You should have told me. After all the secrets between us and fights about trust, you kept this from me.”
Yeah, I know I did, and I’ve felt like shit every day for keeping it from you.
How could I make him see that from my point without making matters worse? “It wasn’t for me to tell you. I could have told you, but Mack begged me not to say anything. I promised him that. I couldn’t lose his trust, Griffin. I love that kid, and if he hated me….” It would hurt badly.
“Ayla…” he sighed.
I dropped to my knees in front of him, looking up with sorrow in my eyes. “Please, don’t be mad at him. He’s so afraid, Griffin. He’s terrified that you hate him.”
His voice dropped. He looked worse than when Mack revealed he was attracted to boys. “I could never hate him for that. I just wish he told me sooner. I should have known that my son is gay.”
“He hid it well.” I did not think there was any telling if he was or not. It was just something for him to come and tell on his terms. “He’s still the same boy.”
“Just likes boys, not girls.”
Yeah, that.
His sharp inhale caught me off guard, and I noticed he had tears in his eyes. “I can’t protect him from those kids at school when they find out about this. He’s going to get beaten up… teased.” His eyes widened. “Fuck, Mum will just love this.”
“Well, if she doesn’t accept him, then she can go get stuffed.” I was serious about that. “Don’t worry about the school kids. Toby’s got that covered.”
“Need I ask?” he questioned.
I shook my head. No, he did not need to know that I have basically approved him to beat anyone up who teases Mack.
I rested my cheek on his thigh, and his hand automatically began stroking through my hair. “You need to go talk to him.” I reached up, brushing my fingers over his. “I think Karen found out, and that is why they came in being that way. Toby said she took their phones from them and wouldn’t let them call you when they wanted.”
His jaw tightened. “Fucking bitch. God, if it were legal to kill someone, she’d be first on my list.”
“Who’d be second?” I wondered.
“Harvey,” he said without hesitation, and I smiled. I so knew he would say that. “I’d kill him with my bare hands if I had the chance.”
I doubted that. “Should I be worried about your need to murder someone? Sleep with one eye open, maybe?”
Shaking his head, his smile softened. “I’d never kill the woman I love.”
Standing up, I sighed, pulling him up with me. “Come on. There’s cake and ice-cream.”
“You’re an amazing mother, Ayla. Really, you are.” He smiled, bending his head down to give me a kiss. “The boys are lucky to have you in their life. I am too.”
“I’m the lucky one. I get you and them.”
Griffin took Mack down to his bedroom for a one-on-one chat while Toby and I stayed in the kitchen and ate our sweets. He showed me his homework, which he did have, and I sat with him, helping him work through fractions and other useless maths. Who the hell did fractions outside of school, anyway?
When the two emerged, Mack was smiling much brighter than before. Although, something was still wrong. If Karen knew he was gay, then why would they need to be punished for it?
Griffin’s hand slipped around my waist, and his kisses trailed down the bare skin of my neck. “Mm, you smell good.”
“Hands off until later tonight.” I smiled, trying to pry away from him. “How did it go?” I asked, looking up at the boys who were now in the living room, watching a movie.
“All good.”
“Care to elaborate?” I asked, turning in his arms. He tried to come down for a kiss, but I leant back more. “What did you say to him?”
He smiled. “Nothing. It's fine, Ayla.”
I laughed. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?”
“Nope.” His lips pecked my nose, and I gave his bum a squeeze. Pulling back, he just smiled again. “I just told him that it’s going to be okay, and that I was proud of him for being able to tell you in the first place. For him to come to you with this even if he was caught, he obviously looks at you like a mother.”
My gaze drifted back to those boys. They did not have a mother—at least not one who cared for them. “I want to be their mum.”
“You are.”
I shook my head. “Not what I meant.” I wanted to adopt them as my own. “If only we could make that happen.”
“Me too. She’d never go for that, unfortunately.” He sighed and pulled away, leaning against the counter. He picked up the bowl of cake and began to dig in. “So, what’s for dinner?”
“How about we be really lazy and order Chinese?”
“Done. So should I call the whale about what the boys have said?” he asked, “About their behaviour and being told to act that way?”
I laughed loudly with a snort. “Yeah, I think you should, but maybe call your lawyer and see what he thinks first. You don’t want her coming after you for something else she’s concocted up and try to use it against you.” Who knew what else she could hit him with?
“You’re right.” Putting in another forkful, he paused and swallowed. Licking his lips, he frowned. “Why would I hit him over being gay? What would that prove?”
I thought about it for a moment, and he was right. It was still baffling. “Hey, boys. Come in here for a moment.” I called out then looked at Griffin. “We’ll find out in a minute.”
Both of them came over and stood opposite us. “Yeah?” Toby asked while Mack shuffled nervously on his feet.
“You didn’t answer before; Why does your dad need to hit you?” I asked. “Why do you have to be so naughty?”
“Does it matter?” Toby asked, sighing and looking ashamed.
“Yes,” I responded. “You both matter.”
Mack and Toby shared a secret glance that Griffin did not miss. “Come on. No secrets, boys. We can’t help if you don’t tell us the truth.”
I thought Mack was going to run to his room, but when he slowly lifted his shirt up, it all made sense. My hands clasped over my mouth as I stared in horror at the sight of the bruises covering his ribcage and stomach. Turning slowly, I bit my trembling lip as more bruises appeared.
“She read my messages to Samuel and went ballistic.”
It took us both a good few moments to gain some kind of control and unfreeze from the spot. The gay part? Yeah, I understand yelling, but to hit and belt him? No fucking way. There was no excuse for doing that to a child.
“Because she realised you and Samuel are more than friends?” I asked as Griffin visibly shook with raw anger.
He nodded, fresh tears springing to his eyes. “She was really mad. Called me a ff—She said I was disgusting and abnormal.”
“You’re not abnormal. There’s nothing wrong with you.” I wanted him to know it was okay. I was beginning to cry. What has she done to those boys?
“You’re dating Sam?” Toby asked through a mouthful of cake that he had grabbed. “You should have hit her back. She threw a glass sauce bottle at me once.”
My head snapped to Toby. “She did what!” I practically yelled. Jesus, those Heinz glass bottles of tomato sauce were not at all light.
“Yep. I called her a mad cow, and she came at me like one. Bottles, hands and feet.” He shrugged. “We’re used to it. She told us if we told Dad, she’d kill herself.”
No wonder they were terrified to do anything against her! I would probably do as my mother said if she threatened to do that too. It was sad that she had lied and hurt them. Who knew how long all of this had been going on for?
“You shouldn’t have to get used to that,” I said, giving his hand a firm squeeze. “Never.”
“Ayla’s right. I wish you boys would have told me. I could have helped you both. Don’t worry. You boys aren’t going back there.” Griffin found his voice, but it was cold and shaking. In a millisecond, he was heading straight towards the phone and starting to dial a number. Covering his hand over the speaker, he spoke to me, firmly. “Ayla, take photos of this. I’m getting the police involved. Mack, strip to your boxers. You too, Toby.”
I nodded as the boys began to undress in the kitchen, looking back to Griffin as I picked up the camera from the draw. I knew what was going to come. “You know she will use the tape.” I was worried for him, for them all. “What if she comes at you with all she’s got?”
His voice grew louder, bordering towards yelling. “I don’t fucking care. She beat them, Ayla. She beat them, and if I have to go to jail over smoking pot or drag racing illegally, then she can be charged with child abuse.” He put the phone to his ear and left the room as he began speaking down the line.
My heart broke for each of them—such angelic, sweet boys who now both wore panic across their faces and bruises all over their bodies.
One gay, the other straight. It did not matter. They were now the same. Abused.