We pulled into the driveway, and who else would be waiting for us at our steps? Well, for him actually. Yes, it was the one and only Karen. I was starting to lose my patience after having to endure him talking on the phone for almost an hour.
We lost forty minutes—valuable time that he and I could have shared!
What did they have to chat about? Random, stupid stuff that did not need to be spoken about. She asked him how to set up her DVD player like she did not already know that, and then she had the nerve to ask him about his night away. He even started to tell her until he noticed my death glare aimed directly through his skull. That was when he told her he had to go and tried sucking up by rubbing my thigh.
When she began to walk over, I really lost it. “If you talk to her, I’m going to stay with Harvey.”
“Excuse me?” He looked taken aback.
With a low, harsh whisper, I seethed back. “I’m angry, so fucking angry that I’m about to burst into tears.”
I was not one to boss him around or ever lose my temper like this, but I was beyond fuming.
“What?”
“You speak to her, and I will leave,” I said clearly. My fingers dug into the palms of my skin as I squeezed my hands hard. Taking a deep, steady breath, I continued. “I mean it.”
“Ayla…” He was clearly shocked, reaching out to cup my cheek.
I pulled back, my eyes burning from the sting of tears. “No.” I did not want to hear it. “Just don’t talk to me. Don’t even touch me.” I opened the car door, pushing it shut behind me.
Griffin stepped out and began walking towards me. His expression was solemn as I refused to make eye contact. “I’ll get those,” he murmured, taking the bags before I could reach them.
Rolling my eyes, I let the bag go and heard her coming closer.
“Griffy, can you come check out the player? I want to see if it’s set up right.”
Griffy? I just scoffed.
He noticed and ran a hand through his hair as he hauled the case from the boot. “Uh… I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Yes, because he knew exactly what would happen if he did go over there.
“Wow, she’s really got you by the balls—”
“Just go away,” I muttered, loud enough for him and her to hear me. I was not in the mood for this right now.
Karen was raising her brows and twitched her lips up in a disgusting snarl. “Got something to say?” I kept quiet, not wanting to lower to her standards and petty behavior, although I think I just might have snapped and did it. She smiled back towards Griffin. “Your parents look well. We all went out for dinner last night. The boys enjoyed it.”
I stopped in my tracks. “What?” I could not stop the question from coming.
Seeming to relish in my cluelessness, she smirked. “I thought it was odd that you went away. She said she called you last week about coming down.”
My heart hammered against my chest, pounding harder as I snapped my head back towards Griffin, scoffing under my breath. “Unbelievable.”
He would not look at me, focusing instead on Karen. Rolling my eyes, I kept walking to our front door. This was beyond a joke. He was not far behind me as I walked inside and glanced around. Everything seemed normal. Nothing seemed missing. I would have a thorough check later just to be sure.
“Ayla, what the hell was that?” His voice raised once he closed the front door, following me as I walked towards the bathroom and picked up my iPod.
There was nothing more I wanted to say to him. I was hurt, embarrassed, and felt like a fool. He knew his parents were here. He had been so eager to pack up and go visit my parents. Was that just to avoid me meeting them? I felt less than good enough… like I was some hidden girlfriend.
Instead of talking, I turned the music on my iPod right up, and I slammed the door in his face. Flicking the lock, I turned on the heat and fan. I was going to shower and cry my fucking eyes out, and he could not hear a thing.
I heard him knocking on the door. I ignored it. There was nothing he could say right now that would make me think differently. I was hurt because Karen had taken what could have been a nice night away for us. He had hounded him with calls and texts. When he had taken a shower this morning, I saw her name flash up with a text. Curiosity had gotten the better of me, and I found several more that he had replied with. It hurt to know that while I had been in bed sleeping, they were texting. Then he just came in and tongue fucked me as if nothing was wrong? That hurt.
She may be in his life, but there must be boundaries. Right now, there was none. She was having free rein over our life, and he was letting her.
I understood why he wanted to keep the peace and remain friends, but she was abusing his kindness.
I hated it. I really hated it.
Griffin had given up on knocking and let me be. When I emerged from the shower, I dried off and walked naked into our bedroom, finding it empty. It was a large room with a view of the street and just our bed, walk-in robe, and side tables. Griffin was a very clean man, but it would be nice to have a few shelves with photos of us up.
I could hear the TV on in the living room, and I was relieved he was now out there giving me space. That or he was possibly working. He usually sketched when he was not in the best of moods.
I had no intention of doing anything except being lazy. I wanted to go and see Harvey, but I knew I would probably end up a blubbering mess, so I opted to stay in and got dressed in a pair of sweats and tied my hair up into a knotted bun. I stayed in the bedroom, lying on my back and just staring up at the ceiling.
We rarely fought. This was probably our second fight since finding out his ex lived next door. Usually, we got along like best friends, joking around and very loved up.
When the bedroom door opened, I rolled to my side, facing away.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine.” Girl code for I was not fine.
“Ayla…”
“Just leave me alone, please,” I whispered back, my eyes swelling with tears as they ran down the side of my cheek.
He sighed heavily, which only infuriated me.
“Why?”
I sniffed back the tears and sat up, resting my back against the headboard. “I read your text messages.”
“You searched through my phone?” When I glanced up, he looked amused rather than pissed off.
“No. I opened up her message and found a heap more.”
He was silent for a moment and then leant against the door frame, resting his back on the wood as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Fair enough. Yes, she texted, and I replied. I have nothing to hide from you.”
“I wish you wouldn’t speak to her again.”
“She’s…”
Oh, for the love of god. I know what she is.
“The mother of your children. I know, but I’m your girlfriend, and you hurt me. You are hurting me, and I don’t deserve to feel second place all the time.” I feel like I was at the very bottom compared to her.
“Ayla, what the fuck do you want me to do?” he shouted, causing me to jump. “What the fuck do you want me to do!”
My heart was racing in my chest as I shot back. “How about you defend me when she comes and attacks me?”
“You told her to go away.” Like I needed reminding. “What if the boys were there? They could have heard.” He was lecturing me like I was a child. I was not.
This was not going how I imagined it. My anger was getting the better of me. “How about I tell you to go away?”
“I’m going to leave you alone. You’re pissed, and I won’t argue with you.”
He thought that would solve things, but it was only going to annoy me more.
I did not want him to walk away. I wanted him to tell me he was sorry and would not let her treat me like this again. I wanted him to grab me, hold me, and then tell me everything was going to be ok.
“Walk away, Griffin, ignore my feelings, which you’re so great at doing!” I shouted back, angrily punching down my fist on the bed when he had disappeared. It did not help.
I was a ball of hormonal mess, and I hated it.
He came back to the room and flung open the door with a hard push, banging it against the wall. His voice was raised, hard and husky. “I’m walking away before this blows up more than it should. You’re making a big—”
“A what? A big deal? Fuck you, Griffin!” I yelled, kneeling up on the bed with hot tears coming alive once again. “You never see my point of things, and I’m sick of it!”
“That’s bullshit!”
“Your parents were here! You knew they were, and you didn’t even tell me.” I pointed out, a sob escaping. “I could have met them last night. You basically lied to my face!” He did not say anything because I was right.
“I was talking about Karen,” he finally said. “You are jealous over nothing.”
My rage boiled over, and I was off the bed in an instant. “She comes into our home!” I screamed. I was literally screaming that at him until my throat hurt. “She uses our things… my things.”
I pushed past him, only to be pulled and spun around as his hand wrapped around my wrist. “Where are you going?” he asked. He seemed calmer, but I could see the silent rage in his eyes.
“Harvey’s.”
His jaw clenched, and his hand let me go as if my skin burned him. “And if I say no? That I didn’t want you to go there?”
“Then I wouldn’t go, but we both know you’re not going to say that.” Then he would be forced to change things with Karen, and that was not going to happen. I knew that. He knew that, and she even knew that.
She was the one who would always have her scrawny fingers wrapped around his balls and holding them like a set of marbles in her hand.
“Ayla...” He sighed. “I don’t want to fight with you.”
“I’m not fighting, Griffin. I’m upset, and you don’t care about my feelings. You’ve made it clear.”
“Let me at least explain. I owe you that much.”
Owe me? I deserve a medal for everything I have had to put up with from his ex. “I only want to know one thing. Tell me why you never mentioned your parents coming to town?”
I waited, giving him ample opportunity to confess and reveal the truth, but deep down, I already knew the answer. When he was unable to form words, I just shook my head. “Exactly. How do you expect me to feel when you’re keeping me hidden?” I walked out the door after that.
So much for our time off this weekend together.
***
Driving around the block a good three times before I parked, I checked my reflection in the rear-view mirror and made sure no one could tell I had been crying. I did not want to talk about it. I just wanted to veg out and do nothing. Yes, I could have done that back home, but I could not be in the same room with him right now. He would only use sex to win my forgiveness. I was a sucker for sex, and it was a huge weakness of mine. I mean, if you see him naked and hard, you would give in too.
There was no doubt Karen heard us fighting. She was probably grinning from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat.
Harvey was spread out, lying on his couch when I walked into his two-bedroom flat. “Hey, you.” I smiled slumping down on the other side of the couch, putting my feet up on his wooden coffee table scattered with junk. It was filled with empty beer bottles and food that looked as if it were about to grow teeth and eyes.
Smirking back at me, he said, “Make yourself at home.”
With a laugh, I replied, “Don’t worry. I always do. How’s your weekend been?”
He gestured his hand to the table cluttered with crap. “As you can tell, pretty fucking great.”
“That’s the way.” I let out a sigh, and he raised a brow. “Don’t ask.”
He sat up and frowned. “Have you been crying?”
Shit. “No.”
“Liar. What the fuck did he do to you?” His fists were balled up tightly, and fresh tears sprung to my eyes. “Fuck me, Ayla. You need to end this if this is how he treats you.”
“Please, don’t.” I did not want to talk about this.
With a shrug, he sat back down on the sofa, reaching over and rubbing my shoulder like a brother would. “I just hate to see you hurt.”
And that was why I loved him like a brother. “I’m okay.” No, I really wasn’t. “Can we just talk about something else?” I just did not want to think and talk about anything that involved Griffin or his ex from hell.
Instead of talking, he put on Interstellar, and we began to watch that. Within ten minutes, I was already closing my eyes as sleep welcomed me. The tears and the long drive back home had exhausted me. My heart ached painfully.
***
When I woke, it was due to my mobile vibrating underneath my cheek and the light flashing in the darkness. Clearly, I had slept well into the evening.
I glanced at the bright screen to see Griffin’s name with three missed calls and one text. I silenced the call and looked around for Harvey, who was walking back into the room with a woollen blanket in his hands.
His message read, Please come home.
I yawned, sitting up as stretched out. “I’m sorry. I fell asleep.”
“You’re not the only one. I just woke a few minutes ago myself. Are you going back home?”
“Yeah, I should. Griffin called, and I better get back.”
“I bet anything he’s pissed at you for being with another guy at his place.”
“But—” I went to interject because Griffin knew there was nothing between Harvey and me. It was just friendship. However, he kept talking before I could get another word in.
“Don’t worry. If you were my girl, I’d be too—although I’d never give you a reason to be with another guy.”
This conversation was not going in the right direction. “I really should go.”
“You can stay, you know.” He stared at me, and I felt the meaning of his words hit me slowly. He liked me more than just a friend.
That was not a good thing.
***
The light was on next door, and I could hear faint yelling as I walked towards our doorway. Karen was screaming at one of the boys, telling them to pick their shit up. I just wanted to run over there and bring them back here. It was a frequent occurrence, probably why they loathed staying with her so much. She always yelled at them.
A pair of arms engulfed me as soon as I turned the key and locked the door behind me. Griffin’s front pressed against my back, his warm lips kissing down the base of my neck and towards the curve of my shoulder. He was holding me a little too tightly and stunk of booze. That did not surprise. He had been drinking all day.
“I didn’t think you’d come home.”
Me either, until I realised Harvey did in fact like me. “I fell asleep.”
Turning me to face him, he held my cheeks in a firm grasp. His blue eyes focused on mine. “Where did you sleep? You were gone all day. I was worried you weren’t coming home.”
Jealous much? Glad to know I could make him green with envy at times. It was just a small bit of what I felt on a usual basis. “On the couch. He wanted me to stay there instead of driving back.”
“I’m sorry about earlier. I’m sorry about the car and texts. You were right. I should have your back more.” Finally. He finally admitted it. “The boys… I want them here with me all the time, but you know how she is and what she could do to keep that from happening.”
She would make it her sole mission to ruin his life if he even tried to apply for more than fifty percent of custody rights. “Can’t you move away?”
“And go where?” He took my hand, leading me to the couch. I noticed an empty pizza box on the floor along with tipped over empty beer cans. Paperwork was strewn around the coffee table with his iPad. He had been working.
Shaking my head to the side, I pulled away from him. “I don’t like her, Griffin. It’s uncomfortable being around here. I get it; she’s your ex, but it’s not fair for me. I don’t know if I can keep—”
He cut me off. “I can’t lose you,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry, baby. I can’t lose you, Ayla.”
“You won’t.” I did not know what the future held, but I loved him, and at this moment, I was not leaving. Leaving was not an option.
He did not believe me. He pulled me down to sit on his lap, and I tilted my head to the side, sadly. “Yes, you will.”
This was a rare side to him. Right now, he was an emotional drunk who was spilling his feelings as well as his tears. Time for a change in subject. I untied my hair, letting my black locks fall past my shoulders. “She’s yelling at the boys.”
He nodded and sighed, rubbing both hands through his hair then over his face. “I can’t do anything about it.”
“I don’t like them being yelled at,” I informed him. He already knew it though. “I would never yell at our children like that.” When he was drunk, it was the only time I could talk about her and not have him argue back. He would listen and almost agree to anything.
It was kind of bad, but I used it to my full advantage tonight. Well, I was.
“Ayla…” he began. “I don’t want any more kids.”
Wow. Full blow to the chest right there. The words have not completely sunk in yet, and I just stared at him in confusion. I swallowed hard, stroking my fingers through his hair and trying to keep calm when I wanted to rip the long hair from his skull. My brows dipped together as I asked softly, “You don’t want to have a baby with me?”
“That’s not it. Of course, I would love to have children with you.”
“Well, then what is it?” I frowned, clearly confused.
With our fingers laced together, he squeezed them tightly and rested his forehead on mine. “I’ve been there before and did the whole diapers and sleepless nights. I just can’t see myself doing it again.”
Tears began to run down my cheeks, and I bit my lower lip, shaking my head. I was unable to believe all this. “But you said—” I choked out a sob. “If I were older, would you?” Was I too young for him?
“Your age has nothing to do with this, pretty.” He took my face in his hands firmly, holding it tight. I felt his warm tears hit my skin as he blinked them back. “You want a baby. You deserve to have one, and I can’t give you those things.”
Have you ever seen a man crying? It was absolutely heartbreaking.
“Griffin, you could change your mind.”
He had to be talking rubbish, right? It was just the fear talking. There was a niggling voice in the back of my mind saying, ‘Drunks words are sober thoughts.’
The hold he had on me loosened, and he began gently caressing my cheek. “I love you, Ayla, and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with you, but marriage and babies? I just don’t want that.”
He had filled me with false hopes. I should scream and call him a liar. I should be packing a bag and leaving him for leading me on with a hope that we would have a future together. But I was not moving. I was stuck there, stroking his long locks as his eyes began to close, and more tears spilled out. I sat there and promised him that it did not matter.
“I won’t leave you. Toby and Mack… they’re enough for me.” Were they? Did I really need a ring to commit to him fully? It was just a name, right? It was only a piece of paper, and not having that would not change the fact that we were madly in love.
“Promise me that you won’t leave.”
Walk away, Ayla. Don’t give it all up for him. “I promise.” Stupid girl. I was just a stupid girl in love.
His salty tears mixed with mine as he leant in and kissed me passionately. His hand then slid from my cheek to around the back of my head, drawing me in closer. We kissed until it felt like a dream, our bodies pressed together. Griffin stood, lifting me with ease, and carried me down to our bedroom. Laying me on the bed, he touched me all over like we had not been together in years, a sweet reunion to make up for.
He stripped his clothes, and mine too, as we lay naked, kissing and holding one another with primal need. Our bodies were joined, sweaty and desperate for more. Nothing was enough right now.
“I love you, Ayla.” His sweet murmurs were caressing my skin, and his fingers were starting to dig into the curve of my ass, pulling me into him as he began thrusting quicker, needier. “I love you so much.”
Clinging to his shoulders, I raised my hips as my orgasm hit, and I came undone around him. “I love you too.” I cried in sweet ecstasy until he came and collapsed against my body. Not pulling out just yet, he held me tightly and kissed me down my body, making his way between my thighs.
His tongue circled my tender bud, licking back and forth as two fingers slid deep into me. Another went into my ass. His teeth were gently nipping and biting against my clit—sucking, licking until that blankness began washing back over me, sending me clutching the bed sheet as another blinding orgasm ripped through me.
His tongue was replaced once again with the thick head of his erection, slowly pushing back in and starting all over again. This time with more dominance. We spent a good part of the night this way, fucking and making love, changing from hard to soft and fast to slow. Our bodies slapped loudly, and our lips rarely left each other. Griffin’s final orgasm came out with hot spurts as he groaned deeply and gave me a final thrust.
Lying naked in his arms, I could see he was heavily asleep, and I should have been too. I just could not sleep, though. Too many thoughts were running through my mind. There was too much to think about. It was slowly sinking in… his words and what I had promised him.
As I lay there, I could not help but feel the full impact of the promise I agreed to. I was giving up becoming a mother of my own children, of being a wife.
Tears began to spill anew as I regretted it, and I would, for as long as he and I were together.