Eleven
Logan
I drove home from the wake with my head spinning. When I pulled into my driveway, I knew I wouldn’t be able to sit still for long. Without going inside, I walked down the driveway and back into town. I didn’t know where I was going, I just knew I needed to move.
Seeing Piper didn’t go how I planned, but that wasn’t what was weighing on my mind. Piper running out of the pub left me feeling sad, but I could understand her desire to get away. Audra’s words were what made me rethink everything I thought I knew.
“I know it may have not seemed like anything to you, but what you and Piper had meant everything to her. You broke her heart.”
As I walked through town, I replayed my entire relationship with Piper. I remembered our conversations, our late nights together, all the time we spent talking about our hopes and dreams for the future. Back then, I thought we were on the same page. I thought Piper understood me better than anyone ever had or ever could.
Nothing could have been further from the truth. That much was obvious. What didn’t make sense is how I could have been so wrong, how I could have misconstrued the entire thing for the past five years. That last night in Kellan’s was so long ago, but it stood out vividly in my mind. She was angry at first. Sad. But, so was I. I explained why I had to leave and I thought she understood. I apologized. And she walked away. I could still see her curls disappearing through the front door and out into the parking lot. I remembered wanting to chase after her, but not knowing what I would say. She just needed time, I told myself. We would find our way back to each other. Surely, she felt that way, too?
Or did she? Was I just deluding myself all these years? Had my decision to leave destroyed all the feelings Pipers had for me? Had she spent the past five years hating me for choosing the SEALs over her?
Damn. I felt weaker than I had in months as these questions and memories overwhelmed me. My head was pounding as Audra’s words echoed in my mind. My arms and legs felt like jelly. My eyes and chest were heavy with crushing anxiety. I walked faster.
I walked the perimeter around the town square three times, just trying to work through my emotions, before I decided to sit down for a few minutes. Not five minutes after I found a bench, Piper crossed the street right in front of me. She was moving quickly, her hips swaying slightly. I could see every curve of her body beneath her tight dress. Her dark hair caught the light perfectly. It was captivating. I was on my feet instantly.
“Piper!” I called, hurrying over to her. She glanced behind her and I saw her deflate when she realized it was me who was calling out to her. She slowed down, but didn’t stop. I jogged until I could fall into step beside her. She crossed her arms protectively over her chest and raised her chin. Her eyes remained focused in front of her. The expression on her face was one I knew all too well. She wore that same look every time we argued. Whenever I said something stupid or upset her in some way, she would cross her arms, raise her chin, square her shoulders, and glare into the distance.
“Logan,” Piper said with the tiniest of nods.
“I was going to say hi at the wake, but you ran out of there pretty fast,” I said. I studied her face, waiting to see a reaction I recognized.
“Yeah, it was getting crowded back there,” Piper said without emotion.
“Well, it’s good to see you,” I said tentatively. “I’m sorry about your uncle.”
“Thank you.” Piper’s voice was cold and I all I wanted to do was crack the ice and see the real her again.
“How are your parents taking it?” I asked.
“They’re fine,” she said. “Sad. Like all of us.”
“Well, the wake was nice,” I said. “They did a great job. I’m sure Jeff would have loved it.”
“You didn’t even know him.”
“No, but I knew of him,” I reminded her. “You told me stories about your whole family, remember?”
“That was a long time ago, Logan,” she said. “Things have changed.”
“Like what?” I asked. There was a desperation in my voice I knew she could hear. Piper always knew me better than I knew myself.
“Everything,” she sighed. “Everything has changed.”
I walked beside her in silence. There were so many things I wanted to say, but none of them felt important enough. I glanced over at her every few seconds, hoping to catch her looking at me, but she never did. Her blue eyes were sparkling in the sunlight and she looked angrier than I’d ever seen her. Shit, the was going to harder than I thought.
It amazed me how someone could be so angry and so beautiful at the same time. Even when she wouldn’t look at me. Even when I could tell she wanted nothing more than to be rid of me, she was the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen.
“Not everything. You’re still just as beautiful as ever,” I said softly. Piper flinched and I immediately regretted my words. “I’m sorry.”
“What do you want, Logan?” she demanded.
“I just wanted to see you,” I explained. “To talk to you.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s been five years…”
“I know,” Piper said, her voice tight. “Which is why I don’t understand what good this will do. Why bother coming to Jeff’s wake? Or chasing me down now?”
“I told you, I just wanted to see you.”
Piper glared into the distance. She tightened her arms around her chest and picked up her pace. She walked faster, telling me without speaking that it was time for me to walk away. I didn’t. I couldn’t. Now that I was finally talking to her, I didn’t want to stop.
“No one told me you were back in town,” I said. I knew I sounded stupid, but I couldn’t stop myself. The words were flying out of my mouth at warped speed. I just wanted to hear her voice again.
“Why would they? You’re not important to me anymore, Logan.” The venom in her voice was like a punch to the stomach. My eyes never left her face. I waited to see if she would thaw even slightly, but she didn’t. Her eyes were focused on the sidewalk in front of us. She didn’t spare so much as a glance in my direction.
For years, I dreamt of what it would be like to see her again. I played her voice over and over in my mind when I was out on a mission or when training became too monotonous. It kept me calm, centered. My memories of here were my anchor. Now, when I was finally getting the chance to be with her, she couldn’t even bother to look at me.
Rage filled my body and I felt my face flush red. I told myself to stay calm, that she was just hurt after the way things ended between us. To me, we’d ended with a possibility for a relationship again in the future. To Piper, it must have felt completely different.
Still, my disappointment got the better of me. The longer we walked without Piper sparing me a glance, the angrier I became.
“I don’t mean anything to you? Clearly. You couldn’t even call? Pick up the phone after all these years? After all the letters I wrote you?”
“No. And I never should have come back.”
“Why?” I demanded.
“So, I could keep avoiding all of this! You trying to pull me back in. Make me your girl again. I am not your girl Logan, and I never will be.”
“We’ll see about that.”
The words left my mouth before I realized what I was saying. She brought out the best and worst sides of me. My long-suppressed cockiness reared its ugly head again. In that moment, I knew it had been a mistake to let those words slip out, but I didn’t regret them. Not then and not later. Finally, Piper came to a full stop and turned to face me head on.
“What did you just say?” Her eyes were narrowed dangerously.
“I said you’ll be mine again, Piper,” I said.
“That’s not going to happen Logan,” she snapped.
“You’ve been wrong before.” I spat back at her before walking away.
Piper was my new mission, and this time, I wouldn’t fail.