Twenty- Two
Piper
I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, but it wasn’t from the alcohol. Immediately, I remembered everything that happened the night before. Having sex with Logan in the bathroom. Feeling like I could never want anyone more than I wanted him. Then, the waves of guilt that washed over me as I remembered how our daughter had been conceived.
Logan still didn’t know that Lillianna existed. We were falling for each other all over again and I hadn’t told him the most important part of my life… I hated myself for it.
When I left the bathroom, I was ready to tell him everything. I felt bold and confident after the five drinks and the orgasm. I knew I could tell him the truth and I knew he would understand. But, when I saw him tackle that man everything changed.
I stood back and watched as he pummeled some random guy. There was blood everywhere. People tried to break them apart, but it took a few tries before they could pry Logan off him. I felt sick just watching the way Logan’s face twisted with rage and violence. The strong, muscular body I knew so well was being used for something I hated. He was hurting someone senselessly.
After everything Logan and I had been through, I didn’t think there was anything that could tear us apart again.
I was wrong.
Seeing Logan fight that way made me regret every single moment I had spent back in Bradberry. I stormed down the street and didn’t slow down until I reached my parents’ house. By the time I feel asleep that night, I had decided to leave the next morning.
When I woke up, I knew that wasn’t fair to my family. They had a huge barbecue planned for the next day. Everyone was going to be there to see me one last time before I left for New York. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t blow them off.
Instead, I took a shower and cooked breakfast for Lillianna. After she ate, I drove her to Audra’s house and dropped her off to play.
“You okay?” Jack asked when he answered the door.
“I’m great,” I said. “Lili just wanted to play with her cousins. Is that alright?”
“Of course,” he smiled. “Come on in, Lili bug.”
“Thanks, Uncle Jack!” Lili ran through the door and hurried upstairs to the playroom. I could hear her cousins squeal with delight when they saw her. I smiled and turned my attention back to Jack.
“I should go,” I said. “I’ll pick her up in a few hours.”
“Hey,” he called. “What’s up?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You’re upset,” he said with a matter-of-fact tone. “What happened? Did Logan do something?”
“No,” I shook my head. “I just… I let myself believe in the fairytale. I was wrong.”
“If you need to talk,” he said softly.
“Thanks,” I waved sadly and made my back to the car.
After driving around town aimlessly for almost an hour, I decided to just go back to my parents’ place and rest for a while. My body hadn’t recovered from the previous night and I knew I would need my energy to play with Lili later.
When I pulled into my parents’ driveway, I felt my stomach sink. Logan was sitting on the front steps with his head in his hands. I didn’t know how long he’d been waiting, but I knew my parents were gone for the day. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to turn around and drive all the way back to New York.
“What do you want?” I asked when I got out of the car. Logan jumped to his feet and walked over to me. We stood facing each other in the front yard. I crossed my arms and waited for his answer.
“I need to talk to you,” he said weakly. His eyes were red. He looked terrible.
“I don’t have anything to say to you, Logan.”
“Then just listen,” he begged. “Please.”
I didn’t agree, but I didn’t tell him to leave. I stood silently with my arms crossed and waited impatiently for him to say whatever it was he so badly needed to say.
“Last night,” he began. “That fight was… it was complicated.”
“Complicated?” I snapped. “Yeah. Okay.”
“It was,” he insisted. I could tell he was trying to stay calm. “That guy, McCullers, and I were on the same SEAL team. Me, him, Young, and Hansen. We did over a hundred ops together. We were seamless. We could move without thinking, communicate without speaking. We were brothers. More than brothers. It’s hard to explain, but we were connected in a really intense way.”
Logan took a breath and closed his eyes. For the first time, I noticed that his hands were shaking. My instincts told me to step forward and touch him, but I forced myself to fight the urge. I was still angry about everything.
“We were on an op,” he said slowly. “I can’t get into the specifics. I’m duty bound to stay silent about it, but that night… things went wrong. We were all separated which is never ideal, but it was essential for the mission. I heard gunshots. I ran as fast as I could, but I was too late. By the time we found Young… he was already half dead. We couldn’t save him.”
I sucked in a breath and listened more intently. All my anger disappeared.
“Last night,” he continued. “McCullers was drunk. We both were. He said some stuff he shouldn’t have. He blamed me for what happened to Young, which is something I’ve been doing every day for the past four months. But, when McCullers said it, I just lost it. I didn’t even know what I was doing until it was over. I shouldn’t have hit him, I know that. Piper, I’m sorry you had to see that. That’s not something I ever wanted you to witness. I’m not that person. I’m not the kind of guy who gets in random bar fights. I was just…”
“Angry,” I said softly.
“Guilty,” he corrected. “I can’t shake the thought that I should have done more. If I had moved faster, ran harder, then maybe I could have saved him. I should have saved him.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said immediately. I took a step closer to him and touched his shoulder gently. “You did everything you could, Logan. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I feel like it is,” he said weakly. “I’m trying to move past it, but it’s hard. Hearing McCullers blame me like that…”
“He didn’t mean it,” I said quickly. “There’s no way he meant it. He was just drunk and sad. I’m sure he’s struggling with everything just like you are.”
“I know he is,” Logan nodded. “But hearing him say that turned me into a different person. I became my worst nightmare. I never want to feel that way again.”
“I know,” I said. I watched Logan’s face and saw his eyes fill with tears. He hung his head and I immediately pulled him in for a hug. I held him tightly, wishing I could take away every ounce of pain he felt.
“Piper,” Logan said. He pushed me away gently so he could look in my eyes. “I came here to explain myself, to tell you what happened last night, but that’s not all. There’s something I wanted to say too.”
“What is it?” I asked. The look on Logan’s face made my stomach flip nervously. He was staring at me with so much emotion that it threatened to overwhelm me.
“I have to get out of here,” he said. “This town. This place. I need to leave. I can’t explain it, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to, but I feel like I’m drowning here. Ever since I came back, I’ve been telling myself that it’s for the best. I thought it would help me heal, but it’s just done the opposite. I think what I need to do, is leave.”
I nodded and said, “I can understand that. I’ve felt that way before.”
“I’m not finished,” Logan said quickly. “I want to leave. I have to leave. But, I want you to come with me.”
“What?” I asked. I took a step backward and frowned.
“Run away with me,” he said. He was speaking fast. Too fast. “Let’s just pack up and bail. You can call your office and say you’re taking a leave of absence or something. We can just go.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Anywhere,” he said. I could feel the excitement bubbling off him. “Everywhere. We can just start driving and see what happens. I have to leave, Piper, but I don’t want to leave you. I can’t leave you. Not again.”
“Logan,” I began. “It’s not that simple. I can’t just…”
“You can!” he said. He smiled and took my hands in his. “Piper, I love you so much. I have always, always been in love with you. These past few years without you have been awful. Even when I felt like I was doing exactly what I was meant to do, something was missing. I didn’t feel complete and that’s because you weren’t there. I need you with me. You’re the woman I’m supposed to be with. I knew the second I saw you again. Deep down, I’ve always known it.”
“Logan…”
“No,” he said. “I know you feel it, too. You can’t tell me you don’t. I know you love me.”
“I do,” I said quickly. “I do love you, Logan. And I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions last night. I really am, but that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t just run away with you.”
“Why not?” he demanded. “Give me one good reason why you can’t.”
“Work,” I said simply. “I have a job. One that I love.”
“You can be a lawyer anywhere!” he said.
“You know that’s not true,” I argued. “Logan, I’ve worked so hard to get where I am now. You can’t ask me to give that up.”
“But I am,” he said. “I am because I love you and you love me. Our life together could be amazing. More than amazing. It could be everything we’ve always wanted it to be. I know it can.”
“I feel the same way,” I said. “But…”
“No” he argued. “Just stop. Stop thinking of reasons why you can’t do this and start listening to your heart.”
“I am,” I argued.
“You aren’t!” he half yelled. “If you were, you would know that our love is something that only happens once in a lifetime. We have to fight for it! There’s nothing more than important than us. Nothing.”
“Yes,” I said firmly. “There is.”
“What?” he demanded.
“Our daughter.”