Chapter Thirty - KATYA
I can feel the tension in Oliver’s body as we make love and take pictures together. But the lovemaking is soft and slow. More tender than we usually do it. And after we climax, and after we take about a hundred pictures to commemorate the occasion, we are right back where we started this day. In bed, wrapped up in each other’s arms.
“We’re not making much progress,” I say, smiling even though it’s not a light moment. The sex started out filled with apprehension and uneasiness but I’m relaxed now. It’s funny, knowing what I do. What’s coming in the next day or two.
But Oliver always did that for me. Life was so complicated back when I first came to this town. I was a bundle of nerves. Scared and on the verge of panic at almost every turn.
And then I sat on that bench. And Oliver Shrike came walking across the street to save me from a would-be predator.
I smile.
“What are you thinking about?” Oliver says, his voice thrumming against my back.
I wonder if I could possibly put it in words. I don’t know, but I try anyway. “You know, like… there’s usually a moment.”
“A moment?” he asks, playing with my hair.
“In an action movie or a thriller book.” I turn my whole body so I can look at him while I talk.
“Go on,” he says, smiling without the tension.
“So in those kinds of movies or books it’s all go, go, go action. The stakes just keep getting higher and higher. And luck keeps running out. But then there’s this break, right? A slowdown of sorts. And people can relax for a second and catch their breath.”
“Right,” he says. “I’m with you.”
“And everyone starts thinking, We can beat this thing. It doesn’t matter what the thing is. Alien invasion, or imminent terrorist attack. or something stupid, like getting caught in a lie. Whatever. There is always this moment that tricks them into feeling good. I feel like I’m that moment with you.”
“Kat,” Oliver says. “It’s gonna be fine. I promise.”
“I know. I believe you.” And I do. So my smile isn’t even fake. “But that’s my point. The characters always believe it. They have that one night together where they get a good meal, or fuck like bunnies, or get away with the lie. And they know that nothing can beat them in that moment. Nothing. They hold all the power. They have all the answers. They are the good guys and even though they are out-weaponed, or out-financed, or ill-prepared and things look like this is for sure gonna be the end—they have all the heart it takes to fight that one last battle and win.”
He leans in and kisses me. And I know he does this because he understands the moment I’m talking about. It’s the moment right before the shit hits the fan.
The moment when the aliens kill one of them and leave the other one alone to finish the job and live on forever and ever knowing they won and they failed at the same goddamned time.
It’s that moment when one of the good guys is about to disarm that terrorist bomb but instead it goes off in his hands. So the partner has to go on. Get that last bomb. Save the world… alone.
It’s that moment, after the ship sinks and there’s just two people in that lifeboat. They are out of water and food. Have been for too many days to get through another one. And then they see land is just up ahead. They are saved.
But there is another moment in those movies or books. A moment when the boss alien captures the last hero and no one else has a chance. Or the moment when the terrorist figures out where the lone partner will be and meets them there to make damn sure that bomb goes off. Or the sharks come and now the two survivors understand what fear really is. What failure really looks like. They can’t both make it to land. There must be a sacrifice.
“The hopeless hope moment,” I say. “When the sharks come and you know you’re done for.”
“Real life isn’t a movie.”
“I know.” I sigh. “Believe me, I know. If this was a movie someone would’ve saved me. Even if Gori Senior had his fucking cock out, ready to rape me. In a movie someone would’ve stopped him at the last second and made it all OK.”
“Fuck. Kat—”
“No,” I say, putting a hand on his chest and looking him in the eyes. “I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. I guess if I wanted you to save me I’d have been honest with you from the start. But instead I’ve been lying about everything.”
“Kat, listen to me, OK?” His eyes track back and forth between both of mine. “I know more than you think.”
I snort out a laugh. “No. Oliver. You don’t.”
“Trust me, Kat. I can handle this.”
But isn’t that what they all say? And the one left over to save the day falls for it every single time. “I know better, Oliver. I know better.”
“Well,” he says, still looking at me with that intense stare. “You might know more about me than most. I’ll give you that. But you know a whole lot less than you should.”
“They’re coming for us.”
“I know.”
But I shake my head. He can’t know. I don’t even know what’s really happening. And I have a hell of a lot more information than he does.
“I got this, Kat. I promise. I swear. And I would not just say these things to you if I didn’t mean it, OK?” He cups his hands to my face to make me look at him. Take him seriously. Believe him.
I nod.
“OK?” he asks again.
I nod bigger this time. “Yeah, OK.”
But I don’t believe it for a second. Because that’s what they all say in the movie. They make promises. And they make plans. And then all those plans go to shit, someone dies, and then even if they pull off a win in the end… it’s not sweet anymore. There is no true win, is there?
“This isn’t that moment, Kat. We’re not there yet. I swear. We’re not even close.”
I sigh and give in. That’s my role in this scene, right? Give in to his promises of salvation and let my guard down.
“OK. I guess you’re right.”
He doesn’t believe me either. He knows we’re there. Hell, our deadline ran out a while back, I think. I wouldn’t be one bit surprised if I never see him again after we leave this house this morning and go our separate ways.
“You wanna have lunch with me today?” Oliver says. “We could look at all the pictures we just took.”
“Well.” I smile. “I have a date with your sister today at lunch time. She and the rest of the girls want to ‘get to know me better.’” I make air quotes for that last part.
“Shit,” Oliver says, giving me a squeeze. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I like them. I’m happy to get to know them better. I could use some friends.”
“Well, watch out for Ariel. And Tori,” he adds quickly. “They are trouble.”
“Yeah.” I laugh for real. “I can totally see that. But it’s just lunch. What do you have on your schedule?”
“It’s just another day, Katya. Just another day. But I’ll see you tonight. In fact, don’t be on that bench when I get off work. Just come back to the office with Ariel when you’re done with lunch. Or I’ll come up to your apartment.”
I want to say, Nope. Sorry. You can’t come up to my place because the Silver Society has it bugged and they would like nothing more than to have more dirt on you so they can rip your world apart before the end of the week.
But I don’t say that. Because we’re not in that moment. He said so. And if Oliver Shrike says I’m safe and he’s got things under control, well, who am I to argue?
I’m just the scared girl in the lifeboat for this scene. Surrounded by hungry sharks. Dying of thirst even though land and safety are in full view. And my hero says it’s all gonna be OK.
I am just the girl who wants to believe.
The girl who needs to believe.
So I believe.
Oliver and I get up after that. We shower, and he’s right. His markers don’t wash off. But I like that. It’s fitting. That all this will end with his words the last thing I remember about him.
He takes me to his work and walks me down the alley to my building. We kiss in front of the doorman. And I refuse the elevator when I get inside and take the stairs down to the storage units.
I dial the combination, go inside, pick up my phone, and press the contact I’ve been keeping secret all these years.
“Yes,” she says after two rings.
“I think I need you today.”
She hesitates. And for several painful seconds there is nothing but dead air. I even take the phone away from my ear and look at it to see if I lost the call.
“Are you sure?” she finally asks.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
“We’re a day early, Katya. You know timing is everything.”
A day early. Her words send a chill through my entire body. Why didn’t I see it before? Jesus fucking Christ. I walked right into it. “I know,” I say, swallowing hard. “I understand. But I have a very bad feeling, Mariel.”
More silence. “What happened?”
“Nothing. But that’s the problem. They are too patient.”
“Katya, you of all people should understand that what they are after has been decades in the making.”
That brings me back to the conversation I had with Oliver. About the eleven-year anniversary. “Did you know that Claudette tried to take Cindy on the eleventh anniversary of the rape accusation?”
“Of course. Why do think I got involved?”
“OK. But do you know what tomorrow is?”
Silence for seven whole seconds. “What is tomorrow?” she asks, a hint of worry in her voice.
“My sister’s eighteenth birthday.”
Mariel sighs. “Kat, I’ve told you before. They do not recruit out of high school.”
“They recruited me out of high school.”
“You’re different.”
“Yeah. And she’s my sister. So how is she not different?”
“She is not you.”
It’s my turn to be silent. For eleven whole seconds. The number of years I’ve gone to bed hoping I might die before I wake up.
“I want you here. And I want you with her all day tomorrow, Mariel. You promised me she would be safe if I helped you. You promised me you’d take care of her if anything happened to me. Well, either they are going to grab her tomorrow or they are going to do something to me. And I need you to make good on that promise. I need you here, Mariel. Today. Or I quit and I won’t do it. I’m dead fucking serious. Today.”
Mariel sucks in a deep breath and holds it. She exhales. Loudly. Like she’s pissed off but doesn’t want me to know. “OK. I’ll come today and we’ll do it your way. But you need to stick to the plan, Katya. No more deviations.”
“Agreed,” I say, relief flooding through me. And then the line goes silent for too long and I know she’s ended the call.
I’m in that blissful moment again. The moment when I think I have all the answers and it’s gonna be just fine.
I close my eyes and force myself to believe it.
I want to believe it.
I need to believe it.
So I believe it.