Chapter Fourteen - Ivy
My heart is beating so fast, I feel like I might pass out. I push my way throughout the maze of tables, trying to get out of there before it happens, trying to get fresh air before I suffocate from the conversation I just had with a very fucked-up man.
But Nolan grabs my arm, jerking me to a stop. “What was that for? Why the fuck did you hit me?”
I jerk my arm away and place my hand over my eyes, swaying slightly. I’m going to faint. I hear the words in my head, and that shakes some sense into me.
I am not going to faint.
“I’m sorry. The heat. I’m not used to it. I feel dizzy, I want to go lie down.” I jerk away from him and walk out of the restaurant, straight through the back doors, and out into the pool area. I want to jump in so bad, but my feet keep walking. Right around it, towards the private bungalows. When I look over my shoulder as I enter the narrow walkway surrounded on all sides with palm trees, Nolan is following.
I look forward again, urging my feet to go faster. But the water in the private pool looks too good to just pass by. The sun is just setting, the light is dim, but not dark. And I know if I hang out just a few more minutes, it will completely slip away and leave me alone.
How do people live out here in this heat?
It’s not the heat, Ivy. It’s him you need to get away from.
I reach my bungalow, open the door, and practically throw myself across the threshold. Inhaling the cool AC and dropping into a chair.
“Ivy?” Nolan knocks on the door. “What the fuck is happening?”
“I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
He goes away. I know it. I don’t need to get up and look. I just sit there in the chair and breathe deeply.
Why did I slap him?
Because he said he wanted to fuck me?
Wasn’t that why I came here?
And he’s offering me a job tomorrow.
Wasn’t that what I really wanted? Both the job and the sex?
It was. But not anymore. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know anything. I don’t understand this man, I don’t trust him, and I don’t think I should say anything else to him. At all.
By the time I calm down the room is dark. I make out shadows of furniture. A love seat, the bedroom door, the little kitchenette.
The bag on the other chair that holds the bathing suit I bought today.
You didn’t buy it, Ivy.
I get up and grab the bag, taking the suit out of the tissue paper it’s wrapped in, and hold it up.
I hear a splash from outside and walk over to the window.
Nolan is swimming. It figures. I was just thinking I’d like to go for a swim and he’s already out there.
Wait. Why am I turning back into that timid girl I left behind in Rhode Island? Didn’t I come her to say yes to everything I’d normally decline? Didn’t I come her to say no to everything I’d normally accept?
Then why the hell am I letting him control me?
I slip my sundress off and rip the tags from the suit with my teeth and step into it. I wriggle the top part up to cover my breasts and adjust the starburst pattern of straps that point a path directly between my legs.
Screw him. I’m going to let his filthy mouth control me? Unsettle me and make me run away like a child?
No.
But… That timid voice is insistent. But I don’t even know what I’m doing. He’s going to know and if he finds out I’m a virgin, he’ll stop. I just know it. Even though Claudette called him dangerous, I know he will stop.
If I go out there and commit to losing my virginity to Nolan Delaney, then I can’t let him be the reason it doesn’t happen. I will be humiliated if he figures out I’m a virgin and refuses to participate in my little plan.
Google.
Yeah. That’s what the internet is for, right? I can Google it. I can look up what it’s like to lose your virginity and then get ready. Prepare myself.
Oh, God, what if he really does want a blow job? I don’t think I could fake that. I’ve seen it done, sure. But I’ve never, like… practiced.
I grab my phone, desperate for some advice, and type in, What does it feel like to lose your virginity?
I scan the results, pick the second entry, which is people telling their losing it story in a forum.
Hurts.
Feels like your vag is stretching.
Amazing.
Hurts.
Hurts.
Hurts.
There is only one story that says amazing, so I go with that one. If I’m going to do it, I want it to be amazing. I didn’t save myself up all these years to let my first time be a disappointment.
My boyfriend has the biggest cock. I’ve seen a lot of them watching porn, so I was scared. But he was careful with me. And let me be on top. It made all the difference. I eased down at my own pace, and instead of letting him fill me, I pretended like I was covering him. I rocked my hips a little when he was inside me and that just stimulated my clit like crazy. Before I knew it, the pain was over and I was enjoying myself. I even came. I know people will say I’m lying, but he was playing with my clit the whole time. And it just felt so good.
OK. I’m feeling a little better about this. Better not ruin it with any more stories. I go back to Google and type in, How to give a blow job.
I get a how-to video from a porn star this time. I need visuals and I need a professional. She qualifies. I watch the girl wrap her lips around the guy’s dick, her tongue flicking in and out. And then she explains the hand movements. Her palms twist as she sucks, bobbing up and down his shaft as she licks and tries to take him deep. The guy moans, so she is definitely doing it right.
I make a mental list. Suck the tip, lick it, pump my hand, twist them a little, take him deep, and then…
Ewww. She lets him come in her mouth. And when she’s done, she says that’s mandatory.
I don’t know about that. I don’t think I can. I’ve seen videos where they come on the girl’s face. In fact, most of the time they do that.
But in a porno, the girls always lick it, which is disgusting.
I’m not going to do either of those. I’m going to let him unload in a condom.
That makes me laugh, which makes me brave.
You can do this, Ivy. He’s going to make it amazing, I just know it.
I tear the hair tie out of my ponytail and shake my long blonde hair out a little. And then I step outside.
Nolan is looking directly at me, arms stretched out along the blue-tiled rim of the pool, treading water in the deep end. “Well,” he says, “I didn’t expect to see you again.”
“Why not? Think you scare me?”
“Yes.”
I lift my head up, defiant. “Well, you don’t.”
“Maybe you should reconsider.”
I step into the pool and walk down the steps until the water is deep enough for me to sink into.
“I like the suit. It’s a good choice.”
I sigh, because I was brought up to be polite. And this was basically a gift. “Thank you. I do too. I can pay you for it—”
“I don’t need your money.”
“Whatever.”
“You want to explain what set you off back there?”
OK, here goes nothing. Be Opposite Ivy. “I don’t like being talked to that way.”
“No?” he says back with a smile. “Why not?”
“It’s rude, for one.”
“It’s hot.”
“To you maybe. I’m not—”
But I stop short. Opposite Ivy wouldn’t say that, would she? Opposite Ivy would like it.
“Just admit it, it’s hot. I get it, you’re not used to it. But that doesn’t mean you have to close yourself off to it.”
I don’t know what to say. I’m not really Opposite Ivy. I wish Nora was here. She’d know what to say to a guy like Nolan Delaney. She’d have quick, witty comebacks all ready to go. She’d stand toe to toe with him and come out winning.
Nolan pushes off the wall of the pool and comes swimming towards me. Slowly. One leisurely stroke at a time. “You’re not what, Ivy? Hot? Desirable? Ready for something… new and different?”
I am ready for something new and different. Even though he scares me. I am ready. I swim forward, doing a side stroke into the middle of the pool, and meet him halfway.
“What happened back there?”
“Nothing happened. I was mad. That’s all.”
“Because I said I wanted to fuck you? Put my cock in your mouth? Are you really that timid?”
“I’m not used to it.”
He moves closer, his arms wrapping around my waist, and my hands automatically go to his shoulders to keep afloat.
“That’s a step forward.”
“Look—”
“No, you look. Don’t be so uptight. Just relax, for fuck’s sake. Enjoy it. It’s a hot summer night, we’re in the middle of the desert, at a huge resort that has a total of thirteen guests including you. We’re in a secluded pool, total privacy.”
Oh, my God. I think he wants to fuck me in the pool. This is going way too fast for me.
“Your heart is beating so fast. Do I scare you that much? Do you really think I’m a rapist?”
“That’s not what—” But I stop again. Because he’s going to ask me what I’m really worried about if I continue.
“Then what?”
“I mean, yes, of course. You have a very bad reputation, Nolan. It’s something I can’t forget about.”
He looks me in the eyes for a few seconds. “You only see what they want you to see. A bad guy. A player. And yeah, I’ve had my share of fun and most of it has been with women. But I’m not that guy in the news. I’m just Mr. Romantic.”
I make a noise that might be a laugh if I wasn’t so nervous. “I’m not sure that’s any better than Nolan Delaney.”
“It is,” he says. His hands slide over my hips in a very provocative gesture. One even slips over the curve of my ass cheek, his fingers lifting the bathing suit up a few inches. “Trust me, it is.”
I stare at his eyes, the green shimmering with the light reflecting off the water. “You said it was ironic. Like your book.”
“It was meant to be. But if you ever get to know the real me, you’ll see what I mean. I’m not all irony, Ivy. I have a very serious, straight side too.”
“Show me,” I say, surprised by my bravado.
He leans in and kisses me. His hand leaves my hip and grabs the back of my neck, preventing me from pulling away.
I don’t pull away, so it’s a wasted gesture. And as soon as he understands that, he fists it and pushes me closer. I wrap my legs around his waist and feel his hard cock rubbing the sensitive skin near my ass.
I could go all the way tonight. Let him tease me into the adult world of sex, and dirty talk, and midnight fucks in a swimming pool. I could let him just… be him. And tomorrow this will be over. I’ll just be Ivy again, minus one intact cherry. And we’ll talk business.
I could do this and go home feeling new and ready for whatever comes. A new man, a new job, a new life.
“Have you ever done it in a pool, Ivy?” he says into my mouth.
I shake my head no.
“Well.” He reaches one arm out, pulling us through the water towards the shallow end. And when his feet touch the floor, he walks forward. My arms are still holding onto his perfect shoulders, my legs still circling his muscled waist. “It’s not as fun as it sounds.” He carries me up the steps of the pool and walks over to his bungalow. “So we’re going to take this inside.”