Doug had wanted to see Rose, but after he’d approached the door to the suite yesterday, something had stopped him. Beckett and Trent knew their sister better than he did and were right. What she needed, he couldn’t give her. Not yet.
Today was an entirely different story. He knew sitting in her room alone for too long was also not wise. Although they shared the suite, he still knocked quietly on the front door and waited for her to answer.
Despite her black, blue, and purple right cheek, she was all smiles when she opened the door. “It wasn’t locked, was it?” she asked.
He would’ve told her he was trying to respect her privacy after what happened, but he didn’t want to bring any more attention to it. Her sweet disposition was back, and that pleased him. “If you were sleeping, I didn’t want to disturb you.” It was a pathetic lie, yet she bought it.
“Only a man would think that knocking on a door instead of quietly opening it, would be less disturbing. What would this world be like if there weren’t women?” She chuckled.
As they made their way to the couch, he noticed she was limping. She was wearing a pair of jeans so he couldn’t tell the extent of the injury. When he’d carried her to the suite that night he recalled her knees being scraped, but nothing more serious. Of course, KJ had kicked him out so fast he wasn’t allowed to examine her fully. That probably was intentional on their part too. Doug had to face it, there were things he’d need to be patient about and let her tell him. I might do some prodding along the way.
“I had a fresh pot of coffee sent over. Can I pour you a cup?” Rose asked before she sat down.
Doug nodded. “Black for me.”
He watched her closely as she poured them each a cup. She added cream and sugar to hers, then joined him on the couch. Her eyes had a twinkle in them, and she hadn’t taken the smile off her face once since opening the door. For someone who’d been through a horrible ordeal, she was too happy. What’s going on, Rose?
There was only one way to find out what was in that pretty little head of hers. Ask.
“What has you smiling so much this morning?”
As he hoped, she opened right up to him and began chatting excitedly. A little too bubbly for him. He put on his counseling ears and eyes to listen and took in every single thing about her. How she moved, spoke, and looked. To anyone else, it might all seem to be a good sign. To him, it was a red flag.
“Do you know Sharma? She works here.”
Doug shook his head. He had enough on his mind without paying attention to the names of the staff. “Should I know her?” Doug asked, because it seemed as though she thought he should.
“You met her the night we came back from the reception.”
You mean the night you were attacked. His concern went up a notch. “What about her?”
“Did you know she wants to finish school and become a nurse?”
Looking into her eyes, he answered, “No I didn’t. How did you find out?”
“She stopped in yesterday, and we were talking. It’s her dream, and I’m going to make sure it comes true.” Rose’s voice was filled with excitement.
Doug realized what was happening. Rose wasn’t addressing what happened to her. Instead, she was using Sharma as an outlet to bury the emotional pain she was experiencing. As long as she could focus all her thoughts on anyone but herself, she’d be okay. There was one major flaw with this. Eventually, her body would become tired, and she’d need to stop and rest. When that happened, she’d be defenseless to prevent the flood of memories and emotions that’d rip through like a tidal wave.
Oh, angel. You need me more than you realize. More than anyone does. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here to catch you when you fall. He hated it, yet he knew falling was the only way she was going to be able to get back up.
Until then, he’d listen to whatever wonderful plans she’d come up with to help Sharma. She might be focusing all her strength on Sharma right now, but that didn’t mean Sharma didn’t need or want Rose’s help. If it was possible, he’d find a way to help them both without either one realizing what he was doing.
Doug spent the next hour listening to Rose talk about everything around her but never about herself. She never mentioned Martin. There was no way she could forget once she looked in the mirror. That also explained why she was hiding in her room. The fewer people who saw her in this condition, the easier it was for her to pretend it didn’t happen.
“It’s a beautiful day. Why don’t you take a walk with me on the beach?”
It was the first time he saw Rose tense. She didn’t say no, but she didn’t say yes either. Instead, she changed the subject to the shortage of nursing staff on the island.
“I’m sure they could use someone with your expertise then.” The same reaction as the first time he pushed. It was going to be painful on both their parts. He hated doing that to her. Each question had a purpose. Easing in to facing her fears and getting out of the room was his goal.
Although she might be afraid, it wasn’t of being attacked again. Rose had left the door unlocked. So the fear she was facing was an internal one. Those were so much harder to identify at times. If a person wanted to, they could mask their pain in many ways for many years. Unfortunately, if left untreated, each year took another piece of the person until there was nothing left. He wasn’t going to let that happen to Rose.
She was the most loving and kindhearted person he’d ever met. She was also a strong woman who could get through this. If he was correct, the attack wasn’t what was crippling her now, but rather her pride in not reading Martin well, and therefore in her mind, allowing it to happen.
When she pleaded with him to let go of the asshole’s throat, he heard it in her voice. It wasn’t about Martin or him. She probably felt guilty. Rose never would’ve dated a guy with an abusive trait. Having watched her reactions to Martin once he arrived on the island, she must’ve sensed something was different. No doubt she felt guilty for inviting him, given the impact on the wedding. That’s probably why she had me sit with her at the wedding. Her gut was telling her something was off.
Rose might think he stumbled across them accidently that evening. The truth was, he’d been pissed when he saw them leaving the reception so early. He wasn’t proud of himself, but he decided to follow them. If they were going back to the suite, Doug planned to ruin whatever Martin had planned. I knew the guy was an asshole, but I didn’t think he was capable of attacking her. Seeing her dragged . . . being pulled . . .
Doug had his own guilt to deal with. Had he been so caught up wanting Rose that he’d missed blatant red flags? He knew he didn’t like the guy, but he wasn’t sure he’d have liked anyone holding her in his arms. Only mine.
Understanding the guilt he carried made him understand hers better. If he could, he’d tell her there was no going back. All she could do was move forward. Such simple words, and if spoken, she’d probably shut down more. Trying to be in her shoes wasn’t pleasant. Although Rose hadn’t sent any signals that she wanted to go home with Martin, Doug saw the looks he was giving her. As the night progressed, Doug’s blood boiled with what seemed to be jealousy. Martin had continued to pursue her, even asking her to dance. It may have only been one dance, but Martin had a smug look of victory on his face. Even then I wanted to smack the shit out of him. I should’ve stepped in right then. Told him to keep his fucking hands off her.
The guy was scum and would be dealt with in time. There was no worry about Martin reaching out to Rose again. Not here and not in West Virginia. Although Beckett hadn’t threatened his life, that didn’t mean Doug hadn’t.
As he caught up to the little weasel being escorted to Gunny’s plane, he leaned over and whispered words he never thought he’d say and mean. “Forget Rose exists. Because if you ever contact her or come near her again, I’ll be the last face you’ll ever see. This is not a threat, Martin. It’s a promise.”
Doug wasn’t used to sitting around doing nothing, yet Rose seemed content, so he caved and joined her. They chatted easily about the research on her laptop regarding criteria for education. He assumed she was still thinking about Sharma. Good. You think about her, and I’ll think about you. Hide today. Tomorrow we’re getting out of this room one way or another.
Rose hadn’t expected Doug to sit in the room all day with her. She knew he’d go out eventually to eat. Instead, he called for room service, and there was enough food there to feed several people. Her stomach still wasn’t right, so when she tried to get away with only drinking coffee, Doug wouldn’t hear of it. He actually told her if she didn’t eat he’d call KJ. She wasn’t about to ruin another minute for KJ and Drew. Not after what happened . . .
And then it hit. Her heart started to race. “You never let me touch you like that.” Think about something else. Anything else but this. “You never kissed me like that either.”
She started pacing the room. “For months, I’ve wanted you but you never let me close to you.”
She had to get away. She couldn’t let Doug see her like this.
When she tried to walk behind the couch and head for her bedroom, Doug reached out and caught her by the hand, stopping her.
The blood pounded in her chest.
She couldn’t breathe.
Her entire body was frozen in place like a block of ice.
In her mind, she screamed over and over again yet nothing came out of her mouth. “Toby, stop this.” The only sound in the room was her own heartbeat, threatening to rip through her rib cage.
Then she saw his face as he stood over her. Felt his hands on her as he ripped her dress. His mouth trying to force entry, despite trying to fend him off.
“You can’t tease a man like that and not expect to put out.”
Rose closed her eyes as hot tears streamed down her cheeks.
“You never let me touch you like that.”
Help me, please.
Toby was too strong, and she was defenseless.
“You never kissed me like that either.”
Raising a hand to her cheek, she felt the slap of the back of his hand. Someone, please make him stop.
Her body trembled, and her legs became weak.
“No!” she screamed. “Please!”
Her head was spinning, and she couldn’t make it stop. Toby’s voice echoed in her mind. He was spewing ugly, hurtful words.
“You can’t tease a man like that and not expect to put out.”
“Please, no more,” Rose begged him one more time. Her words meant nothing. She meant nothing. “No,” she screamed again. “Please, stop.”
“He’s not here. Toby is not here. He can’t hurt you.” Doug?
She couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes. It was a trick. Toby was trying to let her guard down. Squeezing her eyes even tighter she said again, “Please stop. I . . . I—”
“Rose. Open your eyes. You’ll see. It’s Doug. He isn’t here. You’re safe. It’s me, sweetheart.”
Doug? Please be Doug. I can’t bear it if it’s Toby. Rose held her breath, and despite being riddled with fear, she slowly began to open her eyes. Her vision was blurred by her tears, yet she knew instantly it wasn’t Toby standing in front of her. “Doug,” she said as she stepped toward him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Her tears flowed heavier than before. This time she cried out of relief that it had only been a flashback and not real.
Doug didn’t say anything, only held and soothed her. Time seemed to stop as she released the repressed tension within her. What would I have done if you weren’t here? I don’t want to go through this alone. It hurts too much.
Rose was angry with herself for losing control. She’d endured years of trauma in ER and expected more from herself. How can I help others if I can’t help myself?
She looked at him and wiped her tear-streaked cheeks with her hands. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what got into me,” Rose said, choking back her sobs.
Doug still didn’t say anything, only looked at her with compassion. She didn’t deserve any. This was all her fault.
“I have no right to . . . be like this.”
“Why not?” Doug asked.
Rose pulled away slightly. Yes, she was attacked and assaulted, but it could’ve been so much worse. “It’s wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been.”
“You mean because you weren’t raped?” Doug asked.
She hated that word, and even more so coming out of Doug’s mouth. “Yes. What happened to me is nothing compared to—”
“Rose, you might not have been raped, but don’t try to diminish what happened to you. It was violent and ugly. What you’re going through right now is expected.”
You might think so, but it doesn’t feel right. “I feel sick.”
“Take a few deep breaths and let them out slowly.”
Once she did, Doug reached out, took her hand, and led her back to the couch. She knew he was going to try to talk this through. She didn’t want to think about it anymore. All she wanted was to forget it ever happened.
They sat and he held her in his arms, and she didn’t want to be anywhere else, although she feared the lecture on how this was normal. That she was stronger than she thought, and that things would be better tomorrow. Doug said none of those things. Instead, he held her hand, and his fingers stroked her gently. Although she didn’t want this connection between them to end, she knew it would once they started talking.
“Thank you, Doug,” Rose said softly, her fingers entwining with his.
“For what?” he asked, looking at her tenderly.
Does he know what he does to me? I feel so . . . safe with him. After what happened with Toby, she needed that. She’d treated patients who’d come in for much worse trauma. Usually, someone spoke to the victim, and Rose had overheard many of those conversations. The words, although they might have helped others, were etched in her mind, so they sounded like a recording, empty of any human aspect. Useless for me.
“You didn’t force me to . . . talk. I expected something so different. I’m glad I was wrong.”
“I’m here for you, Rose. Not as a counselor, but as . . . a friend.”
She tightened her grip on his hand. Although she didn’t want to talk about what had happened, medically and mentally, she knew she needed to. Not talking wasn’t healthy. So she did what she needed instead of what she wanted.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. She refused to let it take over again. She needed to find a way to gain control or Toby would hold power over her.
“I can’t stop thinking about it. No matter what I do to keep myself busy, when I least expect it something flashes back to me. He’s not here, and I know that. Yet he is inside my head, and I want him gone.”
“What do you see when you see him?”
Her heart raced, knowing she’d need to think about what she wanted to forget. “I see his face coming closer to mine. He’s hurting me, and I’m begging him to stop. I see cruelty and anger, and it terrifies me. I don’t know what I did, and I can’t make it stop.”
“What do you think you did?”
That wasn’t a question she’d heard come out of a professional’s mouth before. They usually focused on telling the person it wasn’t their fault. Was Doug trying to tell her it was her fault? You’d be right if you were. All of it is my fault. “I brought him here under false pretenses.”
“And?”
“He had every right to be upset at me.”
Doug’s voice never changed. “He did. Do you believe that gave him the right to lay hands on you? Force you against your will?”
Rose knew deep inside the answer was no. Yet she was the one who put herself in this situation. “My gut said not to go, but I left the reception with him when he said he wanted us to go for a walk.”
“That’s the reason you believe this was your fault?” Doug asked quietly.
Rose opened her eyes and turned to face him. She wasn’t sure what she thought she’d see. Disgust, pity, or maybe disappointment. Instead, she saw only kindness and compassion.
“I’m smarter than this Doug. I should’ve—”
“He shouldn’t have,” Doug said firmly as he met her gaze. “You cannot take the actions of another person onto yourself. You are responsible for inviting him here. What you may not know is that he manipulated the situation.”
How was that possible? She’d taken the first step by reaching out to him after he’d blown her off. Hindsight said that had been a huge mistake, but that couldn’t mean he manipulated the situation. If anything, she had.
“He only came because I asked.”
“Rose, you only asked because he lied to you. What he said about Beckett threatening him wasn’t true. Beckett had crossed the line and reached out to the guy, but he never told Toby he’d make him disappear. He only told you that to gain your sympathy for him. Toby is slick. He knew what to say and how to act to get you to trust him. I bet you’re not his first victim and probably won’t be his last.”
Oh hell no. There’s no way. The thought of him doing that or worse to some other unsuspecting woman scared the hell out of her. “I need to get back to West Virginia right now.” She let go of Doug’s hand and headed to her bedroom.
“Rose. What are you doing?” he asked, following her.
Once in her room, she pulled out her suitcase and started throwing clothes into it haphazardly. Rose felt bad that Sharma had taken the time to place everything so neatly each time she moved her belongings, but she couldn’t stop herself.
“Rose. Stop and look at me,” Doug said from behind her.
She was breathing quickly and not thinking of the next step. Turning to him she asked, “Can I use your chopper to get back?”
Doug gripped her upper arms gently, not letting her turn away from him. “Talk to me. Why are you leaving now?”
“Someone has to stop him,” Rose said, meeting him square in the eyes. She didn’t know how she’d do that when she wasn’t able to stop him from hurting her the first time. That didn’t matter. She needed to try.
“How do you plan on doing that?”
Rose wasn’t a violent woman so taking a frying pan and smacking him up the backside of his head was out of the question. Her instinct was to help and heal, not injure. Even someone as vile as Toby Martin. I can’t strike another person. “I’m too weak to do anything.”
“Weak? You must not be looking at the same person I am, because you’re a very strong woman.”
“I couldn’t stop him, Doug. If you hadn’t come along, he could’ve—”
“I’m not talking about physical strength. There will always be someone bigger, stronger, or faster. What I’m talking about is what makes you the person you are.”
“How can you say I’m strong when I just broke down, crying all over you?”
He let go of her arms and raised a hand to touch her unbruised cheek. How she wanted to melt into his touch. Hide away in his arms. But that wasn’t going to stop Toby from hurting someone else.
“Rose, it takes strength to face what happened instead of hiding it away. Otherwise, it slowly destroys you. Trust me. It’s what I see almost every day. Hell, it’s something I face each day myself. What you did, opening up and talking about it, crying it out, was because your strength inside wouldn’t let it win. You might not have been able to fight him off physically, yet you’re fighting him with every other ability in your arsenal. Your refusal to give him power over you is courageous. I’m proud of you.”
She fought back the tears that stung her eyes. “You fought as a Marine, and you’re calling me courageous?”
“So you want to stop that pri—jerk?” Doug asked.
Rose nodded. “I just don’t know what I can do besides going to the police and telling them what happened.”
“I wish I could tell you that was an option. We’re not in the United States. Marpe-Agape is in international waters. The law here is what we make it. Or should I say, what Drew made it since it’s technically still his island.”
“There’s nothing we can do then, is there?”
“He’s not going to hurt anyone anytime soon. Beckett and I have made sure he’s being watched closely. When we had Gunny return him, it was with clear instructions the guy was going to a treatment center where he’ll learn a different way of dealing with his . . . aggression.”
“How did you talk him into that?” she asked surprised.
“Toby understands if he doesn’t fulfill all the requirements in that group, then he’ll be joining Beckett and me on a trip back here. And we will finish the program our way.”
“He must realize you can’t do that.” By the look in Doug’s eyes, she realized he wasn’t joking. Maybe you can do it. I don’t think I want to know what you two can do.
Doug was something else. He was the sweetest, gentlest man she’d ever met one minute and the next all badass and someone she wouldn’t want to have as an enemy.
Rose couldn’t pull herself away from his eyes. It was as though they were drawing her in to him. She stepped closer, but kept her hands by her side. Although she wanted to touch him, kiss him again, she wasn’t sure if he still wanted her. I look like shit, and my body feels like hell. Why would he want me?
Her head dipped down, and his index finger tipped her chin up to face him.
“Don’t hide from me, beautiful.”
When she looked at him again, she saw it. She saw the connection they had in the garden and realized she longed for it. For him.
“Rose, I want to kiss you, but damn it, I’m not the type of man you need.” His voice was husky with need as he spoke to her.
“Whatever you think I need, you’re wrong, Doug. Right now I need you to . . . hold me and not let go.”
Her lips were dry so she slowly licked them. She saw him watching each movement. As though it broke his last bit of restraint, he pulled her into his arms and claimed her lips. He wasn’t rough at all. Instead, he gently prodded her to open to him. She was desperate to taste him.
Stepping on tippy-toes, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself closer. Sweet bliss. Holding his warm, hard muscular body against her. A warm throbbing sensation started at her toes and wove its way through her entire body. It might be insane, but tonight she wanted nothing more than to touch every inch of him.
She removed her hands from his neck and started to unbutton his shirt. Doug covered her hand with his, preventing her from continuing. Rose thought he wanted to slow things down. That was okay with her too, but then he pulled his lips from her as well.
“Rose, we can’t do this right now.”
“Why?” she asked, breathing shallowly with desire.
“It’s been an emotional day for both of us. I’m not saying it won’t happen. Trust me, Rose, you’re a stunning woman and you’ve worked your way into my thoughts and under my skin. I want you so badly I can hardly think, not to mention barely breathe. But it can’t be tonight.”
“I want you too, Doug.”
“Then another day won’t change a thing, will it?” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. “I’m not going anywhere, Rose. I’ll be here in the morning. Now sleep. It’s something we both need.”
She wanted to scream, tell him she wanted to be in his bed. Sleep was the furthest thing from her mind. Her body was tingling with just his kiss. She’d never known such longing. Yet he was telling her no.
“Doug, I don’t want you to go,” Rose said softly as she laid her head on his chest.
Stroking her long hair, he replied, “Angel, there’s a difference between no and not now. Trust me, tomorrow you and I will spend the entire day together. Tonight, you sleep.”
Doug was right, she was mentally spent, and her body ached from the assault. He kissed the top of her head, left her bedroom, and closed the door behind him.
Sleep? You really think I’m going to get any? If I can’t have you, then I might as well have a cold shower.
Rose didn’t bother unpacking. She slid the suitcase off her bed and onto the floor, grabbed a nightgown, and headed to the bathroom. Okay, Doug. You promised me tomorrow. Let’s see what you’ve got.