It had been two months since I’d come home from Childress. I hadn’t sold any of the property there. After spending my last days with Garrett, I hadn’t come to a decision on what I wanted. There was a part of me that wanted to keep the land out of nostalgia, but there was a larger part of me that wanted at least the house gone so I wouldn’t have to look at the place Dustin had died.

Jen and Megan had kept all the paperwork in their offices, ready to sell if I said the word, but there was no pressure. I think the two of them hoped I would sell some and build a home on whatever I kept, and that was a consideration. Holly had become much more interested in residing there when Katie had mentioned taking riding lessons and getting a horse for Holly to ride.

Garrett had been to visit me four times in the months we’d been apart.

We spoke every night on the phone. We spoke on our phone’s video system, too… and though I wasn’t proud of myself, most times we both ended up naked and staring at one another as we did things I never thought I would ever do on a video screen or over a phone line. We were officially an item. Even I couldn’t deny the fact that we were coupled together and somewhat happy. Ten weeks so far, and that was the longest relationship I had been in outside of my time with Dustin. Whether I wanted to or not, I was beginning to feel how deeply I was getting involved. I felt it in my head and in my heart, and that terrified me.

Garrett was amazing. He was funny, warm, kind, and affectionate. The first time he’d come to my home, I’d watched him pull up from the door of the bar. He hadn’t seen me, so the moment he set eyes on me as he stretched to that full sexy height of his, he lit up, his dark eyes flaring to life before he ran to me and dragged me up his long body for a long, hungry kiss. Seeing that change in him when he saw me was my first indication that he was as lost in us as I was.

Each time he was in Trinidad, we stayed in a hotel, while Holly stayed at home with a sitter. The bed was the place we really clocked most of our time together, our hunger for one another taking precedence over other things like eating or sightseeing. We basked in the glow of our time alone and got lost in those few precious days we had together. Waking up in his arms with his hands tangled in my hair as he watched me sleeping was becoming something I longed for with more fervency.

After his second visit, I’d started doing some real consideration about what I wanted, and what was best for Holly and me. Before I made any real decision, Holly and I talked about what a change like this would mean for us both. With her head and heart in the idea of moving to Childress, I had to be the one to play Devil’s advocate and question all the things we’d be giving up in Colorado. Turned out that Holly had inherited my talent for reasoning and debate, and in the end, she had sold me on the compromise.

So, with our plan in hand, I had hired a general manager for the summer—something Holly had dubbed the trial period—and arranged to take Holly to spend her summer vacation from school in Childress. Something I’d never imagined I would have ever done willingly, and though most of the plans had been confirmed, I still wasn’t sure about her and Garrett meeting just yet. Things were going great between the Garrett and me, but four three-day weekends in ten weeks wasn’t a lot of time spent in one another’s company. I needed to be absolutely certain. Therefore, nine weeks in Childress was designed to tell me where the relationship between Garrett and me was going and where my head was about the property my father had left me, what I wanted to do with it and to give Holly a taste of life in Childress for longer than two weeks.

“Momma?” Holly knocked on my bedroom door and pushed it open as she strolled in with a magazine in her hands and a spring in her step. She looked like a teenager now with her hair in a messy bun and a tank top that was beginning to get too small for her. “Look at this horse.”

Sitting up in bed, I ran my hands through my hair before patting the empty space next to me. “Come and show me.”

Holly sat on the bed and folded her legs under her before she handed me the magazine she was reading. I’d loved horses at her age, too, but I had no dreams of owning one. I’d known that would never happen. I wanted to fulfill the dream for her though, and our yard in Trinidad would never be big enough which meant it was yet another consideration for Childress. The plus column was growing larger by the day.

“The palomino?”

“Yeah, I love the colors. Aunt Jen said that there was a stud farm close to her that bred them.”

“She did, did she?” My amusement was easy to read in my tone. Jen and Megan had been encouraging a move back to Childress for almost fifteen years, so I wasn’t surprised they were ‘helping’ fulfill Holly’s dreams. I had to admit one of the biggest draws for me was that I’d missed living close to them, too.

“Is it true your friend Garrett works with horses?”

“It is.” My response was cautious, but after a second of thought, I suddenly knew what was coming next.

“Can I meet him?”

“Soon,” I said, closing the magazine and dropping it next to me. “We have to get there first. Are you packed?”

“Mostly.”

“That’s a no,” I teased.

“No,” she elongated the word and grinned her Dustin grin at me. “It means that I started packing. I have most of it done, but I got distracted and still have to finish.”

“Then finish, munchkin. We have to be on the road by nine, or you’ll miss your first riding lesson.”

“What?” Her tone was one that would probably set dogs off in neighboring counties.

I lived for these moments. She’d had no idea that I’d arranged to have riding lessons for her this summer. She’d asked for them, pleaded even, but I’d told her we’d look into them when we got there. Jen had finalized all the details as a surprise for Holly, and I was reaping the benefits of her shocked smile and squeal of utter delight.

“Really, Mommy?” she asked, sliding from the bed, her hands clasped in front of her.

“Really.” I laughed and pointed to the door. “Better finish packing before you miss that first lesson, huh?”

There is nothing like the squealing scream of a fourteen-year-old. The pitch is enough to scramble your brains and the joy enough to ignite a light in your heart for hours. As Holly ran from my room in an impression of The Roadrunner, I smiled to myself and headed in to get ready for the journey ahead.

The summer drive was different to the one we’d experienced months earlier. Holly was in a good mood for one. Her phone was gripped in hand as she fired questions via text to Jen, Megan, and Katie in our group message. Giggles of pure joy were followed by smiled pauses as she watched the world go by her window, probably imagining riding a horse over the rolling land that was the northeast corner of New Mexico.

We sang to my old rock songs and some of her pop music, making up lyrics to the ones we didn’t know. We drank milkshakes and ate burgers on our one stop, then just in time, we finally arrived and rolled out from the car to the full crew of people ready to welcome us.

Megan and Jen were given big, but brief, hugs from Holly before she sprinted off to find Katie, who had all of her riding gear, leaving the adults alone to follow her with our gazes.

“She looks happy,” Jen said, her arms folding around my waist as she embraced me.

“She is. The entire drive was full of questions and smiles. She’s wanted a horse since our summer riding in the mountains when she was ten. I want to get her a horse, but there’s no room in Trinidad. If we move back, I’ll at least have the land for it.”

“So, you’re serious about this then?” Megan asked excitedly.

“I’m seriously considering it. If no drama has surfaced by the end of the summer, anyway.”

“What drama?” Megan asked, eyebrows raised.

“You don’t think shit will hit the fan when people realize who I am?”

I’d put a lot of thought into that aspect of my little dream. I was sure Libby wasn’t the only one who blamed me for Dustin’s death, and there was still what was left of his family to consider. There was no telling what would happen when they realized I was back, let alone what they would do when they realized the child of Dustin had lived and was with me. That, more than anything else, terrified me. I wasn’t afraid of them taking her away now. I was a good mother, and Holly was happy and healthy, and with age, I’d learned—after much research—they probably would have only managed to keep me from leaving Texas if they’d known when I was pregnant. I was now more afraid that they would make unfair demands of her and her time, and even try to control her like they had with Dustin. Only now, I would fight them to the ends of the Earth to prevent that from happening.

“You haven’t done anything wrong, Kay.” It was Jen who spoke, Megan was more than aware of my fears, we’d spoken endlessly about the possibilities of what could go wrong if I came back to live in Childress.

“I hid Holly from her family.”

“And Suzanne asked you to do that. She knew better than anyone what they would have done had they known about Holly,” Megan said, repeating the same line she’d been feeding me since she’d learned about Suzanne’s request. “You know as well as I do that they would have made both your lives difficult.”

I nodded in agreement, the words helping quiet that gentle nudge of guilt I felt when I thought of anyone missing out on knowing Holly. Appeased, we started unloading the car in silence, heading toward the barn apartment, all three of us loaded down with luggage. Once everything was inside, Jen approached me again, her hands cupping my cheeks just as she had when I was a kid.

“Everything you do and have done the last fourteen years is for that kid down there,” she said, all traces of humor gone. “She knows that, as well as all of us, do. If you think for a second we’d let anyone muddy your good name because of something your father did to hurt you, you’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a part of this family.”

“I don’t care about that. They can say what they want about me, I worry more about what that will do to Holly.”

“She’s surrounded by family here. Emmett and Katie adore her. You think any one of us would stand by if we saw something? You can’t always protect her from life, but you can remind her that she’s not alone.”

“You mean like y’all did for me?”

My best friend and godmother beamed at me. I never forgot how lucky I was to have them, and if anyone got me through what could potentially go wrong, it was them. I would probably do better to stay in my little corner of the world where no one knew my history, but beyond all reason, my life was drawing me back to Childress, the one place I’d spent half my life trying to escape.

“Anyway, that’s why this is a test run, right? To see how things go?”

“Right.”

“I’m pretty sure that your man is going to be happy to see you.”

“He thinks I’m coming in tomorrow,” I said, glancing down at my hands. “I wanted to spend the evening with you guys and Holly after her first riding lesson.”

“You know what that means?” Jen said with a grin, looping her arm through my left arm.

“Margaritas,” Megan responded, looping her arm through my right.

“That’s not…”

“But it is. We’ll hear all about the riding lessons, put the kids to bed after dinner, and then head out to the bar while Robert very kindly watches the kids.”

“We’re not having margaritas here?”

Meg and Jen looked at each other then back at me with matching knowing grins. Meg answered me. “It’s a welcome home present.”

“You don’t even know that he’ll be there.” I’d taken a moment, but I’d figured out their plan. I loved them for thinking about me. Megan knew my thoughts on Garrett and the conflict that came with them, but she’d also known I’d been excited about seeing him again.

“It’s Friday, where else would he be?” Jen asked. “What’s got you so spooked?”

It was a good question. I suddenly had hummingbird wings fluttering against the lining of my stomach, while my heart pounded out a rhythm that sounded a lot like the syllables of his name. I was excited and terrified about seeing him after the last couple of weeks.

“Just excited and nervous,” I admitted out loud.

“Must be great sex to get you this worked up.” Meg flicked my nose, ignoring the eye roll of her mom, who looked a little astounded by the turn of conversation.

“It’s pretty damn great.”

“I knew it.” Meg grinned.

“Are you in love with him?” Jen asked.

The room went silent as the two of them stared at me, and my stomach was suddenly inundated by a hoard of seagulls as I was forced to think about the answer to that question. The only basis of comparison I had was how I felt about Dustin, both when he’d been alive and when I’d lost him. I knew love had the absolute power of destruction. I understood the capabilities to render you incapacitated. Love was wonderful and awful all at the same time, and I knew I wouldn’t have traded that in for the world.

Did I feel that when I thought about Garrett? No, but not because I was certain I didn’t love him, but because I was sure what I felt was a different kind of love. This was the slow-burning kind that had snuck up on me when I wasn’t looking. This was arms of comfort folded around me in the middle of the night and laughter when it should be impossible to laugh. What I felt for Garrett was love, and maybe that meant I was in love. All I knew was that what I was feeling now was exclusive to Garrett and those emotions felt right. Like he and I should fit together that way and the way we were together fit us.

Would I be telling him all of that anytime soon? Hell no.

Things between Garrett and I were very good. Still new, but comfortable and I wasn’t going to fuck all of that up by being over eager and telling how I felt too soon. I preferred to keep my cards close to my chest anyway. With a child, I couldn’t afford to be crushed, and just because I felt as though I was in love with him, I knew that if Holly didn’t get along with him, I had to take that into consideration. Though, the fact Garrett worked with horses seemed to be a huge check in his favor from my daughter.

“I don’t know, but I‘m sure I like spending time with him.”

“Then enjoy it, sweetheart.”

I nodded in agreement and looked around the apartment with a smile. It already felt like home with these two women guiding me to the door to head to the main house, and that included the kids who were bouncing off the walls in anticipation of their riding lessons.

Five adults and three kids weren’t going to fit into Megan’s minivan. So, Robert and Mike stayed at the house, soaking up some manly alone time before they were in charge of the heathens when we went out in that evening. Somehow, the three of us were roped into riding lessons along with the kids and the experience was more fun than I could possibly have imagined. Of course, Holly took the opportunity to sell the idea of moving back to Childress.

“We could do this together, Momma,” she said, pushing Emmett into the very back, her eyes bright and cheeks pink. “We could look after the horses and then ride on the weekends together. Maybe we could get some cows and goats, too... and chickens. We could cook our own eggs.”

“Now you have us pegged as farmers?” I asked, swinging into the back seat next to Emmett, making him giggle as I tickled his sides. He gave me an indignant look as I settled in beside him and I raised my hands in apology. Boys were so much worse about growing up quickly than girls were.

“You said you’d try anything once. It was how I was born right?”

Everything stilled in the van, except for my darling daughter who gave a peel of laughter at her own hilarity. It was only a matter of time until my traitorous family joined in. Even Emmett laughed, even though he had no earthly idea what was funny about the statement.

“Believe me, honey, it was more than once,” Megan said, adding to the chaos.

“Jesus Christ,” I growled, throwing my arms up when I was glared at for using Jesus’ name in vain by Jen. “She’s fourteen,” I carried on in defense.

“Almost fifteen,” Holly clarified with a smile.

“No. No. There’s no almost between fourteen and fifteen,” I insisted. “You’re still my sweet and innocent baby.”

I received a guffaw and an eye roll for my pain. Then a light bulb went off over Holly’s head, and she turned in her seat to face me as Megan pulled out of her parking spot slowly and mindful because of her laughter.

“You know, if I had a horse I’d be too preoccupied with it to notice boys,” Holly said sweetly. “I would be so busy mucking out the stables and riding to keep the horse in shape, I wouldn’t even have time to date.”

“Oh, she’s good,” Jen said, hiding her laugh behind her hands. “You know she’s right, though.”

“You know being ganged up on isn’t helping the moving home argument.”

“There are still boys in Trinidad, Momma. Not much else than that really.”

“You’re such a brat.”

“You should have put me back in the dumpster you found me in.”

“You find babies in the dumpster?” Emmett crowed next to me, and it was my turn to laugh wickedly.

“That’s a conversation to have with Daddy tonight, Emmett,” Megan sang happily, hiding the cringe of Oh shit I could see in the rearview mirror. “Now, who can win the ‘be quiet for the longest’ game? If you’re still quiet at the Dairy Queen, we can get ice cream.”

Leaning forward, I rubbed my nose against Holly’s and winked at her, happy to see her returning smile as bright as it had been at the end of her riding lesson. It occurred to me we could be happy here. We had a family, we had laughter, and we would always have each other.