I thought you hated Texas.” Holly ended the statement with a guzzle from her Cola bottle. I envied her metabolism and missed the days when I could eat whatever the hell I wanted without any permanent repercussions.

“No, baby, I don’t hate Texas. I’d just prefer to ignore it and pretend it wasn’t there.” I hit the button on my steering wheel, searching for a radio station that didn’t fling country music at me.

“That’s not that different from hate,” she said, chomping off the top of her Twizzler before waving the red stick at me. She’d been eating non-stop since we’d hit the Texas state line, and the buffet had all started with the giant potato wedges at the gas station just beyond the New Mexico state line. The cherry flavored licorice was just the closest thing for her to grab at this point. “Is it because Dad died here?”

“Mostly,” I replied honestly. “It’s not a bad place to be. You may even like Childress, but I just have too many memories to think kindly about it. You shouldn’t judge anything on my experiences, though.”

I reached out and ran my hand through her dark locks. She didn’t have the almost blue-black hair I’d grown up with. Hers was that same rich chocolate of her father’s—just another one of his features that gave her the look of him.

“You never talk about Childress. Not really. Even when Aunt Jen and Aunt Meg still live there. When I ask about it, you give me an answer, but it’s never really an answer.”

I looked over at my fourteen-year-old and smiled before giving my attention back to the road ahead of me. We were about to hit Amarillo, which meant we were less than two hours away from Childress.

“How about we stop at the Big Texan, and I will give you a once in a lifetime opportunity to ask anything you want before we get there? Then we can hit the road and make it Aunt Meg’s to pick Emmett and Katie up from daycare with her?”

“I can ask anything at all?”

“Anything. Within reason.”

“What does that even mean?” Holly asked, pointing at the huge longhorn and bouncing as we pulled into the parking lot. Once she was over the initial surprise of the restaurant, she looked at me with narrowed eyes. “You can’t change the rules when you’ve already set the guidelines.”

I sighed as I parked and turned in my seat to face her. “It means that there are some things you don’t need to know. It means that there are things I may never want you to know. It means that some things may be a little too hard for me to hash out in the middle of a public restaurant. So, I have the right to veto a question, whether it’s one I don’t want to answer or can’t answer in public, but it may be up for discussion later.”

She considered my terms for a moment and nodded in agreement before she pulled her shoes on and grabbed her backpack. She was out of the car before I had a chance to pick up my purse, both hands beckoning me forward to join her impatiently.

I hadn’t been to the restaurant since I’d left Texas over fourteen years earlier, and the Big Texan hadn’t changed much in all that time. After a brief jaunt around the place and it’s never ending gift shop, Holly and I finally got to a table and balanced our menus in the center of the table as we passed comments about the available dishes. Once we’d both decided we couldn’t come to a steakhouse without a steak, we ordered and sat staring at one another over our sweet tea.

“Can I start now?” Holly asked, pinching the tip of the straw between her teeth.

“Lunch only lasts so long, baby.”

“Okay. Why are we going back to Childress if you hate it?” she asked, dropping her straw and sitting back in the booth.

“My father died. He had cancer.”

Holly’s eyes widened, almost as though she was unsure of how to respond to the information. “He was the one in prison?”

“That’s the one. He’s the only one I have, in fact.” My tone held nothing. No inflection, no emotion, just facts.

“You don’t like him very much.”

I heard myself about to give her a bullshit generic line and stopped. She was only fourteen, but she deserved the whole truth. She deserved to know why the only family we had was my best friend and my godmother. She would always have me in her life, and being honest with her may help her to understand our lives, and my choices a little more.

“When my momma died, my father decided he didn’t want to be a dad after all, but he felt obligated to keep me around because I think he really did love my mom. He wasn’t much of a parent, but that didn’t matter because your Aunt Jen always looked after me. When he found out I was pregnant…” I rubbed my hands over my face feeling frustrated by how hard this was to talk about. Holly had always been so good about knowing when the questions became too much for me, but I’d given her a free pass and the set determination in those almond-shaped eyes told me she wasn’t going to back down this time.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t my usual sympathetic sweetheart, though. Reaching out, she pulled one of my hands from my face and held it between both of hers. She was so much like Dustin at times I became unnerved. That should have felt strange and painful, but I could always draw comfort from the fact that she’d inherited the best parts of him. Those qualities made me love her impossibly more than I already did.

“When your grandfather discovered I was pregnant, I don’t think he was upset with me because I was in that situation at seventeen, but more because of the family your daddy came from. There was some bad blood there, lawsuits and threats. I never understood the whole situation, but the bad blood caused a lot of tension, and knowing I’d had anything to do with their family sent my father over the edge. The night he found out, he was mad as hell, and he hit me.”

I hated myself for bringing her into this. I hated that my past was so twisted that I felt as though I was sitting my kid in front of an NC-17 movie and expecting her to digest just how fucked up our family was. I prayed that she didn’t ask the inevitable follow up question because I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer. I wasn’t sure I could.

“He hit you?” she asked in a small voice that was filled with pity and sadness.

I nodded in acknowledgment and sat back from the table as the waitress slid my steak in front of me. With a quick smile and thanks from the two of us, the waitress left, and the silence settled around us like dust. I hated seeing Holly, who was normally so full of life and chatty, subdued and confused. I had no idea what was going on in her head, and I was too cowardly to ask, because if it led to another question… if it led to the question, I still wasn’t entirely sure I had the strength to tell her that her grandfather murdered her dad for trying to protect me.

“I don’t think I like him too much, either.” She met my gaze and blushed, dropping her chin to her chest in embarrassment. “I mean, I’m sorry he died, but…”

“Hey,” I said, leaning over the table and pulling her chin up with the side of my index finger. “You don’t have to give me an explanation. You more than anyone have the right to dislike him.” I tapped my finger on her lips to stop the question that I’d just instigated with my response. “Eat, and think about what else you’d like to know.”

Nodding solemnly, she cut into her steak and let her eyes roll with the first mouthful. When she swallowed, her eyes met mine again. “I know you loved my daddy, but you’ve always said no one really knew you were dating. Why?”

And so, in much safer territory, I gave her the story of Dustin, me, and our too-short love affair. The conversation lasted beyond lunch and consumed another hour of the car ride to Childress before she ran out of questions and fell into silence as she digested everything I’d just told her. For the last forty-five minutes of the drive, she listened to her own music, while I listened to my old reliable standard: classic rock.

I hoped that my past wouldn’t change the way she saw Dustin or me. She’d always had a love affair with the ghost of her father, and I’d never dissuaded her. Dustin would have been an amazing father, and I knew just how powerful his love could be. I’d lived within its embrace, felt the warmth of his adoration on cold nights, and even after all of these years, I retreated to the protection of his affection. I would never have deprived her of that, so I had told her stories about my one true love and how amazing he truly was.

When we finally pulled onto the highway that led to Megan’s long driveway, Holly pulled out her earbuds and rubbed her face with both hands before cracking the window to let the cool breeze swim around us.

“I have one last question,” she whispered thoughtfully, her head leaning against the cool glass as the trees on either side parted for Megan’s long drive.

I pulled in but drove slowly. “Okay.”

“Can we go see him while we’re here. My daddy, I mean. I know that he died but…”

She didn’t need to finish that statement. I’d been prepared for this request and already had my answer on the tip of my tongue.

“Of course we can go, baby.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

Reaching out, I stroked her soft hair and left the conversation at that. I had turned the last corner of the drive, and Megan was already flinging the door out of her path, her crazy golden retriever, Kenny—Loggins not Chesney—came bounding out past her, and jumped in and on top of Holly the moment I came to a stop and she opened a door with a gleeful whistle. The moment of truth between us had passed, but I knew it wouldn’t be forgotten. She would always have more questions, and I just had to mentally prepare myself for that. Her curiosity would gain momentum. That was inevitable.

I climbed out of the car as Holly rolled out the other side with a laugh as Kenny licked her relentlessly, and I found myself scooped up in my best friends embrace. I returned the gesture with as much enthusiasm, all of the pent-up anxiety burying itself as I took in the unfamiliar house. At least I didn’t have to contend with the memories here.

“You’re late. I thought you’d changed your mind on me.”

“We stopped in Amarillo. Holly had some questions,” I admitted, bending to rub Kenny behind the ears as he bounded toward us.

“What kind of questions?” she asked under her breath.

“About my dad, Dustin, my childhood.”

“You tell her everything?”

“Not everything.” That was an unspoken heads-up to avoid the landmines I hadn’t disassembled yet. Megan couldn’t be cornered or reveal anything Holly didn’t know that way. Asking Megan to edit for me like that was unfair, and the older Holly became, the harder that kind of editing became. I had a feeling our trip would lead to that moment of truth, but I wasn’t sure I was strong enough while in Childress to be the pillar of strength Holly needed me to be. I just had to make sure I was on neutral territory when the time came. I didn’t want her to have to suffer more than she already would because I was a coward.

“I’ll make sure Rob knows, too, in case she wants to ask questions. Especially as she’ll be helping him babysit tonight.”

“Babysit?”

“Yes! You and I are going out to celebrate your homecoming.”

“What?” My incredulousness was apparent in my tone, and it was something Megan picked up on immediately. “No.”

“Why? You’re blonde now, you changed your nickname, and you’ve done a lot of growing up in fourteen years, including…” She dropped her voice. “Great boobs and a fabulous ass.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Nothing, I guess. They’re just differences.”

“Liar.”

“Oh, come on. That bitch Libby lives in Wichita Falls now. Other than her, I doubt anyone would recognize you.”

She was right about that. One blessing of being a shadow through most of high school meant that I was mostly anonymous now. Not that I would recognize most people in town, either. With the exception of maybe Troy and Erin, who had both moved to Nacogdoches when they’d graduated high school because Troy had a scholarship for football at Stephen F. Austin. From what Rob had found out, he had accepted a coaching job in the ISD there once he’d graduated from college. That left no one but Megan and her family and a handful of the people my father had invited over to the house, and I was pretty sure none of them had been sober enough to absorb my presence.

I was safe even if I wasn’t necessarily feeling that anonymity.

“It’s half price margarita night,” Megan sang, rocking her hips from side to side with a smile.

“Mom, you should go,” Holly said, an easy smile on her lips. “Go and check out the competition. See how good you really are at your job.”

I slung my arm over Holly’s shoulder and grinned over at Megan. “Now that’s how you make your argument, Meg. You’re way too rusty.”

“Well, shit. Holly, I just might need to pick your brains again.”

“Aunt Meg, you know she doesn’t normally listen to me.”

Megan threw her head back and laughed boisterously, making Kenny bounce around her in circles. “Oh honey, you have this woman wrapped around your fingers. If she says no, it’s because it’s bad for you, dangerous, or stupid.”

Holly thought about that and grinned in that knowing way of hers. “Then why does she say no when I ask for a dog, horse, or a cat?”

Megan shook her head, her face still alight with mirth. “Because she doesn’t have the time to look after them when you get bored.”

“How am I supposed to prove that I can be responsible if I can’t have one?” Holly asked while I mouthed along in perfect synchronicity. Megan’s face lit up as Holly scowled at me.

“This is an old argument then?”

“Ancient,” Holly and I said together, her smile growing as I winked at her. I’d promised her I would think about puppy if she could keep a plant alive until the summer and peering into the back of the car, the fern was thriving. The agreement had been struck just after Christmas when Meg’s family had left Trinidad to head back to Childress. They came to us every year, the visit a tradition now, something Mike and Rob enjoyed, too, seeing as we had our celebration at the bar where there were a half-dozen flat screens, a pool table, and more beer than they could ever drink.

“Is Uncle Rob home yet?”

“He’s in the garage out back, sweetie. He only went and bought a shell of a Harley and is determined to rebuild the damn thing. Why don’t you go say hi and ask if he wants an iced tea?”

“Okay.” Holly raced off with Kenny at her side, both of them trying to outdo one another as they made the corner at the end of the house.

Taking a moment, I looked around at my best friend’s house. This was the first time I’d been here at her home in person, and I was regretting the delay. They’d bought themselves a huge plot of land and built their dream home right in the center of the acreage. The large spread of the one-story house was tucked away in a nestling of trees and had a wrap around porch that was deep enough to fit a swing and some rocking chairs. The house was eggshell white, which was traditional, but the shutters, gables, and risers were painted royal blue.

“Meg, it’s gorgeous here. Y’all did amazing.”

Megan smiled and looked around as she looped her arm through mine. Pride was shining from her eyes. “I love it here, Kay, and I thought you may never get to see it. There’s a part of the layout I never told you about.”

“Really?”

“Yep.” She tugged on my arm. “Come on. I want to show you.”

We walked toward the big red barn that I could see held several dirt bikes and four-wheelers. There was a huge playground that protruded from the side of the building. There were swings, a slide, and a climbing frame that was made of colored rope. On the other side was a staircase, which was exactly where Megan led us. There was a small deck at the top with two Adirondack chairs facing the backyard, pool, and small copse of trees that surrounded the barn and house. Megan opened the door that led into the top of the barn, which I noticed had two huge portrait windows with the same view when she stepped aside.

“What’s this?”

“Go and have a look, loser.”

I rolled my eyes at the insult and stepped inside. The huge open space of the room had a kitchen, living room, dining room, and a small hall that led to the back, where I assumed there were bedrooms. The apartment wasn’t big by any stretch of the imagination, but it was homey and beautiful.

“Megan. What is this?”

“You’re one of the most independent people I know. I wasn’t sure we’d ever get you to come and visit, but if you did, I knew you’d be uncomfortable in the house with us. Sharing is just not your style. Some of Rob’s friends have stayed here when they’ve pissed their wives off, but we designed the space for you and Holly. We hoped this would be your home away from home.” She leaned in and bumped my shoulder with hers. “All Rob’s idea. He said it’s a fair exchange for all the free beer.”

“You guys are insane.” I moved to the center of the room and twirled, admiring the tall ceilings and the really cool antique fan that blew air down at me.

“We’re eternal optimists, and look, here you are, so we weren’t completely wrong.”

I threw my arms around her neck and squeezed. “You never have given up on me.”

“Wouldn’t be much of a friend or a sister if I went and did that now, would I?” She grinned and winked.

“I love you, Meg.”

The squeal from the door and the clomp of heavy work boots told me that we’d been joined by Rob and Holly. My daughter—after hugging Megan—stood in the center of the room next to me and spun with her arms spread wide, and her grin lighting her features.

Mouthing a thank you to Rob, I watched as he nodded and wrapped an arm around Megan’s waist before turning his attention to Holly and smiling broadly. I regretted not getting to know Rob better when they’d started dating when we’d been teens. They’d fought so often that I hadn’t considered they’d be where they were sixteen years later, but they fit together. I liked to imagine myself growing old with Dustin sometimes, and my vision was always so different but also always fit so well. I knew we would have been happy together. He would have taken one look at Holly and been in love with her, just like I had.

“So, we’re going to pick the brats up, and Rob is going to the grocery store. We’re grilling burgers tonight—then we’ll get the fire pit going and make some s’mores. Colorado ain’t the only place with that tradition,” Meg said, pushing Rob out of the apartment. “We’ll bring your stuff up when we get back, that way the kids can help. Kay and I will leave after the s’mores.”

“After dessert. Now there’s a surprise,” Rob mumbled, brushing his lips against her neck and softening her up before he led the way back down the stairs.