“How the fuck did I let you talk me into this?”
Tobias’ harsh words cut through Azrael’s internal thoughts, bringing him round to face him with a surprised expression. Tobias had been quiet for the couple of hours it had taken to lead them into the city that he had once escaped. Azrael had known that Tobias came from somewhere in the south, though farther north than the state of Florida, which they had already seen. Something told Azrael he had come from somewhere resembling the swampy lands they had already passed through on their travels. Tobias had been too quick to recite the various nasty creatures that could live in a swamp.
It must have been a great distance for Tobias to travel on his own, just shy of adulthood and traveling north through the country. Tobias had come to this city alone, a city he had begrudgingly named as Detroit. They were the only words Azrael had gotten out of the man and since then, everything else had been barely audible mumbling and grumpy-sounding grunts. Those had been the first words that Tobias had spoken in so long, that the heated tone behind them came as even more a of surprise.
“You truly hate this place then?”
That just earned him another grunt, which again lapsed into the expected silence. Azrael only sighed and slumped against the door, as he had been doing for the past hour or so. Coming here had seemed like a reasonable idea at the time, but as they grew closer and closer to the city, he was regretting having ever brought it up. A quiet Tobias was one thing, but a silent and surly Tobias was a much more unpleasant situation.
Tobias continued his glowering as they drove through the dark streets of the city. It was the first time Azrael had ever been in a city, and he wished they could have done this in the daytime. The streets they traveled through were well-lit, and people walked along with a total disregard for those around them. Colored signs were lit, advertising everything from convenience stores to strip clubs. Where the life of the mountains died and became ominous in the dark, the life of the city simply hummed a different tune when the sun set.
The area they were in looked much like the suburban sprawl that he had seen in other parts of the country. The greenery he had become so accustomed to was still prevalent here. Despite the expanse of metal and concrete, care had been taken to line medians and spaces beside the sidewalk with grass and trees. The many houses, though close together, still had at least a patch of grass to separate them from one another. It was an odd mix of the human world and the natural one.
It certainly didn’t smell like the cabin in the mountains and it smelled more like oil and trash than some of the areas they had moved through. The appearance of greenery was the only thing remotely similar to the tranquil forest. The city could transform so easily from the suburban area that he knew well enough, into rundown streets with half the homes boarded up and empty. It struck him as a bewildering place to live, never knowing exactly where the safe places were, and when you might stumble into danger.
Even though it had been years since he had been here, Tobias navigated it with a certain confidence that must have come from experience. Azrael couldn’t imagine that it had always looked like this, as every boarded-up home must have been standing and clean at some point. Then again, some of them looked quite old, and many of these neighborhoods could have been rundown for years now.
“Didn’t used to be this bad,” Tobias grunted, sounding angry at the thought. “Didn’t think it was possible, but it’s actually gotten worse out here. Fucking hell.”
Azrael would have preferred the moody silence over this edgy tone that Tobias was using right now. This was a side of the man he hadn’t seen before, even if he had only known Tobias for a handful of months. The tension rolled off of him in waves, palpable and very obvious to Azrael, who had been stuck in the truck with him for hours now. He was ready to get out of the vehicle and stretch his legs better than the short stops at gas stations along the way had afforded them. Now he was wondering if he should ask Tobias to turn them around and endure a few more hours in the truck just so that they could get away from here.
He would have thought that leaving behind the rows of crowded homes would have eased the tension in Tobias. Yet, as the residential areas gave way to large commercial buildings, Tobias seemed to withdraw more into himself, his body hunched over in muted anger. Azrael was caught for a moment by the sight of the towering buildings, all steel and glass, yet concrete at their bases. He had seen them from a distance, and his eyes hadn’t left them. Even as they drew closer, leaving the suburban sprawl behind them, his eyes traveled ever more upward.
The grandeur of it all was enough for him to forget, for a moment, about the angry man sharing a truck with him. Despite the harsh lines of all that dark metal and shining glass, it was a wonderful sight to behold. He knew, of course, about humans’ ability to create such grand structures, but it was something else entirely to witness first-hand the magnitude of their creations. He hadn’t dreamed that they could build so many in just one place. The reality of seeing the towers that spread far into the sky, above the reach of the brightest lights, was mind-boggling. The last time he had glanced upon humanity while on Earth, they were living out of grass huts, mud covered holes in the ground, and other dwellings of that nature.
Residing among the dead meant that Azrael had missed changes as they occurred. He hadn’t heard about some advances until years after they had been established. He knew that humanity had come far from its roots of living close to the earth, and that the world had been forever altered by their deeds. Once, he would have thought that he understood the human spirit and mind in every way. Yet, as he gazed upon just this small part of the world, altered by human hands to the point of being unrecognizable, he realized the error of his pride. The hearts of humankind might very well be the same, but their restless spirit had taken hold of the world, and harnessed it.
This marvel of human ambition also served quite well to drive away the darkness. The only true shadows were those that stretched between the buildings. Everything else, from the buildings, to the streets and sidewalks, were well-lit. It gave a sense of safety to the city, allowing humans to walk fearlessly. People in all manner of dress strode everywhere. Some were wrapped up in their phones, whether reading, tapping away, or simply talking on them. Others talked in small groups, or were lost in their own world as they walked the streets.
“The marvels of humanity,” he breathed in wonder, his breath fogging against the glass as he was so close to the window.
“Yeah, real fucking marvel of greed and ambition.”
The gruff words brought him back to reality, and Azrael pulled his face away from the window to look at Tobias. If anything, he had grown even more tense, and his driving was certainly showing more aggression than usual. Azrael really hoped that no one did anything foolish, for he felt that Tobias would be out of the truck, ready to fight in an instant. Tobias reminded him of the warriors he had seen on the eve of battle, so taut and brimming with insurmountable energy just waiting to be unleashed on to enemy lines as they spilled their blood upon the ground.
Tobias glanced at him as they came to a stop at a light, a flicker of various emotions passing over his face too fast for Azrael to read. He watched as Tobias visibly relaxed his grip on the steering wheel, rolling his shoulders in an effort to loosen them. His face relaxed a few degrees, making the harsh shadows cast by the street lights look less foreboding. He still looked angry, but at least he didn’t look the tiniest push away from leaping for someone’s throat and mercilessly trying to tear it out.
Azrael decided to risk it and cleared his throat. “Do you have somewhere in mind where we will be staying?”
“I know a place, not far from here. Gonna have to park in a parking garage though.”
“Meaning?”
“I get to pay a ridiculous amount of money just to park my truck. You’ll get to gawk at the city some more as we walk to the hotel I know. Decent enough place.”
It was then that he thought about the money that Tobias had been spending this entire time. Not once had Tobias brought it up, and until now Azrael hadn’t thought about the expenditure. Yet, with Tobias’ words, Azrael realized how much Tobias could have been spending. The man had uprooted his entire life, put his immortal soul in danger for him, and was now spending what savings he had on this trip.
“If there is a way that I am able to pay you back for all that you have spent Tobias, I assure you, I will do so.”
“Could always sell yourself, that’s one way to make money around here.”
Azrael paled. “Prostitution?”
Tobias’ sharp gaze flicked to him as he snorted “I’m kidding, Az. I never want you to sell yourself, okay? No matter if we end up broke and living off of fast food worker funds, you are never going to have to sell yourself, you got me?”
The return of the heat in Tobias’ voice took Azrael by surprise, sensing a source of anger that he couldn’t quite pinpoint. Yet, he nodded all the same, noting that Tobias saw his gesture by the relaxing of his shoulders once more. It seemed that even when the man had soothed his highest level of tension, he was still wound tight, ready to snap at the slightest thing. It was going a long way toward making Azrael feel anxious himself.
The parking garage that Tobias mentioned turned out to be a poorly lit structure of spiraling, covered paths for the truck to navigate. Azrael was sure more than once, as they crept up the structure, that they would surely hit a sign, or scrape the concrete beams that stretched across the ceiling of each floor. It was a small, cramped area to maneuver through, and he didn’t like it one bit. Tobias seemed utterly disinterested in the whole thing, finally finding a spot he could safely squeeze the truck into.
It wasn’t much better when they exited the truck either. There were lights, of course, stuck to pillars of concrete at regular intervals along the length of the parking garage. Yet, they were quite dim, producing more gloom than illuminating anything. Azrael found that he kept watching the shadows as Tobias fought to pull out what they would need while staying here. Everything was thrown into darkness if one journeyed too far from the solace of the streetlights, it seemed, and he didn’t favor the fragile safety.
“Don’t go wandering off,” Tobias told him as they made their way to the stairwell, helpfully indicated by a dully glowing sign. “I really don’t want to have to go combing through the city to find you. A lot of bad shit happens around here, okay? It might not look like it’s all that bad, but there’s always something waiting around the corner.”
Azrael sighed, “Tobias, I spent millennia ministering to the dead, hearing their stories and minding their tales. Do you really think I never came across millions who lived and died in the cities of mankind? The richest to the poorest, the healthiest to the sickest, men, women, children, so many of them who died in places just like this. From accidents, to violence, so many came to me with their stories. I am well aware that danger lurks in the city. Unless the cities of the modern world are somehow less dangerous than those of Rome, Constantinople, Egypt, or any number of ancient civilizations, then I can say I have an idea.”
Tobias took the stairs one at a time, seeming to purposefully pace himself. “Fair enough. But do you know what the danger looks like? Do you know where the bad parts are, or what someone looking to cause trouble might act or look like? You know there’s danger, but do you know how that danger appears?”
Azrael didn’t answer, and he didn’t have to. He could claim to know much, based off the history of humanity that he had gleaned from the dead. Second-hand knowledge based on someone else’s personal experience, was better than nothing at all, but it didn’t compare to one’s own lived experience. Tobias obviously had plenty of that, and his anxiety seemed to stem from being back in this place once more and worrying over Azrael’s well-being.
“What happened here?” Azrael asked suddenly, the question leaving his lips before he could ponder the proper timing of it.
Tobias never missed a step. “A lot.”
There wasn’t really anything he could say now that wouldn’t result in him pushing Tobias to talk about it. True, he had never shown much hesitation about that before, at least not when he felt that Tobias should open up. Yet, he didn’t think the middle of a stairwell in a parking garage was the appropriate time or place for that sort of discussion. Perhaps once they were settled into the hotel room, and Tobias could relax a little, he might push the subject more.
The wonder that struck him as soon as they left the garage was immediate. The full effect of the city had been lost on him from within the truck. Now, each and every towering building stretched up above him, reaching high into the sky for what felt like miles to his mind. The sky was clear and he could see each building framed against the purplish backdrop of the night. There were no stars; the city was far too lit up to see anything but the moonlight above them and even that seemed dimmer in comparison to the lights around him.
“Did He know what mankind would one day aspire to be?” Azrael asked, earning him only a glance from Tobias, which he took as a somewhat good thing. “Did He know the heights that they would attain after existing for so long? This world is a marvel, Tobias, even if you cannot see it at times.”
That earned him a derogatory snort that Azrael was easily able to ignore. It was such a bizarre feeling, standing at the feet of these giants that housed humanity. Some were probably for business of course, but so many of the tall buildings were lit up from within as well. Millions of souls milled about within the city blocks around him, all ensconced in these buildings that sprawled outward and upward like bones of the earth, shaped for use by humanity.
While they were silent as they walked to wherever Tobias was bringing them, the streets were not. Azrael was sure there weren’t nearly as many people out and about as there would be come morning. Yet here, in the few city blocks that they walked, there were more people than anywhere else they had traveled. And, where the crowds they encountered elsewhere had usually all looked similar, people here were sometimes as different from one another as the sun and moon. Some wore expensive-looking suits, while some wore little to no clothing—those were typically the younger ones—while others walked in conservative, sometimes ratty clothing. People milled all about, their lives intersecting with one another in only the barest of ways.
By the time they reached the entrance to the hotel, Azrael felt almost dizzy, his head moving too quickly, and the buildings too tall. He all but stumbled into the lobby as Tobias pushed past the doors, glancing back to eye Azrael with a flicker of concern. Azrael waved him off, feeling more centered than he had before, as Tobias made his way to the nearby desk manned by a polite-looking woman in a uniform.
The elevator proved to be a unique experience, and he wasn’t sure if he really liked the swooping feeling his stomach gave as it surged upward. Tobias seemed vaguely amused as Azrael staggered off the elevator, eyeing it speculatively before following him to the room. He remembered the first time they had a room, and he had been expecting a key of sorts, but instead Tobias had slipped a card into a strange device with a slot on the handle. Opening the door revealed a comfortable-looking hotel room, a space that was even split between the living room and bedroom.
“This is nice,” Azrael commented as he eased into the room behind Tobias and gazed around. Tobias said nothing, crossing the plush carpet toward the bathroom. Azrael heard the sound of another door closing, followed by the sound of running water, signaling that Tobias had discovered the shower. Then again, it seemed like Tobias knew the layout pretty well from the way he quickly flipped lights on throughout the room as he passed.
Wondering over the implications of that, he sat down on the couch and gazed absently at the TV as he reclined back. He hoped that when Tobias emerged, he would be in a better mood than when he’d entered. Even if he hadn’t been snapping at Azrael, he was brimming with all manner of aggression and anxiety that was feeding Azrael’s own concerns.
He had been the one to encourage Tobias to come here, however, and he hoped that his idea of bringing some closure to the man’s life would prove helpful. For now, though, it felt as if he had dragged Tobias back to his own personal hell, or at least one of them. He knew that sometimes, in order to move on from pain, one had to face it head-on. He had seen it time and time again in his ministrations to the dead. He had seen this anger, this unwillingness to do anything, even when all the possibilities were laid out in front of them. Azrael had never minded before, as he’d had all the time in the world to help.
Now, it was different, due to the fact that their time was more limited, and that he loved Tobias in a way that he had never loved any other soul he’d met before. In some ways, he wondered if this love rivaled even that which he had for the Almighty. It was certainly enough to make him turn away from his brothers in defiance, so it was, perhaps, at least equal. This same love, though, made him unable to stop worrying incessantly about Tobias.
This, perhaps, could have waited until another time, and he probably should have allowed it to pass, rather than pushing for it. Yet, the moment had felt right, at least at the time. He had trusted his intuition that Tobias was ready to face another demon from his past, even if Tobias himself was less than eager to make the attempt. In fact, despite Tobias agreeing to be here, and not blatantly taking his anger out on him, Azrael felt as if Tobias was enraged, but merely holding himself back.
It was an anger he knew very well, and he would understand if that was how Tobias felt. Even though he knew that Tobias had made the choice to come here, and that in the end it had been his decision, he would still understand. It would hurt, of course; the thought of Tobias being angry with him wounded him deeply, and he had been facing that very real possibility for several hours now.
All he could do was hope that his instincts had been right, and that this would ultimately be a good thing for Tobias. He sincerely hoped that this would just be a more direct, if not a rougher means to excise the past traumas that festered in Tobias. However, Azrael began to wonder if it could be the beginning of a new problem for him, one that created a rift between himself and Tobias. It felt like an overly dramatic thought, but he worried it could be a very real possibility.
Being human was…exhausting.