At her age, Vivian had discovered a great many things about life. One of the most important things she had learned was that it was full of mysteries and surprises, no matter how old you were. Just when you thought that the universe had given away its last little secret, it would spring another surprise on you without a care as to how you would react. People were a bit like that as well, though they rarely surprised her in a good way.
Finding Tobias as an adult had been one of those little surprises. She had given up any hope of having a connection with her blood kin after the few she’d had contact with in her younger years had passed on. The last time she had seen the man, he was a boy, not yet at the cusp of puberty, tearing around his parent’s backyard, blond hair flying in every direction as he excitedly babbled nonstop. That little boy had sparked a fierce love in her at the time, even as she grit her teeth against her great niece’s inane, empty-headed rhetoric constantly playing in her ear. She remembered thinking how much of a tragedy it was, that this bright and colorful child was unknowingly trapped in the black and white world of his parents.
The irony was that it would be a black and white picture that she’d seen him in once again. She had long since adapted to the age of information, charmed utterly by the plethora of gadgets and gizmos. The internet proved to be a wonder in and of itself, and she had taken to it with a passion. Everything from her scheduling, to her research, to her monthly art and history magazines, could be found on there. It was in one of those magazines that she stumbled across the picture of a small group of people, their names listed in small font at the bottom, surrounding a large wooden statue. The value of the artifact was interesting, but there was a somber face in that group that she recognized, and the name at the bottom confirmed it.
Even if his name had not been so obviously printed, she would have known the man even though it had been over a decade since she had last seen him. The one good thing he had ever gained from his parents was that he had his mother’s eyes, even as a child. Those eyes, and the haunted cast to his face stared back at her as she worked to find out where the picture had come from. It was easy, then, to discover the town and make a few calls to get the information that she needed. She hadn’t dared hope that he might want anything to do with some aunt he had met only as a child, but she had written the letter all the same.
Now here he was, sprawled out in her back garden, looking nothing like the man in the picture that she had stumbled across. There were no signs of premature aging in his face, and when his eyes looked around, the almost haunted light was completely absent. A smile came easily to his face, and his laugh was almost the joyful one she had remembered from that small boy all those years ago. Where the picture she had originally come across made him look nearly middle aged, now she saw a man who looked barely old enough to be ready for college.
The source of his laughter, and most likely of his joy, was the man who leaned against him, murmuring softly in his ear. From her position at the window, she could see the devilish little smile on Azrael’s face as he spoke softly. The man always spoke so quietly, but somehow you always heard what he had to say, even though you had to listen carefully. She liked that about him. He said very little at times, but there was great thought and care behind everything that he did say. His calm seemed to blanket everything around him comfortably, and she could see it smoothing out the edges of her nephew.
It was obvious how crazy they were about one another, and it warmed her heart to see it in action. They were far more reserved in their displays when there was an audience. She knew the ways of the world, but it curdled her stomach to think that Tobias had learned to be so fearful at the feet of his parents. It was a tragedy that he could not show this joy, this pure affection, so overtly as he did when he thought that no one else could see. How anyone could see the happiness that was shared between them and think less of it, was beyond her comprehension.
Her fond smile turned to a private smirk when she saw one of their hands straying a little further south than was proper. Well, so much for pure affection and loving words. She laughed to herself and looked away, giving them the privacy she probably should have given them in the first place. That only meant that she would have to make a bigger show of her arrival to the backyard than usual. She didn’t want to see it any more than Tobias wanted to speak of it.
Instead, she busied herself with making them the juice that would go with their sandwiches. It had been quite some time since she’d had company in her home. Well, at least company that didn’t require tea and watercress sandwiches, at any rate. These two would have been perfectly happy with bologna, but she would no sooner have bologna in her home than Tobias would stroll around the place wearing nothing. They would take the roast beef sandwiches, with all the trimmings, and scarf them down happily. Lord knew those two could eat.
A thump drew her up from behind the fridge door, spotting a startled looking Azrael. “Oh! Vivian, I apologize. I did not know you were in here.”
“You hardly burst into my bedroom while I was in my underwear, Azrael. No need to look so embarrassed. Are you needing something?”
“Ah, Tobias was thirsty.”
Her eyes moved to the tray with the pitcher and cups upon it. “Then you can take that, and tell that lazy oaf to come and fetch it himself the next time he wants something.”
“You did not need to go through the trouble of making something, Vivian. We would have been content with water. And, I was the one who offered to get him something to drink.”
She glanced out the back window once more to see Tobias spread out on the grass in the sun. “He does look awfully comfortable, doesn’t he? I imagine he will be asleep soon.”
Azrael’s gaze turned to a fond glance as he followed her stare. “He has been working enough these past few years. If I can allow him even a few moments to rest easy, then I will strive for that. It is not always an easy task, however, as he is not prone to sloth.”
“I think that’s called being restless, dear. You have the strangest way of speaking.”
That gained her a quiet chuckle as he leaned against the counter. “Tobias has seen fit to remind me of that, numerous times. I suppose it is just a quirk of my personality.”
“Now now, ‘quirk’ sounds so demeaning. Embrace it, for a man who seems to have dropped out of thin air into his life, you bear the quality of dignity and thoughtfulness. Call it a virtue, instead. It sounds ever so much more appealing that way.”
“A virtue, then.”
She smiled at him before turning back to the sandwiches that she was making. It wasn’t just his speech that was a little odd; his whole manner was slightly off. There was something almost otherworldly about the wisdom that surrounded him. Yet, for all his wise bearings, he could be positively befuddled by the simplest of concepts. He had attempted to conceal it, but an idle conversation between her and Tobias over the matter of taxes had Azrael gazing at them in both curiosity and confusion. What kind of background enabled someone to be so empathetic and connected with the people around him, while still being lost with what was perceived to be the simplest of worldly matters?
She knew the sort of evasion she would receive at that sort of question, however. “Tell me, Azrael. Is my nephew happy?”
With her back to him, she couldn’t see his face though she could hear his guarded tone. “I imagine that he is. At least, I hope that he is.”
“Yes, yes, I’m sure that you want him to be happy, or at least I would hope you do, dear, otherwise I have completely misjudged you. What I asked was is he happy? The both of you can be so private about personal matters; each person is afforded their own secrets, so I won’t begrudge you that. But I know that man has been through a lot in his short life, as his eyes show it. I can guess a small amount, being that we come from the same zealot-filled family. But is he growing beyond that? Is he learning to love and be happy?”
Azrael’s silence extended long enough that she set aside the knife she was using to slice the tomatoes and turned toward him. She was almost visibly startled by the sight of him standing in a shaft of light, scrutinizing her with an unknowable expression. Tobias had seemed older in his picture due to whatever heartache plagued his life, but Azrael now appeared older simply by the very aura that he gave off. She was struck by the strangest thought, that she was witnessing years and years worth of experiences and memories being dug through, many more than the years she had lived out on Earth.
It was gone in an instant when he smiled, his almost golden eyes lighting up. “You are, as Tobias has said before, ‘something else,’ Vivian.”
Recovering herself, she scoffed lightly. “You are aware that that is not typically meant as a compliment around here, correct?”
“I assure you, I mean it as one. You bear a great many sharp edges, and you are not afraid to carry on a conversation. One could almost believe that you live in a world only of your making and nowhere else. Then you speak of things in such a way that shows just how much you truly do notice. Yes, I do believe that he is learning to be happy once more, but he never forgot how to love. If anything, he has been my teacher in that.”
“In other words, I have a big mouth, and I’m rude, but I’m less self-absorbed than you thought I was when we first met,” she translated for him, raising a cocky eyebrow. His warm expression never changed, however and she deflated, sighing. “Thank you, Azrael. You are too kind to a cranky old lady. But I am glad that he is happy, and I am definitely glad that you help to make him happy.”
Azrael chuckled once more. “You know, he does the same thing.”
“And what would that be?”
“Presents a mask of scathing or bitter wit, concealing the softer emotions beneath it. I did not know if the same tactic would work on you as it does with him. You two really are very much alike.”
Huffing, she turned back to the cutting board. “Now you are just causing trouble, Azrael. Speaking of which, your name is most curious. I do not believe I have ever met someone with your name before. Other angelic names certainly, I even knew a child whose name was Uriel. Yet I have never met anyone who bore the name ‘Azrael.’ Did your parents know the meaning behind the name when they gave it to you?”
“I chose it for myself, actually.”
“Really? What an interesting choice. You weren’t fond of your given name then?”
“One’s name can make one’s life, and I felt that it was appropriate. So that is who I am.”
“In my time of studying and collecting, I came across a great deal about names. Did you know for instance, that there was a school of thought that stated that everything, from the blandest rock, to the greatest of humanity, had multiple names? It also said that one’s True Name was the entirety of their existence, so to speak one’s True Name was to speak of their entire being.”
“That sounds like a terribly long name to possess.”
“That is what I thought once upon a time as well, but a mystic I met once explained it to me. Apparently, one’s True Name is not a matter of stringing together syllables. In order to know a person’s True Name, you must know them, to be able to reach into their soul and recognize the song that plays within it. Simpler things, such as rocks and even simple plants were easy names to learn, but for an intelligent, self-aware being? Could you imagine?”
“That sounds like a great deal of power to possess.”
She laid out the various sliced components onto the bread. “I thought the same thing. The mystic spoke with such reverence and even eagerness, but I remember feeling cold when he explained it. How learning a person’s name meant learning about their soul, in an almost simultaneous process. That to have their name was to have their soul in your hand. It sounds like a dreadful power to possess. Thankfully, humans are so prone to change, that True Names can change inside even a year’s time. Still, I remember that conversation with a sense of dread.”
“What brought this memory to the surface?”
“Ah, just your quip about your name being your life. It brought back memories of that creepy little old man, who was far too keen to touch me than I would have liked. I was quick to leave after he was done talking. He disappeared shortly after that.”
Azrael poured himself a glass of juice, Vivian noticing that he seemed to have forgotten his task of delivering some to Tobias. “I am sure that you experienced quite a few interesting things, with the work that you did over the years. Being a student of the occult must have lead you to your fair share of interesting, if occasionally unsettling people.”
“Oh I was hardly a student of the occult, my dear. More of an academic and collector than anything else. I never tried to practice anything that I discovered. Even when I did not believe one whit of it, I couldn’t bring myself to try it. Hell, some of it was absolutely horrible to even think about. You would not believe some of the rituals and rites that I discovered over the years. Bloody sacrifices, murders, incest, though they would call it in the modern day ‘selective breeding.’ Even the things that weren’t immediately horrible were unsettling in their own way. I believe in those things now, more than I once did, and that makes me even less willing to try it. I’m far too old now to attempt manipulating the very essence of Creation.”
“Still, I am sure you have had your fair share of adventure.”
She paused after closing the fridge door to peer at him. “Azrael, dear. You may be wise beyond your years, and exceptionally handsome, but you aren’t being particularly subtle at the moment. Is there something specific you wished to ask?”
Azrael shifted guiltily. “There was a book that you have, just off of the library.”
“Don’t look so guilty, dear. I imagined you would eventually notice the door once you were done gazing about at every other book in the library. I forgot to tell you that you were welcome to look at them, so long as you didn’t touch anything, as they’re quite old and fragile. Oh, oh dear, you didn’t…touch any of them, did you?”
Azrael shook his head. “No! I was careful, there were far too many tomes of a great age in there for me to want to risk destroying them. But there was one, with a symbol on it that I thought I recognized.”
Vivian placed the sandwiches onto separate plates and then onto the tray. “I had forgotten that I had yet to put that particular book back where it belonged. Interesting that out of all the ones there, you would take notice of that one.”
“I suppose it caught my eye.”
Vivian eyed him carefully, searching his face for any sort of danger. It wasn’t that she truly believed that Azrael was a threat, or at least she hoped that he wasn’t. That book, however, above any other in her collection, could bring a great deal of trouble into her life. The last thing she wanted was for someone to have discovered she had it and find a roundabout way to get into her home to steal it. Seeing only curiosity there, she chided herself for her paranoia as she slipped on the proper shoes for stomping around outside.
“It is, supposedly, a one of a kind book on the nature of angels…or Creation. The person I spoke to was a little vague on the details. I have never been able to bring myself to get rid of it, but I keep it locked away. I apparently didn’t remember to put it back, in the rush of having the two of you coming to visit.”
“Was this person the same one you received the book from?”
“Yes, sadly I never saw him again after that, or I would have returned it. If only to see him once more, he was quite easy on the eyes.”
Azrael blinked in confusion at her. “Easy on the…?”
Vivian laughed lightly, pushing the tray toward Azrael. “Yes, easy on the eyes. An exceptionally good looking man who I enjoyed looking at. Much like you. Now use those muscles to carry this tray out back. Let’s see about waking up that lazy nephew of mine and having lunch.”
She laughed in delight at the flush of embarrassment on his face as he carried the tray toward the table she kept out back. Surrounded by the shadows of the back porch, she was able to linger, watching Azrael patiently make his way to the covered table, and carefully setting the tray down before moving over to where Tobias lay. As they had predicted, Tobias was fast asleep and Azrael was forced to gently wake him.
There it was: that look that was only shared between lovers. In it, she saw every couple that had ever looked at one another with love in their eyes. It was obvious that they shared something special between them, just as she had once shared the very same with James. In it, there was warm promise, and long nights of whispering across small spaces in the dark.
“Hold onto that,” she whispered to them, though of course they couldn’t hear her. Despite how much talk there was of communication and support being vital in a relationship, those shared looks were just as important. They were what kept you warm when a long night threatened to turn cold, and what kept the harsh woes of the world at bay when they threatened to overwhelm you.
Shaking herself free of the strange melancholy, she stepped out into the sun to greet them. It was all too easy to make a show of chiding them, or ‘giving them hell’ as her husband once said of her. However, she felt lighter than she had in years, seeing this one good thing return from her past. It was something real that she could hold to, and she felt a deep and fierce protectiveness over it. It may have been irrational, but she wanted nothing more than to make sure that those shared looks continued between the both of them.