Chapter 15

Eric

 

The ship was sailing today, so at least I didn’t feel guilty about blowing off another excursion to spend the afternoon naked in bed. Not that I really felt all that guilty. Being a tourist was fun and all. Getting laid by someone like Andrew? Totally worth skipping all those walking tours in the sweltering heat. I was still getting sweaty, so it counted, right?

Okay, so I wasn’t getting sweaty at the moment. We were naked, yes, and cuddled up in my bed, yes, but ever since we’d come back from lunch, we’d been binge-watching movies on the stateroom’s flat screen. Again, maybe not what I’d had planned when I’d booked the cruise, but it was a good excuse to recharge before we started turning each other on again. I swore we’d had more sex in the last few days than I’d had in the last six months, and I was all about getting as much as I could while we had each other.

Earlier, we did manage to leave briefly for breakfast, but we didn’t get much farther than that. After we’d come back to the stateroom, a “shower so we can go find something to do” had turned into a couple of mutual handjobs, and then more of the same after we’d tumbled into bed together.

And now…here we were.

As the credits rolled on an entirely forgettable movie, Andrew turned onto his side, facing me. “This is how vacations should be.” He ran his palm up my thigh on top of the sheet. “Lazy and indulgent.”

“I agree. I haven’t done nearly enough of this in a long, long time.”

“Same.” His hand continued up to my hip, where it rested, warming my skin through the thin layer of fabric. Andrew kissed my shoulder.  “I’ve sure as hell never done a vacation like this before—holing up and getting laid as often as I can handle.”

I laughed, wrapping an arm around him as he trailed soft kisses toward my neck. “Neither of us is going to be able to walk by the end of this cruise.”

“Worth it,” he murmured against the base of my neck.

“Uh-huh.” I shivered, sucking in a breath through my teeth as his light kisses raised goose bumps all over my skin. It had been a couple of hours, but I swore I could still feel the lingering tingles of that last orgasm. Or maybe all those nerve endings were just coming back to life as he slid closer to me and explored every inch from my collarbone to my jaw like he’d never touched me before. His palm dipped beneath the sheet and down my belly, and my spine arched with anticipation. Andrew may have needed a little guidance in the beginning, but he’d seriously gotten the hang of getting me off with his fingers, and just thinking about it had my pulse soaring.

He curved his hand over my thigh and pulled it against him, parting my legs and making his erection brush my hip. I gasped, and he groaned against my throat.

“Getting turned on, are we?” I purred.

“Mmmf.” He teased me with his fingertips, circling slowly and gently like I’d shown him that first time, and as I moaned, he growled, “When am I not turned on when we’re in bed?”

I bit my lip, closing my eyes as his teeth grazed my skin and his fingers made deliciously perfect circles and swirls. Somehow, I still had enough of a brain to slide my own hand under the sheet to close my fingers around his cock, and the hot huff of breath he released made me shiver again. For a long moment, neither of us really spoke. We just teased each other and breathed and every once in a while whispered something profane. Eventually, he lifted his head and found my mouth with his, and now—God, now it was perfect. Kissing him, stroking him, loving everything he did with his patient, steady hand…fuck, yeah.

As turned on as I was, and as deft as his fingers were, he could’ve gotten me off in no time, but he was in no hurry. I loved that. Fucking loved it. He wasn’t just in this for the orgasms—he enjoyed everything leading up to them. We didn’t even have to fuck, either. We did—a lot—but we spent plenty of time just like this, too. Kissing lazily. Letting the arousal and the need for release build until it was unbearable. Savoring that slow, steady build.

Andrew broke the kiss and whispered, “I’m curious about something.”

“Yeah?”

His fingers slowed a bit, and he held my gaze, looking almost as shy as he had on that first night when he’d second-guessed his bold approach. “Do you, um… Do you like oral? I mean…receiving?”

My toes curled as much from his touch as the suggestion. Nodding, I whispered, “Oh yeah.”

“So if I…” He bit his lip.

I slid my hand down over his. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s not that. Actually, I’d like to try it. It’s kind of new for me, but I want to.” His forehead creased. “If it’s what you want, I mean.”

I moistened my lips. “I certainly like it, but if it’s not something you want to do, that’s fine.”

“No, I do. Now that I have half a clue how to do it, I…” He chuckled self-consciously. “Kind of eager to try it now, I guess.”

“Half a…” I cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I…” The color in his face deepened. “I wanted to reciprocate, you know? But since it’s something new, I…” He laughed again. “While you were at the gym yesterday, I…Let’s just say I’m probably not going to be allowed on the computers in the ship’s library again.”

I burst out laughing. “You’re joking.”

“No.” Red-faced, he shook his head, but he was laughing too. “I mean, no one said anything, but I’m sure somebody somewhere is keeping track of these things.”

“Probably, yeah.” I caressed his cheek. “And yes, I do really like it, so if you’re really game, I’m not going to stop you. Just…it sometimes takes longer for me to come that way. It doesn’t mean you’re not good at it if I don’t get off right away.”

Andrew smiled. “So, you’re saying I have time to figure out what I’m doing?”

“All the time you need, baby.”

The smile broadened. No—relaxed. Like his nerves were dissipating the more we talked about this. “Then I want to.”

Oh God. Oh God, yeah…

He lifted himself up and pushed the sheets back. As he started to move downward, I stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Wait. Put a condom on first.”

He cocked his head. “Why?”

I grinned. “Because I love getting fucked right after someone’s gone down on me, and I want you ready to go.”

His breath hitched. “Oh. Well, in that case…” He leaned across me, tore a condom off the strip, and quickly put it on. “Now. Where was I?”

“Turning me on, last I checked.”

Andrew flashed me a wicked grin, dropped a quick kiss on my lips, and started down my neck. Whether it was nerves or because he liked teasing—maybe both—he took his sweet time. He kissed along one side of my neck and onto my collarbone, and paused for a gentle bite. His lips skated across my skin. Paused here and there. Sometimes his tongue darted out and left a tiny wet spot.

He’d taken it to heart when I’d mentioned my right nipple felt too weird to stimulate, but he devoted plenty of time and attention to the left before he continued down my abs. And of course, even along my abs and my hipbones, he was in no rush. By the time he settled between my legs, I was ready to come unglued.

Glancing up at me, Andrew pressed a soft kiss to my inner thigh. “Might be a little…I mean…” He laughed self-consciously, cheeks turning pink. “I assume there’s a learning curve to this, so…”

“It’s okay.” I stroked his hair. “Just don’t be rough, and you’ll be fine.”

“Duly noted.”

And then…he went down on me.

Some guys were cautious to the point it felt like revulsion. Like they were doing something they didn’t really want to do. Taking one for the team.

I shouldn’t have been surprised that Andrew wasn’t like that at all. He was cautious, but it was different. His lips and tongue were gently exploratory—sliding softly over every sensitive place as if he were mapping them out and memorizing them. It didn’t do much for me yet, but he also wasn’t doing it hard enough to make it hurt, which was definitely a point in his favor.

After a few minutes, his mouth started becoming more insistent. Not aggressive, not rough, just less self-conscious and more determined. He licked circles, and he sucked gently, and he made more circles, and whenever I moaned or whispered “yeah,” he’d keep doing whatever had driven my response. At some point, it ceased to be just okay with occasional little flickers of pleasure, and became something dizzying and electric. Especially when his tongue found a smooth, unhurried rhythm of soft circles around my cock. Not hard enough to be too much, but definitely with enough pressure to make my breath come harder.

“For what it’s worth,” I panted, “you’re…doing pretty good on that learning curve.”

He hummed softly, the vibration making me gasp, and another languid circle with his tongue made my back arch off the bed. Whoa, he really was lighting up all my nerve endings and awakening the first crackles of an orgasm. It would still take him a while to get me off—and not everyone could get me off like this—but he was on the right track.

Andrew wasn’t exploring anymore. He’d found his rhythm, found the perfect way to swirl his tongue and make me levitate off the bed. We had the perfect feedback loop going. He’d tease some delicious pleasure to life, and I’d respond, and he’d do it some more, and I’d respond some more, and…Jesus Christ, he was going to get me off.

“Oh God,” I breathed, sliding my hands through his hair. “God, yeah. That’s…perfect.”

He hummed again and kept right on doing what he was doing. I couldn’t help rocking my hips to rub against his mouth. He didn’t apply more pressure—just stayed steady and let me do the rest. Holy fuck. Holy fuck.

“Don’t stop,” I panted. “Fuck, I’m gonna come. I’m gonna come. God, baby, I’m gonna…”

Andrew tightened his grip on my hips, but his lips and tongue didn’t change at all, and the need to come—the inevitability of coming—swelled and intensified and had me arching and grabbing the bedsheets and holding my breath and—

The sound I made was loud and strangled and probably carried all the way down the corridor—maybe even to the upper decks—but I didn’t care. Not when I was coming that hard.

“Fuck me,” I pleaded, almost sobbing as I collapsed back onto the mattress. “C’mon…please…”

In a heartbeat, Andrew was over me and inside me. He didn’t just fuck me, either; he sat up on his knees, lifted my ass off the bed, and pounded me. Deep. Hard. Relentless. In seconds, I was soaring again. I didn’t know if I was coming again or if I was still coming from earlier, but it didn’t matter—my entire body shook with the intensity of an orgasm and Andrew’s violent thrusts. Every inch of me felt amazing, and I simultaneously didn’t want it to end and didn’t think I could take any more.

“Oh God…” Andrew’s short, sharp breaths and jerky thrusts gave him away—he was close. “Fuck…”

I rocked my hips to complement him, and was rewarded with a low, throaty groan. He threw his head back, eyes squeezed shut and the cords standing out from his neck, and he slammed into me once, twice, and then—

“Fuck!” His eyes flew open, and his body jerked as if he thought he could get deeper still. I kept my hips moving as much as I could until he shuddered and collapsed over me. “Holy shit.”

“Uh-huh. Jesus.”

Andrew pulled out, then collapsed on top of me, holding himself up just enough to let me breathe. I wrapped my arms around him, and for the longest time, we lay there, panting and trembling while I stroked his hair and the dust settled.

“I don’t think…I don’t…” I paused for a few more breaths. “I don’t think you’ll need to worry about doing more research. You’ve, uh, got it down pat.”

Andrew laughed between gulps of air. “Must’ve gone…to the right websites, then.”

I laughed too, and we both sounded drunk. I kind of felt drunk, too, and I loved it. Sex that ended with both of us giggling like idiots? It just didn’t get any better than that.

After a moment, he got up to get rid of the condom, and when he came back, he pulled the sheet up over us as I drew him in for a lazy kiss.

“We’re not going to be able to walk on that next excursion,” he murmured.

“Worth it.”

“Mmhmm.” He kissed me again, hands sliding all over me as he held me close to him.

I met his gaze. “You know, we should probably put some clothes on and go get food. Eventually.”

“Mmm, good idea. Want to try the Japanese place on the ninth deck?”

My stomach grumbled before I could answer. “Apparently I do.”

Andrew laughed. “Then what do you say we get dressed and go check it out?”

“Sounds good to me.”

 

***

 

I’d known I couldn’t put it off forever, but I’d hoped it would at least wait until after the cruise. Alone in a hotel room in Rome with a bottle of something strong? Fine.

Lying in bed next to Andrew, trying to sleep after some amazing sex? Not so much.

But there I was. While Andrew slept, I stared up at the ceiling, and no matter how much I tried to divert my thoughts to literally anything else, my mind went there: Chris.

Lately, when I’d let myself think about Chris, I’d dwelled almost exclusively on how things had ended. How much it had hurt to catch him in bed—in our bed—with another man. The bitter torture of sorting out everything we owned when I would’ve been happy just tossing in a match and walking away. Having to tell everyone we knew that, no, the wedding would not be happening.

Tonight, it wasn’t the ending that was consuming my thoughts, and I kind of wished it was. At least when I fixated on that, I could be angry. I could blame him and not think any deeper than that.

I’d known this was coming, though, and there was no point in fighting it anymore.

Closing my eyes, I let the rest of our relationship flicker through my mind. The emails we’d exchanged on a dating site before we’d finally worked up the courage to meet in person. That first date when we’d both been so nervous, we’d been giggling like idiots the whole time, right up until he’d startled me with that first kiss on the way to our cars. I hadn’t understood until that moment why either of us had been so freaked out, but right then, it had made perfect sense—because we’d seemed so well-matched when we’d emailed, and we’d both been hoping so hard that this was the real thing.

And as soon as he’d kissed me, I’d known it was.

Except…here we were now, in opposite hemispheres. I was in bed with another man. He probably was too. Or would be when it was nighttime where he was.

Sighing, I turned and gazed at Andrew’s silhouette. Why did I feel guilty about being here with him? Because damn, there was definitely some guilt eating at me, and it got worse the longer I watched him sleep.

I was closer to Andrew than I had any right to be. I was fresh out of a relationship, and we only had a matter of days before we either went our separate ways or tried to pull off the long-distance thing.

What makes you think you can put in the effort for a long-distance relationship? You couldn’t even put in the effort with the man who lived with you.

My heart sank. Oh God. That was true, wasn’t it? I didn’t feel guilty like I was cheating on Chris or disrespecting what we’d had—I felt guilty because I felt things for Andrew that I hadn’t bothered to feel for Chris in far too long. I felt guilty because I wanted to be something for him that I should have been all along for my ex-fiancé.

Chris cheated, the little voice in my head told me, but maybe anyone in his position would have cheated.

I squeezed my eyes shut, telling myself they didn’t really sting. No, I wasn’t giving Chris a free pass for cheating, but the more I thought about the last couple of years, the less I could blame him for looking somewhere else for something he wasn’t getting from me. I hadn’t been getting it either, and maybe if I’d been less of a workaholic, I’d have cheated too. I couldn’t say for sure. All I knew was that if I thought of myself as a blissfully happy member of a relationship who’d suddenly been blindsided by him cheating, I was only kidding myself.

So what the hell am I supposed to do now?

 

***

 

Sheer exhaustion must have taken over, because I did finally get some sleep. Andrew and I got up, took a long shower together, and then headed to the restaurant that had quickly become our favorite breakfast place.

Somehow, it didn’t smell as inviting or seem as bright and cheery as it usually did. Was it cloudy today? Gray overcast light instead of sunshine?

Nope, the sky was clear and blue, so it was probably just me looking at the world through tired, distracted eyes.

A gentle touch to my arm startled me, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

Andrew jerked his hand back, eyes wide. “Whoa. Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m…” I shook myself. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. But hey, are you all right? You’ve kind of been in another world all morning.”

I sighed as heat rushed into my cheeks. “I’m… I’ve just been a little preoccupied, I guess.”

He cocked his head. “Everything okay?”

Not really. Just looking at you reminds me of everything I should have done for someone else.

Fresh guilt rolled through me like a wave of nausea. I needed to do something about this ASAP, or I was going to be a wreck for the rest of the trip.

“Look, I’ve…” I stared down at my untouched coffee. “This is about me, not anything going on between us, but I need…” I swallowed and forced myself to meet his gaze. “I need to sort some stuff out today. Tomorrow, I’m all yours. But today, I—”

“Okay.” He squeezed my hand. “I’ve bowed out to spend time with my parents, and we’ve both gone off to use the gym. I don’t have you on a leash, you know.”

I laughed halfheartedly. “Okay. Fair. Just…don’t think it’s because I don’t want to spend time with you.”

“I don’t. It’s fine.” He offered a shy smile. “And I’m on a gigantic cruise ship with twelve thousand forms of entertainment. I’m pretty sure I can handle an evening on my own.”

“I know, but you don’t mind?”

“Of course not.” He took my hand and laced our fingers together on the table. “Take all the time you need.”

As if I needed another reason to feel guilty. “Thank you. I’ll make it up to you after—”

“You don’t have to make anything up to me.” He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “I promise.”

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

Andrew smiled, his blush making my heart flutter. “No, I just know what it’s like to need some space sometimes. It’s really okay.” A wicked—if still faintly shy—grin spread across his lips. “Maybe I’ll go check out the casino or go to the theater. I mean it—I’ll be fine. I’ll probably go into town with my parents, and then I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t worry about me, okay?”

I’m not worried about you. I’m worried about neglecting you. And giving you a reason to—

“Okay.” I forced a smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”