Chapter 5

Eric

 

I was halfway through an internal pep talk, persuading myself to approach that beautiful gray-haired man over by the stage, when I sensed someone approaching me.

I turned.

And instantly forgot about the dude by the stage.

Because that was the guy. The one I’d literally run into.

He was here. At the mixer. Which meant he was queer. And he was…walking…this…way…

I stared at him, disbelieving. I wondered for a few seconds if he was just passing through, but he stopped. An arm’s length away from me, he stopped. By the grace of God, I managed to keep my cool—sort of—and say, “Uh, hi.”

“Hi.” He cleared his throat, turning red from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. “I was, um…” He gestured at my drink. “You looked like you could use a refill.”

I glanced down at the glass in my hand. When I met his gaze again, I grinned. “Is that a subtle offer to buy me a drink?”

“I don’t know how subtle it is,” he said with a self-conscious laugh. “But yeah.”

I smiled. I had to admit, the shyness peppering his confident exterior relaxed me. It was cute as fuck, too. “Well, in that case.” I lifted my glass a little. “Whiskey sour.”

He smiled too, and on top of the shyness was some relief. He seemed to be trying to hide it too, at least until he turned toward the bar and indulged in a little sigh and a roll of his shoulders before he flagged down the bartender. It was seriously adorable. Encouraging, too. I’d been off the market for a few years, and I was rusty at all this meeting and hookup shit. I had no idea how things worked anymore. But if the hottest guy in the room could be nervous and awkward, so could I.

With our drinks in hand, he faced me, offering mine with a slightly more confident smile than before. “Whiskey sour.”

“Thank you.” I paused as I took it from him, then extended my other hand. “I’m Eric.”

He shook it. “Andrew.”

“Where you from?” I brought the drink to my lips. At least being on a cruise gave us some conversation fodder; odds were good we didn’t live anywhere near each other, so our respective locales were a decent icebreaker.

“Des Moines. Originally from Nebraska, but Iowa’s just…” He waved with his glass. “Still flat and full of cornfields.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I drove across the Midwest once and thought I was going to lapse into a coma.”

Andrew laughed and…oh. Wow. So that was what people meant when they said someone’s smile could light up a room. How everyone around us didn’t suddenly look our way, I had no idea. Or maybe they did. I wouldn’t have known because my attention was focused on him and nothing else. Fuck—as much as I’d been tripping over my own feet watching him from a distance, I was lucky I could still think when I was this close to him. Especially since I couldn’t get over the fact that he’d approached me. I hadn’t even seen him walk into the club. Hadn’t had so much as a second to realize he was there so I could pull myself together and be ready for him.

He took a drink. “So, same question—where are you from?”

“Seattle.” I absently thumbed the rim of my glass. “And no, it isn’t always raining.”

Andrew laughed again, though the noise around us swallowed the sound. “Well, there goes everything I thought I knew about the city.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s all most people know about it besides the fact that our sports teams all used to suck.”

“Eh, not that I ever paid attention to that part,” he said with a shrug.

“You and me both. My ex was a rabid Seahawks fan, but I could never get into the game.”

Andrew wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, my older brothers were both football players from the time they were kids until they got out of college. By the time I understood the game, I was too burned out on it to get into it.”

“I can understand that. I got dragged to all of my brother and sister’s plays in junior high and high school, and to this day I’d rather eat garbage than go to a show.”

“What?” He put a hand to his chest and gasped dramatically. “You don’t like…” He looked around, then dropped his voice to a stage whisper. “You’re in a room full of gay men, saying you aren’t into musical theater?”

I snorted, bringing my glass to my lips. “I know, right? Scandalous.”

Andrew snickered. “Eh, I won’t tell if you don’t.”

We both laughed, but neither of us picked up the conversation. Silence fell, and I didn’t want to let it get too comfortable, so I cleared my throat. “Uh, did you go out on any of the excursions today?”

He studied me like he wanted to mention that we both knew that I knew he’d gone out today, but he must’ve taken it for what it was—something to keep the conversation rolling while we felt each other up. Out. Felt each other out. Jesus, Eric…

“Yeah,” he said. “It was nice. Hot as fuck, but it is summer in Spain.” He paused. “What about you?” And again—a silent understanding that, yeah, he knew I hadn’t gone out, but it was something to keep us talking while we found our footing.

“Eh.” I shrugged. “I decided to have an easy day.”

He smiled, nodding. “Vacations should be easy. I seriously thought about staying onboard today, but…” He gestured dismissively with his drink. “My parents paid for me to come on the cruise with them, so I didn’t want to blow them off.”

“Seems reasonable.”

“I, um…” He gulped, staring into his drink. “If I’d stayed onboard, it would’ve been kind of a…” Pulling in a breath, he looked right at me. “Last second decision.”

An image flashed through my mind of him staring at me this morning on his way past the pool, and my mouth went dry. “Oh yeah?” It was a struggle to speak at all, never mind loud enough to be heard over the music. “Why…why’s that?”

He made a not-at-all-subtle gesture of looking me up and down. “Thought the scenery on the ship was more interesting.”

My skin tingled and warmed all over. “Is that right?”

Andrew held my gaze even as some color crept into his cheeks. Faint creases formed on his forehead as if he were trying to hide how nervous he was. I thought I could literally feel his heart racing with anxiety. Or maybe that was mine.

I put my drink down and moved a little closer to him. “Now that you mention it, the onboard scenery has been pretty”—I mirrored his down-up glance—“spectacular.”

He gulped, shifting his weight. He started to speak, but then glanced around us, scowling. Turning back to me, he said, “It’s getting pretty loud in here.” He motioned toward the open doors leading out to the mostly empty deck. “You want to go out there?”

“Yeah, sure.” But as soon as I’d said it, I balked. “Before we do though…”

He cocked his head. “What’s wrong?”

My heart did its familiar oh shit surge, and I swallowed hard. Then I steeled myself and met his gaze. “Look, we both know what this is.” I gestured with my glass at the crowd of men getting cozy. “I’m pretty sure you came here for the same reason I did. Right?”

“To hook up?” He blushed as he said it, which was oh so endearing.

“Yeah.”

Silently, Andrew nodded.

“Right. So.” I cleared my throat. “Just so we’re not wasting each other’s time—you ever been with a trans guy?”

Andrew blinked. “I…no, I haven’t.” He didn’t sound disgusted, just caught a little off guard.

“Okay, well…” I gestured at myself.

Another blink. “Oh.”

“And yes, I still have some of my factory equipment, and yes, I still like to use it. So if that’s a deal-breaker, speak now.”

He held my gaze for a couple of long seconds before he shook his head. “No. No, it’s not a deal-breaker.” He coughed like he was trying to get his breath moving. “You might need to guide me a bit, but…” He gave me another slow down-up, and when he met my eyes, he grinned with what I could only describe as lustful shyness. “I’ll work with anything you’ve got.”

My toes curled in my shoes as a tingle ran up my spine. Game on. Grinning, I pointed at the doors leading out to the deck. “Outside?”

He looked the way I’d indicated as if he’d forgotten about his suggestion. After a second, he shook himself, smiled, and nodded. “Outside.”

We worked our way through the thickening crowd and out onto the deck. The night was hot, but there was a cool enough breeze off the water to keep it comfortable. There were some tables out here, most of them unoccupied, and we took the last one.

As he set his drink down, Andrew sighed, rolling his shoulders. “Oh my God. That’s so much better.” Jutting his chin toward the bar, he added, “I’m not used to loud places like that anymore.”

“No?” I leaned against the railing and sipped my drink. “Not your scene?”

“Not at all.”

“But you’re here tonight.”

“Yeah.” He nodded once. “Mostly because my phone doesn’t work out here, so I won’t get very far with Tinder or Grindr.”

I laughed. “Yeah, me too. This”—I motioned toward the bar—“isn’t really my scene either.”

“It isn’t? You seemed like you were in your element.”

I shook my head as I put my drink down next to his. “Nah. I don’t have the patience for it most of the time. But it isn’t like we have a lot of options on the boat, you know?” I met his gaze, and as he averted his to his drink, I stole the opportunity to rake my eyes over him. Good God, he was hot. We hadn’t closed the deal yet, but I could already see myself leaving teeth marks on those broad shoulders and wrapping my legs around that narrow waist.

I shivered, masking it as much as I could by casually taking a drink.

Andrew didn’t speak. Neither did I. Quiet settled in again. Normally I’d be alarmed and disappointed, thinking we didn’t have as much chemistry as I’d hoped. In this case, I suspected it wasn’t quite so simple. Or rather, it was as simple as the two of us wanting to skip the games and find the words that would lead us from here to a flat surface. Especially after I’d come out and said it, and he’d acknowledged it, and we both knew we’d come to this mixer to get laid, it was getting progressively more difficult to stay interested in small talk. Maybe conversation would come easier once we’d, well, come.

Still not speaking, Andrew gazed at something in the distance. So did I.

We were on the…port? Starboard? Whatever. The side of the boat facing the ocean instead of overlooking Palma de Mallorca. It was late, but the sun was still well above the horizon, and I remembered something a guide had told me about Spain being in a weird time zone. It was also still hot as hell despite the late hour and the sea breeze, and now that we were out of the air-conditioned bar, my jacket was getting uncomfortably warm.

I put my drink aside and shrugged off the jacket. As I did, Andrew cut his eyes toward me, and when he swept his tongue across his lips, my whole body broke out in goose bumps.

I grinned. “What?” Holding out my arms, I added, “Am I underdressed?”

“Underdressed isn’t the word I’d use.” He said it in a voice that suggested he’d have been tugging at his tie if he’d been wearing one. Oh hell yeah.

I hung my jacket over the back of a nearby chair and leaned my bare arm on the railing, trying my level best to look a lot more casual and a lot less nervous than I actually was.

Andrew cleared his throat. Twice. Then he put his drink on the tiny table beside us, rested his elbow on the railing, and faced me fully. Somewhere in the middle of all those gestures, he’d closed some of the space between us. It was a damn good thing I’d taken off my jacket—just standing this close to him made me hot all over.

“So…” He took a breath and looked me in the eye. “Have you, um, done this before? The whole meeting someone in a bar and…” He flailed his hand like he couldn’t quite find the words.

“Not for a long time, no.”

“Neither have I. So I’m probably not very good at it.”

“Well, since I haven’t done it in ages, I doubt I’ll notice.”

He held my gaze, then laughed so softly the distant noise from the club muffled it almost completely. “That’s a plus, I guess. I just, um…” He shifted his weight and looked out at the water as he pushed his shoulders back. When he turned to me, the words came fast and furious: “I suck at this, okay? All I know is ever since we crashed into each other the other day, I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to talk to you so maybe something would happen, and now that I’m here and we are, I—”

He stopped dead when I put my hand on his forearm.

“Relax,” I whispered, inching closer to him, so close our hips almost brushed. “If it’s not obvious, I want the same thing. So instead of tying ourselves in knots over how we’re supposed to do this, why don’t we just do it our own way?”

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “So…like…”

“You ever taken a man to bed before you kissed him?”

His eyebrows shot up. “I…no. No, I haven’t.”

I inclined my head and let my own raised eyebrows ask, Well? It was hardly below me to make the first move, but as nervous as he seemed to be, I wanted to follow his lead. Even if he needed some nudging to take the lead.

He hesitated, but then he snaked an arm around my waist. The contact—not to mention the shaky boldness—made my breath hitch. “This okay?”

“Uh-huh.” I licked my lips. “It’s more than okay.”

That seemed to give him a boost in confidence, and he drew me in closer. He leaned against the railing as he gathered me against him, and I was glad I’d lost the jacket so I could feel his hands sliding up my back through my thin T-shirt.

His eyes flicked from mine to my lips, and a shy smile came to life. “Would it be weird if I said I’ve thought about kissing you a lot since I first saw you?”

I laughed. “Well, if that’s weird, then we’re both weird.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmhmm.”

One more second of hesitation, and then he moved in for the kill. As soon as our lips met, his kiss gave him away. Yeah, he’d taken the lead when I’d offered it to him, but his lips were tentative. Cautious, even. Like he was terrified to do anything except what I explicitly wanted him to do.

I broke the kiss and looked in his beautiful eyes. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not usually this aggressive?”

“Why?” Andrew laughed, blushing again. “Am I that bad at it?”

I smiled and shook my head. “No, I can just see the gears start turning and you almost break a sweat before you make a move.” He dropped his gaze and started pulling back, but I stopped him. “I like it. Keep doing it.”

Andrew searched my eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

He swept his tongue across his lips. Then he moved in for another kiss, and oh yeah—that tentativeness was gone. His mouth was hot and demanding, but in a way that drew me in rather than making me draw back to keep from gagging. He teased and explored, and I teased and explored right back. Holy shit, I’d hit the jackpot. Not only was he hot and queer, not only was he into me despite being surrounded by men who could be supermodels, he was also a good kisser.

Please be as good in bed as you are right now.

As we broke away, I was out of breath. “Oh my God. Yeah, I really like this aggressive side.”

He laughed so adorably shyly, I almost swooned. Avoiding my eyes, he said, “Just, um, don’t get your expectations too high. This isn’t usually me.”

“Why not?” I ran my fingers through his short hair. “It seems to suit you.”

“The liquid courage doesn’t hurt.” He nodded toward his drink.

“You’re not nearly drunk enough to be able to blame it on the booze.” I smiled. “But either way, keep doing it.”

More of that shy laugh that was making my head spin. “I’m trying. I really am. I’m just…I’ve always done what I’m supposed to do, you know?” His expression turned serious. Almost sad. “Don’t make waves. Don’t make demands. But that hasn’t been working. So I decided to try a different approach.” He looked at me. “When I see something I want, go for it.”

My heart sped up. I’d been bowled over by the fact that he was into me. That he’d had to push back some serious nerves? Holy shit. “That must make you pretty nervous. Especially if it’s new territory.”

He laughed, and yeah, he sounded nervous as hell. “It’s, um, kind of terrifying.”

“Yeah, but you did it. And now you’ve got me.” I slid my hands up his chest. “What are you going to do with me?”

“I…” Shyness almost seemed like it was going to win, but then he looked right in my eyes and grinned wickedly. Smoothing my hair, he said in a low, sultry growl, “The things I want to do to you would get me kicked off this ship if we did them out here.”

My knees turned to liquid. “Maybe we should go someplace where no one will see us, then.”

“Maybe we should.”