Chapter 16

Andrew

 

The excursion into Valletta, Malta, was just like the one into Palma de Mallorca.

Not because the scenery was the same. In fact, it was a lot different. Valletta had a lot of smaller buildings clustered tightly together around a much smaller cathedral, which punctuated the skyline with a tall spire and a domed roof, as opposed to the enormous cathedral dominating Palma. The architecture wasn’t quite the same—Baroque, I thought I heard the guide saying. I couldn’t remember what it had been in Palma. Gothic, maybe? Whatever. To my untrained eye, the cities looked very different, but I was too distracted to really pick out how.  While the town of Valletta wasn’t at all like Palma de Mallorca, my brain could barely tell the difference because my brain was in the same place today that it had been on that outing—Eric.

Back then—what seemed like a lifetime ago—I hadn’t known his name. I sure as hell hadn’t known I would ever find out his name, never mind what it felt like to come down his throat or try to hold his bucking hips steady while I licked him to orgasm. All I’d known was I’d laid eyes on an incredibly sexy man, and hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.

Now I knew his name, and I knew every inch of his body, and…yeah, there was no way in hell I could stop thinking about him now. In part because I wanted him, and in part because I was worried about him. When he’d said he needed today to himself, he’d seemed…out of sorts. Distant. Not hostile toward me, or annoyed, or anything like that. Just preoccupied in a way I hadn’t seen before.

I hoped he was okay. Whatever was going on was none of my business, but that didn’t stop me from worrying.

Or missing him. There was no point in trying to convince myself I didn’t, so I didn’t bother trying. I liked him. I liked being around him. I…fuck, I liked him a lot. It was too soon to know if I loved him, or if I ever could love him, but this was the closest I’d ever felt to it. The most I’d ever wanted to feel it. Usually I was cautious about relationships and about putting names on feelings and thinking about the future.

Maybe it was because we had such a short, finite time together, and that made me think like this. Or maybe it was just him who made me want to shake off my usual cautiousness and be reckless.

All I knew was that I didn’t just want to fall for Eric—I wanted to dive in headlong and let the fear and the unknown add to the rush. Which scared the ever-loving fuck out of me because I didn’t do that. Especially not with a man fresh out of a serious relationship.

The tour led us to an outdoor café, and I sat down with my mom. Dad wanted to check out a shop on the other side of the plaza, but we both needed some shade and time off our feet, so we found a table.

Before we’d even ordered drinks, Mom asked, “Are you all right today? You’ve been off in your own world.”

“Yeah, I…” I exhaled. “Just thinking about Eric.”

Her features tightened. “Is everything okay between you two?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Totally.” I think? “He just needed a day to himself, and I’m worried about him.”

“He might just be tired, honey.” She shrugged. “Vacations are relaxing, but they’re tiring too.”

Especially when you’ve been spending it—

I cleared my throat. “Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve just gotten so used to spending time with him, it’s kind of weird not to be.”

She smiled. It was a knowing smile. Like she wouldn’t buy for a second that he and I had just become fast friends.

My face heated, but I didn’t say anything. We skimmed over the menus and ordered lunch. Tall glasses of ice water came, which I hadn’t realized I desperately needed until now. Had I really been so distracted I hadn’t noticed I was getting hot and thirsty?

Yes. I had. Why wouldn’t I?

I realized my mom was watching me, probably trying to read my mind. What would she think if she knew what was going on between Eric and me? In particular, how stupidly head over heels I was for someone I’d just met.

Without thinking about it, I blurted out, “He invited me to come to Rome with him after this.”

“Oh really?” She straightened a bit. “When?”

I drummed my fingers on the side of my glass. “Right after the cruise. For a couple of weeks.”

Mom’s eyes lit up. “Oh, that sounds like fun!”

“It does. It really does. But…”

She studied me, and her shoulders started to droop. “You’re not taking him up on it?”

“I…” I wiped a hand over my face. “I told him I needed time to think about it. And I keep wondering if I should go with him.”

“Then do it.”

I dropped my hand and stared at her. “What? You’re seriously encouraging me to wander off to a foreign country with a guy I just met? And who, by the way, just broke up with someone?”

Mom shrugged as she casually picked up her water. “If I hadn’t met the young man, I might’ve had some thoughts about it, but he really does seem nice. And I mean it—you seem happy around him.”

I am. More than I’ve been in…have I ever been?

I swallowed. “But he’s on the rebound.”

“So? You’re not eloping. You’re enjoying being with him, and you’re happier and more relaxed since you met him than you’ve been in a long time. I can’t imagine how any of that could be bad, even if it’s just a short-term thing.”

I stared at her in disbelief. “But… but what about my plane ticket home? And looking for a job?”

“Plane tickets can be changed.” She waved a hand. “And as for the job, he’ll probably have the internet in his hotel room, and you brought your laptop. Why not spend a little time on the job hunt each morning, and then go have fun with your boyfriend?”

Boyfriend. Jesus. Why did that make my heart flutter?

And why was my mom making so much sense? And how was she so onboard with this?

She took a deep breath and sat back in her chair. “Listen, I know you. And I know you’re worried about being reckless and taking a chance, especially on someone you just met, whether or not he was recently in a relationship with someone else.”

I blinked. Yep. She knew me all right.

“And it’s okay to be worried about it, but honey.” She shook her head. “Don’t let something like this pass you by. I know you just met him, but…” She paused, eyes losing focus for a moment before she looked at me again. “Your dad and I didn’t get married for a good three years, but you know what? I knew on the second date.”

I moistened my lips. “How?”

“The same way you know there’s something here with Eric. It doesn’t have to make sense. Sometimes you just know.”

“So you don’t think it’s stupid that I’m even thinking about staying in Rome with him?”

“No. Not after the way I’ve seen you light up around that young man. We brought you with us because it seemed like you needed a break from all the stress at home. I think it did you some good, too. But him? He’s done so much more. You’re happier than I’ve seen you in years.”

Wasn’t that the truth?

“So are you going to Rome with him?” she asked.

I exhaled, leaning back in my chair and staring up at the rich blue sky. “I don’t know. I want to, but…” All the reasons why I hesitated to join Eric in Rome made perfect sense in my head, so why the hell did they fall apart as soon as I tried to say them out loud? “If I stay with him, I’ll want to spend more time with him. And he’s probably not ready for that.”

“Listen, honey.” Mom pressed her elbow into the table and wagged her finger at me. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. Everyone does. And I know you’re the type who’s scared of making mistakes. You don’t like taking risks. You never have.”

I nodded. Trust my mother to know me that well.

“But sometimes not taking that risk…is a risk.”

“How do you mean?”

She folded her arms on the edge of the table. “You’ve got an opportunity. Taking it is a risk, but so is passing it by.”

“But I know what’ll happen if I pass it by. If I take it…” I waved a hand. “Who knows?”

“Exactly—who knows? And you might spend the rest of your life asking yourself that.” She inclined her head. “So tell me which you really prefer—taking the safe road and wondering what might have happened, or taking the risk and, even if it doesn’t work out, knowing?”

I gnawed the inside of my cheek as I avoided my mom’s gaze. She had a point. Not one I really wanted to consider, but a valid one.

So why couldn’t I make myself take Eric up on the offer?