Chapter Seven
I looked around the apartment one last time and let out a long sigh. Yeah, there was no reason for me to stay here a second longer. I just wished that I could come up with one.
It had been about three weeks since I had finished up my internship with Nate’s company, and I had long since returned to college to finish up the last of my exams and assignments and enjoy a few days worth of drinking my worries away and sharing my excitement at finally being done with everything once and for all. But the whole time I had been trying to enjoy myself, I had found that my mind was somewhere else entirely. Specifically, with a certain Nate Richards, the very same man who hadn’t bothered to say a word to me since I had finished up at his place once and for all.
“Are you alright?” Patricia had asked me at one of those nights out, when a handful of us who had been in the same dorm when we’d started at college decided to get together for one last hurrah. I guess I had been a little quieter than normal as several people across the course of the night has demanded to know what was up with me. I could brush off everyone else but I knew Patricia would need an honest answer if I was going to get rid of her.
“Just a little…bittersweet,” I waved my hand around the people sitting about the table. “All of this.”
“Yeah, it is,” she agreed with a sigh, that tipsy little haze that always came after she’d had a few drinks fuzzing up her sight a little. She suddenly leaned in and gave me a hug, which I returned. “We’re going to stay in touch though, right? Even after we’re done with all of this?”
“Of course we are,” I assured her. “Don’t…don’t worry about it. I’m done with losing people from my life. I’m not going to let it happen again.”
“I don’t think losing Matt was that much of a big deal,” she teased. I grinned. She was right about that, at least.
“Yeah, damn straight,” I agreed. “You want another drink? I could use one.”
“For sure,” she nodded, and I headed over to the bar to top us up once more. But it seemed that no amount of alcohol was going to get Nate out of my head.
In the weeks that followed the end of term, everyone seemed to be drifting around in some kind of stasis, not quite sure what to do with themselves. I had applied for a few jobs here and there and was trying to let myself get a bit loose and enjoy my free time, but I was a type-A workaholic even when I was in grade school and having nothing to do was starting to get under my skin in a big way. I scrubbed that apartment top to bottom, till I could see my face in practically every reflective surface in the house and until my knees were red-raw, and I still found myself grouchy around the edges knowing that I didn’t have anything I needed to do. If I hadn’t been so caught up in what happened with Matt and then with Nate I might have been better prepared to handle all this stuff, but stupidly I had let myself get distracted with boys and now I was stuck at an uncomfortable lose end. It didn’t suit me. It didn’t feel right.
And so, after a few weeks, I decided it was time to head down and spend a bit of time with my family. I hadn’t seen them properly since the holidays and even then I had one foot back in the city as I tried to keep on top of my assignments. It would be good to unwind for a while, to force myself out of the mindset of being in this place. And to put enough space between Nate and I that I would have no choice but to think about something else. I knew that as soon as I was through the door my mom would have thrust a dozen questions and tasks on me that all needed answering and taking care of right that second. The guerrilla method to getting over someone you liked: going home and offering to help out around the house a little.
I booked my tickets and called my parents and promised to stay for at least a couple of weeks, and as soon as I was all ready to go I felt a lot better. He was still there – Nate, at the back of my mind, where had had taken up residence for the time being – but I could at least pretend for a while that I wasn’t still crazy hung up on him. As long as I kept pretending that was true, it would eventually become my reality, right? I hadn’t told anyone about him, not even Patricia, as though speaking his name and admitting what happened between us would render all of it real, and I had every intention of just letting him fade to the back of my mind. Even though his touch, his kiss, his smile were all fresh in my memory.
As I packed a bag and prepared to leave my apartment, I found myself checking my messages and re-checking, as though by some cosmic twist of fate Nate would realize I was about to leave town and would have this passionate desire to see me again, to beg me stay. If I was flying back, I would half-expected him to be there at the airport, running through security, begging me to take him back. Maybe that was nothing but a fantasy. Maybe he’d been thinking about me all this time and would be heartbroken to know that I was going. But if it was the latter, he had done a damn good job of hiding that from me all this time. I hadn’t heard a whisper from him, not a message, not an email, not a bunch of flowers from a mysterious-but-not-so-mysterious sender. He was done with me, for better or for worse, and I had to move on.
I hooked my bag over my shoulder, checked I had my keys for the last time, and headed out the door. It felt odd, to be leaving this place after so long. I had lived here for the last couple of years and it was firmly and totally my home, even if I had had to share it with an asshole who was playing me for a fool for longer than I would have cared to admit to. Nate had never even seen it. I had never thought to invite him back here, not when I had seen how amazingly gorgeous his apartment was. I would have spent the whole time he was here wondering if he thought this place was some kind of hovel in comparison.
I stepped on to the train an hour or so later and left the city, feeling a pang of sadness as I pulled away from the station. Patricia knew I was going for a while, but then she was off visiting some other friends outside the city too. There wasn’t anyone else who I had to tell, and something about that made me feel…lonely. For so long I had had someone in my life who cared about where I was and what I was doing, who would ask how my day had been when I came in through the door. Even if it had been just to keep up appearances, it was still something. I missed that, more than I would have cared to admit. I didn’t want it with Matt again, not for a million bucks, but I thought, for a second there, that Nate and I might be able to share something not too far from it. I leaned my head back against the train seat and let out a long sigh, attracting a hard stare from the older man sitting across from me. I met his gaze steadily, daring him to say something, and he glanced away eventually. Yeah, I wasn’t in the mood to be told how I should or shouldn’t act.
I closed my eyes and tried to think about anything but the state of my love life. And maybe it was the movement of the train, maybe it was a low-level fear over what was to come in my life, or maybe it was something else entirely, but I realized I was starting to feel more than a little ill. I reached for my water, grimaced, and took a sip. The last thing I needed now was to be struck down with an illness just as I felt like I was finally leaving the worst of this year behind. Pressing my head to the window, just like I had done back in that cab as I drove away from the best date of my life, I tried to clear my thoughts and focus not on what was behind me, but what lay ahead. And for the first time in a while, I started to feel a little optimistic.
Chapter Eight
“Look, Mom, I’m just not sure that I feel like it-”
“Come on, Nia, you know you should get out there,” Mom chided me as she made her way around my bedroom, pulling open the curtains and tidying up clothes that I had laid out for that day. I got out of bed and eased them out of her hands, hugging them to my chest defensively.
“I’m just not sure I’m in the mood for some big…work thing,” I waved my hand vaguely. “What’s this in aid of again?”
“Your father’s new business partner,” she sighed, rolling her eyes at me. “You must remember? He told you all about it last night over dinner-”
“Yeah, I was still a little tired from the flight,” I admitted. “Sorry. I guess it must have just washed straight over me.”
“Must have,” Mom muttered, and I could tell she was irritated. I felt a wave of guilt wash over me, a common emotion when I returned to the house I’d grown up in – Mom had a way of pulling it out of me, even when she was trying to cheer me up, as she was doing now.
“You’ve been lazing around in here feeling sorry for yourself,” she pointed out. “It’ll do you good to get some fresh air and see some new people. I know some of the guys at the office have been asking after you…”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes right back at her, but I knew I would get myself a scolding if I dared and had no interest in explaining to Mom why I was so uninterested in meeting anyone new. No boys, not for a long time. But Mom had always been keen to hook me up with some of the people that Dad worked with, her beady eyes scoping out who would be the best father and the best prospect from a business perspective and then splitting the difference. Ever since she’d heard that Matt and I were done for (I had spared her the details, but she got the idea that getting back together was firmly off the table), she had been dropping hints about what was clearly a long list of guys that she had been curating enthusiastically since I left home all those years ago. And I was already starting to get a little tired by it. But I knew she meant well and that I would gain nothing by acting like an immature little baby about this, so I put a smile on and tried to keep my reactions as neutral as possible.
“Are they,” I replied mildly, and she sensed that I wasn’t completely closed off to this and pounced at once.
“Yeah, there are a few who – well, let’s just say they spotted your picture on your father’s desk and they’ve been asking after you ever since,” she beamed at me. I fought the urge to stick my tongue out in disgust. I didn’t want to be an ass, but that had to be the grossest fucking way I’d ever heard of a guy trying to pick up a chick. Just by eyeing the photo of me Dad had at work? How old was I in that thing, eighteen? If that?
“That’s sweet,” I lied through my teeth. “But I think I’m alright for the time being. Really.”
“You shouldn’t spend all your time moping around after Matt,” she perched on the end of the bed and reached out to squeeze my knee. “You know you have to move on sometime…”
“Yeah, I know,” I smiled at her. Little did she know that Matt wasn’t the one I was having so much trouble moving on from. No, he was nothing but a distant memory now – it was Nate, still fresh in my head, who was driving me so up the damn wall. I let my head fall back against the pillow, feeling like the consumptive lead in a tragic romance from the nineteenth century. Right down to being dragged out to a social event I didn’t want anything to do with. Yeah, I would just have to suck it the hell up and get on with it, because I knew that if I turned down this one then it wouldn’t take my mother long to come up with something else for me to go to. I ignored the churning in my stomach, which had been present since I’d woken up this evening, and held a hand up to her.
“I’ll go,” I agreed finally, with a long, dramatic sigh that I could sense her rolling her eyes at without looking. She paused for a moment, and I could imagine the way she was pursing her lips at my perceived lack of gratefulness at her so kindly dragging me out of the house.
“Wonderful,” she replied after a second or two. “I’ll dig you out a dress. I’m sure we can find something suitable for you to wear…”
“Suitable?” I lifted my head and raised my eyebrows at her playfully. “What is this, a cotillion?”
“Oh, stop,” she waved a hand at me. “I just want you to look nice for your father’s event, that’s all.”
“I shall expect the formal invitation in the post,” I propped myself up on my elbows and grinned at her. “Who shall be my suitor for the evening?”
“I’m sure I can dig you someone up,” she replied, cocking an eyebrow at me playfully – she played at being the dutiful wife and mother all the time but once in a while the veil would slip for a second and I would see this silly, fun side of her that had always been my secret favorite.
“I’ll be able to find something for myself to wear, honestly, don’t worry about it,” I climbed out of bed and winced slightly as I stood up – the blood rushed to my head and my stomach lurched a little and I placed my hand on the bedside table to keep from falling to the floor – or puking at my mother’s feet. She frowned at me.
“Are you doing alright?” She asked, touching my arm. “You’ve seemed a little…off recently.”
“Yeah, I’ve just been under the weather,” I shook my head. “You know what’s it’s like when you slow down after working your ass off for months on end.”
“Yes, I suppose,” she frowned at me. “You sure everything’s okay?”
“Yeah, really,” I nodded, even though it felt as though the contents of my stomach were shifting back and forth conspicuously inside of me. “I’m just glad to be back, that’s all.”
“Okay,” she pressed her lips together and eyed me for a moment longer, and for a second I felt as though I could have told her all of it – about Matt, and the details of why we’d broken up, about Nate, about that night at the restaurant, about how sure I’d been when I went home that evening that something was brewing between us. About how stupid I’d been. About how I had felt physically out of it for days now thanks to my stupid heart and my dumb-ass decision to fall for the wrong guy, twice in a row.
But I swallowed it down swiftly and glanced away from her, trying to get myself back in hand. She didn’t need to hear that. And I wasn’t sure I had the heart to tell her any of it.
“What time are we heading off?” I asked instead, busying myself by starting to go through the wardrobe to see what I had that was appropriate for a big event like the one I would be heading to.
“Seven,” she replied. “Give me a shout if you need anything, right?”
“Right,” I nodded, and she leaned in to give me a quick, sudden hug – I hugged her right back, on instinct at first, but within an instant I found something in me giving out and I held her even tighter than before. I just wanted…I just wanted to be near her, to be near someone who knew nothing of the mess I had managed to drag myself into in the last few months. She squeezed me tight and then pulled back, and I felt this wobbling wave of emotion threaten to take me over. I had been so crazy-emotional the last few days and I couldn’t figure out why – was it being home, or just being away from Nate? Was my heart really that badly broken after only a few weeks? I needed to get myself in hand because it had felt like I was on the brink of tears pretty much every minute of every day since I had arrived back home, and I couldn’t go on like this much longer. I could see myself breaking down over us being out of orange juice or some shit like that, and I had no intention of letting myself go. I had to move forward, leave all this behind – even if I had no idea how I was going to do that right at that moment.
I looked through my wardrobe and eventually dug up a dress that I hadn’t worn in years – deep green velvet with a fluttery skirt that puffed out around my knees when I moved, and a halter neck strap with a low-cut bodice that stopped it from coming across as too Rennaisance-faire. It felt good to get dressed up, and I stuck on some loud music from the record collection I’d abandoned here when I was a teenager, and found myself singing along as I applied some lipstick and carefully raked the mascara wand through my lashes. I pulled my hair up and piled it on top of my head, and swayed this way and that in the mirror as I checked myself out. The men in my life apparently didn’t agree, but I thought I looked pretty damn good right there and then. Ready to flirt. I had no intention of getting anything started with anyone new – not for a hell of a long time – but I was up for a little fun and a little flattery from those guys that Mom seemed so keen to set me up with.
Before I knew it, it was seven and Dad had sent a car round to the house to pick us up. Mom emerged from her bedroom in a close-cut pant-suit, and I raised my eyebrows as she did a little twirl in front of me.
“Looking good,” I remarked, with a long low whistle. She giggled, and patted her hair to make sure that it hadn’t come loose.
“You look lovely too,” she nodded at my dress. “You ready?”
“When you are,” I replied. “Is Dad already there?”
“Yeah, he’s been down there all day, no doubt getting under the caterer’s feet at every opportunity,” she rolled her eyes fondly. “Come on, let’s get out there. I don’t want to leave him hanging around any longer.”
“So what is this in aid of, again?” I asked as we climbed into the back of the sleek cab that Dad had sent in our direction, to whisk us off to the event. Mom frowned.
“You know, I do know but it’s totally slipped my mind,” she shook her head. “I guess I just started tuning him out the last few days, he’s been talking about it so much…”
“A new business deal, right?” I wrinkled my nose up, and she nodded. Dad ran a real estate business, local to the are but distinctly successful, and I had to admit I was a little surprised that he was going all-out to announce a new acquisition. It couldn’t be that big a deal, could it?
“That’s right, yes,” Mom nodded, crossing and uncrossing her legs nervously. “Some new partner he’s going to be working with. Someone big, from the city, I believe.”
“Do you remember his name?” I asked with some interest, but she shook her head – I had hoped that I might be able to use this as a foot in the door, since I had all but burned my bridges with Helios and couldn’t really explain to prospective employers why I had been so reluctant to go back and work there after my internship was done.
“No, just that he’s come in from the city for this evening,” she replied, looking idly out the window. “I know your father’s very excited about introducing him to everyone. Says he’s quite a boon for the business.”
“Cool,” I nodded, feeling a little guilty that I hadn’t really been keeping up with everything that had been going on with the business back home – I had been so focused on getting my own career off the ground that I had failed to check in with another business, the one that my father had spent so long curating and creating and perfecting. He was the reason I’d gotten into this business and the least I could do was make a more concentrated effort to check in with him. I had barely seen him the last couple of days, since I’d arrived, as he’d been so caught up in getting everything in hand for this event, but I made a mental note that I would try and put aside some time for him over the next couple of days so we could unwind and hang out together.
“Oh, here already!” Mom exclaimed and I realized that I hadn’t bothered to check where this event was being held – I looked up, and my jaw dropped when I realized we were outside the Lansing Theatre.
“How the hell did he afford this place?” I exclaimed. The Lansing was about the only part of this small town that was worth anything, the only reason to come visiting outside of friends and family – an enormous, gorgeous old building but at the turn of the century, it had been restored to it’s previous gold-plated opulence a few years previously by the local council. And now, all lit up like this with a handful of people milling outside and many more waiting within, it looked as though it had been plucked straight from the last century – astoundingly beautiful, ridiculously luxurious. Who the hell had Dad started work with that had landed him enough cash to get a place like this for an event?
Mom and I climbed out of the car and were at once waved inside by the man on the door; I nodded politely and moved past the crowds of people, taking the place in. The smell of expensive wine and shoe polish was heavy in the air, and usually I would have enjoyed a drink at an event like this one, but something about the thought of alcohol in those circumstances turned my stomach and make me feel even more ill. I wobbled a little in my heels, and headed to the bar to grab myself a glass of sparkling water. I could already feel a few eyes on me, and wondered if any of them belonged to those men that had apparently been scoping me out from photographs the last few months. I glanced around and my heart sank a little – I couldn’t see anyone who even remotely caught my fancy, no-one who made my heart flutter or my eyes widen a little as their beauty caught me off-guard. No-one like Nate, if I was telling the truth, if I was being honest with myself.
“What can I get you?” The bartender caught me off-guard and I did my best to offer him a smile as he stood there waiting patiently for a response.
“Sparkling water, please,” I nodded, and he ducked away to get me a drink. I took the chance to look around this place once more – God, it was busy. How many people were here? How many people, in brutal honesty, really gave that much of a damn about a new business deal struck by a local real estate guy? I couldn’t figure out what the appeal of this kind of thing was to people outside the immediate social circles of the people involved, and yet, here we were – the place was packed from top to bottom, and there was a palpable buzz of excitement in the room. Just what was going on here?
The bartender reappeared with my drink and handed me the glass; I took it with a grateful nod and wandered off to find my father. Because, in this room full of strangers, all I wanted was someone I actually knew. But before I could find him, I heard a voice calling out my name and knew at once the way this night was going to go.
Chapter Nine
“Nia!”
My mother’s voice came from behind me and I closed my eyes for a moment before I slowly turned around to see what she wanted me for. She had a young man by the arm and was steering him towards me, apparently not noticing or not caring about the look of sheer panic on his face as she led him through the crowd. He was a little older than me, his hair thinning slightly on the top, and I offered him an apologetic smile as he approached me. Sorry, this wasn’t my idea, and I don’t want this any more than you do.
“Hey,” I greeted the two of them, and the man nervously stuck his hand out towards me – he was wearing an expensive suit that couldn’t cover up how obviously uncomfortable he looked in it, as though this was the first time he had ever worn one outside of prom. I took his hand, playing along for the time being. She was just trying to help, after all.
“This is Nia, my daughter,” Mom looked up at the man with a beaming smile on her face. “And Nia, this is Matthew. He works with your father. You two should…”
She waved a hand between the two of us, raising her eyebrows at me meaningfully. I smiled back at her indulgently. Honestly, even if I knew it wasn’t going anywhere, it would be nice to get my head out of my ass for a while and actually have a good time. So I turned my attention to Matthew as Mom discreetly backed off into the crowd once more, and looked at him expectantly. He had a little patch of stubble, right beneath his nose, that he had clearly missed while he was shaving. I let my gaze linger on it for a second and then finally realized that I was going to have to say something.
“Oh, uh,” I began, blustering a little. It had been so long since I had gotten to know anyone knew outside of the confines of…no, no, stop thinking about Nate. The whole point of this evening was to get Nate out of my head for a while and letting myself linger on him wasn’t going to do me any good.
“What do you do?” I finally managed weakly, falling back on an old faithful so well-used I cringed a little even as I came out with it. He blinked at me for a moment, and it was clear he was trying to come up with something less boring that the truth of whatever he did at my father’s company.
“I, uh,” He began, groping around for the words. “I work in accountancy?”
“Oh, right,” I nodded, playing like that was the most fascinating thing I’d ever heard. “And what does that entail, exactly?”
He launched off on a long, in-depth description of everything that his job involved, and I allowed myself to check out a little. I wasn’t sure how I was able to feel so alone in a crowd of people this enormous, but here I was, pulling it off. That odd feeling, the one that had told me that there was something more than a little off right now, was plaguing me with more intensity than it had been before. Was I still just emotional? Hormonal? I craned my head around to get a look at everyone in this place, in the hopes that I could locate the source of my unease, but I couldn’t come across anything that stood out. I frowned a little, the corners of my mouth turning downward, and Matthew came to an abrupt halt.
“I’m sorry, am I boring you?” He apologised sheepishly. I focused back in on the conversation and at once felt terrible for letting him think that – he was a sweet guy and all he was doing was trying to be nice to the daughter of the guy he worked for. He wasn’t a sleaze who had picked me out of the crowd and decided to make the rest of my evening an assault course in trying to avoid him. I needed to get over myself and treat him with a little respect.
“No, not at all,” I assured him. “I’m just a little under the weather, that’s all.”
“Right, okay,” he nodded, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “I…uh, so what do you do?”
“I just finished college,” I replied automatically. I had been rehearsing this in my head for the inevitable visit from my grandparents who would at once want to know what was going on with me and my life now that I had finished up my education. “I’m just at a loose end right now. I have a few options back in the city but I haven’t decided exactly what I’m going to do yet.”
“The city, huh?” Matthew remarked, taking a sip of the red wine he’d been clinging to like it was a life raft. “So you’re not a country girl at heart?”
“There’s just not much here for me,” I shook my head. “The world is much bigger than this place, you know?”
“So, you live there?” He asked, and I nodded again without thinking.
“Yeah,” I replied. “I…guess.”
I hadn’t had much of a chance to think about whether or not I would want to return to the city when I was done here. He didn’t know that, of course, but I felt this bristling of irritation at him at making me consider it again.
“You know, I should go find my dad,” I remarked, glancing around the room. “I have to congratulate him. Will you excuse me?”
“Yeah, of course,” he nodded, and he frowned at me once more. Poor thing. He didn’t know that he’d just blundered head-first into commenting on the stuff in my life that I would have done anything not to think about. He wasn’t to blame.
I made my way around the party, keeping an eye out for my father and trying to avoid my mother lest she pounce on me for walking away from that perfectly nice young man she’d been trying to set me up with. The last thing I needed was to explain myself to her. Eventually, my ears pricked to the sound of my father’s distinctive deep, booming laugh, and I navigated my way through the crowd until I came across him in conversation with a couple of his old friends, the guys he’d worked with at the business for years. His face lit up as soon as he saw me and I could tell he’d had a drink or two.
“Nia!” He exclaimed, waving for me to come closer. I made my way towards him, smiling as sweetly as I could as I got nearer; there was something a little off about this room and I couldn’t figure out what it was yet. Maybe it was just knowing there were likely at least a half-dozen more men here that my mother would set me up with as soon as she realized that I hadn’t taken to Matt. Maybe it was something else entirely.
Dad pulled me into a big hug, and I could sense the excitement coming off of him in waves; he deserved it. Whatever he had landed had been enough for him to get this place for the night, and that meant it had to be big. Someone in the city? I was surprised that I hadn’t heard talk of some sort of merger when I was at Helios. My heart twisted in my chest when I thought about it. Nope, nope, nope – focus on the task at hand, celebrating my father’s success.
“I’m so glad you could make it,” he beamed at me, and I could tell he genuinely meant what he said; I returned his grin and tilted my head to the side, casting my eye around the group of grey-haired, grey-suited men who were standing around waiting for Dad to return his attention to them.
“This is my daughter, Nia,” Dad announced proudly to them, and I quickly went around the circle introducing myself; it had been a while since I had been required to play the dutiful daughter and I didn’t mind performing my part for a few hours, especially if it meant I got to make connections with some potentially big businessmen in the process. I caught a couple of them looking at me with a less than professional glance and tried to ignore it. Guys that age always had trouble being around younger women, whether they would have admitted it or not. Dad seemed to notice too, and shot one of the guys a look so foul I was surprised he didn’t burst into flames right there on the spot. I cocked an eyebrow. So he was still my protective old father, huh? Same as ever. Good thing that he had never found out about Nate and I or else he would have probably torn my one-time beau a new one. And Nate would probably have deserved it, too.
“Anyway, I should be getting ready for the announcement,” Dad patted my arm and nodded, glancing down at his watch. “You want to come with me and give me a hand, Nia?”
“No, I’m good,” I held my hand up. “I don’t even know what you’re announcing so I don’t think I’d be much good to you.”
“Fair enough,” he conceded, and then stretched and cricked his neck back and forth like he was getting ready to walk into a prize fight and not a room full of his investors and supporters. “I’ll see you soon, honey.”
“Good luck,” I called after him, and then realized that I was standing in the middle of this group of guys, none of whom seemed to have any idea what to say to me. I excused myself swiftly, taking a sip of my drink and grinning to myself as I took a spot near the bar and waited for the announcement to begin. The tension in the room was palpable and I wondered how many other people were completely in the dark about what was about to be put out there, too – had this been trailed somewhere else, or was this news brand-new to everyone else as well? Knowing my father and his flair for the dramatic, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it was the latter.
He headed up on to the stage, and my mother appeared at my elbow; she leaned in to murmur in my ear, and I knew at once what it was going to be about before she’d so much as opened her mouth.
“Are you not interested in Matt?” She asked softly, and I shook my head.
“He’s not really my type,” I replied quietly, praying that no-one was around who might report that information back to him. He seemed like such a sweet, well-meaning guy; it would have been needlessly cruel to do anything that would have hurt his feelings.
“I’ve got a few other guys on the list if he didn’t do it for you,” she raised her eyebrows at me and I fought the urge to giggle. The way she was speaking sounded like she was asking me to pick from a menu, like she had them all bubbling over in pots in the kitchen just waiting for me to make a decision at last so she could plate up and serve me. I nodded towards the stage, hoping the event would be enough to distract her.
“I think I just want to focus on this for the time being,” I replied. “But thanks, Mom. I’ll…uh, if I ever needed a date to anything, I know who to ask.”
“Fine,” she nodded, a little curtly, but seemed to understand that I wasn’t trying to be an ass – I was just here to support Dad and get out of the house for a while, and she couldn’t exactly get mad at me for that. My stomach was churning again, and I wondered if it was sympathetic nerves for what Dad was about to get up there and do. I knew there was no way in a million years that I could do what he was about to. I would go over on my heels or get drunk and slur or straight-up forget the name of the investor at a crucial moment. But Dad was a pro – he had been doing this kind of stuff for years and, as a result, had earned a confidence that oozed off of him as soon as he stepped up on to the stage. I could feel Mom getting a little fluttery behind me and couldn’t help but smile. It was sweet that she was so clearly so enamoured with him, even after all these years.
He tapped the microphone a couple of times and the room quietened after a moment or two as everyone turned their attention to him. He held his hands up and there was a smattering of applause as everyone waited for the big announcement; I could feel the tension, the interest. He had done well to get everyone so invested. Not least his latest business partner.
“Thank you for coming out tonight,” Dad bowed his head as though humbling himself to every single person in that crowd. “I appreciate you being here more than you could know.”
There was a round of applause, this one louder than before, and Dad smiled and clapped in the direction of the audience and waited for it to die down once more.
“But we are here for a reason tonight,” he went on. “A very good reason. And I think you’ve all waited long enough to see what it is by now, haven’t you?”
Another round of applause. I took a sip of my drink. The sense that something was wrong, that something was off, was starting to mount and grow in a way that I couldn’t find a reason for. I looked around, wondering if one of my high-school exes was here or something, but I couldn’t see one person I really recognized. And yet, that feeling was intensifying.
“I’m very happy to announce,” he went on, speaking slowly as though he knew how desperate everyone was to just find out the truth already. “That we will be joining forces with Helios industries in order to-”
My jaw dropped. The glass all but slipped out of my hand and the churning in my stomach took on a whole new threatening dimension. No. No way. There wasn’t a chance in hell – how could I have not have heard about this? It must have been some kind of mistake, some kind of misunderstanding. There wasn’t a single chance that this had slipped under my radar. It must have been a different Helios-named business because there wasn’t a single chance in hell that my father had just signed a contract with-
And then he came out on to the stage and I felt as though I might slip away completely. I had no idea what to think. An enormous round of applause felt distant and tinny, ringing in my ears as though it was coming from two towns over. It was Nate. No doubt – in that expensive suit, the one he had worn on that date where the two of us had shared that sweet, small kiss, the one that had sent me into this wreck. He looked ever better than usual, face glowing as he beamed in my father’s direction; they shook hands and he turned his attention out to the crowd, lifting his hand to greet everyone. And that’s when he saw me.
I knew at once the moment that he laid eyes on me, because, just like me, he froze on the spot, like someone had rooted him still through the Earth and rendered him motionless. The smile was stuck on his face, his hand frozen in mid-air like he was trying to shove it through cement. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way in the world this was happening. I took another sip of my drink, letting the bubbles settle on my tongue for a moment as though the fizz would be enough to bring me back to reality, but there I was, still standing in that crowded room and staring up at the one man I had never expected to see again.
“I need to get outside,” I mumbled, and turned to head for the door. I wasn’t sure who I was addressing that towards, but I didn’t think it really mattered. All I gave a damn about, all I gave a single shit about, was getting out of here, getting away from him, giving myself some time to think and making sure that I didn’t do or say anything stupid that would give me away. I needed to put space between the two of us, and fast.
I put my drink down and, ignoring the excited chatter of the crowd around me, groped my way to the door. I felt as though I was fighting my way through a tidal wave, the world crashing around me as I tried to straighten it out in my head. I couldn’t do this. This couldn’t be happening. I could still feel his shocked gaze burning into mine, and feelings it had stirred up, like sediment on the bottom of a lake, were still swirling around my system.
I finally got outside, and found the air oddly cool for the time of year. But I didn’t mind. It acted as a cold shower, a shock to the system to remind me that yes, this was really happening and that yes, I was going to have to back in there and pretend that nothing in the world was wrong with me and congratulate my father’s new business partner. I looked around, checked there was no-one there to see me, and pressed my hands to the tops of my thighs and bent over to heave in a long, deep breath. The cold air crackled in my lungs but at least it was something. I closed my eyes and focused on the icy-cold as it shuddered through my body, and for a moment it was almost enough to bring me crashing back down to Earth. But then I heard a voice behind me, and all of it spiraled out of control once more.