Chapter Three: Lane
Arianna took two ice cold Coronas from the hotel room mini fridge and brought them over to the sofa where I had gotten the Meredith-special earlier in the day. Now, I lay stretched out with my shirt and shoes off and an arm over my eyes. I was wearing a pair of black boxers and nothing else, my body still warm and damp from the steaming hot shower I had just taken after calling it a day. I wasn’t bashful in front of Ari. She was like my mom—or my big sister—and she was a lesbian. We’d seen each other in various stages of undress for years. Hell, back in the old days, we slept in the same hotel room bed and shared a shower to keep costs down. No number of pheromones or glances at my cock or her tits was going to change our relationship. Thank God. Sex just muddied things. That was a complication Ari and I would never have.
She set one of icy bottles between my bare thighs, making me jump, then took her beer and sat on the other side of the coffee table in one of the plush leather chairs. She kicked off her shoes, stretched out her long legs, and wiggled her toes.
“Ah, that’s better,” she said, bringing the bottle to her lips. “That was an incredibly long fucking day.”
I took a long drink and sighed. Drinking Coronas after an event had become a ritual for us. It started years ago when I was doing seminars for a few dozen people at a time in tiny motel meeting rooms. Now, I could fill a major hotel grand ballroom without blinking an eye and could afford to toast with Dom Perignon, but we still drank Coronas. It was our homage to the past.
Ari and I knew we were two of the luckiest two people on the planet, doing everything we got to do and getting paid insane amounts of cash for it. Ari got 15% of every nickel I made, and massive bonuses throughout the year based on sales and productivity. And she was worth every penny.
She not only managed my career, but negotiated book deals, lined up the speaking gigs, coordinated the seminars and events, oversaw the sale of schwag at the back of the room, and managed every other aspect of my life except for getting me laid. And she would have managed that for me if I had asked her to. For now, I had no problem lining up my own pussy. When you have pussy lining up, it’s not that hard.
“That was a long day,” I said with a sigh. I glanced sideways at her with the bottle resting on my chest, the condensation leaving a cold ring of moisture that felt good against my hot skin. I had been onstage for two hours, signed autographs and posed for pictures for another two hours, then held court at the VIP dinner for three hours. I was tired and sweaty and wrung out like a dish rag. All I wanted to do was finish my Corona and collapse into bed. I was so freakin’ tired it didn’t even bother me that I would be sleeping alone, for a change.
“Long, but profitable,” Ari said, the dollar signs dancing in her eyes. Ari had been a successful lawyer and accountant before I convinced her to chuck it all and roll the dice on a no-name psychiatrist and first-time author with big dreams of building an empire like Dr. Phil’s. We weren’t quite there yet, but we were getting closer and closer every year.
I smiled at the look on her face. She was grinning like the Grinch and counting dollars in her head. “I bet you know exactly how much we made today,” I said, narrowing my eyes at her. I licked the beer from my lips and waited. “Come on. Give. How much?”
She pushed her thin shoulders up and down. “We’re looking at a couple hundred thousand net, give or take the price of lobster.” She was referring to the cost of the VIP dinner of one hundred steaks and lobsters. Attendees had paid a thousand-dollars a head, giving us a hell of a profit margin. Ari smiled with the bottle at her lips and said, “Either way, we came out okay.”
“That’s good,” I said, stifling a yawn with the back of my hand. “Maybe now we can take a break and enjoy some of that cash we’ve been stockpiling since this book tour began.”
We’d been on the road nearly six months promoting my newest book, Trade Offs, with book signings, speaking at seminars and big events, and I had no idea how many personal appearances. And we had done an endless stream of radio, TV, cable, and satellite promotion. I had talked so much about the fucking book that I wanted to poke my eyes out. It was fun and nothing like real work, but the road was kicking my ass. I hadn’t been home to my place in Malibu in months and it was starting to wear on me.
“We have another month of this,” she said. She propped her bare feet on the coffee table with her ankles crossed. For a woman of her age, she had exceptionally pretty feet. And don’t ask me why I noticed that. Ari is a lesbian and old enough to be my mom. Still, I’m a dude. Dudes notice shit non-dudes never do.
“Another month?” I whined, blowing out a long breath. “Fuck, Ari, I need a break. Six months on the road is too much.”
“You want that villa in Tuscany?” she asked, one penciled-in eyebrow cocked.
I huffed into the bottle. “You know I do.”
“Then stop your whining because when this tour is finished you’ll be able to pay cash for it.”
“Well, I just hope I’m still alive enough to enjoy it,” I said, leaning my head back on the cushion to stare at the ceiling. “It just gets old sometimes. You know?”
“I know, sweet cheeks,” she said, her head bobbing. “Just think how I feel. I’m doing all this with you for a lousy fifteen percent.” We smiled at each other. Her fifteen percent had totaled over five million dollars last year, not to mention another million in bonuses, and a new Tesla that she had never even bothered to drive.
“Tell you what,” I said, turning on my side to face her. I propped up on one elbow and aimed a finger in her direction. “You get me some time off and I’ll raise that to twenty-percent for the rest of the tour.”
“As tempting as that sounds, my dear one, the schedule is set in stone,” Ari said, mocking me with a sad face. “Quit your fucking whining. It’ll all be over in a month. Just hang on. Then you can spend an entire month at Northwoods decompressing with your usual gaggle of girls.”
The mention of Northwoods, my secluded, luxury retreat in the California mountains made me sigh. “Gaggle of girls?” I echoed with a broad grin. “Is that like a gaggle of geese?”
“If geese had great tits and asses,” Ari said with eyes wide. She finished her Corona and let her feet drop to the floor. She set the empty bottle on the coffee table and stretched her arms toward the ceiling. “Okay, hot shot, I’m done. I’m gonna turn in. How about you?”
“After I finish this,” I said, tipping my bottle at her.
“All right. Good night, my love. See in you the morning. Get some sleep. We’re on a plane to Chicago at ten.”
Ari pushed herself out of the chair and came over to give me a goodnight kiss on the forehead. She hooked her shoes with two fingers and padded barefoot across the plush carpet toward her room As great as my life was, it was a little sad that my best friend in the world was a middle-aged lesbian who treated me like a whiny little kid, mainly because I often acted like one.
I swung my feet to the floor and picked up Ari’s empty bottle. I finished off my beer as I walked into the little kitchenette, and set the bottles on the counter. I was about to head to bed when I heard a tap-tap-tap on the door. Somehow, I knew immediately who it was, but checked the peep hole just to make sure. I opened the door with a tired but happy smile on my face.
“Why, Meredith Wilson, what are you doing back here at this time of night?” I asked, hooking my thumbs in the waistband of my boxers and wiggling my eyebrows at her. My cock twitched as my eyes sent word down its way that Meredith was in view. “I thought we finished our interview.”
“Oh, we finished the interview,” she said slyly, stepping into me until her lips were an inch from mine. She slid her right hand inside the boxers and grabbed onto my plump cock as her left hand went around to squeeze my ass. “But you didn’t finish me.”
“Well, well,” I said, wrapping my arms around her as her hands went to work. I slid my hands over her luscious ass cheeks and ground her pussy into my hard on. “Let’s see what we can do to remedy that.”
Like I keep saying.
I just love my job.