Chapter Ten
Rosalyn
It had been exactly one week since I returned home to the Koth district. I’d been gone for nearly a month, making my once familiar bed with Galsthenn seem foreign and cold.
I pulled the cotton sheets over my body and struggled to sleep, recalling every moment from the maze and the subsequent nights after. Things I could have done differently. Apparently, in sudden throws of guilt, sleeping was heavily discouraged.
We hadn’t left it at the maze. I begged him to leave me alone, but he knew I didn’t mean it. He came to me two nights later and touched me, asked me if I’d really wanted him to stop, and I kissed him long and hard.
I met him in his chamber several nights, coming in to yell at him only to end up deep in the throes of passion on top of him. And we continued on like that, careful to avoid the watchful gaze of Galsthenn’s right-hand men and his trusted soldiers.
I could still smell Rilark’s scent on me from spending the day together on the shuttle home. We sat with Tardis for hours, playing cards together and laughing. There were dozens of soldiers nearby and so we rarely had the chance to speak, but our interactions were slick with sexual tension. It made me nervous. Then he’d taken me just before we landed.
Galsthenn was at his desk, working hard as he had been for days now trying to rectify the rebel situations, determined not to be like his father and dismiss the wants and needs of his people.
Beautiful and elegant as ever.
He had been so good to me since I’d come to Udora. I kept telling myself he was every bit the man I was hoping to be with. Sweet, caring, handsome, kind, strong. He made me feel safe.
And I slept with someone else.
My eyes shot open, and a flash of lightning struck through my stomach as our sexual encounter ran through my mind. What kind of person would do this to someone they care about? I’d met his parents for goodness sakes.
I wondered if I’d finally found the perfect life: the perfect man and an ideal job helping people… or was my life just a little too perfectly packaged?
I was almost certain that Galsthenn had my heart… but I couldn’t let him let go. He could never just be. He couldn’t accept himself as a shifter, or at the very least it had become some sort of passing thought that he didn’t dwell on.
But to me it was everything.
Were sparks subjected only to the beginnings of relationships, or were people just willing to settle without the spark in order to be comfortable? Rilark was all lightning: all spark. But, was that only so because I couldn’t have him? If all the while I had been living with him instead of his brother, would I feel just as confused?
I didn’t know anything anymore. Did I betray Galsthenn because I felt trapped… or was that just my excuse? It was my pattern. Once out of a relationship, the comfortable stage was where I desperately wanted to get back to, and when I finally got there, I was bored.
Rilark called me a slut when I told him that. It hurt me, but I wasn’t sure if I disagreed with him.
My sister told me to go for whatever I wanted, and it seemed that I, stupidly, clung to her advice no matter what the situation. Education, love. Especially love. I couldn’t keep living like a teenager. I couldn’t keep bouncing from man to man, especially not now.
I cringed inwardly.
There seemed to be a union between myself and Galsthenn. A marriage, of sorts. That terrified me and made me feel whole in one fell swoop. He seemed to be perfectly content and never questioned our relationship. And why should he? We got along famously, shared the same interests. But… could two people really evolve together, especially at such a young age when there was still so much changing to be done?
Then again, do people ever stop changing?
“My Rosalyn,” Galsthenn said gently as came to bed, a kind smile covering his face. “I can’t believe you’re still awake.”
He never did come to Vennolyn’s Tomb.
“I guess the…” I twirled my finger in the air, searching for any excuse. “The time difference has got me all spun around.”
“Poor thing,” he said, reaching down below the covers and slipping in beside me. I could feel his body heat radiate against mine, and I wondered if he could smell Rilark on me. “But I’m glad you had a good time,” he cooed; whispered in my ear. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too,” I smiled and touched his face.
His hand crept down my shorts and hovered there as though waiting for permission; he kissed my neck softly and I pushed his hand down. Just do it, I thought hastily. If he could just touch me, maybe that would take it all away.
He crawled under the sheets and moved his head between my legs, staying down there until I grabbed hold of his shoulders and brought him back up. He entered me in the slow, sweet way we’d grown accustomed and I felt no sexual fever: no sexual gratification. I’d been spoiled by another. But at that moment, I felt something Rilark could never give me: love. I felt the love and comfort from the man I’d chosen to be with until the day I died, and that was enough.
Galsthenn could last a long time, a fact I’d loved in the beginning and loved even more now. I never over-exaggerated a moan or thought to fake it with him. I just enjoyed myself. I relished the moments where he whispered sweet nothings to me and was grateful he never grew frustrated with me.
He kissed me with slow thrusts of his tongue, and I finally felt a spark heat up between my legs. I reached up and grabbed his back, careful to avoid the spires of his wings and not to do anything that might make him uncomfortable.
I was just starting to feel the throbs of pleasure building up in me when he started coming. I exhaled loudly at the poor timing, already feeling my passions growing cold once more. But there was hope now, I thought.
He held me there after and collapsed into our heap of sweat and love, kissing me and asking me about the festival in Vennolyn. He asked me to repeat their stories and tales, and I did so with enthusiasm, making sure to recollect my favorite moments and tell them to him as though he could say he was there.
“I hope Rilark took care of you while you were away.”
The thought was so sweet and simple, but it made me jump all the same. Did he know?
I looked over at him curiously and then offered a half smile. “Of course, all the soldiers were attentive. They made me feel secure. Not as secure as this,” I gushed, kissing his fingers individually.
“But he spoke to you?” he paused.
“Well, of course he did,” I said with some confusion. “Why?”
“I want him to like you, Rosalyn.”
I stared at my partner in disbelief. “Oh,” I exhaled.
“I guess I should have mentioned this sooner… but he’s sort of, well, my brother.”
“Oh,” I repeated numbly.
My stomach sank down to the souls of my feet and suddenly I felt as though my toes were just skimming the surface of reality. I tried to think of any similar features or anything that might have tied the two together, and then it hit me. My little bro. Rilark had said it before the bombing and it’d all been a blur since then.
My heart felt heavy, and guilt washed over me in overwhelming breaths. Not only had I cheated on my love, but it was with his brother.
“It’s a long, complicated story. I’m surprised he hasn’t told you himself.” He shrugged sadly. “Our mother… she was taken by rebels when she first met and impregnated at their camp. My father spared him, and my mother insisted we were raised as friends; she took him into the palace and… loved him. All that.”
I blinked in desperate need to hear more and urged him on, “Did you?”
“Love him?” He laughed, despite himself. “Of course. He was my brother. I knew no different; we were children.”
“And now?”
He grabbed my hand into his and slowly wrapped his fingers around mine, taking our hands up and kissing my wrist. “Of course I do. But, that ship has sailed.”
My stomach flipped. If it hadn’t already, it certainly had now.
“Why?”
“He… well, look at him. He’s a soldier. He hasn’t exactly led a life of luxury. I spent my entire life trying to get his attention and his love. But he grew embittered toward my father and…” The white shifter trailed off, seeming lost and thick with emotion. “And me I guess,” he finished. “And I don’t blame him in the least. But I’ll always want the best for him. It’s why I gave him a job as security to some of the most important men on the planet.” He kissed me. “And the most important woman.”
“Right,” I said breathlessly. “Right… and when your mother was taken, was she… I mean, was it an affair?”
Galsthenn swallowed in surprise and looked at me with narrowed brows. “That’s an indelicate thing to ask, about my mother no less.”
“Sorry…” I said stupidly. “I didn’t mean to imply, uh… I just meant, I wondered how long she was in the rebel camp?”
“Are you accusing my mother of being a part of the rebellion?” He laughed, hard. “No, my Rosalyn. I don’t think you have anything to worry about there.”
“What about Rilark?” I asked quietly. I’d seen enough to know something was amiss with him. During the bombing, especially. He was so calm and controlled; I knew in my soul that he knew that attack was coming.
“Hm…” Galsthenn shrugged and pulled me closer to him. “He’s dabbled.”
My eyes went wide with shock at the confirmation, and I stammered, “And that doesn’t bother you?”
“Of course it does, but they were harmless, empty errands. Do I believe he’d feed them information? No, of course not. He’s no threat. Besides, wouldn’t you want to know who your father was? That’s the simplest way to find out; to try and connect to something that was a part of you.”
“Is his father still alive?”
He stared and shook his head. “My father made sure of that.”
I gave a nod. “Does your father know… about Rilark?”
“No!” he said. “And we won’t tell him that unless we desire Rilark’s head on a pike. Understand?”
I giggled nervously. “Got it.”
Our conversation waned after that with Galsthenn taking up a book and reading my favorite poetry to me before slowly drifting off to sleep. I watched him and reveled in the comfort of his arms once again. It was as though nothing had ever happened. Everything would be all right so long as I was right here with him.
How badly did Galsthenn need to know the truth? The thought kept me awake for the rest of the night. I felt I loved Galsthenn more now than I ever had. So if it was really over… if I knew I’d never repeat my past mistakes, did I really need to tell my mate, just to relieve a guilty conscience with hopes of forgiveness?
No, I decided. No, I didn’t.