Chapter 5
Regan Lawrence
I listened as Zaine’s footsteps headed down the corridor, and I ventured off of the cot, a rush of pain filling my head. I wrapped my hands around the cold metal bars and looked out, both relieved and a little panicked to find that there was nobody at all in this area.
Another rush of pain nearly brought me to the ground, and I struggled back to the cot and leaned my back against the cool wall. My weight on the cot brought the little vial rolling toward me, and I picked it up, studying it closely.
Zaine had encouraged me to use it to relieve the pain. I wasn’t sure if it was simply the Verian way to help the injured humans in the prison, or if there was something more to it than that.
The image of Zaine kneeling before me, his beautiful features creased with concern made my heart tremor. I hadn’t expected to find anything attractive about a Verian. They were enemies of humanity. What kind of traitor was I?
Still, I couldn’t help but replay what I thought might be concern in Zaine’s eyes when he saw that I was being attacked by Casey and her lackeys. The way he had charged in, not betraying any softness toward me at all, and rescued me from danger had been unbelievably heroic. At least, to me at the time. When he’d started shouting at me about being in trouble, I could tell that his heart wasn’t in it.
Or maybe I was just making things up to try to survive this horrible mess. Wouldn’t it be easier to pretend I had an ally in this place as opposed to feeling utterly abandoned and desolate, the way I really was? There was no way a Verian man would find a reason to give me special treatment. Especially not after all the hell I’d tried to raise since we’d arrived. Nobody liked me here. I was a burden on everybody, just as I had been on Earth.
I sighed and looked at the vial of elixir one more time. Would it really matter if I drank this and something bad happened to me? It couldn’t be worse than what I had coming to me. Besides, the searing pain in my head was so bad that I felt like I was going to throw up.
I tilted the bottle back, examining the clear liquid one last time.
“Bottoms up,” I mumbled. The elixir had barely hit my tongue before the world turned black.
***
“This way,” Daniel’s gentle voice called to me.
My heart was swollen by the sound of it, and I hurried forward, looking for his visage. But it was nowhere to be seen, and I frowned, panic swelling in my chest.
“Over here! We don’t have much time.”
“Daniel?”
The world was a confusing fog, and I barely made out the lines of the barricades around Zone Seven: the tall walls that kept the Verian out and the people in. How I wished to be able to move past those walls freely! Just as Daniel and the others did.
“Here!”
A monstrous wave of emotion swept over me when I spotted Daniel’s silhouette waving at me from a distance, and my feet started moving toward him automatically, his name frozen in my throat. I felt everything: love, desperation, panic, disbelief, and, more than anything else, grief.
Hot tears spilled from my eyes as I came closer to the edge of Zone Seven, Daniel’s handsome face smiling at me as I drew closer. All I could see was that smile.
But before I reached him, his waving hands were no longer beckoning me, but waving me away. Waving goodbye.
I sped up, running as fast as I could to catch up with him, but he had already turned his back on me. He was heading into the danger zone, beyond the walls, away from me.
Black terror electrified my entire body, and despite my need to catch him, my body was frozen as a sudden explosion muted my world and I watched helplessly as the man I loved vanished from my life forever.
***
“Human! Regan! Are you all right? Wake up!”
“Daniel!” I sobbed.
Strong hands were suddenly on my shoulders, and the soft mutterings of the Verian language sounded in my ears. I could understand, but just barely. It was a small prayer of comfort, and I pulled away from the hands, confused, still half stuck in the nightmare that was my reality.
“It’s all right, Yula; you were sleeping.”
My eyes were bleary, and my heart bitter as Zaine spoke, his voice soft and comforting in the darkness.
“Get away from me! It’s all your fault!”
“Half a dose must have been too much…humans and their pitiful body chemistry,” Zaine said, his handsome brow furrowed as he picked up the empty glass bottle on the cot beside me.
I curled into myself and sobbed, feeling the loss of Daniel as if it had just happened.
“Your fault,” I whimpered, but the venom of my accusations was gone now. I had lost Daniel years and years ago. He had been my best friend, my everything up until I turned seventeen. That was when he’d gotten the letter. When…
“Peace to you now, Earthling,” Zaine said, lifting me easily and cradling my body close to his. He gently checked the bandage around my forehead and frowned. “Freg. Signs of infection. We might have to put you up in the infirmary.”
I didn’t care what he did. All I wanted was Daniel.
My body suddenly became weightless as Zaine lifted me easily and cradled me to his broad, muscular chest. I was surprised by the appealing, spicy scent of his body, and squinted up into his face as silver strands of hair fell forward onto me as we walked.
“You’re going to be all right, Yula,” he said to me, offering a handsome, reassuring smile that made me forget everything else, just for a moment. “I’ll take care of you.”
Soon, I was in a small, sterile but comfortable, room, on a clean cot with a soft pink blanket beneath me. Zaine was rummaging around in the cabinets, sighing and cursing when he couldn’t find what he was looking for. I appreciated his concern, but I didn’t want him near me. Not when I knew it was the Verian’s fault that Daniel was gone.
“Here it is,” Zaine said suddenly, his voice soothing despite my agitation. “Please ingest this. It will combat the infection. The cells can become impossibly dirty with so many human bodies in them. Your kind are hosts for all kinds of disease.”
He said this with a disgusted wrinkle of his narrow nose, and I raised an eyebrow at him.
“What’s the point in breeding with disease vectors?” I asked, tilting my chin up at him.
For some reason, the gesture seemed to delight him, and I saw him laugh for the first time since I’d met him. It was a captivating, lyrical sound that almost made me wish it would go on forever. But he soon cut it off and looked at me seriously.
“We have no choice, human,” he said, his silver eyes humorless. “Our women were defiled by your kind. All because we were attempting to restore balance to the universe.”
“Balance,” I mumbled, taking the round capsule from Zaine’s hand and popping it into my mouth. “What kind of balance?”
Zaine sighed heavily.
“The balance to all things. Humans-”
Zaine cut himself off abruptly and turned away, thinking his wording over carefully. Almost like he didn’t want to offend me. It was kind of adorable.
“There is a system of balance that governs our world. The humans are just beginning to understand, but there are beings who have known this for ages. Advanced societies. But humans cannot even coexist with themselves and their own planet. All we ever tried to do was protect our universe. It is a system that we share.”
I was quiet for a moment as I considered this. It was true, I had seen, that many humans could be presumptuous, but that was true of almost every race in the universe if given the chance. I couldn’t accept that we were the only ones destroying the balance.
“What makes humans so much worse than everyone else?” I demanded. “Or are we just scapegoats because everything is going south on your planet and you need the resources that we have?”
Zaine looked surprised, then drew into deep thought.
“It is just as we were advised by the elders of our planet,” he said, his voice an agitated, deep rumble. “I have listened to the elders since the time of my birth. It is just as it is meant to be.”
“Well, what if I told you the humans feel like you are simply trying to take over our world without any good reason for it, and we don’t see any way in which we are destroying the balance? We’re self-contained. Our home is ours to do with as we please, and our troubles stay within our own planet!”
Zaine sighed heavily.
“I will not waste my time arguing with a human who is deep in fever. The infection of your wounds must heal first. Maybe then we can pick up this discussion.”
I don’t know why I wanted to keep pushing him. Maybe it was my illness, or maybe it just seemed absurd to me that in a war, both sides thought of themselves as the valiant protectors of something or other: the righteous ones. It seemed closer to the truth that maybe all of us were just a bunch of blood-thirsty and entitled jerks.
The thoughts were driven from my head as my eyes followed Zaine, who was gathering his things and storming toward the door. The idea of him leaving me alone in the infirmary made my chest fill with panic.
“Wait!” I cried.
He hesitated, his back to me, before turning to look into my eye.
“What is it, Yula?” he asked, his voice resigned.
But I didn’t know what it was that I wanted. I just knew I didn’t want him to leave.
“Can you stay? A little longer?”
My voice escaped my lips before I could help it, and Zaine’s face suddenly softened. It was a strange and drastic change.
“What would you have me do here?” he asked, shifting uncomfortably in the doorway. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure we were still alone, and then closed the door behind himself, leaving us in the comfortable silence of the infirmary.
But I didn’t know what I wanted from him let alone why I had wanted him to stay. He was just so comforting, even though he alone could make my life a misery. I guessed I was feeling lonely, after dreaming of Daniel, and the idea of being stuck in this bizarre ward of the prison by myself was unsettling.
Still, when I looked into Zaine’s eyes, I knew there was more to it than that. I wanted to be with him. Specifically. Who knew what the reason might be. All that mattered to me was that he stayed.
“Just be with me?” I asked, sighing heavily. I really didn’t feel well. I was probably just thinking and speaking nonsense. Still, somehow it felt safe to be vulnerable near Zaine. Despite it all, he had suddenly become my bedrock. Who was I to argue?
“There is plenty for me to do in the prison,” Zaine said, raising an eyebrow and stepping toward me. “I shouldn’t tell you this, but we are understaffed right now. Most able-bodied men are in training for the war.”
Mention of the war irked me, and I shook my head.
“How about when we’re together, we don’t talk about the war?” I suggested amiably. “What if we’re just ourselves and the rest of the world is a whole other thing entirely?”
The look in Zaine’s eyes when I said that – the anguish, the longing – etched in every line of his face. He was doing his best to do what he thought was right. Why was I being so harsh with him about it? He wasn’t the one in control of everything happening during the war. I couldn’t hold a grudge forever. So far all he had shown me was that Verians could be decent too. Even protective, despite the vast differences in our cultures.
“We don’t have to talk about the war,” Zaine said, his voice strained. “In fact, we shouldn’t be talking about anything. I am the guard here. I am meant to keep you safe until you are ready to bear the children of my people. What is so difficult to comprehend about this situation?”
As he spoke, he walked closer to me, as if venturing not of his own accord, but because of something else pushing him forward. I sat up groggily; the medicine had really slowed me down.
“I know you’re the guard,” I said defiantly. A small smile creased his face, and suddenly his body was close to mine again. So close that I was overwhelmed by his spicy, masculine scent. Zaine’s silver eyes studied me quietly, and suddenly my hand was in his. It was much bigger than mine, hardened by his work, but gentle around my fingers.
“Then you know that you’re my charge. And there is nothing appropriate about this situation. Right?”
I swallowed hard, unable to look away from this handsome Verian’s full lips just inches away from my face.
“So throw me back in my cell and forget about me!” I exclaimed. “I don’t care what you do. My life is in your hands now.”
“That’s right,” he said thoughtfully, his long fingers sliding up my arm. “Your life is my responsibility.”
I was frozen as his fingers sent a hot jolt of longing all through my body, and I stared at Zaine in surprise. He’d seemed at the end of his rope with me so many times already. So what was he doing now? And why did it feel so good?
“Please,” I said, sighing softly in pleasure as Zaine’s hands continued to roam my body. “Tell me why I’m here. What are you going to do with us?”
I was shocked out of my curiosity by the soft warmth of Zaine’s lips on mine suddenly, and I closed my eyes, lightheaded and swept away by the unbelievably pleasurable feeling of his tongue caressing my own.
Tendrils of pleasure electrified all of my senses as I was pulled close to the protective warmth of Zaine’s broad chest, his hands exploring me cautiously as we became entwined in our pleasure. I had wanted him for so long, but what was going to happen to me if I gave into it? What if he lost interest in protecting me once he’d had me and left me to whatever cruel fate awaited me in this prison?
But the thought was driven from my head as Zaine’s mouth explored the sensitive nape of my neck and hot tendrils of pleasure coursed through me. I had wanted to be with him for so long now. It was hard for me to resist.
Suddenly, Zaine pulled away, leaving me panting, cold, and confused.
“What is it?” I asked, frowning.
“That wasn’t proper,” he said, clearing his throat and backing away. “You are unwell. You need rest for now.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but before any words could escape my lips, Zaine was gone.
***
It seemed to take quite a long time before Zaine returned to the infirmary. I had been left to my own devices for the entire day, and frankly, my stomach was beginning to rumble. Whatever he had given me to cure the infection and numb the pain had worked miraculously, and I wondered to myself what might happen if the Verians and the humans were someday able to commiserate together. Wouldn’t we be better off sharing our knowledge with each other as opposed to constantly trying to fight?
But those were idealistic words of a pacifist, and there was no room in our current world for pacifism. Things were the way they were for a reason, and all we could really do was hope for the best and that our people would ultimately be victorious. That was all I could allow myself to do. Thinking about the impossible would just leave me disappointed.
“Yula, your meal.”
I was disappointed when the voice that reached me wasn’t that of Zaine, but of a young man who was nearly as handsome. Still, he wasn’t the man I’d wanted to see, and I let out a distinctly unhappy sigh when he entered the room. This made his eyes hard, and he refused to look at me as he deposited a tray on the small table in the corner of the infirmary and left without a word.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, wondering if the Verians had any grasp on sarcasm. Mostly I had gathered that their language was straightforward and practical, with little use for frivolous descriptions. Surely, they would think my inclination toward poetry was utter nonsense.
I moved slowly to the corner table, discouraged that despite my interest in eating and the care that Zaine had given me, I was still heavy on my feet and dizzy. Still, I was feeling a million times better, and ate slowly as I mulled over the events of the night before.
Honestly, they were fragmented and strange in my mind. Memories of a dream I’d had about Daniel, bizarre memories of Zaine in my cell, a vial in my hands that had promised to take the pain away, the urgent look on Zaine’s face when he realized I was in danger…
But did he care for me or not? Was I just another human in his charge or was there more to it? It was impossible to tell, and I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to understand his ways. Had we really kissed, or had I slipped into a sensual fever dream that had left me crumbling at Zaine’s mercy?
I looked around the clinical walls of the infirmary and sighed. There were no answers for me here. All I could do was eat my meal and try to find some semblance of peace, whether Zaine was there or not.