Chapter 1

Ian O’Connor let out the huge breath he’d been holding as she popped up on his phone with the word he’d hoped. It was hard for him to build up the confidence he needed to ask her out over the last four years. Although doing it through a text was still cowardly, at least he finally had done it. He’d been called a wimp, a chicken shit, and a bunch of other names by his brothers, names that made him want to throat punch them but they didn’t understand how hard it was to trust his heart with another woman. Not that he’d been living like a monk all these years. He just didn’t date, but he did have a one night stand now and then. After all, a man had needs, and self-satisfaction didn’t always scratch the itch. 

The slam of the front door made him jump off the sofa, and hurry to see what was wrong. His brother, James, had left to check on Marina Kelly, their sister-in-law’s younger sister. She lived a couple of houses away, and James was head over heels in love with the woman. It was probably the reason he jumped when her young son called saying his mother was screaming.

“God damn it,” James growled.

“Whoa there, bro. Are you trying to wake Mason?” James’ five-year-old son was asleep, and it would probably take a lot more than a slamming door to wake the kid. James was raising the little boy on his own now since his wife had passed away.

“No.” James snapped, as he yanked open the fridge. Ian glanced down at his phone as another text popped up.

Oh, and there will be no dressing up. I only do dresses for weddings. You got that, doc?

Ian chuckled.

“What’s so funny?”

“Sandy.” Ian shoved his phone into his back pocket because from the look on James' face his brother needed to talk.

“Why the hell don’t you just ask her out?” James asked.

“I could ask you the same question.” Ian wasn’t about to tell anyone he’d taken that big scary step. At least not yet.

“Sandy isn’t my type.” James pushed at his shoulder, as stomped out of the kitchen. The frustration of being around a woman he was extremely attracted to was hell. Nobody understood that more than Ian.

“Very funny.” Ian followed him. “I’m talking about Sandy’s cute neighbor, or we could call her John’s sister-in-law, or Stephanie’s sister, or the woman you’ve been drooling over for the last four years.”

“One, I don’t drool over anyone, and two…. well, there’s no two, but I don’t drool.” Ian had meant it figuratively of course.

“Bro, you may not drool, but you do look and who could blame you? Marina Kelly’s cute.” Ian dropped next to him on the couch. “I’m not the only one who notices. A.J. and Nick couldn’t keep their eyes off her at John and Stephanie’s anniversary party.” He knew that would piss James off. Their two younger brothers wouldn’t make a play for Marina since they both knew as well as he did that James was in love with her. Even if James wouldn’t admit it.

“They better keep their fucking eyes and hands to themselves. Marina doesn’t need their kind of shit.” James grumbled.

“Maybe she does.” Ian nudged him and was a little shocked when James turned and grabbed him by the shirt.

“I swear to God, Ian if you don’t shut it now I’m gonna pound the piss out of you,” he snapped.

“I’d like to see you try, bro.” Ian narrowed his eyes. He wasn’t worried about it because fist fighting wasn’t something he and his brothers had done since they were teenagers. Well except the fight he had with Nick when Colleen first left, and that was because she’d just about ripped out his heart.

“Go text Sandy,” James mumbled, and Ian chuckled not only to break the tension but to help him cover the pain that still hit him whenever he thought about Colleen Morgan. It wasn’t because he was still in love with her, he wasn’t, but she’d been his best friend before they started dating. When she ran off to Manitoba suddenly with her brother without a reasonable explanation, it almost killed him.

“I’m hitting the hay for the night.” Ian stood up and stretched.

“Yeah... Ok…. Night.” James muttered.

“Ask the woman out, for the love of God.” Ian shook his head as he headed out of the room.

“I could say the same to you, bro.” James glared at him, and Ian had to bite his tongue because he was tempted to tell his older brother that he already had.

After a restless night, he finally gave up trying to sleep. He’d been tossing and turning because it had finally hit him, that he was going to go out with the one woman who made his heart pound and had him tripping over his own feet. She was beautiful, sexy and sassy, but she was also intelligent, and when they talked he could have a real conversation or at least that’s the way it seemed by the texts and phone calls. Hopefully, he wouldn’t act like a complete moron on their date.

Once he pulled his ass up and out of bed, he yanked on his running gear and headed downstairs. James was slouched over on the couch, and Ian shook his head. He was starting to wonder if James ever slept in his bed. The last couple of nights he’d been staying there, it seemed his brother spent his nights on the couch.

He was thankful that there wasn’t a lot of snow yet as he started to run up toward Main road. Hopedale wasn’t a big town, and it typically only took him a little over an hour to run all the way around it, but with the hills and valleys it was a good workout, and nothing could beat the scenery.

As he ran by Sandy’s house, he slowed but a light over her door flicked on, and he picked up his pace to get out of sight. He was starting to act like a stalker.

By the time, he got back to James’ house, his lungs burned from the cold, but he did feel great after a good run. It was a routine he wasn’t going to change. Working out had become an obsession since Colleen had left, and even if it did sound shallow, he knew he looked damned good. He’d also put a lot of training in at the dojo in St. John’s. His Uncle Kurt had introduced he and his brothers to Karate when they were younger and except for Kurt’s daughter Jess only he and his brother Keith had stuck with it.

“Coffee, lots and lots of coffee.” Ian entered James’s kitchen.

“Good run?” James handed him a cup.

“It’s fucking freezing out.” Ian sipped from the cup as he pulled off his jacket.

“Nanny’s gonna put pepper on your tongue for saying bad words, Unca Ian.” His nephew reminded him of his mother threating them for using foul language as kids. Kathleen O’Connor must have kept the same rule with Mason. If any of them cursed, she put pepper on their tongues, but the youngest of the brothers got the most. Apparently, Aaron or A.J. as everyone called him, didn’t learn from his mistakes.

“Yeah, Uncle Ian.” James chuckled.

“I’m sorry.” Ian exaggerated a sigh and tried not to laugh.

“I won’t tell, but don’t say it no more.” Mason stood on the chair next to his father stirring something in a bowl. Ian managed to keep from laughing, but James had to turn away.

“I won’t, buddy,” he put the cup in front of his lips so his nephew wouldn’t see him smiling.

“Daddy, when are you going on a date with Danny’s mommy?” Ian spewed coffee across the table, and James had to catch the bowl from tipping over. Ian kept his head down to hide the smile as he used a paper towel to clean up coffee from the table

“Why would I go on a date with Danny’s mommy?” Probably because he was madly in love with the woman, but Ian kept that little thought to himself.

“Auntie Cora said you and Auntie Marina were gonna go on a date.” Good old Aunt Cora, the family Cupid. Cora was supposed to know when people should be together and she was apparently never wrong. So far, she seemed to be zeroed in on James and Marina even though at John’s wedding she’d told Ian to look for the love of his life a little closer to home.

“You know if Aunt Cora said it then it’s true.” Ian chuckled when James narrowed his eyes at him.

“Maybe we should ask Aunt Cora about Sandy.” James glared, and Ian figured that was his warning to shut up.

“So, where are you goin’ on the date?” Mason asked again.

“I don’t know if we are, buddy. We’ll see.” James looked uncomfortable.

“Nanny Betty says you’re jus’ gun shy.” Mason climbed on his chair. “But you’re not ‘fraid a guns.”

Ian kept his head down to hide his laughing, but his stomach hurt from holding it in. Kids said the funniest things sometimes.

“No Mason, I’m not afraid of guns.” James laughed.

“Nanny’s so silly.” When Mason started eating, he stopped the harassment of his father, and James looked relieved.

Ian finished his coffee and was headed upstairs to shower when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Thinking it was Sandy he pulled it out, but the number appearing on the screen didn’t look familiar.

“Dr, Ian O’Connor.” He received calls frequently from the hospital or the office with questions or requests. When he didn’t recognize the number, he answered it as he always did.

“Hi, Ian.” Something about the female voice was familiar, but he couldn’t place who it was, but it gave him a sinking feeling.

“Hi.” He didn’t want to be rude so he hoped the caller would give him a hint.

“How’ve you been?” The caller asked.

“I’m fine thanks. How are you?” He still couldn’t figure out who was on the phone.

“You don’t know who this is, do you?” The caller asked.

“I’m sorry. No.” Ian admitted.

“I guess Jess didn’t tell you I was back. It’s Colleen.” All the air around him seemed to disappear, and he found it hard to catch his breath. “Please don’t hang up. I know I’m probably the last person you want to speak to, but I really need to talk to you.”

“Go ahead.” Ian snapped, as he entered the guest bedroom. He hadn’t meant to sound angry, but it was hard to breathe.

“I’d like to meet with you if that’s ok.” She sounded nervous which wasn’t a bit like the Colleen he knew. He didn’t want to meet with her since the last time they were face to face she shattered his heart.

“I don’t know if I’ve got time,” Ian said.

“Please, Ian. It’s important.” The desperation in her voice was something he really couldn’t ignore, and no matter what happened between them romantically, she was once his best friend.

“Alright.” Ian sighed and flopped down on the bed.

“I’m staying at the Capital Hotel in St. John’s. Room 124. Can you be here around five this evening?” He’d planned on taking Sandy out at seven-thirty, so he could leave the hospital at four, meet with Colleen, and probably be home in time to get ready for his date with Sandy.

“Okay. I’ll be there.” There was a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, but no matter what had happened this seemed important, and he’d always had trouble saying no to her.

“Thanks, Ian.” She ended the call and he was left wondering what was so important.

His heart raced as he knocked on the hotel room door later that afternoon. The last thing he wanted to do right now was to see the woman who’d torn out his heart. He was worried how this would affect his budding relationship with Sandy. If he was being honest, it terrified him that seeing Colleen would bring back old feelings, and Sandy would get hurt. The click of the lock made his heart thunder in his chest.

“Hi, Ian.” She smiled when the door opened, but there was no doubt that she was nervous as well. The worst thing was, she still looked amazing, although he really hadn’t wanted her to.

“Hey,” was all he could get out. He was pissed with himself because he was still attracted to her.

“Come in.” She stepped back, and he reluctantly stepped inside. His eyes zoomed in on the huge bed in the middle of the room, and all he wanted to do was turn tail and run. She wasn’t part of his life anymore, and he’d finally taken steps to move on. Now the past was hurling him back where he really didn’t want to be.

“Nice room.” He looked for someplace to sit that wasn’t near the bed.

“Look, Ian, I can see you’re uncomfortable, and you have no reason to be. So how about we have a drink and just catch up before we get down to any serious talk.” She pulled two beers from the fridge and held one out for him. He wasn’t sure he wanted to take it, but the hopeful look in her eyes had him thanking her and twisting the cap off the bottle.

Eight beers later he was still in the room with her and sat on the huge bed propped against the headboard. They’d talked about old times, and he’d filled her in on how his family was doing. She told him about her brother Luke and how his substance abuse issues had probably caused his death. They talked about her other brother Gerry and how she was worried about the group of people he’d become involved with. She talked about being engaged to a great man, and it did sting a little when she told him. Ian didn’t mention Sandy, and he’d been ignoring the vibrations on his phone. It was an asshole move, but what was he supposed to say? There was no way he was making his date at that point.

Ian made a quick call to James to let him know he wouldn’t be staying there that night. Unfortunately, Colleen started giggling when Ian tripped over her purse and fell on the bed. Ian ended the call and grabbed Colleen to tickle her for laughing at him. He didn’t know how it happened, but the next thing he knew was they were kissing, and their clothes had disappeared. He was aware that it was a mistake, but he couldn’t help himself. For a second he almost regained his senses and started to pull away but he met her eyes, and she said the words he’d longed to hear from her, so long ago.

“I missed you, Ian. I’m sorry I left.” He’d waited for those words for six years, and it was his undoing. Then he was inside her, but he’d be lying if he said it was better than ever before, because it wasn’t, and she wasn’t Sandy. It was all he needed to prove Colleen was only his past.

His head throbbed, and his stomach was rolling. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table and felt like a complete asshole. There were eight texts from Sandy. He sat up and read through them and as he got to the last one his heart fell.

I don’t know what happened to you last night, but I guess you must’ve realized we shouldn’t do the date thing. It’s okay, but you could at least have had the balls to call me and tell me so. You hurt me Ian, and I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for this. I know I’ll have to see you because of my friendship with your family. All I can ask is that you just not make things harder or uncomfortable. Take care, Ian.

“What the fuck did I do?” Ian pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. He’d screwed up big time, and he had to make it right. He turned to the other side of the bed but it was empty, and it wasn’t until he scanned the room that he realized Colleen wasn’t there. Her suitcase and all her things were gone. He jumped out of bed, searched the room for his clothes, and found them folded neatly on the armchair next to the window with a folded piece of paper on top. He snatched it up and began to read.

Ian

I’m so sorry that I didn’t have the guts to do this to your face, but I realized after I woke up what a huge mistake we made last night. I’m engaged to a wonderful man, and I love him. We just got carried away, and it was amazing, but it was so wrong. Goodbye, Ian, I hope you can forgive me, and I hope you have a wonderful life. You deserve it.

Colleen

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” He balled up the piece of paper and threw it.

He struggled into his clothes, grabbed his keys and then stormed out of the hotel. He needed to get to the gym, and luckily, he always kept his workout gear in the trunk of his car. Pounding on a heavy bag was going to help get these feelings under control.

He’d fucked things up with Sandy now, and for what? A roll in the hay with a woman who broke his heart once before, and left him so broken that it took him six years to move on. Not only had he probably lost the chance for a future with Sandy he’d probably ruined his friendship with her too. Now, what was he going to do?