I COULD HAVE PLAYED IT cool. I could have avoided the field and made Adam work for it. It wasn’t in me. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I found enduring school and etiquette classes during the light somehow wasn’t so bad knowing Adam would be there in the dark. And even though he held his cards close to the chest and hardly spoke a word, I felt saved. I felt like I had a purpose. Adam was my purpose all of a sudden. He made it so much easier to get through the days. But I didn’t know what that said about me exactly. That a boy I had only known in person a week had that kind of hold over me. It was as scary as it was exhilarating.
I came to the field sometimes not until midnight and made sure to be extra careful when leaving. I’d even taken to walking the beach a little before heading across the bridge to make sure no one was following me. I wouldn’t risk Adam. Not when hanging out with him had me so happy the last several days. He wasn’t a chatter bug and I was completely okay with that because he was real. There weren’t any fake pretenses or niceties between us. I trusted him implicitly because he didn’t have anything to gain from our friendship but me. He just valued me and not my money or my inheritance.
Braden, who was still insistent that he take me on a date, hadn’t even been able to ruin my good mood. Even Georgina and Sebastian had been scarce lately and that’s what I was thinking when a knock sounded at my bedroom door as I was doing my homework. It was like I had conjured them up.
“Yes,” I said, not moving from the desk because if it was Sebastian I wasn’t opening that door for all the money in the world.
“I’d like to talk with you for a moment, Livingston,” Georgina purred from the other side of the door.
I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to emotionally prepare myself for the conversation. I did this any time she asked if we could talk. Because it was never about anything important to me or really pertaining to anything I cared about. No, the only time Georgina wanted to talk was when she needed something from me. Something that would benefit her.
I pasted the fakest smile ever on my face and opened the door a crack. “Yes?”
She looked from my eyes and down the rest of the crack in the door and back up again before clearing her throat and then saying snidely, “May I come in?”
My odd smile got wider even as my brain nearly exploded. I hated them in my room. This was the only place I could call my own besides the field on the other side of the bridge. But I moved back and swung the door open anyway. I didn’t like to piss Georgina off. She had become a crazy person when she was mad ever since my father’s death. I’d never been a huge fan of her. Not when they dated. Not when he moved us to this island for her. And definitely not when he married her, but I’d reasoned out that I wouldn’t have to put up with her for the rest of my life like him and he seemed to enjoy her company. My not being a huge fan had turned into pretty much hating her face off since he’d died. She’d changed. She’d gone from mildly snotty to full-on crazy town temper tantrums when she didn’t get her way.
“What’s up?” I asked, nice as pie.
She was wearing an expensive looking gray skirt suit with a pale pink blouse beneath. Her ever present pearls hung from her neck and big diamond studs adorned her ears. Her hair was pulled up in a loose bun. She was way the hell overdressed for 9:00 p.m., but since I’d met her I’d never seen the woman not dressed to the nines. I wasn’t even sure she actually owned pajamas.
She sat on my bed and crossed her legs at the ankle, all Southern class. “I wanted to talk to you about the debutante ball coming up in a few months.”
I was confused. What did we need to talk about? I was taking all the stupid classes and we’d already ordered my dress.
“Okay?” I stood across the room from her, preparing for the absolutely worst, and I wasn’t wrong.
She picked a piece of lint off my comforter and it made me irrationally mad. “I’d like for you to have Braden escort you.”
I sucked in a breath and before I could stop myself, my panic spilled over and right out of my mouth. “What? But why?”
Her back went straight and one perfectly plucked, blond eyebrow shot up and dared me to say anything more.
A saccharine smile hit her lips and she straightened her skirt. I knew this technique. This was Georgina’s way of coming up with all the bullshit. It was a stalling tactic until she got all the facts together and ready to go. I’d seen her do it five thousand times to my father and only a hundred or so more to me.
I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest, feeling beyond defensive. She couldn’t tell me who to take to the ball. That should be my choice.
“Braden’s a nice boy. He comes from a nice family. His father is the sheriff and I heard he fancies you.” She finished the last part in a sing-song voice that made my lip curl and my nose scrunch.
“Oh, stop with the dramatic faces, Livingston. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s one dance, for heaven’s sake.”
I couldn’t believe it. She was the one sitting there being dramatic about whom I should take to my coming out ball and I hadn’t said a word, yet I was being dramatic. I didn’t even want to go to the ball. Oh, the absurdity of it all nearly sent me over the edge.
I wouldn’t stomp my feet or shout or cry like a teenager. I wouldn’t give her the actual pleasure of seeing me be dramatic. So instead, I just calmly asked, “Why can’t I ask who I’d like to ask to the ball?”
Her eyes widened in pretend shock while she checked out the manicure on her right hand. “Oh, did you have someone in mind, then?”
I swallowed hard. I did have someone in mind. But he had tattoos and a bit of a bad attitude about 99 percent of the time. And I was pretty sure he was in college and I was still just a junior in high school. Georgina would hate him and the thought almost made me smile. “Maybe,” I choked out.
Her eyes were ice on mine. She was starting to get that crazy look in her eyes. The one that usually led to one of her epic mommy dearest meltdowns. “Do tell.”
Christ, but I was a complete chicken shit, so I answered, “No one in particular, really, but there are a couple of cute boys I might like to take.”
“Well, Braden’s cute, too,” she sang, standing up and walking over to me. “And I trust him. He’s your brother’s best friend. He’ll take good care of you.”
I bet he would. I knew how well he and Sebastian took care of girls.
“It’s settled then, yes?” She railroaded over me before I could say more. A firm squeeze to the top of my arm and she was gone, the only evidence of her the slight crease in my comforter and the smell of expensive perfume in the air.
I snatched my comforter straight again and stomped over to my desk. I wasn’t going to that damn dance with Braden. I’d leave first. I wouldn’t go at all. I’d let that bitch tell me what to do most of the time, but she didn’t get to tell me who I dated. I was taking Adam to that dance if it was the last thing I did or there wouldn’t be a cotillion at all.
I hated how Georgina controlled me, but I didn’t have a lot of choice until I was an adult and could get the hell out of there. To the other people on the island we were the perfect family. No one suspected the mess we were behind closed doors.
I was still fuming hours later when the house grew completely quiet. I’d heard Sebastian go to bed and even though I was tired from too many late nights out with Adam, I left the house, this time with Harry at my side.
Even though I was always excited to see Adam, tonight felt different. I’d let Georgina and her bull crap ruin my mood, so when I got to the field and Adam was already there sitting in the grass, I didn’t greet him like I usually did. Harry did, however. He and Adam had become fast friends. I watched him try to sit his big body in Adam’s lap while I lay out the blanket and I was only a little jealous.
I plopped down and lay back hard, a long sigh leaving me. I was glad to be out of that house, but I was still more than a little pissed off.
Adam sat next to me and Harry settled in next to him. I gave Harry a look that said traitor.
“What’s up?” Adam questioned, looking down at me.
I shrugged as best as I could lying on the ground. “Same ole, same ole.”
“Bullshit, Livvy. What’s going on?”
I almost smiled. He called me Livvy. And no one had ever called me that. It was sweet. So sweet, I almost wished I could taste that moment and not just feel it.
I shook my head like I wasn’t going to answer, but I did, because it was Adam and I was me. And I couldn’t refuse him even if I didn’t want to talk about it all. “Just my stepmonster.”
“Your stepmonster?”
We hadn’t talked about my parents since that night I’d yelled at him that I came out here to talk to my parents since they were dead. He seemed to get that I would tell him more when I was ready to, so he hadn’t pressed. I appreciated that about Adam. He wasn’t nosey or impatient. No, he’d wait. He was like a rock.
“Yeah, I have a really crazy town, snobby stepmonster and a creepy stepbrother that I am pretty sure wants to knock the boots with me.”
His body locked tight next to mine and the coldness swept into his eyes like a blizzard hitting the north. “What did you say?”
“I said, I have a really crazy town step—”
He held up a hand. “Skip that part and go right to your creepy stepbrother.”
I shrugged again. “I think he wants to sleep with me. He’s creepy and inappropriate.”
Anger blanketed his face. And Adam mad was a scary thing. “Has he touched you?”
I shook my head. “No, he’s careful of that. He just comes on too strong and says things.”
I looked away because it embarrassed me. I’d never told anyone and it never happened when my dad was alive. I didn’t know if he was intimidated, but as soon as he was gone, Sebastian started up his antics. We were never really close, but now I hated him.
“Like what things?” he ground out from above me. He was getting scarier by the second in his anger, but I only smiled. I knew in my heart this boy would never hurt me. The butterflies in my stomach told their own story. They loved how he was protective of me.
“Just stupid shit. I don’t think he’d ever actually do anything. He knows I’ve never even kissed a boy. The boys at school stay far away from me.” I got embarrassed at all the information I’d just divulged. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
He got up off the blanket in record time and reached into his pocket, pulling out his pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He paced the spot in front of me, back and forth, lighting up. He took a couple of drags before he stopped and pressed the heels of both of his hands to his eyes, his cigarette dangling from his right hand.
“Fuck. This is why you don’t want to go home. This is why you hang out here.”
I gave him a sad smile. “Not totally. My dad brought me here before he died. It was where he said goodbye.” I felt a burn in my nose that told me tears weren’t far behind it, so I looked away from him and stared at the bridge in the distance.
I felt him sit down near my feet and I smelled the scent of smoke, but it smelled good. Sweet and spicy all at once. I peered at him from beneath heavy lids and noticed the cigarettes were brown.
“What are you smoking?”
He took it out of his mouth and gave it a look while blowing out smoke rings. I’d never been a girl attracted to bad boys. I liked nice guys. Kind people. And maybe Adam was all of those things, too, but in that moment, he looked so very, very bad. With his disheveled dark hair and tattoos, sitting with his legs up, his elbows resting on his knees, a sweet, delicious cigarette dangling from his mouth. It did things to me I wasn’t ready to admit I was ready for yet. My nipples pebbled beneath my bra. The place between my legs ached.
“Cloves.”
“Mmmm. They smell good,” I breathed and God, I sounded sexy, my voice husky and Adam just looked on. His eyes roamed over me over and over again. He liked to watch me, I remembered, and so I let him until he eventually got up and paced again. I smiled, knowing he was uncomfortable. Some people might not be able to read Adam Nova, but I was not one of those people. I’d known him for weeks and I knew the more he pulled away, the more uncomfortable he was.
He stomped out his cigarette and I shot him a look, so he picked it up off the ground and shoved it in his pocket before sitting right next to me on the blanket and lying back, his head next to mine.
“Tell me about your dad.”
And I wanted to. I wanted to tell him everything in that moment. But he’d held too many things back from me. He was still hiding and I wanted to know more about him. It seemed like all we did out here most of the time was talk about me and my days and problems and loves and likes and hates.
So, I picked a subject I thought might be easy to discuss. “Tell me about your tattoos first.”
I was looking at the sky, but I could feel him staring at my face from beside me. There was no answer and silence for what felt like forever but was probably only just a minute in time before he spoke.
“I like them.”
I smiled and met his eyes with my own this time. My eyes trailed down to the tiger right over his Adam’s apple. “I figured as much, Nova. How about you tell me why you like them.”
He sucked on his bottom lip and seemed to stare past me for a second before answering. “They make me feel safe.”
Instinctively I moved my hand between us closer to his, until the back of it brushed the back of his hand. I wanted to wrap my fingers around his. He seemed so vulnerable in that moment and I knew how hard that must have been for him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him. I wanted to make him feel safe.
I wanted to ask him why they made him feel safe, but I had a feeling that may have been pushing his limits when he’d already shared something so personal.
In an effort to lighten the conversation and I’m not gonna lie, it was an opportunity to touch him and I hardly ever did that, I ran my finger down the back of his hand between us where I knew the face of a wolf was tattooed. “And what about him? Who’s he?” I grinned at him.
He didn’t smile back, but his eyes did. “That’s Lupus.”
I couldn’t help my smile. “Lupus, huh?”
“Yep, Latin for wolf and he is one of the eighty-eight constellations in modern astronomy.”
Who was this guy? The things he knew. The stuff he said. He was one big contradiction I couldn’t get enough of. His tattoos and attitude screamed bad boy, but his mind? It screamed nerd. I loved it.
I nodded to the tiger on his neck. “And that guy?”
He rubbed his hand over the tiger before answering. “That’s the White Tiger of the West. It’s a Chinese constellation and it represents the west and the autumn season.”
I gestured toward his body. “Are they all constellations?”
“Not all. Some are stars. Some planets. Galaxies.”
“Who does them?” I felt like we were on a roll now. He was opening up. His eyes were lit up like a kid at Christmas. His deep blues were filled with passion.
“My best friend, Raven, works at Slinging Ink, downtown.”
I looked over his ink one more time before responding. “He’s really talented.”
He gave me a funny look before nodding and saying, “Yep.”
“And how did you learn so much about the stars?”
A wall shot down between us like a door closing with a bang. The passion faded. The connection broke and we were back at square one. I was surprised he didn’t jump up to smoke and pace again. No, he just turned away, his expression shuttered. He was a locked door, but at least he answered me.
“My mom,” he said softly and gruff. Like it hurt to say. “She was an astronomer. Not a real one, but an amateur. She studied the stars and planets for fun.”
My heart went out to him. She was. She studied. All past tense. He’d lost people he loved, too. God, I wanted to hold him. But I was too scared he’d push me away forever. And I wasn’t ready for whatever this was to be over yet.
“And she taught you?”
He let out a pained breath before answering. “Yeah, I guess she did.” He said it into the sky like he couldn’t even bear to look at me. He was hiding. Always hiding, and I wondered if maybe that was why his tattoos made him feel safe.
His eyes whipped to mine. “Now, tell me about your dad.”
And so I did. I told him about how my mom died at childbirth, but my dad never blamed me. He loved me, despite what me being here caused him to lose. I told him how he was a struggling artist, a painter. And how we’d been poor most of my life until one day, he’d been discovered. And like a whirlwind, we went from rags to riches. It seemed surreal now. I told him how he’d been sick for years before he passed, but that he was a good father and that I missed him every day.
And in the midst of all of that, I felt the back of Adam’s hand move against mine until our hands overlapped and his fingers steepled mine. He brushed them slowly, his fingers feeling all of the wrinkles of mine before fully grasping my hand. I imagined that’s how he did most things, with so much thought, methodically, slow, sweet. And when he finally cradled my hand in his, it happened. My heart, it got hot and big in my chest and that heat, it spread outward, burning my entire body, making me feel warm all over. A fever it felt like. It was the very first time for me. The hand-holding. This heat. And all from a simple handhold. It was the first time my heart ever caught a fever, but it wouldn’t be the last. Not as long as Adam was around.