Chapter Thirty-one

EMILY

A few minutes later, I was sitting in a chair in Logan’s dining room sipping on some sweet tea. Juniper was chasing the dogs around in the huge living room. Both Joe and Dean barked happily, their tails wagging.

“Careful, sweet pea,” I said after she almost ran into a wall beneath a painting. She might be small and the room large, but it wasn’t a gym.

“Don’t worry about it,” Logan told me with a smile. “Just let her enjoy this. She’s had a rough time. You both have. It’s nice to hear some laughter in here for a change.” He shrugged. “It’s not exactly like I spent a lot of time laughing it up with my housekeeper.”

I gave him a nod and forced a smile on my face, praying that Logan couldn’t tell how nervous I was. He’d been giving me curious looks since we arrived, which made me think I must be giving away more than I thought.

“Thanks for letting us come over,” I said. “She’s obsessed with those dogs now. She’s been talking about them a lot.”

“You’re free to come over anytime,” Logan said. “Until you get your own dog. I think every family should have a dog.” He leaned over. “Let me tell you about the first dog I ever had growing up. She was called Goldie. I loved her, but God help her, she was the stupidest dog in the neighborhood.”

I faked another smile. I wanted to tell him the truth: that we couldn’t come over anymore. I tried to ignore this as the conversation moved to Logan telling his funny story, but I was barely listening after the start. I was too distracted by memories of Lionel’s visit to my house the night before.

 

* * *

 

I remembered Lionel glaring at Logan as he pulled away in his car.

“What was he doing here?” Lionel hissed. “He’s coming to your house now?”

I closed the front door behind me. I didn’t know what had crawled up Lionel’s butt, but I could already tell we were going to have a big argument, and I didn’t want Juniper to have to hear it. Little girls shouldn’t have to worry about their parents fighting.

“He came to check on Juniper,” I said. “Unlike you, he had time to visit. Even though he’s a busy businessman.”

Lionel squared his shoulders and marched up to me. “I was on vacation, and it wasn’t my week.” He motioned off in the direction Logan had driven. “And do you really think you can get away with that kind of behavior?”

“With what kind of behavior?” I stared at him.

“Exposing our child to that sort of thing?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Exposing Juniper to Logan?”

“Oh, don’t act so dumb.” Lionel snorted. “You barely know this guy, and you’re jetting off to Japan with him. Did you screw him there?”

My face heated. “What I do with anyone in my private life is none of your business.” I pointed accusingly at him. “And I’m not going to hear it from a man who has slept with all sorts of women since we’ve been divorced and even when we were married.” I shook my head. “You’re just mad that someone is interested in me. You want me to be sad and alone. Well, too bad. You lose.”

A sickening grin appeared on Lionel’s face. “You think your new man is a nice guy? You think a man like that hasn’t slept with all sorts of women, done all sorts of shady things?” The grin turned into a sneer. “You don’t get that rich without having all sorts of skeletons in your closet.”

I rolled my eyes. “Just because you’re a bad person doesn’t mean every man is. Logan’s a good man. He’s already proven that.”

“Are you so sure of that? I bet a few private detectives could find something.”

I rubbed the back of my neck. This was getting tiring. “Besides, we’re not even together. We’re just friends.”

“Bullshit!” he yelled.

I was so startled, I took several steps back.

“Don’t lie to me,” Lionel said, his eyes bulging. “I know you’ve had sex with him. I can see it on your face.”

“What does it matter what we are? Or what we’ve done?” I planted my hands on my hips. “Do you have a point to all of this other than coming off like a crazy person?”

“Yes. If I find a few skeletons in his closet, then I can go to a judge and get full custody of Juniper.”

My heart dropped. “What?”

It didn’t seem right, but I wouldn’t put it past Lionel to weasel out something that might have worked. Maybe I was just letting him get too far into my head. Years of gaslighting during our marriage had left me too sensitive at time to his attacks.

 “You heard me.” Lionel’s eyes narrowed.

“You’re not going to get full custody.” I shook my head. “You don’t even want full custody.” It was one of the few things we hadn’t argued about during the divorce.

“Maybe I’ve changed my mind. All I know is Juniper was fine when she left my house, and then she ended up in the hospital.” He shook his head. “I’ve thought a lot about that, and I think it proves you aren’t paying enough attention to her. You’re an unfit mother.”

I wanted to wrap my hands around his neck and throttle him. “How dare you. I took time off work and watched her. She just got worse. It happens.”

Lionel snorted. “I think you were too busy worrying about Logan Hawkins and not paying enough attention to Juniper.”

I slapped him before I even realized what I’d done. My hand stung from the blow.

Lionel rubbed his cheek, glaring at me. “You’re going to stop seeing Logan Hawkins, or as God as my witness, I’m going to make sure I get full custody. Our daughter came close to dying.” He jerked this finger up to point at me. “And you were the one watching her at the time. And I guarantee you that I can find something on Hawkins.”

My pulse pounded in my ears. I didn’t want to believe Lionel could take Juniper from me, but he was ruthless. If anyone could find a way, he could find it.

He looked away, the fire dropping from his voice. “Besides, I think there’s something else we need to talk about.”

“What?”

“Your trip to Japan and my trip to Mexico made me realize something important.”

“And what was that?”

Lionel sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “That maybe you were right, and I was putting things before me.”

I blinked several times, confused by the conversation whiplash. “What are you talking about?”

He held up his hands. “I understand why you’re interested in Logan Hawkins. You need a man in your life. Someone to make sure you’re doing what you need to. Juniper needs a full-time man in her life.” He nodded. “That’s maybe why I’m getting so worked up, but I think we need to think about what’s best for Juniper, not just us.”

“Are you drunk? I can’t follow what you’re saying at all.”

Lionel stared at me, his face tight. “I think we should get back together.”

I stared at him for a long while, waiting for him to laugh. When he didn’t, I did.

“I’m not joking,” Lionel said flatly. “I think we should.”

“I thought I was selfish and that I couldn’t satisfy you. You just said I was unfit!”

He waved a hand. “I’m willing to overlook that for our daughter. And if I’m around, it doesn’t matter that you have…problems.”

My hand itched to slap him again. “I’d say something about hell freezing over, but I wouldn’t even get back together with you then.”

Lionel’s face darkened. “Fine then, but if you’re thinking you don’t need me because of Logan Hawkins, well, that’s over. You either break up with him, or I go back to court and go for full custody. Whether or not we get together, I’m not going to allow that man to be around my daughter.”

I was about to say something when the door opened, and Juniper peeked through.

“Is Daddy coming inside?” she asked.

Lionel shot her a bright smile. “Sure, sweet pea. I’ll come in.” He walked over to the door, shooting me an evil look.

I watched him, my breathing shallow. I didn’t understand Lionel at all. I’d been the one who divorced him, and afterward, he’d never seemed interested in getting back together at all.

Why did he suddenly want to get back together after two years? Just because another man was interested in me? I wondered if this was about him not wanting me to happy. Even if I got back together with him, he’d cheat on me, and I’d be forced to divorce him again.

I groaned and rubbed my temples. It didn’t matter. There was no way I would ever consider getting back together with him. Juniper didn’t need two parents who were fighting all the time.

But that still left the question of Logan. I couldn’t do anything that might risk me losing my daughter.

I sucked in a breath and wondered what I should do.

 

* * *

 

As I remembered the confrontation with Lionel, my heart pounded like he was right there in front of me. I took several deep breaths and rubbed my hands together in my lap.

“Is everything okay?” Logan asked. “You kind of spaced out there, and you don’t look so good.”

My face heated. A good fifteen minutes had passed, but I’d barely been paying attention to anything Logan had even been saying. Something about his dogs and an old business partner, maybe?

I shook my head fiercely. “Nothing, just thinking about everything that has happened.” I put on a fake smile. “I guess I let my mind wander. I’m really sorry.” I let out a strained chuckle. “What were we talking about again?”

“I was just wondering if you were having any trouble with work because of having to take the surprise time off. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do, but if there is, let me know.”

I waved a hand. “No, I’m fine. My boss is very understanding, and I had plenty of days saved up.” A shrug followed. I glanced up at the clock. “We better get going.”

Logan frowned. “Really? But it’s still pretty early.”

I stood abruptly, my heart pounding. “She’s not recovered all the way, and it’s still important she gets her rest.” I hurried into the living room, not waiting for him to respond. “Juniper,” I called. “We need to get going.”

Juniper stopped chasing one of the dogs around to pout at me. “But I don’t wanna go.”

“Juniper Blue, when I say we need to get going, it’s time to get going.” I regretted my sharp tone. It wasn’t her fault her daddy was a bastard.

She sighed and nodded, though she kept her bottom lip out.

“You’re welcome to come another night,” Logan said from behind me. “Or on the weekend.”

“Yay,” Juniper said.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the door. Logan trailed after us, a confused look on his face. I could only glance at him for a second before looking forward. I could feel the tears trying to well up in my eyes, no matter how much I tried to resist them.

We walked to my car, and I helped Juniper get into her car seat. I moved back, and Logan moved in to give Juniper a hug. He then turned and gave me a hug. I quickly pulled away.

“I’m going to go talk to Logan for a second, sweet pea,” I said. “You just wait here.”

“Okay, Mama.”

I closed the door and walked to his porch. Logan followed along, a confused look on his face.

“Emily, is something wrong?” Logan said.

I took a deep breath and then turned to face him. “This is it.”

“What’s it? I don’t understand.”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

Logan furrowed his brow. “You’re not making any sense.”

“I don’t want to see you anymore, and you can’t see my daughter.”

He stared at me, disbelief on his face. “What?”

I locked eyes with him. “You heard what I said. We’re done.” I let out a nervous laugh. “Not that we were ever together, but we’re done as anything. Not just as friends with benefits but as friends. I don’t ever want to see you again.”

He shook his head. “I don’t understand where all this is coming from. Why are you saying this, Emily?”

Tears welled up in my eyes. “I have my reasons.” I cleared my throat. “And I don’t need to explain them to you. I’m only sorry it had to work out this way.” The tears leaked down my cheeks. “I never meant to hurt you.”

I spun on my heel and strode off, wiping my tears on my sleeve.

“Emily,” Logan yelled.

I spared a glance over my shoulder. His face was red, and his expression hurt, but I didn’t say anything more.

Sliding into the driver’s seat, I sniffled and wiped more tears from my eyes.

“What’s wrong, Mama?” Juniper said.

“I stubbed my toe,” I lied.

“Sorry, Mama.”

Chancing one look at Logan, I could see he hadn’t moved. He just stared at the car, his body still. I pulled away before he recovered, and I lost my nerve.

 

* * *

 

After tucking in Juniper in that night and taking a shower, I sat on my bed with my phone in hand. I pulled up some of the pictures I’d taken in Tokyo.

I had tons of selfies of me in Odaiba, but it seemed like I had even more of Logan and me at karaoke.

My tears ran freely now. They dripped from my face onto the face of my phone.

I’d spent all this time trying to convince myself I couldn’t be with Logan and that it’d be better for Juniper.

Logan had been so caring in the hospital, and he really cared for Juniper. I knew that. He made her happy. He’d be a great man to have around her.

More to the point, he made me happy. Japan showed me the truth. I loved him.

Sobbing, I dropped my phone and lowered my head to my pillow.

Yes. I loved him. Before Juniper got sick, I felt something, but the last week had finally let my heart win over my head.

But it didn’t matter. It was too late. I couldn’t risk losing Juniper to Lionel. He’d ruined my chance at happiness like he’d ruined our marriage.

“I’m sorry, Logan,” I whispered into my pillow. “I’m so sorry.”