Chapter 16
Felix
I woke up the next morning, with the knowledge that I had barely gotten a few hours of sleep. I was still thinking about Nora and what had happened in the dining room. We kissed! Or to put it more accurately, I kissed her. I’d touched her in places a boss wasn’t supposed to touch their employee. But, I knew she had kissed me back. I could still hear her soft moans while my tongue was in her mouth, while my hands traveled over her body.
I needed a cold shower.
I changed, shaved and went to the kitchen where I could hear the voices of Cici, Mom, and Anne. I was still feeling dazed, like I was walking on clouds. I hadn’t felt like this in a long time and the problem was that I was having these feelings of desire for a woman I should have been keeping my distance from.
Cici and Mom looked up when I walked in.
“Hi Daddy!” My daughter was excited to see me and rushed into my arms, and I lifted her up. Mom was having her breakfast with a newspaper open in front of her.
Anne was preparing my breakfast behind them.
“Where’s the nanny?” I asked, bringing Cici back to her chair. Mom looked up at me, from above her half-moon shaped glasses.
“Oh, I dismissed her. Cici doesn’t need a nanny when she has her daddy and grandma to look after her, does she?” Mom said and smiled at my daughter.
“You dismissed the nanny?” I thundered. I could feel frustration and anger bubbling inside me, and Mom smiled.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart, just for a few days, just as a trial. Let’s see how Cici gets on without a nanny. I’ve made sure she's heavily compensated for these days off, so she doesn’t mind really,” Mom said dismissively, waving a hand in the air.
“Daddy, grandma says that I’m a big girl now and I don’t need a nanny,” Cici told me as I sat down beside her.
“No, Cici, you do need a nanny!” I said, glaring at Mom, who had gone back to reading the paper.
“Felix, sweetheart, what your daughter needs is a strong parental presence in her life, not a stranger who changes her diapers and heats up her feeding bottle. Cici is past that stage in her life,” Mom said, while her eyes were flitting over the paper.
I was boiling with anger in my chair as Anne brought over a plate of French toast and placed a bowl of fruit beside it.
“Grandma says that you will be spending even more time with me!” Cici squealed and clapped her hands.
“Mom, please don’t make promises to my daughter on my behalf,” I said in a low, growling voice. Anne had already left the room, sensing the charged atmosphere between us. Cici fell quiet when she heard my voice.
“Does that mean you’re not going to be spending more time with me, Daddy?” she asked in a low, crestfallen voice. I didn’t want to disappoint Cici, that was not my intention. I just didn’t have the time. The very fact that I had missed my meeting in New York, that I was late for work now…was bad enough. I was already itching to leave the house.
Mom sighed deeply and then fixed her eyes on me.
“And what about Nora?” she asked, and I crossed my brows at her.
“What about Nora? What are you talking about?” I growled. Cici remained silent; even she could sense a storm raging between us. She had seen this happening before — in fact, every time her grandmother came to visit.
“You are stringing that poor girl along,” Mom said.
“Daddy, what is grandma talking about? What happened to Nora?” Cici asked. I banged my fist on the table, making the dishes clatter.
“Cici, go to your room!” I barked at her.
“But Daddy, I’m still eating.”
“Go, now!” I growled.
I waited a minute, till Cici had dejectedly left the room and Mom and I were alone again.
“Don’t speak that way in front of Cici again!” I said gruffly to her.
“Maybe you shouldn’t be speaking to your daughter like that again!” she exclaimed. I was hot under my collar; my fists were clenched, and I was gritting my teeth with anger.
“What do you want from me? What do you all want from me?” I growled. Mom remained calm. She eyed me closely, and then she sighed.
“I just want you to get over your loss, Felix…it’s been many years. You’re making Cici suffer because you’ve been sad all this time. And now, now you may have finally found someone and you’re pushing her away,” Mom said. I narrowed my eyes at her.
“Found someone? Are you talking about Nora?” I growled.
“Yes, son. I know she’s not just a friend or a close colleague!” she exclaimed.
I stood up from my chair; I wasn’t hungry anymore.
“You don’t know anything about her, but you’re here passing judgment. I’m not grieving any more, Mom; I’m fine. Cici is fine. You don’t have to fix anything!” I growled, and then I turned from her and walked out of the kitchen.
Cici was standing at the door in the hallway. Her face was sad, and tears were pooling in her eyes. I wanted to pull her into my arms, to stroke her hair and apologize for the way I had acted with her, or what she had overheard just now. But I couldn’t. I just needed to be alone.
I walked to the front door and went to the car, asking the chauffeur to take me to the hotel. It was only when we were nearly at the hotel that I realized I wasn’t in a suit, I was wearing the same jeans and shirt as the previous night.