Chapter 22
Felix
After Nora left the room with Cici, Mom and I stared at each other; both of us aware of the mess we made.
“Now look what you’ve done!” she snapped, quick to blame me. I breathed in deeply and shook my head.
“Just leave me alone!” I growled. She tightened the shawl around her arms and lifted her nose up in the air.
“Sure, Felix, I’ll be happy to,” she said, and I watched her walk out of the room.
I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t know how to handle the situation…but I knew I should go to Cici. I lingered around in the dining room for a few minutes and then went up to her room. In the corridor, I could hear Nora speaking to Cici inside, and I decided to wait.
It could have been half an hour or longer when Nora finally stepped out of the room, looking exhausted and distressed. She was surprised to see me there.
“How is she?” I asked her, and she shrugged her shoulders.
“I’ve tried my best to reassure her that none of this is her fault, but you should talk to her,” she replied. We stared at each other for a few silent moments, and I felt an urge to pull her into my arms. I wanted to feel her body next to mine. But I didn’t. Instead, I nodded my head and creaked open the door to Cici’s room.
She was lying in her bed, with a book open in her hands, which she was obviously not reading. Her cheeks were red, as were her eyes, but I could see that Nora had wiped the tears off her cheeks.
“Hi baby girl, can I come in?” I asked. Cici looked at me and the tip of her nose reddened again. She didn’t say anything, and I stepped in anyway, taking slow strides towards her. She was looking at me, with her mouth downturned. I pulled up a stool beside her and sat down.
“I’m sorry, Cici, that Daddy and Grandma were fighting like that,” I told her. We had never had a conversation like this before; I wasn’t sure of what to do or say. She said nothing, just kept staring at me like she was expecting me to make everything all right.
“Okay, I’m going to ask you something, and you have to answer honestly. I promise you won’t upset me. Okay?” I asked, and she nodded her head.
“Do you want to go live with Grandma for some time? Will that make you happy?” I asked and I looked at her hopefully. I didn’t know what to expect…I just realized that I didn’t know my daughter at all.
“I want to stay with you, Daddy,” she replied in a soft voice. I gulped and reached for her, pulling her into my arms. Cici sniffled and hugged me tightly.
“I’m sorry, baby girl, for everything that’s happened…I’m sorry I haven’t been around much, but I want to change that. I want to spend more time with you,” I said to her and she buried her little face in my chest. I could feel my heart bursting with love for her. The last time I had felt this way was in the hospital when she was born. I didn’t want to be a father, but when I looked at her face…all that had changed.
“Do you promise, Daddy?” she asked, gently pulling herself away from me.
“I promise. I’m going to try my best to be around more,” I said and stroked her hair.
“Okay, Daddy, I believe you,” she replied, and it was such a relief to see her smile again.
“Daddy, can Nora live with us too? I want her to live here, with me,” she asked in a squeaky voice. I sighed and forced a smile on my face.
“She can’t, baby girl. Nora is a friend; she’s not a part…of our family,” I said to her, and I could feel the strain in my throat.
“But I want her to stay, can’t she stay?” Cici pleaded, and I shook my head.
“No, she cannot. Please don’t ask me that again. She has her own life, she can’t live with us,” I said, trying not to be too firm with her. Cici looked dejected, and she threw herself back in her bed.
“We’ll have fun together. I’m going to take some time off work, and we can go on a vacation,” I said, making my voice cheerful. Cici’s eyes lit up and she smiled widely.
“Can Nora come with us?” she asked and I stood up from the stool.
“No, Cici, she can’t. We can take Anne, or your nanny,” I suggested, and she pouted her lips and looked away from me.
“Cici, I love you,” I said, in a softer voice, staring at my daughter. Was this the first time I was telling her? From the shocked look on Cici’s face, it seemed like it probably was. I didn’t know why I hadn’t told her this before…because I did love her. I didn’t love anyone as much as I loved my daughter.
“I love you too, Daddy,” she said and smiled.
“Okay, you get some sleep. I’ll send Grandma over to read to you,” I told her and walked to her door.
“I love you, Daddy,” she said again and I smiled.
“Love you, Cici. I’ll see you in the morning,” I said and her face lit up once more.
I went out of her room and saw that Nora had disappeared. Instead, I saw Mom coming up the stairs.
“How is she?” she asked me.
“She’s fine. You should read to her,” I told her and Mom nodded.
“Where is Nora?” I asked.