Chapter 34
Felix
When I got back to our room, which was a double-room master suite, I went to check on Cici, who was sleeping soundly. I stood at the door, watching her in the dark. My little girl. How many such moments had I missed out on? She seemed so peaceful as she slept, like she had no care in the world…and that was how I wanted it to stay for her. I wanted her to remain stress-free and happy all her life.
I went back to my room, changed, and got into bed. I wasn’t feeling right. Nothing felt right.
I’d thought that if I could have Nora this once, sleep with her like I wanted to from the first moment I saw her…then I could get past it. I thought it was nothing more than just a carnal need for her body. As simple as my cock being inside her pussy. And it felt great. I had the most explosive orgasm of my life with her, even though she was inexperienced and shy.
But now, after I was spent and I should have been satisfied, I couldn’t get her face out of my head. It was like I wanted more, and not just more of her body, but I wished she was lying there next to me. I wished I hadn’t hurt her like I had.
I didn’t fall asleep for hours.
◆◆◆
Nora was gone the next morning; I knew because I asked Naomi, who told me that she had left her resignation letter on Naomi’s desk before she left. Anne arrived soon after breakfast, based on the text I’d sent her the previous day.
Cici was disheartened to see her, mostly because of the absence of Nora. I had to tell Cici that Nora had to leave suddenly because of a personal matter, but Cici didn’t see it that way.
I caught the look of disappointment and sadness in my daughter’s eyes, and even though she didn’t know how to express those feelings in words, I had an idea of what she was going through. Everyone she cared for, everyone she loved…always ended up disappointing her in the end. She was all alone in this world.
As much as Anne and I tried to entertain her through the day, Cici remained glum. We went on a little trek to see some waterfalls nearby, and none of it brought a smile to her face. She asked about Nora from time to time. She wanted to know if Nora was coming back, if she’d left a phone number, why she’d gone without saying goodbye.
Cici’s questions affected me. Not only because I could see that my daughter was suffering, but also because I missed her too. I thought I didn’t know Nora; I thought her presence in our lives hadn’t made a difference…but it had. I just didn’t know it till she was gone.
Now that she’d left, for good…I realized that I’d sent her here to Hawaii not only because of Cici, but as an excuse for me to see her again. Just like now, when I was dying to see her.
Cici wasn’t enjoying the vacation, and after several hours of trying to get her spirits up again, Anne rightly suggested to me that it was maybe for the best if we went back to San Francisco. Anne didn’t ask questions, but from the way that Cici was speaking about Nora, she had sensed why both Cici and I were in low spirits.
I agreed with Anne. Going back home, to the usual routine…was probably exactly what Cici needed.
Cici and I had dinner by ourselves that evening. She hadn’t said a word to me in the past hour, even though I’d tried to help her with her fork and knife.
“Do you think you’ll want to come back to Hawaii again, soon?” I asked her, as cheerfully as possible. Cici looked at me with a blank expression on her face and shrugged her shoulders. “Didn’t you like the waterfalls? And the birds?”
She shrugged again.
“Cici! Give me a break here. I thought we were having fun. You had so much fun at the pool yesterday,” I said and she looked down at her lap, blinking slowly.
“I miss Nora, Daddy. It was fun when she was here, and now she’s gone. You’ll be gone soon, too,” she said.
“Cici, I’m not going anywhere. We’re going back home, and then I’ll be there too. I promised you, baby girl, I’m going to spend more time with you at home,” I told her. Cici didn’t look up at me.
“Okay, Daddy,” she said in a voice that told me she didn’t believe me.
After Anne took her up to the room, I went to the office with a bottle of Scotch in my hand. From my desk, I rang Mom’s number in Florida. It was late there and I’d woken her up; I could hear the grogginess in her voice.
“Felix?” she seemed surprised when she heard my voice. I rarely called her.
“Hi, Mom, sorry I woke you.”
“Is everything okay? Cici okay? I thought you two were in Hawaii?” Mom sounded very concerned.
“Yeah, we’re fine. We’re going back to San Francisco tomorrow, cutting our vacation short because Cici…well, she’s been in a bad mood ever since Nora left,” I said. I was forcing myself to say those words. I had never been much of a sharer.
“Nora? She was there…okay, what can I do to help?” I was glad that she wasn’t asking me too many questions.
“I was wondering if maybe you could come and stay with us for some time? I know it’s too much to ask…”
“Of course I will, son. I’ll get on the first flight tomorrow morning,” Mom said. I closed my eyes and nodded. I was asking for help — and it was the best parenting decision I had ever made.