TWO YEARS LATER
LOGAN
I love you…
I stared at the single line and the miles of white paper underneath.
Write your own vows. It’ll be easy.
Why did I think that?
I’d never written anything in my damn life. And this is what I planned to start with? My wedding vows? Only the most important words I’d ever utter.
The door opened with a creak and my tension ebbed. Victoria. Thank God. I’d barely seen her in the last three days what with everything going on.
It was never a question that we’d marry here, at the Fontanel Inn. But the logistics of getting our friends and family to Nashville without tipping off the press had been challenging. You couldn’t exactly mobilize the four hottest bands in the country and put them on a plane without someone noticing. Which is why our guests had arrived in shifts from decoy locations. Los Angeles. Dallas. New York.
Still, I couldn’t help but think this was going to turn into a circus, with helicopters and reporters hiding in the bushes.
Hunching over my notepad, I tried to look busy as I waited for Tori’s soft hand to descend on my shoulder. Or her warm lips to caress my neck. We weren’t staying in the same suite, and I hadn’t been inside her in four days. A lifetime. And God, I needed her now. Maybe sinking balls deep in her sweet body would loosen the boulder trapping the words in my head.
I was so wrapped up in that thought I didn’t register the footsteps, or that they were too heavy to belong to my girl.
“You missed breakfast,” Sean said, plopping into the chair across from me. “Isn’t that like a wedding faux pas?”
I glared at him. “What is it with you and all the French? It’s getting on my nerves.”
A smidgeon of jealousy laced my tone. While I’d been busy trying to learn how to read and write in English, my best friend had taken up a second language.
Maybe it wouldn’t have bothered me so much, but France had been on my mind lately in a round about way. Tori blamed the whole damn country for what she’d lost there. And it only got worse after Taryn had given birth to Noel six months ago.
Tori had kept up a good front until the adoption agency gave us an unfavorable recommendation. Apparently, all the money in the world wasn’t enough to convince them we’d make good parents. Not with my criminal record for battery.
Still, I wasn’t that distraught over it myself. Tori was enough for me. More than enough. But she was sure someday I’d regret marrying her.
As if.
And then, about a month ago she’d floated the idea of carrying a child herself. More like she’d crawled on top of me naked and whispered, “Let’s make a baby. Please, Lo. Do this for me.”
There was nothing in the world I’d deny the girl.
Except that.
Tori was everything to me. And risking her life wasn’t something I’d entertain. But the look in her eyes when I’d told her we couldn’t…it haunted me.
“Dude, you need to chill,” Sean said as he grabbed a wedding favor from the basket in the center of the table. “What’s this?”
I dug my fingers into my eyes, willing away the headache. “What does it look like? Jordan almonds wrapped in pink tulle and tied with a satin ribbon.” He wrinkled his nose. “It’s a wedding favor.”
Easing back in his seat, he lobbed it back in the bowl. “Looks like a tiny nut sack.” When I didn’t laugh at his joke, Sean tipped forward to catch a glimpse of my notepad. “What are you working on?
“My speech for my visit to the UN.” His brow creased, and I rolled my eyes. “What do you think? My wedding vows.”
“Need some help?” I shot him another glare, and he hissed air through his teeth. “Guess that’s a no.” Patting the table, he hopped to his feet. “I’ll leave you to it, then. See you at dinner.”
I tore my gaze from the blank page. “Dinner?”
My stomach growled, and I tried to remember the last time I ate. Yesterday sometime.
Shit.
Sean shook his head. “The rehearsal dinner? Tonight? Ring any bells?”
My stomach twisted. I was getting married.
Tomorrow.
With no vows.
“Yeah. Of course.” I forced a smile. “I’ll see you there.”
* * *
Four hours and two cups of coffee and I still wasn’t any closer to figuring out what I wanted to say.
I’d thought of nothing else but Tori since the day we’d met, and yet, I couldn’t write the words. The promises for our future.
Grabbing my pen and paper, I headed out the door. With no destination in mind, I found myself on one of the overgrown paths at the far end of the property. The dilapidated cabin that Tori and I had scoped out on one of our nature walks by the lake came into view. It was nothing more than three walls and a concrete foundation with a crumbling stone fireplace. The roof was long gone, along with most of the windows.
But somehow it fit the landscape. I guess that’s why no one ever tore it down.
As I got closer, the heavy feeling in my chest lifted. I wasn’t sure why until I slipped through the door and spotted Tori on the stone hearth, staring out at the lake.
Her amber gaze shot to mine, and she jumped to her feet. “Logan.”
“Hey, baby. What are you—?”
That’s as far as I got before she flung herself into my arms. “I missed you,” she said, between breathless kisses.
Relaxing for the first time in four days, I buried my face in the crook of her neck. It was the place I loved most in the world. Everything made sense when I could feel her pulse and the rise and fall of her chest.
Breathing her in, my hands slid to her ass. “You just saw me last night.”
“You weren’t in my bed this morning. I didn’t like it.”
Her tone was no longer playful, and there was something almost desperate in the way she was holding me. Tipping back, I searched her face. Shadows bruised her eyes and her cheeks had no color.
“What’s wrong?” Anxiety crawled from the pit of my stomach when she looked down. “Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts.” It was meant to be a joke, but my heart stalled when she didn’t say anything. “Baby, what is it?”
“Nothing. It’s stupid.”
Since she still wouldn’t look at me, I lifted her to eye level. “No secrets, remember?”
She sniffed, trying desperately to keep her chin from wobbling. “It’s not a secret. But you don’t want to hear it. So just let it go.”
Cupping the back of my neck, she tried to pull me in for a kiss. But I held firm.
Tori was mine. I never doubted it. But maybe the wedding had brought up feelings that she hadn’t dealt with.
She’d done all of this before. With Rhenn. And though she didn’t talk about him much anymore, I saw the sadness in her eyes every now and then. The faraway look.
“Just tell me, princess. I can handle it. Whatever it is.”
“Handle what? I don’t understand.” When I couldn’t find the words, she cocked her head. “What do you think I’m upset about, Lo?”
“The wedding…” Her eyes widened. “No…not the wedding.” Shit. I was fucking this all up. Resting my forehead against hers, I corralled my thoughts. “It’s okay to be conflicted. I’m sure all of this brings up other memories.”
She took in a controlled breath, her lids slowly closing. “You think this is about Rhenn.” It wasn’t a question, and she didn’t wait for confirmation before meeting my gaze. “It isn’t. And I don’t feel conflicted.”
Some of the tension left my body, but she was still evading the issue. “Then what is it?” She wiggled a little and I set her on her feet. “Tori, come on. Tell me.”
Crossing her arms over her chest, she peered up at me. “Did you know Willow lost a tooth last night? A front one.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “So… you’re worried about the wedding pictures? I mean, kids’ lose teeth. She’s only the flower girl. I don’t think it will make that much difference.”
Annoyance flashed across her features. “I don’t care about that!” Pushing me out of the way, she stalked down to the shore, and sank onto her butt on the grass by a dogwood tree. Confused as hell, I followed.
“I’ve stayed away from Taryn because of Noel,” she said quietly. “But I can’t keep avoiding our friends just because I’m jealous I’m never going to have what they have.”
Her face fell, and it was like someone opened the flood gates. Looping my arm around her waist, I pulled her onto my lap. She tucked in as close as she could get and let me rock her.
“You don’t know that, princess.” I stroked her hair as her quiet sobs vibrated through me. “We can find another adoption agency. Overseas, maybe. And there’s always foster care.”
She shook her head. “I’m not strong like my mom. I can’t get attached and then just…let go.” She hiccuped. “God, I’m a terrible person.”
Easing her onto her back, I smiled down at her as I wiped the tears away with my thumbs. “You’re not a terrible person. You’re my favorite person.”
Brows drawn together in pain or disbelief, I couldn’t tell, she twined her fingers in my hair. “Show me.”
Maybe it wasn’t wise to strip her down with forty of our closest friends a stone’s throw away. But I didn’t care. If she wanted me to show her, I would. I always would.
A few more tears slid out of the corners of her eyes, disappearing into her thick mane of raven hair as I undressed us.
Easing on top of her, I pressed a kiss to her mouth. And even with the salt lingering on her lips, she was still the sweetest thing I’d ever tasted.
* * *
Chase answered the door, dressed only in a loose-fitting pair of pajama bottoms. “What the hell, Logan? It’s two in the morning.”
I brushed past him and looked around. “Where’s Taryn?”
Raking a hand through his hair, he padded to the sofa. “She’s asleep. And lower your voice. You’re going to wake up the baby.”
“Too late,” Taryn shuffled into the living room with Noel on her hip, wearing the same button-down shirt Chase had on at the rehearsal dinner. Depositing her daughter onto my lap, she shot me a wry smile. “Since you woke her up, you get to watch her while her daddy makes a baba.”
I looked down at the squirming baby. “What’s a baba?”
Chase thumped me on the head on his way to the kitchenette. “A bottle, dipshit.”
Noel snuggled into my arms with a little smile. Smiling back, I brushed a soft curl off her brow.
Did I really want one of these? Was I even ready?
Taryn cleared her throat, and when I met her gaze, she narrowed her eyes. It was a good thing I had her baby, because she looked ready to kill me if I made the wrong move.
Sleep deprivation.
Or so I thought, until she said, “If you’re here because you’ve got cold feet, just know that you won’t make it out of here alive.” She pointed to Chase. “He’ll kill you, and I’ll find a remote spot to bury your body. I’ve got connections.”
Before I could defend myself, Chase appeared. Pressing a bottle into my hand, he shot his wife a smile. “Don’t be ridiculous, babe. We’ll have Daryl dig the grave.”
I detected humor in his eyes, but Taryn didn’t look amused.
“I don’t have cold feet,” I said as I coaxed the plastic nipple to Noel’s lips. She stuck out her tongue and made a face. “She doesn’t want this. Don’t you… um…” My eyes inadvertently drifted to Taryn’s boobs. “You know...”
Taryn stalked over to me to take custody of her daughter. “Yes, I’m breastfeeding. If that’s what you mean. But she’s cutting a tooth. And the bodice on the bridesmaid’s dress I have to wear is kind of tight. I don’t want my nipples to be sore.”
Chase did his best to bite down a smile when my face contorted. Sore nipples? Really?
My attention back on Taryn, I kept my eyes glued to her face. “Yeah, well. Good luck with that. I guess.”
Awkward silence engulfed the room, and I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans.
Taryn eased onto the sofa next to Chase, looking more worried than ever. Good. If she was imagining the worst, then maybe my request wouldn’t seem so crazy.
Who was I kidding, it was crazy.
I roughed a hand through my hair.
“What is it, Logan?” Chase finally asked, his tone serious.
Swallowing hard, I darted a gaze to the baby, then up to her mother. “I don’t know if Tori told you. But we got turned down by the adoption agency.”
Her lips parted, and she blinked at me. “What?”
She didn’t know.
Shit.
“It’s not that they turned us down,” I amended. “They just didn’t recommend us.” My focus shifted to Chase. “It’s my fault. I have those two arrests. And since they’re for battery…” He nodded grimly so I didn’t have to continue down that path. “Anyway, Trevor’s working on getting them expunged or whatever it’s called. But I don’t know if it’s going to matter.”
The air got heavy, forcing my gaze to my lap, and I cleared my throat, willing my voice not to crack.
“I know Tori and I will be happy with or without a baby. But, she wants this so bad. And it’s killing me that I can’t give it to her. She even suggested…”
I didn’t realize Taryn had gotten up until she was kneeling in front of me. “What?”
I shrugged. “She wanted to try… you know….to have a baby on our own.” Her eyes widened, the stormy blue irises darkening by the second. “Don’t worry. I would never. It’s not worth it.”
Taryn dropped onto her butt as if I’d knocked the wind out of her. “Is there anything I can do?”
It was one of those off-handed comments. A knee jerk reaction. But in Taryn’s case I knew she meant it. That she’d do anything for Tori. At least I hoped she would.
Tipping forward with my elbows on my knees, I locked our gazes. And I smiled. “Yeah. I think there might be.”
TORI
Taryn shooed everyone out of the dressing room so she could help me into my gown. It was a simple affair—snow white, A-line, low in the back with lace that barely brushed the floor.
And I loved it.
“I thought they’d never leave,” she joked, pouring us each a glass of champagne. “On to the important stuff.”
Five minutes later, when all the tiny buttons were fastened, I was seated in front of the mirror with my veil in hand. I fingered the lace trim while Taryn made sure my hair was secured. She was quiet—had been all day. And maybe that had something to do with my distance since she’d had Noel.
My goddaughter.
Jesus, I was a shit.
As soon as Logan and I got back from our honeymoon I was going to be better. He was right. We had each other, and that’s all we needed.
Taryn ran a finger over the silver hair comb my mom had given me to hold my veil in place. My something old. “I’ve got a couple of things I wanted to give you before the ceremony.”
Impulsively, I took her hand. “You don’t have to give me anything. I’m just glad you’re here.”
She smiled, taking a seat on the satin stool beside me. “I know. But I wanted you to have this. It’s your something blue.”
My heart leapt into my throat when she pressed the little blue dolphin into my palm. It was made of glass and suspended on a broken chain. Paige had bought it in a surf shop in Monterey. And she never took it off.
I ran my thumb over the smooth surface. “Where did you get this?”
“It was tucked in the pocket of Paige’s suitcase. I guess the chain broke and that’s why she wasn’t wearing it. I found it when I was putting her stuff in storage.”
A lump the size of a boulder threatened to cut off my air. “Taryn… I can’t…. It’s yours.”
“She’d want you to have it.” The smile wobbled on her lips as she carefully wrapped the dolphin in tissue and tucked it in the bodice of my dress. “There. Now you’ll have a piece of her with you when you walk down the aisle.”
Nodding, I fought the tears stinging the back of my eyes. More happy than sad. Which showed how far we’d come.
After a long moment, Taryn inched forward in her chair. “Close your eyes. I want to give you your something borrowed.”
Biting down a smile, I did as I was told. “There’s more?”
Expecting her to turn over some trinket from our childhood, my lids fluttered open when she laid my palm flat against her belly.
“Me,” she said, her eyes glazing with tears. “I’m your something borrowed.”
I glanced to the place we were joined, then back up to her face. “I don’t understand.”
Entwining our fingers, she leaned in so that our heads were almost touching. “I want to help you have a baby, Tori.” I blinked at her, confused. Help me have a baby? “Gestational surrogacy. Your egg. Logan’s sperm. My oven.”
My heart squeezed as I tried to process what she’d said. Of course, I’d looked into surrogacy. But I’d dismissed it almost immediately. I didn’t trust anyone to carry my baby.
Anyone but…
“No. No.” Taryn said, swiping furiously at the tears spilling onto my cheeks. “Don’t cry, Belle. You’re going to ruin your makeup. I should’ve waited to tell you.”
Grabbing her hand, I searched her face. “You would do that for me?”
She tilted her head, smiling softly. “Of course I would. I’m just sorry I didn’t think of it myself. Before you got turned down by the adoption agency.” Her thumb skated over my cheek, wiping away a fresh tear. “You should’ve told me about that.”
I shook my head, my mind all over the place. “Wait…how did you find out? And what do you mean ‘you wish you would’ve thought of it yourself’? Whose idea was it?” The pieces slid together, and the air rushed from my lungs. “Logan…”
Taryn nodded. “There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you. To make you happy.” Her smile waned, and she sat back, still holding my hand. “You know, I didn’t want to like him at first. I didn’t think he was a bad guy or anything, he just wasn’t…” A tear danced on her lash, racing down her cheek when she lowered her gaze. “He wasn’t Rhenn.”
That faint shimmer I always felt when someone mentioned his name warmed me from the inside. And I hoped it would always be there. “I know. I loved him, T-Rex. In the truest, deepest sense. I wouldn’t trade one minute of the time we spent together. Even if I could go back, knowing what I know now, how it was going to end, I wouldn’t choose differently. He made me so happy.”
Lost in our shared memories, the room got quiet.
After a moment, Taryn squeezed my hand. “Are you as happy now?”
The question spilled from her lips in a whisper. Like an inner thought she hadn’t meant to voice.
I thought about it. Wondered which answer would provide the most comfort. In the end, I went with the truth.
“I am.”
She smiled, a little sad. I guess that was the best I could hope for. “Good.”
The door swung open, and my dad peeked his head inside. “The natives are getting restless out here. Y’all ready?”
Butterflies swarmed in my belly. The good kind. Just beyond that door, Logan waited for me. A promise on his lips and forever in his eyes.
And yes, I was ready.
LOGAN
The minute the door opened in the back of the church, the world shifted. And the only sounds were my beating heart and Tori’s cowboy boots against the wood floor as she walked down the aisle.
To me.
When she slipped her hand in mine and smiled her sun bright smile, I knew why I was having so much trouble with my vows.
There was no way to describe Tori with borrowed sentiments and overused phrases.
She was all the words. And all the music.
Sunshine and rain.
A song with no beginning and no end.
To my surprise, when the time came for me to speak, a thought coiled around my tongue. Sliding my hand to her nape, I stroked the soft skin on her neck. The tiny scar. And then I whispered the words that came straight from my heart.
“You’ll be my last. My final kiss. My everlasting touch. And at my end, you’ll be my final thought.”
I sealed my promise with a kiss that felt different than any we’d ever shared.
Sanctified.
And in that moment, I knew that I’d found my place. My peace. My destiny. I was born to love this girl. And I would. For the rest of my days.