Anna

My heavy lids felt like someone soldered them shut, and the room was spinning like a carnival ride. 

“Oh, God.” 

My groan echoed in my ears, barely audible over the pounding in my head. 

Rolling onto my side, I pressed my face into the soft pillow. The cotton smelled earthy, like the outdoors, with a hint of something else. 

Sean.

Flashes of memories bubbled to the surface.

The concert. The limo ride. Cocktails and confessions in Sean’s suite. 

And then . . . nothing. 

The mattress dipped, and a damp washcloth grazed the back of my neck. 

“Anna, are you okay? Do you need to throw up again?”

Again? 

Jolted by his words, I recalled cold marble under my knees and Sean’s eyes on mine while he removed my vomit splattered blouse. 

Unwilling to face him, I mumbled, “I’m okay.”

Another piece of the puzzle clicked into place when I tasted mint on my tongue.

Sean’s rock-hard chest pressed against my back, holding me upright while I brushed my teeth. 

Or did he brush them for me? 

Twisting to look up at him, light from the bathroom sliced through the darkness, illuminating his liquid blue eyes. 

“Did I use your toothbrush?”

Given my current circumstances, I didn’t know why that was relevant. 

And apparently, neither did Sean, because he barked out a laugh. “That’s what you want to know?” He flopped onto his back at my side. “If you used my toothbrush?”

I was fairly certain we hadn’t had sex. There was no telltale throb between my legs. And with Sean, there would have been. But I didn’t need to give his over inflated ego a boost by mentioning that. 

“I don’t know where your mouth has been,” I replied flatly, gazing from his bare chest to the dusting of hair below his navel. My eyes lingered on the deep V that disappeared into the waistband of his worn jeans. “And why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” 

He faced me, his lip twitching as his focus dropped to my chest before slowly returning to my eyes. “Because you’re wearing it.” 

Of course I was. 

Everything was coming back to me now. The way Sean’s fingers twined in my hair as he helped me wrap my long tresses in an off-kilter ponytail. His hands on my waist as he maneuvered me under the covers. The way he scooted as far from me as possible when he slid into bed next to me.

“And you didn’t even try anything,” I said, cursing the wistfulness that colored my tone.

Sean tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Did you want me to?”

Did I?

For years, I’d pictured myself showing up on Sean’s doorstep and revenge fucking the hell out of him. That was when I was still angry. And like my mama always said: holding onto anger was like drinking poison and hoping the other person would die. And she was right, sort of. If I fucked Sean, I’d surely vanish, the last piece of me dissolving into the ether when he walked away. And he would walk away. 

“No.” My hand followed my gaze to his mouth, and I ran a finger along his bottom lip. “Yes.”

Sean nipped the pad of my thumb, then pressed a kiss to my palm. “Which is it, Anna-baby?”

 I wanted him. Four years or four hundred years wouldn’t change that. But the ravine separating us was larger than ever. Once, I believed Sean loved me with his whole heart. And even that wasn’t enough. Now we were strangers. And I had too much to lose. 

“It’s a no,” I said softly before shifting onto my back to look at the ceiling. 

“Because you’re married?” 

Because I’m not.

The gold band pinched my finger, foreign and even more fraudulent without the benefit of a few cocktails. 

I shook my head, and that’s all it took. Sean was above me, his elbows bearing the brunt of his weight as he looked down at me. 

“I want to kiss you,” he murmured, his lips brushing my cheek. 

When I couldn’t muster the tiniest protest, his mouth crashed into mine. It wasn’t gentle. Teeth clacked and tongues tangled and my hands molded his shoulders, either to hold on or to keep from climbing inside him.

Sean tasted like he smelled. Like sunny days at the lake. And a bowl of fresh oranges.

And home. 

He slid his hand to the back of my neck, to the place he owned. Diving in again and again, he teased and tasted, his hips grinding against my bare thigh.

And then he stopped.

Conflict creased his brow as his thumb caressed the column of my throat. “I can’t,” he rasped, his voice a harsh whisper. “Anna…I just…”

My limbs went numb as Sean’s rejection sank in. 

I’m done with you. And this town. 

All the women I’d seen him photographed with over the years flashed in my mind, a parade of long legs, toned abs, and perfect smiles. 

Balling my fists against his chest, I pushed lightly. “I can’t breathe. Please . . . I can’t . . .” 

Sean’s azure gaze locked onto mine as he grasped my chin, holding me in place. His long hair fell around his face, trapping me behind the curtain with him, where there was only his scent, and our breath, and a memory of what used to be. 

“Listen to me. It’s not because I don’t want to.” Pressing his forehead to mine, he murmured. “I just don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret. You’re not a cheater, Anna-baby.” 

Four years’ worth of pent up anger lit my insides, boiling my blood and charring what was left of my heart. 

“But you are.” I flung the insult like a dagger. “Aren’t you?”

Sean blinked and then slowly rose to his knees with me still beneath him. “I . . .” He narrowed his gaze. “What?”

“You’re a cheater. You cheated on me.” Defeat infused my tone. “The day before you left town.” His mouth dropped open, genuine surprise coating his features. “Don’t deny it. I was there, in the parking lot at the bar. I went to find you.” 

Sean blanched, his eyes glued to the tears sliding from my eyes. The hot, salty testaments to his betrayal glided over my temples and disappeared into my hair.

“You were there?” His Adam’s apple bobbed as if he were fighting to breathe, to keep from drowning, and maybe he was. 

Taking advantage of his surprise, I wiggled out from under him, repositioning myself at the head of the bed with my legs drawn to my chest. Protecting my heart, even as I was laying it bare. 

“I saw you getting out of that girl’s car, buckling your jeans.” My vision blurred and now there were two of him. “And then I talked to her, and she confirmed it.”

We stared at each other for a long moment, and then Sean flopped onto his back.

“You didn’t know?” I asked, sniffling.

He draped his arm over his eyes. “Of course not. How would I know?” 

The anguish in Sean’s voice told me he wasn’t lying.

Scooting to the side of the bed, I swung my legs over the edge, but his hand darted out to catch my wrist before I could escape. 

“Tell me, Anna. How would I know?” 

My attention shifted to the clock with 3:11 a.m. glowing in red.

I had nowhere to go at this hour so I might as well let it all out.

“I thought Logan would’ve told you.” 

Willing the emotion from my voice, I fought the fresh batch of tears stinging my eyes. Sean didn’t deserve them. I’d cried an ocean and didn’t have any to spare. 

Sean’s hand slid up my arm. “What does Logan have to do with this?” 

“He was there.” My voice cracked, brittle shards falling into the space between us. “He found me.” 

Sean rose on one elbow, color draining from his face. “He was there?” Shaking his head like he couldn’t believe it, his jaw hardened. “What did he do?”

Anyone else, and the question would’ve sounded like an accusation. But Sean knew how close Logan and I were. Like brother and sister, closer than Peyton and I were in many ways.

Sean took that from me too. 

I wicked the moisture from my cheeks with my free hand. “Logan took me back to the apartment, and we waited for you to come back. But you didn’t.”

Even though the burden was Sean’s, a weight lifted off my shoulders, and suddenly I was too tired to keep my eyes open. I suspected I wasn’t quite as sober as I thought. The fact that I let Sean pull me against him proved the point.

“I did come home,” he roughed out, his tone gravel and grit. “But you were gone. And I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t face you, so I left. It was a mistake.” Sean’s arms fell around me as he kissed my temple. “The biggest fucking mistake of my life. But I was going to come back for you after the tour. And explain. I swear it.” 

Sean buried his face in my neck, the rest of his confession muffled by my hair. And though I knew it was wrong, that we were wrong, I let him rock me until I fell asleep.