The Christmas tree in the corner of my living room mocked my misery as I weaved my way to the kitchen to grab another cup of coffee. Boxes and bags full of ornaments, lights, and tinsel, sat unused in the corner of the room where they’d been since I hauled the decorations from the attic. 

Sighing, I poured the last of the bitter brew into Mel’s old UT mug, while lyrics cluttered my thoughts. I wasn’t the writer in the group—that was Cameron—but I’d been known to contribute a song here and there. And I’d been stuck on this one for days.

Dropping onto the couch, I flipped open the leather bound journal and reread some of the lyrics.

Lost in Fall . . .

Autumn’s gone, baby, but you still remain. Under my skin, tumbling ’round my brain. 

Leaves have fallen, and the writing’s on the wall. You’re not coming back, but I’m lost in fall. 

My phone buzzed, pulling me from my thoughts. Blowing out a breath, I read the text from Logan.

Where are you? Lily won’t let us open presents until you get here.

My gaze shifted to the single gift under my bare tree. The only one I’d bothered to wrap.

Raking a hand through my unkempt hair, I pondered for a minute before responding: Y’all go ahead. I’m not feeling it. I might swing by later.

The phone beeped with Logan’s reply before I could set it down. 

Get your ass up, take a shower, and get over here. Or we’re coming to you.

The screen darkened while I weighed my options. Glancing out the picture window, I noted the droplets of rain and gray skies. Central Texas offered no white Christmases to speak of, but winter made her presence known. 

Shaking off the gloom, I tossed the phone on the table as I headed for the stairs. Logan was a man of his word; if I didn’t get my head out of my ass and join in the celebration, they’d bring the celebration to me. And that’s the last thing I wanted. 

I stood under the steady stream of pulsing water in the shower longer than I intended, but the warmth helped thaw some of the chill that had settled in my bones. 

As I stepped into my pants, the doorbell echoed in the foyer. 

Fuck.

“Coming!” I took the stairs two at a time, tugging a T-shirt over my head. 

Raking a hand through my damp hair, I plastered on a smile and opened the door. “You guys really didn’t . . .” The words died on my lips when I met the most beautiful green eyes I’d ever seen. 

“Melody,” I croaked. “What are you doing here?”

Clutching a brightly wrapped package to her chest, her exposed skin glistened from the droplets of rain.

“I’m sorry for dropping by without calling.” She held out the present with shaking hands. “I wanted to give you this. And thank you for hosting the fundraiser at The P-Parish.”

Her mouth curved into a smile despite her chattering teeth.

“You’re freezing.” I wedged the package under my arm and then pulled her into the house. “Why aren’t you wearing a coat?”

She crossed her arms over her rain-soaked shirt. “It wasn’t supposed to storm today. I checked the forecast and everything.”

Her bottom lip jutted out as she shook, fighting off the chills trembling her body.

Placing a hand on her back, electricity shot up my arm. “Let’s get you warmed up.”

She tucked a wet strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s okay. I don’t want to disturb you.”

Disturb me. Please disturb me. Talk to me. Yell at me. Just don’t leave. 

“You’re not disturbing me.” Unfurling my fingers when I noticed I was fisting the back of her shirt, I motioned toward the living room.

“Let me put a log on the fire. We can talk.”

Snagging her lip between her teeth, she nodded. “If you’re sure.”

I wasn’t sure of much anymore, but I knew one thing: if Mel tried to leave, she’d have to get past me to do it.

“I’m sure.”

Mel’s soggy sneakers left puddles of water in their wake as I guided her toward the living room.

She sank onto the sofa and smiled, grazing the thick brocade with her fingertips. Recalling all the times we made love in that very spot, I smiled too.

She shivered, catapulting my thoughts back to the present. Snatching the blanket from the corner of the couch, I slipped the soft velour over her shoulders.

My hands lingered a moment too long and she looked up at me. “Christian . . .”

Hearing the admonishment in her tone, I took a step back.

“Let me get that fire started.” I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans as I strolled to the hearth. “I’ve got some of that special hot chocolate you like.” 

Mel’s eyes widened and her smile grew. “Stephen’s?”

“Yeah, I picked some up at Whole Foods,” I admitted. “I’ve got some diab—sugar-free cookies too.”

“Why?” Curiosity piqued her tone. “You’re not a diabetic.”

The word rolled off her tongue with an ease I’d never heard.

“Someone once told me that sugar kills.” Breaking our gaze, I returned to my preparations. “She was pretty smart, so I took her advice.”

Truth be told, I’d replaced all the items in my pantry with their sugar-free counterparts.

Even as I’d done it, I knew it was insane. There was no reason to believe Mel would return. No equation that put my odds above a fraction of a percent.

Yet, here she was, sitting on my couch.

Tossing a log on the dying embers from this morning’s fire, sparks flew in every direction.

“I’ll have this going in a second,” I assured her. “You’ll be warm in no time.”

When I got no acknowledgement, I turned to find Melody staring down at the leather-bound notebook. 

“I didn’t know you wrote poetry.” Smiling softly, her fingertips glided over the lyrics.

“I don’t.” Stoking the fire, the resultant heat warmed my already burning cheeks. “That’s going to be a song when it grows up.” Brushing off my hands, I wobbled to my feet. “So—hot chocolate? Coffee? Tea?”

“It sounds like poetry.” She closed the journal, smiling. “The hot chocolate would be great, if it’s not too much trouble.” 

Running a hand through her hair, tiny beads of rain fell from the soaked tendrils, disappearing into the valley between her breasts. 

“I’ve got some clean T-shirts in the . . . um . . .” I hit the wall as I backed away. “Let me just get you one.”

Cursing at my inability to hold my shit together, I stomped to the laundry room and rooted around the basket of clean laundry. 

Be cool. 

Cool went right out the window when I returned and found Mel seated in front of the fireplace, the velour blanket draped loosely over her bare shoulders.

Gazing at the fire with her damp hair in a messy bun on the top of her head, she looked like the angel I’d always proclaimed her to be.

As I approached, I could just make out the numbers on her tattoo.

“Here you go.” I handed her the dry garment, then knelt beside her to stoke the fire. 

After Mel finished dressing, she rubbed her hands together and held them closer to the flames.

“I wanted to thank you for hosting the fundraiser,” she said quietly. “I had no idea. I mean . . . I would have helped. But you didn’t call, so . . .” 

I set down the poker in the rack and then turned to face her.

Easing a damp strand of hair from her eyes, I twirled the length around my finger.

“You broke up with me,” I reminded her. “I didn’t want you to think I was using the event to get you to talk to me.” 

“I didn’t break up with you. I let you off the hook. You seemed relieved at the time.”

At the time, I knew no better. Hell, I still didn’t know much, except that I wanted her in every way.

“You didn’t give me much choice.”

Before I could rewind and explain myself, Mel was on her feet, glaring down at me.

“And what was I supposed to do? I was already in love with you. We didn’t fit. We still don’t fit.” Eyes wide, her hand flew to her mouth. “I have to go.”

With all she said, only three words stood out. She loved me.

I grabbed her hand before she could bolt.

“Please don’t go, Mel. I was wrong about so many things. I know I didn’t put up much of a fight. But you have to believe—”

She shook her head. “I tried, Christian. I really did. But I don’t belong in your world. I can’t stay up all night and I can’t—”

“Angel, listen to me. I partied and went to clubs for years. But I don’t miss it. I’d rather spend time with you, in any world that you’re in. But as I remember, you had a pretty good time at the Parish until I dragged you out of the place.”

“That wasn’t your fault. I overdid it.” She frowned. “I was trying to prove a point—maybe to myself. I don’t know.”

Her shoulders sank, her brows drawing together at the recollection.

“I was worried about you that night. You’re an adult. You can do what you want. But…” Tightening my grip, I held on tight as I passed the point of no return. “I love you. And I don’t want anything to happen to you. You can’t ask me not to love you, angel. I’ve tried.”

Mel sank down next to me, stunned. “I thought you didn’t believe in love.”

“I didn’t, until I met you.”

The faint silver rimming her pupils sparkled in the reflected light from the fire. Entwining our fingers, she shifted her gaze to the roaring inferno and didn’t say a word. Since she was still here, I was fine with that.

“Do you still want some hot chocolate?”

Shaking her head, she looked down at our joined hands. Her brow creased as she brushed her index finger along the inside of my wrist, tracing the tattoo that matched her own.

“Euler’s Identity . . .” Her eyes darted to mine. “Why?”

Calculating the odds, I thought her too stunned to put up much of a fight, so I pulled her onto my lap. My chest expanded as I took my first unhindered breath since she walked out the door.

“You’d have to ask Euler. He thought it up. I got it because it reminds me of you. The perfect equation,” I kissed her nose, “for the perfect woman.”

She grimaced. “I’m not perfect. I’m—”

“Of course you’re not perfect. You’re a smartass with a huge ego. But I can live with that.” I eased her onto her back. “As long as I have you.”

She circled my wrist, brushing her thumb over the tattoo once again. “It still adds up to zero. It’ll always be zero.”

“Zero isn’t the end, angel. It’s the beginning. Everything starts with zero.”

Brushing my lips over the corner of her mouth, I waited for the protest that was certain to follow.

“But . . .”

I silenced her with a passionate kiss, drowning in her sweet scent. I’d grown to believe she was my air. The fact I couldn’t breathe without her proved the hypothesis. When my lungs threatened to burst, I had to pull away, so some oxygen was obviously necessary.

Resting my forehead against hers, I gathered my reserves so I could make another go at her mouth. “You’re lost in fall.”

“Lost in fall?” she panted, her breathing as ragged as mine.

 My hand crept under her baggy T-shirt. “You smell like autumn. But I thought you might change with the season. Like maybe that was your superpower.”

“That would be a lame superpower,” she mused. “But then again, I’m a girl who’s brought to her knees by gummy bears.”

I frowned. “Don’t say that, Melody. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.” 

She held out her arm, examining the Tiffany bracelet I’d given her for graduation.

“‘She believed she could, so she did,’” Mel whispered, reciting the phrase that was stamped on the inside of the platinum cuff. 

“Yep. But I know something besides gummy bears that can bring you to your knees.” I nipped her bottom lip. “Metaphorically speaking.”

Laughter erupted from her chest. “Missed having me on my knees, did you?”

Popping the button on her jeans, I fingered the little bow on her panties. “You have no idea.”

Her brows turned inward as she looked into my eyes. “Have you been, um, seeing anyone…you know, since I’ve been gone?”

I blinked down at her, too stunned to answer.

“It’s all right if you have,” she was quick to reply. “It’s not like we were together or anything.”

“Does my hand count?” I tried for a somber expression. “Because we’ve had quite a few dates.” Laughter threatened, unfamiliar, since I hadn’t felt it in weeks. “You two are already acquainted so we can probably make it a threesome. Or would that be a foursome?”

When I could stand it no more, the chuckle broke free and I fell onto my back, pulling her down with me.

Since the joke was at her expense, she scampered on top of me and poked my chest, a mock pout jutting her lip. “Very funny.”

I pulled the knot at the top of her head, setting her blond locks free. All traces of humor left me as I slid my hand into the damp strands.

“I could barely breathe without you, angel. I love you so much. I couldn’t—”

She pressed her lips to mine. Gently. And only for a second. “I love you too. I just don’t know how this is going to go.”

When I guided her mouth to mine for another kiss, I knew that the invisible fingers encasing my heart were real. Because I felt them ease the minute I tasted her cherry lip balm.

Reversing our position, I repeated the words I told her the first night we were together. “It goes how it goes. I love you. And I want you. I don’t care what the odds are, I’ll take them.”

“It goes how it goes,” she repeated. “That’s pretty rational, in an irrational sort of way.”

Before she started thinking too much, which always got her into trouble, I claimed her mouth. The need inside me grew with every twist of her tongue, but I wanted to savor her. Once I lost myself inside her, it would be over quick.

Impatient as ever, it didn’t take very long before she was clawing at my T-shirt.

I rose to my knees, not surprised that her pants were unzipped.

“All right, angel. Let’s get you out of these clothes.”

She stretched like a cat, then lay surprisingly still while I undressed her. Her hand snaked to her belly when I was finished.

“Don’t even think about it,” I warned, as I stripped out of my clothes. “Any sudden moves, and I’m tying you to a chair.”

Biting her lip, her fingers inched lower. I guess threatening my girl with a good time wasn’t going to work.

I was about to slide out of my boxers when I realized I didn’t have a condom.

Reluctantly, I headed for the stairs.

“No touching.” I shot her a warning look over my shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”

When I returned, her gaze dropped to the foil packet in my hand.

She propped on her elbow. “Are you . . . I mean . . . have you been tested?”

I dropped to my knees, ripping the package open with my teeth. “Routinely.”

I was about to roll the latex into place when I noted her troubled expression.

She managed to give me a small, unenthused smile. “That’s reassuring, I guess.”

Abandoning the condom for the moment, I crawled up until we were nose to nose.

“I’ve never had unsafe sex. The reason I’ve been tested has more to do with the insurance riders from the promoters and the record label.”

Relaxing, she ran a lazy finger over my jaw. “I have an IUD. It’s safer that way. Someone like me, with my diabetes, I can’t risk an unplanned pregnancy. But if you’re sure, we don’t have to use anything.”

I was sure. Ninety-nine-point-nine percent. That one-tenth of a percent kept me from taking her up on the offer.

“I’ll take another test. But right now, I just want to love you.”

I took another moment, memorizing every freckle on her face. She came to me every night in my dreams, but this was so much better.

I kissed a path to her perfect breasts, sucking one rose tipped peak into my mouth. When she started squirming, I rocked back on my heels.

Sliding the latex over my shaft, I smiled at the thought of being inside her with nothing between us. But even I couldn’t get my doctor to make a house call on Christmas Day.

“Christian?”

Grinning at her impatience, I wrapped her legs around my waist. Guiding myself to her entrance, I slid in an inch, then worked her tiny nub with patience until her fists began to clench.

“You like that?”

She nodded, and I slipped all the way in. Home. I was finally home.

My thumb continued to thrum her swollen clit while I moved inside her. When her eyes fluttered closed, I eased myself on top of her, rolling my hips with each thrust.

Her brows scrunched in that way they always did when she was searching for something just beyond her reach. “Christian . . . oh, God . . . I . . .”

She increased the pace, her fingers digging into my shoulders.

I brushed a kiss to her mouth when I felt her shatter, and then followed her into the abyss.

“That’s it, angel,” I whispered. “Fall with me.”