Sean

Our little family fell into a simple routine over the next few days. In the mornings Anna worked from the couch with Willow at her feet, playing with her toys or coloring, while I sat on the loveseat drinking coffee and watching. Always watching. 

How could you miss something you never knew existed?

But I did. I was jealous as fuck of anyone who’d shared the last four years of Anna and Willow’s lives. 

The only time I left the house was to go to band practice. 

And like today, I was pissy about it.

In forty-eight hours, I’d be on a plane headed for Los Angeles. Away from Anna and Willow. 

The band had just finished running through our set list when I climbed down from my kit. “I’m out.” 

Pausing with the water bottle halfway to his lips, Logan narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean ‘you’re out’? This is our last practice before Benny’s party.” 

Shoving my sticks into my back pocket, I faced my best friend, and though I could feel the icy wind blowing between us, zero fucks were given. “I’ve got a lunch date.”

“Any girls included in your plans?” Logan asked. 

Christian and Cameron dropped onto the couch to watch the fireworks. Wound tighter than usual, Logan was itching for a fight. But I didn’t have time to give him one. 

“Two,” I replied, and with a laugh, I slung my backpack over my shoulder and headed for the door.

“Since your house is occupied,” Logan called after me, “where are you planning on hosting this threesome?”

Anger flared as Logan’s blade sunk deep into my back. After our conversation in the tranquility garden, I’d made my intentions clear to the guys. I told them I’d do anything to make things right with Anna. And this is how Logan wanted to play it? 

Obliging, I spun around, and moving with purpose, I closed the gap between us in four quick strides. “What the fuck did you say?”

I wasn’t waiting for an answer, my fists balled tight and ready to fly.

Just before I lunged, Christian and Cameron dove between us. 

“Whoa, dude,” Cameron said in that easy-going tone of his. “Calm down.” 

“Fuck that,” I growled. 

Christian was busy mumbling something to Logan along the lines of “not cool,” and “what the fuck are you doing?” but my best friend wasn’t paying attention. 

I’d get him to pay attention. 

“Sorry,” by Buckcherry, echoed through the tension filled space. 

I let Anna’s call go straight to voicemail and said to Logan through gritted teeth, “Take it back.”

It wasn’t a request, but a demand, and after a few strained moments, Logan shook off Christian’s hand and said, “Just making conversation.” He grinned, his eyes cold and detached. “No need to get all worked up.” 

My gaze shifted to the clock on the wall. I had just enough time to pick up lunch and meet Anna and Willow. Or I could roll around on the floor with Logan and make him eat his fucking words. 

“We’re not done with this conversation,” I said before turning on my heel. 

Logan’s laughter followed me as I stomped to the door. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk on the plane, Hudson.” 

It sounded more like a threat than a promise.

Anna tossed me a smile when I jumped out of my car. “Hey.” Refocusing her attention on the mountain bike sitting in the middle of my garage, she asked, “Did you bring lunch?”

My gaze darted to Willow, looking adorable in a pink helmet. And then I shifted my focus to the little plastic carrier on the back of Anna’s bike. 

Did she seriously take Willow on the road in that thing? It was made of plastic, for fuck’s sake. 

“Um . . . yeah, I brought McDonald’s.” I cleared my throat and took a couple of cautious steps. “What’s all this?” 

 Anna’s tongue darted out as she tried to turn the knob on the seat. “My dad brought over my bike.” The proud smile gracing her lips slid away when our eyes met. “I hope you don’t mind. I thought I’d take Willow for a ride later.” 

I shook the image of them lying in a heap on the side of the road out of my head.

“I don’t mind at all.” I walked over to examine the carrier. Gauging the weight of the straps, I asked, “Do you ride a lot?” 

“Every day when the weather’s nice.” 

Despite the irrational fear taking root in my chest, I smiled. “We could go now. There’s a park about a half mile from here.” 

Inside the gates. Where it’s safe. 

Anna beamed right back at me. “That’d be great.”

I set the food on the hood of my car before retrieving my bike from a hook on the wall. I’d never ridden the damn thing. It was just another way of connecting to my old life, to the times when Anna and I used to ride the trails at Volente Beach. 

“That’s pretty fancy,” Anna said, her eyes roaming lovingly over the composite frame. “Is it heavy?” 

I shook my head, a little embarrassed. “No. It’s an ultra-light.” An idea wove its way through my brain. “Why don’t we trade?” 

Anna shook her head, disappointed. “I can’t. Willow’s seat is already attached to this one.” 

Which was exactly the reason I’d offered. I didn’t want Anna maneuvering her bulky bike down the driveway, let alone onto the street. Add Willow to the equation, and it took all my self-control not to insist. 

“She can ride with me,” I suggested.

The look Anna gave me was like an arrow to the chest. It was somewhere between “no” and “fuck no.”

But then to my surprise, Anna knelt in front of Willow. “Sean wants to give you a ride to the park.” Willow’s eyes locked on mine over Anna’s shoulder. “If you don’t want to, you can ride with Mommy.” 

Tucking her thumb between her lips, Willow pondered for what seemed like an eternity. When she jerked a nod, my heart swelled to twice its size. 

The trepidation in Anna’s gaze sent me crashing back to earth. “You can’t go fast. I mean it.”

Was she serious right now? The mere thought of navigating the little hill at the end of my street with Willow on board had my palms sweating. 

“Of course not.” 

With a sigh, Anna pushed to her feet, and I thought she’d waffle. Instead, she scooped Willow into her arms, regarding me over the top of the baby’s soft ringlets. 

“I guess we should get her strapped in.”

Anna raced past me as soon as we exited the gate. 

“Where’s the fire!” I called as she crested the hill and slid out of sight. Glancing over my shoulder at Willow, I cemented on a smile. “Your mother’s killing me.”

Willow smiled right back like she could read my mind.

Gripping the handlebars on the downhill slope, I swallowed hard when I spotted Anna gliding along with her arms raised at her sides. She’d done it a million times, but seeing her now, all I could picture was a deer running into the road. Or a car making a turn from one of the driveways.

Mentally, I punched the little douchebag in my head whispering doomsday scenarios. But he just talked louder. 

By the time we got to the park, my heart was pounding so hard I’m surprised I hadn’t cracked a rib. I jumped off the bike and then met Willow’s expectant gaze. She started squirming, kicking her legs. 

Anna jogged over. “Take this.” She held out the lightweight pack containing our lunch. “And go find us a table.” Her brow hitched up. “It’s going to take me a minute to get her out of this deathtrap.” 

My hand flew to the back of my neck. “I guess it’s sturdier than it looks, huh?”

Anna suppressed a smile as she went to work on the straps. “Better be. It set my parents back two hundred bucks. You can ask my dad about the safety features since he has them memorized.” 

Anna looked up when I brushed a kiss to the top of her head. “What was that for?”

For keeping our daughter safe. For letting me share your lunch. For the awesome sex you gave me before you snuck out of my bed this morning.

But I said none of those things. Instead, I discreetly squeezed her ass. “For wearing these shorts.” 

Since that was true too, I gave her a wink and then hightailed it to the picnic area with a clear conscience. As I spread our meal on the table, a couple of women planted on a nearby bench looked my way. I gave them a curt smile, hoping they wouldn’t disturb us. 

No worries there. 

After glancing over my tattoos, long hair, scruffy beard, and the red Happy Meal box in my hand, they promptly got up and left. And that’s when I realized I had a kid’s meal, but no kid. 

Setting the box in front of me to lower the creep factor, I glanced around.

On the playground, a little tow-headed boy not much bigger than Willow caught my attention when he flopped onto his belly at the top of the slide. 

My brows shot together and I wanted to warn the little guy, but his mother didn’t seem to share my concern. She waited at the bottom with a big smile. 

I turned away before the kid met his fate, but when I snuck a peek a second later, he was already climbing the steps to do it again. 

I had to wonder if the park was a good idea with all the obvious perils. 

There’s no way Anna would let Willow on any of these contraptions. Would she?

From the look of longing on my daughter’s face as she pointed at the equipment, she was familiar. And Anna didn’t look the least bit concerned about the children tempting fate all around us.

“You can play in a minute,” I heard Anna say as she tried to get Willow’s eyes and feet moving in the same direction. “Look.” She tipped her chin at me. “There’s a Happy Meal over there with your name on it.” 

Interest piqued, Willow snapped her attention to her mother. 

Anna smiled down at her and cajoled, “Do you want a Happy Meal, baby?” 

Willow’s copper curls bounced up and down as she nodded.

I thought we were home free until Willow stopped in her tracks a couple of feet from where I sat. Despite the fact that she saw me every day at the house, and she’d just rode here on the back of my bike, she regarded me with a furrowed brow. 

Unconcerned, Anna slid onto the bench across from me, and said loud enough for Willow to hear, “I wonder if there’s a toy inside the box?”

I blinked at her, unsure if the question was rhetorical. Anna laid her hand on my arm before I could rip open the box and do a thorough inspection. 

“What? A strangled voice rang in my ears. Mine. 

Anna’s lips curved into a heart-stopping grin. “Easy, Sean. You look kind of scared. What is it?” 

I shrugged, unnerved by Willow’s demeanor. “She doesn’t seem too thrilled having me here.” 

Anna rolled her eyes and laughed, reaching for her burger. “She thinks you might give in and let her play before we eat.”

“And we’re not doing that?” I glanced from Willow to Anna who was now looking at me like I’d grown a third head. 

“No.” Anna drew out the word as if I were a child. “We’re the adults, remember?”

I didn’t feel like an adult, but I gave Anna a confident smile nonetheless. “Got it.” 

Sure enough, once we started eating, or in my case picking, Willow inched her way to Anna’s side. I watched in fascination as she threw her chubby leg onto the bench while her equally chubby hand curled around the lip of the table to pull herself up. 

Once she settled on Anna’s lap, Willow made a grab for the red box. 

Anna thwarted her efforts, looking down into her frustrated azure gaze. “What do you say?”

Willow scowled, and it was almost as perfect as her smile. 

“Peese,” she huffed, turning those baby blues in my direction. 

Mesmerized, I shoved the box in front of my little girl. 

Again, Anna outmaneuvered her hands. But this time Willow didn’t balk. She bounced up and down as Anna felt around inside the box. Willow’s lips formed a tiny o when Anna pulled out a little purple toy. 

Was like this all the time? And if so, how did people walk around without their hearts flying out of their chests? 

I finally understood the goofy fucking look on parents’ faces when their kid did something simple like drink water from a fountain or toss a ball. Because as Willow settled against Anna’s chest, the purple fuzzy action figure in one hand and a chicken nugget in the other, I’d never been so enthralled. 

“Eat,” Anna said as she inhaled her food.

I’d no sooner unwrapped my Big Mac than Willow was on her feet, pointing at the sandbox. 

Balling up her wrapper, Anna smiled at my untouched burger. “I never thought I’d say this, but you better learn to eat quicker or you’ll starve.” 

I was already on my feet, chuckling as I cleaned up our mess. “Noted.” 

After emptying the trash, I took a seat on the bench next to Anna, and to my horror, Willow headed straight for the sandbox where a snot-nosed kid with a loaded diaper was playing.

Panic struck as I glanced over the germ-infested box. There was probably Ebola in there. “Don’t you think it’s kind of dirty?” 

As I pulled out my phone to check for known contaminants in the Austin area, Anna caught my arm. “That’s the whole point, babe. It’s dirt.”

Outside the bedroom, Anna hadn’t used a term of endearment on me in four years. Basking in the glow, I didn’t give the Google search another thought. 

When Willow began arranging the soft powder into neat piles, I sat up straighter. “What’s she doing?”

Responding through a yawn, Anna said, “Making a sandcastle, I guess.”

I felt my chest constrict with pride and something more. Love. How was it possible to love someone so thoroughly in a week?

Taking Anna’s hand, I looked down at our entwined digits. “If I didn’t show up at your house, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now, would I?” 

Anna’s frown said it all, but I waited for the words. 

“If I stuck to the plan, neither of us would be here.” She sighed, looking away. “I wasn’t going to keep her.” 

After my conversation with Alecia at the hospital, Anna’s declaration didn’t come as a shock. But I had to wonder, how did this happen at all? Anna was meticulous about birth control. From the first day we picked up the pills at the free clinic, Anna had set an alarm to remind herself to take them.

Kids were a far off “someday, maybe” proposition. 

After law school. 

Marriage. 

Music . . .

The question dancing on the edge of every thought found a voice. “How did it happen?”

“Rifampicin.” The name rolled off Anna’s tongue with familiar ease. Like she’d said it a million times. Before I could respond, she continued, “It’s an antibiotic. Remember when I cut my leg at the gym?” She looked down at our joined hands, frowning. “No, I guess you wouldn’t.”

I brushed my lips to her temple. “On the leg press at 24 Hour Fitness? I remember.” 

Anna’s looked up at me, and seeing the happiness in her eyes only made it worse.

Had I been that inattentive? Disinterested? Douchey? Apparently so. 

“Um . . . anyway,” Anna went on, “the doctor prescribed Rifampicin to wipe out the infection. It lowers the effectiveness of birth control pills by reducing the level of estrogen in the . . .” She exhaled a ragged breath. “It doesn’t matter. That’s how it happened.” 

Without a doubt, I knew Anna could recite every detail if I asked. All the statistics.

My stomach turned as I pictured her scouring the net for information and explanations. Alone.

I stroked my thumb over hers. “What happened next?”

“Before or after you left?”

I shook off the glancing blow. “After.” 

“Two trips to the clinic for an abortion—never made it past the front door. And then a meeting with a woman from an adoption agency. You know the rest.”

I wasn’t sure if Anna was letting herself off the hook or sparing me, but there was a big piece she’d yet to explain.

“Where does Dean fit in?”

Anna’s leg bobbed and she looked away, squinting. “I told you he gave me a ride that night. We met for coffee after that. He wanted to see if I was all right. And then I threw up in the middle of the Java Hut.” Her focus shifted to Willow and she smiled. “So I broke down and told him about her.”

My head swam as I absorbed that little nugget. “What about Peyton? She didn’t know?” 

“At that point, I was planning on having an abortion. Peyton was sure you were going to come back. But I knew you weren’t.” Anna met my gaze, her eyes devoid of any sparkle. “Unless she told you I was pregnant. And she would’ve, you know? So I had Dean take me to the clinic. And then to the meeting with the adoption lady. He asked me to marry him on the way home that day.” 

Ever since our confrontation at the hospital, I’d imagined all the ways I’d put the hurt on Dean the next time I saw him. I pictured my fist colliding with his face. The satisfying crunch of his nose against my knuckles. The blood. Not once did I see him as anything but some guy who took advantage of my girl. Until now.

My introspection drew a heated glare from Anna. “I’m not apologizing for that, Sean. Not for having Willow. Or marrying Dean, or—”

Sliding my hand to Anna’s nape, I pressed a kiss to her mouth. To wipe Dean’s name from her lips or share the burden, I wasn’t sure. 

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

If I had a dollar for every time I’d said it or thought it in the past four years, I could pay Willow’s way through college. Still, I would keep saying it.

“Ma?” We turned in unison and found Willow standing a few feet away. “Swing now?”

Anna wobbled to her feet. “Of course, baby.” Miraculously, she smiled at me and held out her hand. “You coming?”

I didn’t deserve Anna’s kindness. But I wasn’t about to turn it down. I linked our fingers as we traipsed through the sand, following the trail of dust to where Willow waited beside the swing, her fingers coiled possessively around the chain. 

Before I could test the links, Anna scooped Willow up and said, “A little help?” 

“Sure.”

Dropping onto my knees, I held the seat, and when Willow slid into place her face was a foot from mine. Instinctively my hand shot up to smooth a curl that had fallen over her eyes, but then I stopped, looking to Anna for permission. Guidance. Something.

Anna nodded, and I awkwardly tucked the strand behind Willow’s hearing aid.

Hauling to my feet before I scared the kid with my shaking hand and overall ineptitude, I smiled. “All set.” 

Willow stared up at me with furrowed brows, kicking her legs,

Anna took a seat on the adjacent swing, chuckling. “You’re going to have to give her a push.” 

I waited for her to provide detailed instructions on the proper way to push a toddler in a swing, because surely there had to be a handbook somewhere for all that shit. But all I got was a smile. 

“I can do that,” I said, and with a confidence I didn’t possess, I sank into the sand behind our daughter. 

Placing my palm on Willow’s back, I studied my hand, which spanned the width of her tiny frame. Soft wisps of hair brushed my fingertips, and the breeze carried her baby scent straight to my heart, where it nestled beside the space I’d carved out for Anna long ago. 

I leaned close to her ear. “Ready, Willow-baby?”

Her head bobbed, and I swear I felt her heartbeat like butterfly wings under my touch.

I gave her a gentle nudge, and she glided forward, giggling. But I made sure I was right there when she returned. Regret for all the time I’d missed threatened to cloud the moment, as did the voice in my head, reminding me that I’d be leaving in two days.

Determined to do whatever the hell it took so I’d never miss another milestone in Willow’s life, I let my little girl’s laughter chase the storm away.