CHAPTER 14

Lucy

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THE SMELL OF EGGS and bacon floats in from the living room as Grandpa calls for me to wake up and brush my teeth. I stumble out of bed and go to have breakfast.

“I’ll be heading to church in about an hour, and Grandpa will be going over to the Elks. You want to come with one of us?” my grandma asks.

Mom emerges from the bedroom dressed and ready. “I’m heading to Kinkos to fax something. Be back in an hour,” she says, rushing out the door before I can answer.

I turn back to Grandma. “No thanks. I’ll stay with Ruth.”

My sister’s gaze veers from the pages of an open book. I’m bored just watching her.

“Or I might go to Leti’s,” I say, changing my mind. “Would that be okay?”

I don’t really get an answer just a nod of the head, but my grandmother’s hesitancy gives me pause. Maybe I shouldn’t go. I think of the girls looking for me, of all the terrible things I’ve seen. It’s safer here.

I glance at Ruth, reading her book. What else am I going to do, though? Sit here and watch her read?

But that’s exactly what I should do. I should enjoy a boring afternoon by my sister’s side. Because my decision to leave changes my whole life, and there’s no going back.

* * *

Ro’s house is starting to feel like a second home. I spend all day there with Angel, watching TV while he drinks beer and Ro and Toño do God knows what in her room. Omar and Vee were here at first but they left at three o’clock.

“Here,” Angel says, tossing me a beer as he settles back in next to me on the couch. “Don’t make me drink alone.”

I start sipping it. He gets comfortable and unpauses the movie we are watching. I haven’t really been paying much attention. I’m too distracted, listening for any sound of foul play. Every honk, thunk, or siren makes me go still and quiet, like a deer listening for the rustle in the grass. Angel leans in for a sloppy kiss, wet with the taste of alcohol. It startles me because I’m busy playing watchdog, and I jump.

I can tell by the slight snarl in his lip that he thinks I’m put off by him, not the prospect of someone busting the door down. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close with an almost violent force, holding me to him tighter than is comfortable.

“Settle down,” I say, attempting to push him back. “I think you’re getting pretty drunk.”

“You’re supposed to be drinking with me. Come on drink some beer.”

I recognize the way his eyes shine. They are the red glossy eyes of a drunk man. With lazy lids, tired, but hungry for a fight. They are my father’s eyes.

“I don’t feel like it.”

“Fine,” he says, flipping his beer over so it spills and foams into a puddle on the coffee table. “If we’re not going to drink, let’s do something else.”

He laughs and scoots closer, stealing a rough kiss.

I turn away. “Angel, I think we should slow down. I’m not ready for this, and you’re really drunk.”

“I’m not that drunk. I’m used to it. I drink all the time. Come on. I just want to be close to you.”

“We can hang out on the couch, but I think you better stop drinking. I don’t want things to go too far. Okay?”

“Okay. I promise. I’ll be gentle.”

He starts to kiss on me again, moving from my lips down my neck toward the center of my chest. I try pushing him away but he’s a heavy beast of muscle and lust. My whole body flushes into a nervous sweat.

“Angel, please just stop. Back off a little. I don’t like this.”

“Just relax. It’ll all be over soon, okay?”

“What will be over?”

I struggle beneath him, trapped between him and the back of the couch.

“Angel stop it!” I cry, as he reaches up my shirt.

He slaps his other hand over my mouth and I scream instinctively, but the sound is stifled and cut short as he slams my head against the wall behind us. I black out for a moment.

I’m completely dizzy and vaguely remember being carried into the far back bedroom over his shoulder. My head throbs as I go in and out of consciousness, and only snippets of the horror happening to me slip through the darkness. My ear hits the wall to the side of me. My clothes are stripped. I’m belly-down, and the bed rocks beneath me.

When I finally manage to break through the shock and pain, all I can do is scream at the top of my lungs. I don’t know if anyone can hear me or if anyone cares. Every part of my body wants to fight so I claw at the sheets, but they slip past me like I’m grasping at water.

Something hits the back of my head, and I’m swept into unconsciousness again. I wake with no idea of how long I’ve been out. He is still on top of me thrusting, his breath reeking of beer. I scream, and it must be at the right moment because Toño comes running into the room.

For one terrifying second I think he’s in on it, but when he sees Angel on top of me and hears my muffled cries, Toño tackles Angel to the ground. They roll off the bed and Toño cracks Angel in the nose while I scramble and curl into a protective ball amidst the pillows.

All the banging and screaming must have caught Ro’s attention because she is there wrapping a blanket around me. Then, like a dream, it’s quiet and we’re alone.

I lay in her arms for what seems like hours, my face streaked with dried tears. She keeps telling me she’s sorry, but I hardly hear her after a while. Everything seems distant and unreal. I sleep there with my knees pulled close to my chest, ignoring the pain and feeling humiliated. I don’t want to move. I’m afraid to.

My clothes are folded next to me on the bed when I wake, and eventually I get up the strength to put them on. My legs tremble as I slide my feet into my jeans. It wasn’t a dream. It was real. I clench my teeth and try to blink the tear induced blur from my eyes when I see blood on the inside of my thighs covering faint bruises.

I sit on the bed, but immediately recoil from its sin-stained sheets, and bump into the mirrored closet. There, I meet the new me. The degraded, broken-down version of myself. She stares back, my reflection, with eyes a little darker than before. My head throbs, and I follow the pain until I find its source. Dry blood is caked in my hair. I glance at the pillow, which has been covered with an old white towel. A large red circle stains its center.

A knock at the door fills me with the sudden urge to hide the evidence of my shame. I pull the sheets over the blood-stained pillow and flash back to the moment, dropping to the floor in a helpless heap.

“Lucy?” Ro says, finally finding me beside the bed.

I keep my eyes squeezed shut, feeling the sting of another cut above my ear just missing my temple.

“Oh, Lucy.” She reaches out, but I wince away. “Are you okay? You’ve been sleeping for a long time. I didn’t know if I should call your mom. I was so scared for you. I’m so sorry, Luce!”

It comforts me to hear her use my name, reminding me she’s my friend from a time before I became Guera. Before any of this new messed up life.

“Where is he?” I ask, terrified of her answer.

“Toño threw him out. He went home, I think. Vee called. She’s furious, but Toño told her what happened. She doesn’t want to believe it. Everyone knows, Guera. Everyone.”

“Shit. What does that mean, Ro? What are they going to do to me now? Why would he do this? I didn’t know. I still don’t know what happened. I went blank. It went black... I ...”

“Shhh,” she says dropping to her knees and wrapping her arms around me again. Tears roll over my face leaving dark spots on her tight grey t-shirt. “Don’t worry. It’s over. I don’t know what they’re going to do, but if I were you I’d try and get out fast. You’re new. Maybe they won’t care as much.” She sighs and pulls away. “I don’t know. You know a lot, though. They might try and come after you. Maybe if you get out before they realize you’ve left? Its either that or face them.”

The thought is paralyzing. “Where am I supposed to go? How am I supposed to face...him. I’m scared, Ro.”

“I know, Guera. I know. But you have to think and decide fast. It’s either run or face it. You need to shower and get cleaned up. You’re a mess. I’ll help you. Come...”

She takes me to her bathroom and gets me undressed again, peeling back my clothes like I’m a stiff-legged Barbie doll. The feel of her hands makes my skin crawl and I jolt every time she touches me. I try to help her, but I’m still shaking. I get in the shower and wash myself as well as I can, sliding the soap gently over my tender thighs while Ro goes to get some of her clothes for me to wear. The heat of the water helps.

All I can think of is how I’m going to get away from here. I’ll have to convince Mom we need to go home. Every time I ask her what’s going on or if we’re staying, she won’t give me a straight answer, but Summer’s almost over. We’ll miss school. She won’t be able to argue that. We have to leave now, whatever it takes. I’ll lie if I have to, tell her my busted up head is from fighting, which isn’t too far from the truth.

“Ro,” I say, pulling fresh clothes over my bruised legs.

She comes back into the bathroom. “What’s up?”

“What will happen if I stay?”

“I don’t know, Guera. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be where Angel can find you.”