CHAPTER 9

Lucy

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“WAIT, RO...” I SAY, looking at the green street signs hovering above me in the shadowy night sky. We aren’t heading home from the store like we’re supposed to. “Where are we going?”

She cuts across the middle of the busy road, forcing cars to stop too fast as she passes through the gleam of their headlights. I follow without question and catch the glare of an old Asian man who honks his horn.

“Toño and Angel’s crib,” she answers when we reach the sidewalk.

My stomach flutters with nerves, but we walk in silence up a staircase to the number 53 apartment. I think for a second they must have known we were coming, because the door is open. But as I get closer it gets louder.

Inside, there are at least twenty people sitting either on the floor or on the single brown couch in front of a beat-up entertainment system with a TV. They’re all drinking beer and smoking cigarettes.

I see Angel talking to Vee. She’s sitting on the kitchen counter between him and someone I don’t recognize, laughing and telling them a story or something. The way she keeps touching Angel’s arm makes me think they have something going on, but he keeps smiling at me. It makes me nervous. The last thing I need is to crush on the queen’s man. I suddenly hate myself for liking him at all.

I take a seat on the floor against the wall and watch everyone, picking up on a few conversations about the fight that happened a few days ago. They’re still talking about it. Rona took a good hit to the eye but she seems pleased with her recovery. Kim battered the shit out of two of the girls with some help from Cynthia. Ro took on a chick about her size and they had a pretty even outcome.

But nobody has heard a thing about Littles. Part of me doesn’t want to know. What if I did kill her? Would I turn myself in? My life would be over. Thinking about it makes my whole body flush with fear. I start to sweat and breathe harder. I bite my lip in the same spot too many times.

“Guera.” Angel catches me off guard as he approaches, and I’m thankful for the distraction.

“Hey!” I shift uncomfortably, sitting up straighter.

Vee watches as he sits down next to me. She doesn’t look away, even when I glance at her.

“Heard you fucked a girl up.”

I swallow and let out a shaky breath. “Yeah.”

The queen is still staring at us.

“What’s up with Vee?” I ask without making eye contact with her. “Is she pissed at me?”

“Ha! Yeah, just told her I had my eye on you from day one.”

“Oh, I thought you two were together,” I say, half worried about offending Vee, and half freaking out over what he just said. My mind is so tangled with nerves, I can’t figure out if I’m excited or terrified.

He laughs. “You’re cute, Guera. Don’t let her hear that. Vee’s my big sister.”

“Oh.” I smile to myself, relieved to know that’s why she’s watching us. Although, obviously she doesn’t trust me yet.

“She told me about you,” he continues. “Said you tore Littles apart. She’s proud of you. Thinks you’re a lot like her.”

“I don’t know. She’s looking at me like she wants me dead right now.” The words just fall out of my mouth around him. I can’t even control what I’m saying.

“She’s protective of me. Always thinks I’m gonna get fucked by some hina. I haven’t had much luck with some past females. They give me trouble. But you won’t give me trouble, will you, Guera?”

His tone changes. It sounds dangerous. Like there’s a darker side of him I haven’t seen yet. I smile and put my head down with a swift shake.

“So how do you feel? That was your first fight, right?”

“Yeah...honestly I’m scared shitless. I have no idea what I’m doing, and I thought I killed that girl. Vee doesn’t think so but she wasn’t moving.”

My chest aches as I picture her, and I hope he tells me what I need to hear.

“Huh...Well Vee didn’t tell me that part. I’ll keep you safe, though. You’re mine now. I already claimed you.”

“Oh? And who said that I wanted to be claimed by you?” I’m only half-serious.

“Well, I figured the way you look at me you wouldn’t be hard to persuade. Now that I know what you can do, I can’t resist. I don’t think I’d let you say no.”

He leans in and kisses me in front of everyone. My first kiss. I let his large Mexican lips push softly into mine. I stay too still, afraid I’ll ruin it or do something wrong. He smells amazing. Like an Abercrombie and Fitch store. What can only be described as “boyfriend smell”. The rush hits me as I breathe in, but it’s almost immediately stolen away by a quick jolt and hard press of his teeth.

“FUCK!” A large vein pulses in his temple as he screams two inches from my face. “WHO THE FUCK JUST KICKED ME?”

My heart hammers feverishly, in-love, frightened and unsure all at once. I can feel the heat in my face as I blush, secretly from fear. I’ve never heard him raise his voice. Vee isn’t on the counter anymore, but across the room with a very large grin on her face. No one says a word.

He raises his eyebrows. “Vee I know it was you cause no one’s speakin’ up.”

“So what if it was, Angel? What you gonna do?”

“Come on,” he says to me, standing and holding his hand out.

I choose not to take it, even though everyone is watching.

Instead I lock eyes with Vee. “It’s all you, Vee. Not unless you say it’s okay.”

She lingers, leaving me uncomfortable in the silence. All she has to do is snap her fingers and I’m dead. Thankfully she smiles and rolls her eyes.

“You’re good, Guera,” she says with a quick nod, and I scurry out the front door trying to act as cool as I possibly can.

Angel follows and sits down beside me on the front steps.

“That was awkward,” I say. “I thought she was gonna kick my ass. I’m sorry but I just can’t challenge her.”

“Oh, I know and I wouldn’t have let you. Vee is crazy and she can tear you up. You did good, though. She was impressed again. You keep it up, and you’ll stay on good terms. She likes the power, and she wants to know that you respect her above all. She told me you’ll be watched. She’s going to try and keep you in check.”

“Well it helps when you’re scared shitless of a person.”

“You don’t have to worry. We’re safe. She’s not going to stop us again, but she will be harsh towards you.”

He leans in and kisses me again. We don’t talk. We just kiss, and he holds me in his arms under the starless haze of the San Jose sky. He looks at me from time to time with a smile and tells me I’m beautiful. I believe him. All the violence and pain are worth this moment.

The later it gets, the more insistent my mom’s texts become, so he walks me home, holding my hand the whole way. I tell him about where I live and the difference between the city and the country. I explain what a new world this is, and he is fascinated with my stories. I don’t pretend to be tough, or familiar with this life. I’m myself and he accepts me, even though I’m nothing like the girl I’ve been pretending to be.

We stop around the corner from my grandparents’ trailer to say goodnight, and he slides his hands around my waist.

“Well whatever you’re doing, it’s working,” he whispers into my ear. The feel of his lips against my hair is incredible. “Everyone seems to like you.”

It’s nice to hear. I don’t know what it is that makes them like me, but I’m glad they do. I’m glad he does.

“Us guys are going to be playing some ball in the park tomorrow if you want to come watch me play. I know Vee is coming so at least some of the girls will be there.”

“Yeah I’d like to see you play. Sounds like fun. Vee said I should keep a low profile, though. After what I did to Littles, I think that clique might be looking for me.”

“They’re going to be looking for all of you. Probably us guys, too. You won’t be singled out. They’ll go after any of us for what you girls did.”

“I don’t know. If they’re going to retaliate, shouldn’t we all lay low?”

He shakes his head. “We don’t hide, Guera. It’s just life around here. There’s always someone looking to get one of us. In our gang, you take it together and you give it out together. But don’t worry. We’ll be a big group. They won’t come looking for a fight if we’re in a crowd.”

“All right, I’ll be there. What time?”

“We’ll pick you up when we’re on our way. Just be ready to go.”

He kisses me, jumps on his skateboard, and takes off.

I turn toward the trailer, readying myself to face my family. I make sure my bruised temple is covered by my bangs before I climb the flimsy porch steps that lead up to the back door.

“Hey girly. Where ya been? It’s late,” I hear my grandpa say from his La-Z-Boy.

“Oh, I was just with Ro at Leti’s house,” I yell down the hall. “We were playing some games on their Nintendo. They have one where you can shoot ducks, it’s fun.” I slip into the bathroom and turn on the shower. That will at least give me a few more minutes, a chance to clean up and use some of Mom’s makeup.

The water in this shower is always either scalding hot or freezing, but it still feels good to wash all the nervous sweat from my body. As the soap rinses away, I examine my war wounds, the largest of which is the shoe-print bruise that has turned a purpley yellow. Mostly I’m just sore everywhere.

“Hey,” Ruth’s voice carries over the rush of the water. I stop with the soap against my shoulder, irrationally worried she’ll pull back the curtain and see my beaten body.

“I’m trying to take a shower. Do you have to just bust in here?”

“I have to pee. I’m not holding it the whole time. You take forever. Besides, Mom wants to know if you ate already or if she should make you a plate for dinner.”

“I don’t know. Whatever,” I say, sounding as annoyed as possible so she’ll get out.

My heart races. If she finds out how bad my bruises are, Mom finds out, and she’ll make me leave. I’m not ready to leave Angel.

Ruth scoffs. “Thanks Luce. That’s really helpful.”

I shut the water off as soon as she leaves, needing to hide myself under a fresh pair of pjs.

My face is another story. After toweling off I wipe down the mirror. There’s swelling in my upper lip from the hard knock of Angel’s teeth when Vee kicked him. Thankfully I have huge lips already and am prone to cold sores. I can totally play it off as that.

The bruise on my temple has spread a little. I already had one there from the night all the girls jumped me, but I’m pretty sure the fight with Littles made it worse. Good, I think. I deserve it. I wonder if I’ll ever know what happened to her, if she’s alive. It makes me sick to think about it, so I push the thought away.

I lean close to the mirror to examine the shades of purple and yellow near my eye. I could hide it with my hair but I’ll have to be really careful not to put it behind my ears. I dig through Mom’s makeup bag just in case. By the time I’m done, I look a lot better than I feel. My head is starting to hurt really bad. I was planning on raiding grandpa’s meds for some painkillers, but I have no idea what to take. I decide to just suck it up.

“Hey sweetie,” Grandma says, meeting me in the hallway. She’s basically an older version of my mom with short grey hair and glasses. “I made a plate for you. Do you still want me to braid your hair?”

“Oh, I forgot about that,” I say, recalling a conversation we had days ago. “It’s okay. I don’t want it to be crimpy tomorrow. We’re going to the park. There’s some people playing basketball, and they’re supposed to be pretty good so Ro and Leti want to go watch. If that’s okay with you guys of course.”

“Sure, sweetheart. Remember we’re having your uncle over for dinner at six tomorrow so don’t stay out too late again, okay?”

“I’ll be in early,” I promise. I mean it too. I’ve been out a lot lately and haven’t spent much time with them. I can tell they miss me, and I can’t let them get suspicious. If they find out about me fighting they could send us home.

I still don’t know what’ll happen when I leave the gang. After summer is over Mom will have to take us home for school. They have to realize that, right? The days are weighing heavy on my conscience anyway. I don’t really feel good about what I’m involved in, but I want to be a part of it. To be accepted. It’s a wonderful feeling to get praise for things and to have a place in their strange little family. I’ll ask Ro tomorrow about what’s going to happen when I leave.

At least I’ll be rid of those girls looking for revenge. Unless they find me first.