Of Time And Space
During lunch, River, Reese, and Penny join me at the lycans' table like before. This is the first time they join the table when Milan is around. She just raises an eyebrow when my werewolf friends take their seat at the table.
Constantine takes my hand in his as soon as we're seated. He leans down and burrows his face against my neck, breathing in deeply. I lift my head up above Constantine's just in time to see Milan watching us with narrowed eyes before she looks away.
The table is awfully quiet. All the lycans seem okay, but my werewolf friends seem tense. I feel a sense of dread hitting the pit of my stomach not long after. Ezra is very uneasy and restless. Nobody seems to be interested in talking.
The feeling of sickness increases and I glance over at Milan. She looks innocent, but I sense the source of angst coming from her.
I remember what Serena told me the other night, so I concentrate on trying to project my Alpha and lycan dominance. Instead of dominating, I project it as a protection for my friends and myself.
I've never done this before. This better work, otherwise I'll wreck my friends even more! After a while, a sense of relief fills me. My were friends seem more relaxed. Wow, I can't believe it's working! I observe Milan's eyes widen. Now, I'm sure she's doing this on purpose.
Milan isn't even sparing me a glance, but I see a gleeful glint in her eyes and I can feel her projecting an even stronger wave of dominance. It's taking more and more out of me to keep my guard up. I can feel Ezra's struggle to keep me protected. This is the first time I've ever done anything like this. Before long, I can feel my energy slipping.
That sickening feeling in my stomach is back. Ezra is defiant, but she's weakening and it's getting worse every second. I glance at Serena in panic. She looks back at me with that unreadable serene expression, but I suddenly feel her protective, calming presence wrapping around me. I know Ezra has long bonded with her lycan, Ambrosia.
I think only the three of us, Milan, Serena, and myself are aware of the power play that's going on at this table right now.
My three werewolf friends are looking sick and pale. Penny excuses herself early. She throws most of her lunch away. River and Reese follow soon after. They hadn't eaten much. My friends never threw away good food. This is not okay with me. I feel like screaming at her, but I grit my teeth, trying to calm myself.
Right after Penny, Reese, and River left the table, Milan looks up and watches me speculatively for a while.
“We had fun in Russia, too bad you didn't come with us,” she says to me finally, her beautifully manicured fingers touching Constantine's arm.
That's news to me. I didn't know she went with them. “Well, good for you. I'm glad you had fun.” Something twisted in my chest.
“So, Genesis, let's hang out after school today,” she suggests suddenly. “We can watch a movie, or go shopping or something. Yeah, shopping sounds like fun, don't you think? I could use a new pair of shoes, or two.”
“Uh, no thanks,” I answer. As if I'd go anywhere with her after what she did just now. I'd rather have lunch with a boa constrictor.
“Look, I know you don't have much money. Don't worry, I'll pay for everything!” She sounds enthusiastic and innocent. I can see the steely glint and challenge in her eyes and hear the insult.
“No, thanks. I have tons of homework today.”
“Okay, what about tomorrow? We can do our homework together,” she asks hopefully.
I glance casually at Serena. I can see some emotions in her eyes, but her face is still a blank mask of serenity.
Caspian, Lazarus, and Constantine are staring at us, listening to our exchange.
“No, that's okay,” I reply. I can see what she's doing, but there is nothing I can do about it.
“Well...what about any other day then?” she asks uncertainly. Well, hell and damnation! She's a very good actress, and persistent.
“No...I have things to do,” I answer. That makes me sound like a heartless bitch.
“Oh, okay....” She manages to sound sad. Her beautiful eyes downcast, and her shoulders slump forward, looking hurt and disappointed. Then she looks up into Constantine's eyes with those big sad eyes. If I didn't know any better, I'd feel very sorry for her.
I've been feeling pissed off the whole day at school today. The anger is just simmering underneath the surface. It's bad enough that Milan pulled that stunt on me, but that she had to go and involved my unsuspecting friends too, that's just low in my book. Nobody messes with my friends.
Constantine seems to be aware of my mood today. We are both very quiet on the drive back. When we arrive in front of my driveway, he kills the engine.
“Sunshine,” he sighs. “What's the matter?”
“Nothing,” I answer. “All is good.”
“No, don't give me that. Talk to me.” He takes my hand in his.
“You really want to know what's wrong?” I ask him. “I'll tell you what's wrong. It's wrong when Milan used her dominance over me and my friends. That's uncalled for.”
“Sunshine, I'm sorry about that...”
“And why do you have to say sorry for everything that she did? Like ALL the time?” I'm on a roll now and can't seem to stop talking. “What have we done to her to deserve that?”
“Listen, Genesis...she can't help it. She didn't mean to make you or your friends uncomfortable. She explained to us how she can't control it.” For some reason, him defending Milan rubs me the wrong way.
“And you believe her?”
“Of course, why shouldn't I believe her? We've been friends for a long time.”
Yeah, and I only know him for less than a month. Why would he believe me over her?
“Genesis, she's really making an effort to be friends with you. She never made an effort like that with anyone before. You hurt her feelings today.”
What? Now I'm bristling. “Yeah, I'm sure she's very hurt,” I scoff.
“It's not easy for her. She's used to having things a certain way, it's hard for her to adjust to something new....but I can tell that she really wants to be your friend.”
“Have you ever slept with her?” I shouldn't have asked, but some stupid part of me needs to know. Maybe I'm secretly a glutton for punishment.
My question is met with silence. That answers enough for me. I try to open the door, but he clicks the lock on.
“It happened before I met you,” he explains. “Long before I met you.”
“Yeah, okay.” And that makes it all better. I know I shouldn't be mad at something that happened before we even met, but I am. It hurts just to imagine him ever being with Milan that way. I'm aware that Ezra is more lycan than wolf by now and I can feel her hatred for Milan since lunchtime, and it's affecting me. She's possessive too, and this is not helping.
“Genesis, I'm sorry. I don't know how else to apologize for something that happened before I met you. I'm not a player, but I never claimed to be a monk either.” He sighs, running his fingers through his hair, making it messier than it already was. “Look, she was there for me when I needed somebody. She's been a good friend to me...and that's all we are now. Good friends. That's why I want you two to be friends. I just want us all to get along. Just give her another chance, sweetheart. She can be really nice.”
“Yeah, she's awesome,” I say flatly. One big happy family. Sure. I hate, hate, hate the way he's always defending her. I hate that she's important to him. I hate that they used to be more than friends.
“Look, I need to go now. I think I'm just tired, that's all.” I think I've heard enough.
“Okay then,” he says carefully. “Can I come in and just...hold you?”
“No!” I answer quickly. “I just need some space, you know?”
There's a look of hurt flashed in his eyes before he blinks once and it's gone. His face now is a blank mask of indifference.
Something in my heart twisted painfully. Why do I feel like crying now? I unlock the door, grip the handle and push it open.
“I'm coming to pick you up for school tomorrow,” he informs me stiffly.
Don't bother, I want to say, but I nod and walk out without looking back. If I look back, I know for sure I'm going to burst into tears right in front of him.
I'm so pissed and hurt right now. Heat starts to spread in my chest just from thinking about Milan. I'm pissed off that he's taking her side. It feels like he's choosing her over me. I'm pissed off that they used to be lovers. I'm actually pissed off that she went with them to Russia and he didn't tell me about it. I'm also pissed off that I'm pissed off about it.
Arrgghh.
I'm so pissed off that I'm pissed off that I'm not making any sense anymore.
I burst into tears as soon as I reach my room. How did this happen? I started off today with a feeling like I can fly, now I'm feeling like I'm dying inside. That warmth in my chest is growing. I know that when a lycan is feeling angry, the outcome is never good. I just want to sit here and feel sorry for myself. So I keep myself from phasing and cry till I fall asleep.
I wake up an hour later still feeling sad. At least I'm not angry anymore, just sad. I reach for Ezra and phase into my lycan. I stand in front of the mirror and watch in fascination as I begin changing. My eyes turn all black. I notice that my vision doesn't turn red while changing when I'm not consumed by anger. Certain colors disappear or pale away, while some other colors become sharper. Red in color disappears, but red in temperature is very vivid as I detect heat. I can see my own heart pumping crimson in my chest.
Dark blue veins appear around my eyes. They snake out all over my face, then spread down all over my body. My limbs elongated. I begin to grow bigger and taller...and feel more powerful. I can feel Ezra taking over most of my feelings.
While I'm still changing, I jump out of the window with one swift kick.
I don't know how far I went, but I feel better when I arrive back home. I take a long hot shower and I fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. It doesn't last too long though, I wake up before dawn feeling restless again.
I miss Constantine. I don't think he stopped by like he always did last night. I know I asked for space, but I'm feeling pissed off about that and that makes me feel mad all over again about other stuff too. I think I'm going crazy. He's driving me crazy.
***
Constantine picks me up again this morning. He's looking gorgeous as usual, but something is different about him today. I can feel waves of controlled anger coming off him the moment I get in the car. His wonderful scent engulfs me and I feel a sense relief, but I'm still hurt. I still don't feel like talking to him. I stare out the window the whole way. I can feel his eyes on me from time to time, all the five minutes’ drive to school.
“So, how long are you going to keep this up?” he finally asks. His voice sounds measured. “Or have you decided not to talk to me ever again?”
“I just need some space. I need some time.” If he's going to keep defending his precious Milan, then I need more time. A lot more time.
“I thought I'm already giving you time?” he asks through gritted teeth.
“Well, maybe I need more time,” I announce, pushing the door open, but his hand snatches my wrist in a firm grip before I can jump out and run off.
He leans over me and closes the door. “I'm usually not a very patient man, Genesis,” he whispers in my ear. His chest is pinning me back against the leather seat of the car. There is something dark and feral in his voice, lurking underneath that calm surface. I am suddenly reminded of what he really is. A powerful, deadly, and dangerous lycan. “So far I have been very patient with you.” He grazes his nose and lips against my cheek and down my neck. Goosebumps and sparks breaking across my skin. Though I'm trying to push him away, my body wants him.
“I heard about you partying while I was away.” Anger and jealousy are evident in his voice. “Just how much fun did you have that night, sweetheart?”
“Let me guess, Milan told you this,” I snap.
“She just overheard some kids talking about it,” he replies. “Tread carefully, my love,” he warns. His voice sounds menacing. Suddenly he pushes the shirt off my shoulder. He places his mouth on my bare skin and runs his tongue from my neck, all the way to my shoulder. Ripples of pleasure run through me. Just as my eyelids flutter shut, his mouth clamps on my shoulder, making me take a sharp breath, and my eyelids fly open. I feel his canine pressing on the skin of my shoulder hard, but not enough to break the skin.
“I might decide to collect what's mine very soon, whether you're ready or not.”
***
I still have faith in my mad ninja skills. Yeah, I'm the glass half full kinda person. The whole day I've been busy avoiding everybody. I've been busy trying to look busy, which, by the way, isn't as easy as it sounds.
Avoiding and hiding from Constantine is the hardest. Even when I don't see him, I can feel his eyes on me, especially in hallways between classes. Sometimes I wish I could still pretend that he's looking at something behind me.
During lunch, I can feel his gaze burning holes through the side of my head.
“He hasn't taken his eyes off of you yet,” reports Penny. “Don't look now, but that bitch Milan is clinging onto him like a leech...”
“Penny,” utters Reese warningly. After yesterday's incident, my friends decided to sit at our usual table. I decided to join them.
Oh, and that warning from Penny not to look? It makes me look. It's hard enough to keep my eyes away from him most of the time today. He is like a magnet to my eyes.
Sure enough, Milan is clinging onto his arm like a vine. She's even resting her chin on his shoulder, her face so close to his. I feel like scratching her perfect face.
Constantine's eyes are fixed on me, intense and challenging. He's daring me with his eyes to look away. Our eyes locked for a minute or two before I manage to tear my gaze away.
I glance back a few minutes later to see them whispering to each other. Heads close together. It hurts. Why does it hurt so much?
“You should go sit with them, GenGen,” says Reese softly.
“But I'm not leaving you guys here. You are my best friends.” And I don't want to sit anywhere near that bitch.
“Yeah, we're her best friends. She's not going to abandon us to sit with the lycans,” hisses Penny, glaring at Reese.
“But she is one of them now,” argues Reese.
“No, I'm not. I'm one of you,” I argue back.
“Genesis, I don't know if you realize this, but you are one of them now. You look like them. You feel like one of them. You are as intimidating as they are.”
“I intimidate you?” I squeak, appalled.
“No...that's not what I meant. What I meant to say is, you have that presence that only a lycan has. All of us werewolves can feel it now.”
“Well, I'm not leaving you guys,” I announce stubbornly.
“Yeah, she's not leaving us. We've been friends since we're in diapers, the lycans just knew her,” says Penny as she links her arm around mine. Her bottom lip juts out into a determined pout.
“But he's her mate,” insists Reese.
“Let it go, baby. It's her choice to make,” says River, rubbing her shoulder soothingly.
“Okay, but all I'm saying is, if it's River sitting over there with some other girl hanging over his arm like she belonged there, I'd scratched her eyes out and claimed my place. I won't be sitting here and cower away,” states Reese fiercely.
“I'm not cowering away. I just need some time to think,” I say and pout.
I can feel eyes on me. I can see fingers pointing and hear their whispering. I know people are talking and speculating about why I'm not with Constantine or sitting with the lycans anymore.
I see Logan staring. I see so many people staring, it's suffocating.