How Do I Reject Thee?
After that first day, I never cried in front of my parents again. Mom and dad, and even Autumn, looked very upset when they saw me crying and in pain. When he first heard about it, dad got really angry. That was the angriest I've ever seen him. He's usually a very laid back and easy going kinda person. That day, I learned that my daddy could be very scary when he's angry. Mom had to calm him down to stop him from changing and go charging into the pack house.
Now I cry in the shower. I make sure to muffle my sobs with my hands. Also that second night, I felt the pain so intense that I had to bite my pillow to swallow the sound of my scream. It lasted almost an hour. I knew right away what my mate was doing then.
Some say it's a gift, but I think it's a curse that you can feel it when your mate is cheating on you after that first meeting. It's very painful.
He's having fun with some other female, probably Mia, while I'm feeling the pain. How is that fair? My wolf Ezra howled in pain, sadness, and rage. Oh, I can feel her rage now, and that's better than her silence. My wolf is strong. I'm glad she's still here. At least she hasn't abandoned me yet.
My friends Penny, Reese, and River now know the whole story and are very pissed off. Reese had to calm River down who looked pissed enough to kill somebody. They come to visit me after school almost every day to cheer me up. I don't know what I'd do without my loyal friends.
I never thought being an Omega is that bad. I mean, my parents taught me that everybody is equal. Even the humans should be treated with the same respect. I guess not everybody thinks that. Now, I'm conscious of my status as an Omega.
My father was actually in line for an Alpha in his old pack. I think my dad and my mom are hippies at heart. He's too carefree to be an Alpha, much to my grandpa's endless chagrin. His younger brother, my uncle Ashton, took over while dad followed mom to this pack. His old pack, Canis Gunnolf Pack, is one of the strongest in the world.
We never talked about this to anyone. I think the only people who knew about my dad being an alpha in line for Canis Gunnolf are Alpha Carrington (Logan's dad) and his beta.
I think Alpha Carrington was worried that my dad would challenge him for the title as an alpha when he first made a request to join this pack. My dad is quite a big man after all. He relegated my dad to an Omega level, which my dad didn't at all mind.
Today is Friday, the third day after it happened, I decided that I've wasted enough time. I'm not wasting any more time mourning over a useless jerk of an ex-mate. My wolf Ezra hasn't left me. I can live without a mate. I'm determined to make it without a mate.
However, I'm not ready to go to school yet. I'm not ready to see him and Mia eating each other's face and laughing and being happy together. But I'm going to show him that I'm strong; that he doesn't have the power to break me.
I go to our Art Supply Store instead—Fairchild's Kraft & Art Supply Store—the sign says in bold colorful letters up the front above the entrance. We own this store, and we're the only art supply store in town. Mom sometimes offers painting lessons as well.
“Hey, baby girl!” says dad, looking surprised but happy to see me there. “Just the girl I want to see. I have a good news for you.” he announces, looking enthusiastic as he arranges the pastel boxes on the shelf. “You just sold your very first painting this morning.”
“Really? Which one?” Wow, that definitely lifts my spirit up a little.
“The rundown hut by the lake in oil,” he answers as he moves behind the counter. “Here you go, honey.” He hands me the money. Pride shines in his eyes.
Five hundred dollars. It wasn't even a big painting.
“You're a rich woman now. What are you going to do with all that money?” he asks me teasingly.
“Wow! I don't know, dad. So many possibilities. I might buy myself a Porsche, and a fancy condo and ditch you guys.”
“Smart-aleck.” Dad laughs, ruffling my hair. I think he's relieved that I'm out of my self-imposed imprisonment and sound almost like my old self again.
My phone beeps with an incoming text message.
Queen Penny: Whatcha doing? Daytime tv any good?
Me: Nope. At art store. Whatcha doing? Chem any good?
Queen Penny: Ha Ha Ha....bored. kill me now.
Me: Ha Ha...Sold my painting today. $500 Woo hoo!
Queen Penny: COOL! Be my sugar momma, you rich woman you! We're going shopping after school. Pizza & ice-cream your treat.
Me: NOOOOOO!!!
Queen Penny: YESSSS!!! Will let Reesey know. Got to go. See ya! Love ya!
I know my friends would drag me to the mall by my ankle, kicking and screaming, if they have to.
I enter the studio at the back of the store. I pick a big blank canvas, put an apron on, then I attack the canvas, pouring every anger and frustration and sadness into it. And, it is only after I'm done when I realize that my cheeks are wet with tears.
I stare at my work—it's a semi-abstract, with layers and swirls of colors of demons and angry lines of heartbreaks. A single white dove is flying alone. Its fluttering wings are almost translucent. The dove is ethereal, too exquisite for its surrounding. My hope and strength. I am good enough.
“Oh, honey,” says mom from behind me. “That is...absolutely amazing.” She gasps. Tears are filling her eyes as she stares at the painting.
After school, my two friends show up looking excited. They both drag me to shop for some new outfits and get my hair trimmed up a bit and add a few very bright red highlights. Oh, joy, retail therapy.
***
“You guys suck! Why are we watching this movie again?” complains Penny as she throws some popcorn on my head.
“Hey, Reese voted for this movie too,” I argue, flicking some popcorn back at her.
For someone so sassy and looking so tough, Penny's a scaredy-cat when it comes to horror films. Reese, who's always looking like a sweet Disney princess, can't seem to get enough of them. I'm stuck in between them.
It's Saturday evening, and we are currently watching Annabelle: Creation on Netflix in my bedroom and Penny is hiding behind a big pillow on her lap.
Mom and dad are still at the store and Autumn is out with her friends.
“Come on, Penny, it's not that scary,” says Reese, shoving a big scoop of Ben and Jerry's in her mouth.
Penny scowls and throws another handful of popcorn onto our heads. Reese giggles and picks another bowl to empty it over Penny's.
“You are so helping me clean my room before you go tonight,” I warn them laughing, throwing more popcorn at the both of them.
All of a sudden the familiar pain starts at the base of my stomach, knocking the wind out of me.
“GenGen, what's happening?” asks Reese in alarm as I writhe in pain.
“Nothing,” I gasp. Oh no, I don't want them to see this.
“Should I call your mom?” asks Penny, panicking.
“NOOO.No,” I yell, clutching my stomach. “Don't.. tell my mom.” I choke out. Tears are starting to run down my cheeks.
“What's wrong? What's happening?” asks Penny again.
“I think I know what's happening,” answers Reese, gripping my hands on my stomach. “That manwhore Logan is doing somenasty things with some slut,” she continues coldly.
Penny lets out a string of curses.
The pain is excruciating. I think I passed out after a while. Thank goddess for that.
When I open my eyes again, Reese and Penny are still there. Reese is still holding my hand tightly in hers with tears on her face. Penny is fuming and walking around the room as if she wanted to kill someone.
“Hey, you're still here,” I smile, feeling exhausted.
They both snap their heads to look at me. Penny is looking totally pissed, and Reese is staring at me with sadness, pity and also some anger. I don't think her anger is directed at me though.
“How many times had this happen, hon?” asks Reese.
“I bet this is not the first time,” says Penny, looking at my belly now exposed from my t-shirt that has ridden up from my twisting and squirming.
My stomach is black and blue. The bruising came from me clutching my stomach so hard when the pain gets too much.
“This is the fourth time so far,” I decided to be truthful. They had seen me in pain, after all, there's nothing much else to hide.
Penny starts cursing all over again. “It's not fair! He can't do this!” yells Penny.
“Now where are you going, Penny?” asks Reese when Penny jumps to the door.
“Where else? I'm gonna go and kick his ass off to the moon!” Penny wails hotly. Her chocolate brown eyes turn even darker, showing that her wolf is close to the surface.
“No, you're not,” announces Reese, dragging her back into the room.
“Oh, hell yes I am!” argues Penny, trying to get out of Reese's firm grip on her arms.
“We're not kicking anyone's ass today. We're going to do even better,” Reese declares. That makes Penny stop struggling.
“He's hurting one of us and we're beyond pissed. Girls, we're getting even. It's operation payback,” announces Reese.
What did I do to deserve such awesome friends? “I love you guys,” I say as I hug my two besties.
Penny writes down our plan for Operation Payback on paper. If that's not a commitment, I don't know what is.
Most of the ideas come from Reese and Penny. I just scrunch up my nose at most of them. Well, maybe all of them.
There are a few phases to our Operation Payback:
The first one is for me to look awesome and get the attention of un-mated boys at our school. Umm...I think that needs a lot of work, but maybe that can be done. Maybe. I don't know.
The second part is for me to flirt with some guys to make him jealous. According to Reese, all werewolves, especially the Alphas are very possessive of their mates...even with the ones they've rejected. We'll have that theory tested soon. I kinda doubt that he cares. He has the beautiful Mia and all the other girls anyway.
The third phase is for me to get a boyfriend since I don't have a mate anyway.
The third phase would lead to phase four, and this is the toughest one for me...lose my V-card so that he can feel the pain he causes me when he's with someone else. I'm not sure if I'm on board with this one.
“It's not like you're saving yourself for your mate anymore,” argues Penny when I disagree with the fourth stage. Ouch!
“GenGen, you have to commit to this. Promise me you're going through with this. He made you suffer, he's gonna pay. He should feel at least a fraction of the pain he put you through. You're gonna show him what he's missing. You're going to show him that you don't need him. He needs you,” commands Reese spiritedly. “Doesn't he know that an alpha needs his true mate to be really strong? This pack is going to the wolves...like literally.
“I'm getting an ulcer just thinking about him and Mia leading the pack.” Reese shudders.
The thought of the two of them together is less painful now. Maybe because I haven't been around him in a while. I don't think I'm good enough to be a luna, but I don't know what I'll do when the two of them become the alpha and luna of the pack.
“You think they'll kick me and my family out of the pack once they become alpha and luna?”
“They can't do that, can they?” asks Penny.
Yes, they can. The three of us sit in thoughtful silence for a few minutes before I suggest that we let our wolves out and go for a run.
It's a great relief to let Ezra out. I feel light and feel almost normal again. I should let my wolf out more often.
Penny ends up spending the night at my house. Reese has a date with River later that night and has to leave. Both of Reese and Penny are coming for a sleepover again tomorrow night.
After Reese left, Penny wants to watch Deadpool and drools over Ryan Reynolds. I've drooled over him like a thousand times, so I decided to butcher Elizabeth Browning's beautiful sonnet, How do I Love Thee , changing the word love to reject and tape it on my wall.
How do I Reject Thee?
How do I reject thee? Let me count the ways.
I reject thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I reject thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I reject thee freely, as men strive for right.
I reject thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I reject thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I reject thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I reject thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but reject thee better after death.
Penny thinks I'm nuts. I think it's funny in a sick, twisted and sad kinda way.
Original Poem:
How do I love Thee? (Sonnet 43) by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men might strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,–I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!–and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.