Twelve

 

Enzo

 

 

This is more like it. This is where I feel at home. The gym. I may not be able to do my usual workout with this damn cast still on my leg, but lifting these weights feels fucking amazing.

I've been pumping iron for the past two hours, arms, shoulders, back, stomach, legs. Whoever said you can't lift weights with a cast on your ankle wants shooting.

All right, maybe waiting a few weeks for the rest of me to heal helped, but I've needed this, this is helping me clear my damn head right now.

“You're a crazy motherfucker,” I smirk at Freddy while placing the weight bar back on the stand. “You shouldn't even be walking around on that damn ankle, let alone...”

“Give it a rest, Fred, I've got a busted ankle, there's nothing wrong with the rest of me.”

With a shrug of his broad shoulders, he throws his sweat-soaked towel down on the opposite bench and drops down on his ass. “Bringing a date to the wedding?”

The wedding. His father. Paige's mother. I'm not taking a date. There's no one I want to go with. Okay, there's someone. But I can't go to the Estella wedding as Paige's date, Freddy would kill me. Or try, at least.

What if Paige brings a date?

She wouldn't do that, not after I made it clear I don't want her with that doctor prick. She may have defied me and gone on a date with him, but I showed her who the fucking real man is.

Real man? Real men don't lead the woman who's in love with them on. Real men don't tell the woman who loves them to move on, then fuck her in all sorts of ways, in all sorts of places. Real men don't confuse the woman who loves them so much she doesn't know which way is up.

Be that as it may... God, when am I just gonna admit what she means to me? When am I gonna man up and claim that girl? She's mine, always has been. But there's something stopping me.

“Nah, there's no one I wanna go with.”

“When are you going to put behind you what happened with Autumn? You don't have to be a damn martyr, Enzo. You're allowed to live.”

I shoot daggers at him. What the hell does this have to do with what happened in the past?  “Do not bring her up again, Freddy. I've put it to rest. I've moved on.”

“Have you, though?”

I have. Haven't I?

Am I pushing Paige away because I haven't let go of what happened with Autumn? The thought that that could be true tears me up inside. I'm hurting the only girl I have ever loved because I can't get past what happened.

Yeah, I love her. I love Paige Monroe. But what good does it do me when I can't be the man she needs me to be? How can I be the man anybody needs? I'm a fucking monster, Autumn realized that too late. I couldn't've been more of a bastard to that girl if I could've tried.

Weeks she tried to talk to me, to tell me she needed my help. I walked away from her because I knew she was sleeping around behind my back. I called her all sorts, even physically threw her out of my house. When I finally spoke to her, she told me she was pregnant, scared of what her mother would think.

Basically, the bitch guilted me into being with her. It wasn't so bad. We didn't sleep together but I was there for her. I took her to every doctor appointment, made sure she was comfortable. I even stroked her growing stomach, fell in love with the baby growing inside of her.

That's when I put what she'd done by cheating behind me and told her we could make it work. I was even going to make her my wife so Charlie could have the family I knew she deserved.

Who the hell was I trying to kid? I knew deep down that it would never work. She was far too in love with the cunt that knocked her up.

I was angry with Autumn for a long time. I'm not angry anymore. She's gone, never coming back. Charlie is gone. Nothing I do will change that. I have to put them to rest if I ever want any kind of life. Because Freddy is right, I was still holding on to the hurt and anger I've felt all these months. It's time to let go. Once I have, maybe then I can show Paige that I'm worthy of her.

I hope I'm worthy of her. I just need to tell myself that I deserve that girl's heart. I'd give up everything I own to make her happy. I know I can protect her, hell, I'm a strong guy. The only problem I have is the fact everything I love gets taken from me, if I lost her completely it would kill me.

Could I really let her go for good, stand by and watch her with some jackass like that doctor who's got the hots for her? If I did, could I let her go completely? Or do I honestly think dragging her off and fucking her like she's a cheap whore can continue forever?

She deserves more than what I've given her so far. She deserves everything. And besides, I've probably fucked everything up between us anyway. She's not gonna want me now.

It's for the best.