Seventeen

 

Paige

 

 

Jade's hands are cold, they make me shiver as she traces the bruises on my inner thighs. They sting, Mark really dug his fingers into my flesh when he tried to rape me. Because that's what he did when he couldn't get me to suck his cock. Yes, he did manage to get my mouth open and shove it down my throat, but I fought him on it. Doesn't make what he did any less disgusting.

Enzo brought me here to the hospital. He was made to leave the room while Jade and Angela, two nurses I work with here, check me over.

I'm kind of numb, to be honest. It still doesn't seem real. Mark didn't seem the type that would hurt anyone. But how can a person really tell what another is truly like or capable of?

I've done these checks on women before, but I never realized how truly invasive they were until now. I always had compassion for those women who were hurt like this, no one ever deserves to have something so precious taken from them. Every woman has the right to say no, and every man because it happens to them too, more than people would realize.

I guess I just never really understood how humiliating and painful all of this actually is. Not just the attack, but all the checks from nurses and doctors, talking to the police, family, and friends finding out, and then, of course, everyone else finding out. The talk of the town I will be after this. Nothing stays secret for long in this town.

I guess it's true what they say, you'll never know until it happens to you.

Nothing shocks you more than hearing this, though, “Did you know you were pregnant, Paige?”

For a while there I'd forgotten all about my pregnancy. I haven't found the right time to tell Enzo about it. The truth is, I stalled because I don't know how he'll react. Charlie might not have been biologically his, but he loved her so much. I know he's scared of losing someone else that he loves, and he will love this baby. But I'm scared he'll distance himself to protect himself from getting hurt. I never want my child to feel less than because its father can't open his heart and let love in.

In all honesty, I think that's maybe why he hurts me the way he does. He won't allow himself to love me in case he loses me. It's kinda sad really.

“Yes,” I answer honestly. “I'm still pregnant?”

“You are,” Dr. Johnstone tells me. “Very newly pregnant” Well, Duh!

“I thought I might have lost it.” I really did there for a moment. The fact I haven't, makes me cry to myself. Not because I'm sad, but because I'm so relieved.

“No,” He smiles. “But get some rest, you both need it.”

I nod slowly.

“Can I get you anything?”

Jade's sympathy just makes me feel worse. It's not her fault, this is exactly the way I'd speak to a woman in my position. It's a nurse's natural instinct to be kind and try and make their patients lives that much more simple. People in this situation need kindness. But it's only now I realize that maybe letting them know you're there for them while backing off until they're ready to ask for your help is better.

“No,” I tell her while climbing into bed and allowing her to adjust the covers over my stomach. “Just send Freddy in so I can get this over with.” She nods and leaves the room.

I cannot believe I'm going to have to tell my brother of all people what happened to me. I feel so sick it's unreal. And I can't even believe Callie called him!

But then, she called her father so he was bound to call my brother. I'm not angry with anyone, I'm ashamed of me.

Freddy walks through the door a moment later with Sydney and Keller Harper. My best friends mother is the last person I thought would be here. Keller's the sheriff so it's obvious he would be.

“Sydney thought it might be a good idea if she was here while we chat.”

“I don't really want to do this, Freddy. You're my brother.” My deputy police officer brother. He might be wearing his uniform, but right now, he's just Freddy, my brother.

“Yes, I am your brother, and as your brother, I will not let that bastard get away with what he's done to you!”

Tears fall from my eyes, Sydney wipes them away with a tissue while taking my hand in her other. It's comforting to know she's here. I wish my own mother was, but she's halfway to her honeymoon right now. Sydney's the next best thing.

God, my mom, she's going to be so heartbroken when she finds out what happened to me.

Keller takes his notebook and pen from his top pocket and poises the pen to paper. “Why don't you start at the beginning?” He tells me kindly.

Each person listens as I tell them what happened. Sydney encourages me to carry on when I feel like I can't. And yes, it's beyond hard to not cry when my brother hisses a breath each time I explain how Mark forced himself into my mouth, when he held me down and tore off my panties, how he touched me there and almost raped me. But I manage it, I manage to tell them everything.

But having to go over the details, again and again, is hard. So very fucking hard. I'm so tired, I just want to sleep, but Keller won't allow me to until he's gone through everything I've told him with a fine tooth comb.

“Please, can we finish tomorrow?” I practically beg him.

“We're almost done, sweetheart. You're doing so well.” He smiles encouragingly.

I don't want to do this anymore but I will. I have to if I want Mark caught for what he did to me. All I can think about is if he's done this kind of thing to another woman, and if he has, how the hell has he gotten away with it?

Or, am I the first girl he did this to? If I am, what was it about me that made him attack me the way he did? Was it my fault? Did I lead him on?

The thoughts keep swimming through my head long after the Harper's have left, long after Freddy has gone home to Della. Even after Enzo refused to let me go home alone and brought me back to his house, the thoughts just won't leave me alone.

In my dreams, I see Mark looming over me, ready to attack me. Only this time, I can't stop him and he rapes me, strangles and kills me. I'm going to be thinking about this for a very long time to come. But I won't let it define me, I'm stronger than all of this... I hope.