Chapter Twenty-Eight
Maddie sighed as she took a short break once Sports Day was in full swing. The last remnants of the morning fog were burning off in the spring sun. The festival was running smoothly, but that didn’t calm her nerves. Everything needed to go perfectly today. Justin’s store depended on it. But more than that, she felt like the fate of her entire life was tied to this event.
She hadn’t intended to bring up anything about their marriage or family or Sofia when they met the other day. She’d wanted to respect Justin’s need to think about her proposition to become foster parents and simply discuss the final plans for Sports Day.
But she couldn’t ignore how distracted he had been. That was her fault. She’d sprung Sofia on him when they should have been focusing on other things. Add the stress over meeting his sister for the first time and it could easily become too much for Justin. One of these days, she would learn to think through all the implications of her decisions before she jumped in with both feet.
But Justin had said that was one of the things he loved about her.
She hadn’t planned on asking him to move home, either. He needed to come to this decision on his own, just like becoming foster parents had to be something he decided because it was what he himself wanted. But she had to at least let him know that she expected him to move home soon.
Justin was right to push that conversation until after today. That didn’t mean Maddie hadn’t thought of exactly what she wanted to say to him. She’d tell him that her bed was as empty as her heart when he wasn’t beside her. That he made her a better version of herself and that she and Aiden weren’t complete without him. That he was part of their family, and while she may have lost sight of that for a while, she would never again.
Maddie stepped onto the grass and studied the scene in front of her. Kids were running around, giggling and talking, while their parents watched, many with their hands wrapped around travel mugs of steaming hot coffee from the Java tent. The three cups Maddie had downed early this morning when she couldn’t sleep sat like a lead weight in her stomach. She was too nervous to drink any now. Nervous for the event. And anxious about talking to Justin later.
She was assigning a lot of significance to a single conversation, but after these weeks apart, they had turned a corner. If she had her way, tonight would end with the rest of Justin’s clothes back in the closet and him asleep beside her in their bed.
Up on the fields, high school teams were playing exhibition matches. They looked like they were having more fun than the kids who were watching, joking with each other and acting completely like, well, teenagers. Maddie couldn’t wait until Aiden was that age, to see the person he would become, but at the same time, she wanted to slow down time and cherish every moment she had with him. Especially if he ended up being their only child.
Her mind drifted to Sofia. The little girl could be the answer to Maddie’s prayers. She’d never imagined adding to her family outside of having babies, but the prospect of offering Sofia a home and the love that she was so desperate for stirred an ache in Maddie’s gut much like her desire to get pregnant. Maddie realized now that her longing for another baby wasn’t really the issue but merely the symptom of something bigger—Maddie had more love to give, and any way she could fill her home with that love was good with her.
Her attention turned to the moon bounces and other inflatables set up on the grass near the trees. Aiden had rushed over there as soon as Maddie let him out of the car, and his giggles carried through the air as he bounced in a castle-shaped float. She smiled at her son, knowing he was perfectly safe while she saw to last-minute details.
Growing up in the city, she’d never had the comfort of a small town like Cedar Hill. Friends and neighbors looked out for each other in a way she’d never experienced as a child… when she felt so alone every night. Aiden was lucky to be growing up in such a community.
At the tents arranged in a semi-circle around the park, volunteers from the various sports leagues were registering kids for their spring seasons and handing out coupons for Justin’s store. Maddie had ensured that each league had plenty on hand. This day was a boon for the leagues as well—bringing town families together in one place. If Sports Day was successful, it could set the stage for future events like this. There was nothing a small town did better than put on an event.
Right in the middle of the layout she had carefully designed was the Harper Sporting Goods tent. It was more than a tent, really. Justin had set up a satellite store right here in the park, complete with inventory and tablets to take orders and process purchases. Nets were positioned around three sides and equipment was on hand for the kids to try throwing, hitting and kicking balls of all sorts into the targets. Teenagers were working with some of the younger kids, showing them how to stand or how to wrap their hands around a baseball bat in just the right way.
Justin’s family had come today to help him. His mom was stationed behind a table, a huge smile on her face as she rung up customers. Until Maddie had approached Barbara earlier this week, she had forgotten that Justin’s mom had helped out at the store when his dad ran it, much like Maddie was doing for Justin now. Barbara was comfortable behind the register, and today was probably as good for her as it was for Justin. Izzy and Tanner were strategically stationed throughout the tent, grabbing products and answering questions like they’d worked at the store for years. Just behind the tent, Serena and Alexis were pulling inventory from the store’s trailer, restocking the displays as quickly as they were depleted. Even Hayley was pitching in, running items back and forth, although Maddie imagined she spent more time turning cartwheels with her friends in the open field rather than helping at the tent. The family worked like a well-oiled machine, everyone helping, a concept foreign to Maddie but one that she had embraced wholeheartedly from the day they moved to Cedar Hill. This was what family was about and what she wanted for her son.
Maddie scanned the crowd until her eyes landed on Justin, three adults surrounding him, all asking questions at once. Others might not notice, but Maddie could see the shadows under his eyes, a sure sign of fatigue. Justin had busted his ass to make this event a success, but she imagined the stress of their marriage… and Sofia… had exhausted him as much as the late hours had. But the huge smile on his face was genuine. Today was a massive success for him and the store.
Working together with Justin had helped Maddie see what she had been missing out on when she had focused solely on getting pregnant instead of enjoying the family she had.
Confident that everything was running smoothly, she stepped up to Justin’s tent, hanging back while he wrapped up with a customer. When their eyes met, he smiled a smile meant just for her. He extended his hand while still talking to one last man. She stepped in beside him. “And this is the mastermind behind this entire event, my wonderful wife Maddie.”
“Nice to meet you, Maddie. This really is a great idea—bringing all the sports opportunities together in a single place. My son has been able to try out some activities he hadn’t even envisioned. Thanks so much for putting this together.”
“You’re very welcome.”
Justin finished up with the customer, one arm hooked around Maddie’s waist the entire time, before sending the man to his mom at the register. Then he steered Maddie behind a rack of baseball bats and pulled her to him. Another minute later, his fingers gripped her hips and his lips were on hers, determined and insistent. No problem—she wasn’t resisting. She opened to him and he swept inside her mouth, leaving the flavor of coffee in his wake.
He moaned but released her. “We don’t have time now… but that’s to thank you.”
Maddie swiped at her freshly swollen lips and savored the thought of Justin’s return to his home… and to her. If that kiss was any indication, he’d made the decision she’d hoped for since the day he’d moved out. It was definitely a marked improvement over the pensive, hesitant Justin she’d met with a couple of days ago. “For what?”
Justin shuffled her back around the display where she could look out over the league tents that flanked his. He spread his arms wide. “This. Everything is wonderful, Maddie. People showed up and not just from Cedar Hill. Your idea might actually work.”
“I was thinking the same thing this morning, especially about how we could make this an annual event.”
Justin didn’t have time to respond before Sofia came running up to them, wearing an oversized T-shirt displaying the cartoon mascot of a nearby minor league baseball team. “Miss Maddie, Mr. Justin, did you hear? I’m going to be playing T-Ball with Aiden.”
Justin tensed and pulled his arm away from Maddie. His lips pursed into a straight line and a deep vee formed between his eyebrows.
She jumped in quickly to explain her idea to Justin before he got the wrong idea. “Each of the leagues agreed to sponsor kids from the group home to play on their teams. The kids don’t get those opportunities without families to pay the entry fee. They were thrilled to participate and the kids couldn’t be more excited.”
Justin didn’t respond, the twitching muscle in his jaw the only sign of his growing frustration. But Maddie wasn’t about to let Sofia think that Justin wasn’t happy about the idea. She crouched down and looked Sofia in the eye. “I think that’s great, honey. I checked with Mrs. Harrison and you can come over after we’re done here and play with Aiden in the backyard.”
“Yippee. I’m gonna run and tell Aiden now.” Sofia dashed off.
“He’s in the moon bounces,” Maddie yelled behind the little girl. Her heart grew every time she spoke with Sofia, spent any time with her, building a relationship she’d never thought possible. For all of the heartbreak Sofia had suffered early in life, the little girl had such a positive outlook and Maddie couldn’t help but smile when she was around her. Maddie couldn’t wait to make their arrangement more permanent.
But clearly Justin had other ideas. He’d been so happy just a few minutes ago, and now he’d retreated back into his shell. “What’s wrong, Justin?”
He stared at her and started to respond when a woman and her son walked up. Justin guided them to another section of the tent, answering their questions. All the while, Maddie tagged along, waiting for another chance to get to the bottom of what had gotten Justin so all-fired mad. He finally guided the customer through making their decision and directed them toward Barbara.
“Justin, please talk to me.”
“Not now, Maddie.” His terse words contained none of the happiness that she’d seen when she first arrived. If he had such a negative reaction to Sofia, she wasn’t sure this was going to work out. She refused to bring that little girl into a situation with someone resentful of her.
She opened her mouth to respond, but another man grabbed Justin’s attention. For the next ten minutes, she felt like a rejected puppy, following behind Justin, hoping for scraps. Each time he got a break from a customer, she would touch his arm or attempt to get him to discuss what was bothering him. And each time Justin rejected her, his expression grew stormier.
She’d finally had enough. “So is this what we’re back to now? You not talking to me about what you’re pissed off about. I thought we were beyond this.”
Justin gritted his teeth together and hissed words out between them, barely above a whisper. “You want to talk. Fine, let’s talk. Why didn’t you tell me about what you were planning with the group home?”
So that was what this was about. She wished she’d had a chance to discuss the sponsorship program with him. But there had been so many particulars to go over on Thursday and then they had gotten derailed talking about their marriage. At the time, that conversation had been more important than making sure he knew every detail about today. Guess she was wrong on that count. “You have a problem with involving foster kids in sports?”
He raked his fingers through his hair and lowered his head so his face was barely above hers. “Christ, Maddie, of course I don’t have a problem with that. What in the hell do you think we’re doing here today? Getting kids involved with sports. This is so much more than that.”
“Aiden didn’t have a problem with Sofia joining his team when I talked to him.”
Justin threw his hands in the air. “You mean to tell me you discussed this with Aiden before me?”
Tears sprang to Maddie’s eyes. She didn’t think she was doing anything wrong, being sensitive to Aiden’s feelings before she suggested anything with Sofia. But the fact that Justin had raised his voice, around other people, was a sign that she had screwed up big time. More than one customer looked their way as Justin turned his back on her. If she knew him, which she wondered right now if she did, he was counting to ten, regaining his control before he said something he regretted. She’d always appreciated his ability to organize his thoughts and carry on a rational conversation, even when he was upset or angry. If only she could muster some of that strength right about now.
Justin motioned toward Izzy. When his sister stepped up to his side, he whispered something to her. As soon as she nodded, Justin wrapped his hand around Maddie’s arm and steered her out of the tent.
He didn’t say a word, his breaths measured and his steps furious. She hurried to keep up with him as he led her up the hill and behind one of the large trees that lined the park. He still hadn’t said anything else, and not knowing what he was thinking had her stomach tying itself in knots.
When he finally released her arm, his chest was heaving like he’d been exerting himself. He paced away from her a moment then turned back, his fiery gaze locked on hers.
Maddie threw her hands out. “What?” He’d dragged her out here, the least he could do was talk to her. If she understood what had upset him, she could fix it. At least she hoped she could.
“Do you really not know?” Her puzzled look must have convinced him, because he continued. “It’s starting all over again.”
“What is?”
“On Thursday, when you wanted to talk about the future of our marriage, we agreed to get through the event today and then we’d talk.”
Like she could forget. She’d been looking forward to their conversation ever since Thursday, and the thought of him moving back home tonight had her spending a few extra minutes putting on her makeup and fluffing her hair. And the way he’d greeted her told her he’d been looking forward to tonight, too.
“And I miss Aiden. I’ve been so swamped this week that I haven’t had much time with him. I thought we could hang out together after we’re done here.”
“That’s perfect. You can play catch with Aiden and Sofia. Aiden will love that.”
He pointed at her. “This. That’s what you’re doing. You’re directing all your attention to Sofia and not anyone else.”
“I don’t think I’m focusing too much on Sofia at all. The little girl has no one. Spending time with her, paying attention to her, gives her hope that she isn’t alone in this world.” Like Maddie had felt all those nights while her mom worked.
Justin wrung his fingers through his hair again. “Did you even remember that we were going to talk?”
“Of course I remembered. It’s all I’ve been able to think about since Thursday. It’s all I want.”
“Obviously not all, if you’ve already invited Sofia over.”
“I didn’t think having one meant not having the other. When Wanda presented me with the opportunity, I jumped. You like Sofia so I didn’t think it would be a problem.”
“That’s the problem. You don’t think. We should be deciding this together. You’re moving too fast for me. I haven’t had a chance to catch my breath and here you are making more plans. It’s starting to feel like it did when we were trying to get pregnant.”
Oof. Justin’s words struck her like a punch in the gut. This was completely different “I can’t believe you’re comparing Sofia to the months of disappointment when I couldn’t get pregnant. This is a living, breathing girl who needs a home. I want to give her that.”
“What if I’m not sure?”
Maddie’s heart wrenched. He’d said he’d think about it. “You don’t want us to become foster parents for Sofia?”
“I didn’t say that” He rested both hands on her shoulders. “I need you to really listen to me. I said I’m not sure. I need more time to think through everything and you pulling things like this isn’t helping. I wanted to talk to you, really talk about everything, from our relationship to the possibility of a more formal arrangement with Sofia. Instead, you keep pushing and making decisions that affect all of us without including me. And you’re getting your own, and this little girl’s, hopes up for something that may not happen.”
A tear pooled in the corner of her eye but she blinked it back. She extended a trembling hand, to comfort him or herself, she wasn’t sure. But it didn’t matter because Justin stepped away from her.
She sucked in a breath and squared her shoulders. She was stronger than this. She wasn’t going to break down, crawl into bed, and pull the covers over her head like she had each month when she failed to get pregnant.
She wasn’t that woman anymore.
“I told Wanda from the beginning that I was willing to go at this alone. Maybe that’s what I need to do. There are no restrictions against being a single foster parent.” She didn’t want that. Not for one minute. This was something she’d envisioned the two of them doing together, arm in arm, nurturing Aiden and Sofia and any other kids they chose to bring into their family, however that happened. But maybe showing Justin how committed she was to Sofia, regardless of what happened in their marriage, would convince him to give this serious thought. It would at least show her where his priorities were.
“Maybe you should. You’ve been doing that to this point anyway.”
The tears she had been holding back sprang free now. She hadn’t expected Justin to call her bluff so easily. She only wanted him to see the upside of what she already knew. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I want to do at all. I want you beside me, raising our family together. I thought I was helping—getting through the logistics and procedures before bothering you. You’ve had so much going on recently with the store, the event, meeting your sister Rachel. I didn’t want to bother you with details that didn’t matter. The important thing, getting to know Sofia and deciding whether you want her in our life, was never something I planned to leave you out of. It’s no problem—I’ll tell Wanda that tonight doesn’t work. We’ll go home. I’ll make dinner and we’ll talk. Anything and everything you want to discuss. Let’s put it all on the table and get it out in the open. We’ve been so close recently and I know I’ve jeopardized that.”
Justin was shaking his head before she even finished. “Don’t do that. You’ve already told Sofia, and the last thing I want to do is upset a little girl who has had so much disappointment in her life already. I just need some time.”
Justin’s gaze locked with Maddie’s, and for a long time, neither of them spoke. He finally drew in a deep breath. “I have to get back. This has been a really great event. I don’t think I’ve thanked you enough for that.”
And then he walked away, leaving her to figure out how she had screwed everything up so badly again.