Chapter Twenty-Five
Maddie opened the oven and peered at the lasagna for what had to be the tenth time. Hot and bubbly. Almost ready to come out. She shut the door and grabbed the salad tongs, tossing the lettuce over and over. Anything to settle the butterflies that were beating their wings like the wind in her stomach. Justin was coming over for dinner. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been to dinner before, even since their separation. But tonight was different.
Because of Sofia.
She hadn’t had a chance to tell Justin about her meeting with Wanda. To discuss her hopes of becoming a foster parent. She wanted him beside her on this, but she was ready to do it alone if she had to.
She eyed the stack of papers sitting on the edge of the counter. Hopefully Justin wouldn’t notice them before she had a chance to explain how wonderful this opportunity was for them. Maybe she should move them. She snatched them up and turned left, and then right. Where could she hide them? She dashed off into the laundry room and stashed them on the shelf above the washer. He shouldn’t have a reason to go in there.
The wonderful sound of childhood giggles floated down the hall as she stepped back into the kitchen. Two voices, playing nicely together. This was the sound she’d dreamed of, the desire that haunted her every month when a negative sign came up on the pregnancy test. This might not have been how she envisioned her dream being realized, but she couldn’t deny the lightness in her heart at hearing the laughter in her home.
The back door opened and Justin strode in like he belonged, a welcome change from a few weeks ago when he tentatively knocked before their date. He did belong in their kitchen. In their house. With her. They were so close to having everything they wanted, both of them. She just had to convince him.
Without missing a beat, he gathered her into his arms and lowered his head, taking her mouth in a searing kiss. His tongue darted out and captured her moan as she dug her fingers into his shirt to hold on. Her legs became wet noodles, and if it weren’t for his arms locked around her, she would melt to the ground.
He released her mouth and trailed kisses down her cheek to her ear. “As soon as Aiden is asleep, I want to strip off every piece of your clothing and cover your entire body with kisses. I want you begging for me.”
Justin’s words shot straight through her, piercing her heart and fueling the burn deep inside. This was the Justin she had fallen in love with. This Justin would give her anything she wanted. Hopefully he’d remember that when they talked later. She squeezed her thighs together to stave off the ache between them.
Justin seemed to have the same idea, as he clasped his hands under her ass and lifted her onto the counter.
She gasped. He hadn’t done anything like that, hadn’t been that forceful, that determined, in a long time. And that was her fault. She had turned making love into a chore for him, one to be planned and orchestrated instead of a spontaneous expression of their intimacy. What they’d had in the months before he moved out was nothing like what she was feeling right now, as if they couldn’t get enough of each other, as if they couldn’t wait another moment to be together.
Aiden’s voice echoed down the hall, reminding her what was at stake. With their family. With their marriage. Everything.
She shoved at Justin’s chest. “Shh. They’ll hear.”
“Aiden’s fine for a few minutes while I… wait, what? What do you mean they?” Justin’s hands stilled on her and she felt the emotional, if not physical, separation between them.
Damn. That wasn’t how she wanted to broach the subject with Justin. With their relationship on the brink of reconciliation, she had to tread lightly.
She lowered her eyes and drew in a deep breath. It was now or never. No time like the present. It wasn’t like she could hide Sofia. The whole point of this dinner was to give her a few hours with them as a family, to see if Sofia coming to live here was a possibility.
Justin released her and took a step back. “Maddie?”
At least sitting on the counter, she could look him in the eye. As she did, she saw the wariness that swirled in his hazel depths. “Aiden… and Sofia.”
“Sofia’s here? Why is that?” Justin raked his fingers through his hair.
“I wanted to talk to you about this last night, but you didn’t come over.”
“I told you I didn’t know if I could. We were meeting with Rachel.”
Damn, she’d forgotten. She raised her hands. “I’m not complaining. I’m just telling you how we got here. How did your meeting with Rachel go?”
“Fine, but I don’t want to talk about that right now. I want to talk about…” He lowered his voice. “… why Sofia is down the hall playing with Aiden right now.”
“I met with Wanda earlier this week. After spending time with Sofia this weekend, I wanted to talk about her status… and possibly spending more time with her.”
Yeah, that was a hedge, but she wanted to ease him into the idea of a more permanent relationship with Sofia. She knew her husband. He would need time to process this information, weigh it from all sides, before accepting what she knew would be his inevitable decision.
Justin’s lips flattened into a line, and he regarded her with a look in his eye that she hadn’t seen before. She wasn’t sure how to interpret his reaction, but at least he hadn’t yelled or argued. That wasn’t in his nature, after growing up with his father. “What did Wanda say?”
“She said, like I expected, that Sofia is unlikely to be adopted. Because she’s older. So many people are looking for babies and toddlers.” A short time ago, that was all Maddie had been focused on—having a baby. But her perspective had changed. Maybe it was Justin’s leaving, or meeting Sofia, or a combination of things, but she had broadened her perspective and she was ready to entertain alternative ideas to create the family she had always wanted. They had always wanted. If only Justin would get on board.
Justin opened his mouth to respond, but before he could speak, footsteps thumped down the hall, joined by the high-pitched, raised voices of the kids. Justin snapped his mouth shut and turned his back to her.
“Daddy! I thought I heard you.” Aiden threw himself into Justin’s arms and Justin enveloped him in a hug, lifting him high off the floor. Like he always did. Above all, Justin was a great father. And he could be a fantastic foster parent to Sofia if he was just open to the possibilities. “Did you see? Sofia is here to play and she’s going to have dinner with us, too.”
Justin lowered Aiden to his feet and then squatted so he was eye level with Sofia. “I heard. How are you, Sofia?”
She looked up at him from beneath her long, dark lashes, her innocent eyes wide and questioning. “Good, Mr. Harper.”
Justin rested his hand on Sofia’s arm and Maddie’s heart lurched. This was what she had wanted for him all along. To give him the children he deserved. “I’m glad, Sofia. But you can call me Justin if you’d like.”
A huge smile split her face and her eyebrows shot up underneath her mop of dark curls. “Really?”
Justin chuckled. “Yes, really.”
Maddie observed the interaction with interest. If Justin could just take a step back and see how his face lit up when he talked to Sofia, how his protective nature was already showing in how he interacted with the little girl, he’d agree that this was the next step for their family.
Aiden sidled up to Sofia, already the doting brother, even if not in name. “Is dinner ready yet? I’m starving.”
Of course he was. Maddie hopped down from the counter and snatched two hot pads off the hook. A minute later, the lasagna was resting on the stove. “It just needs a few minutes to settle. Just enough time for you, young man, to set the table.”
“Yippee.” Aiden rushed over toward the cabinet but hesitated and hurried back to grab Sofia’s hand. “Come on, you can help.”
Aiden showed Sofia the silverware drawer and where to get the dishes. He was so patient with her… and gentle. Just how Maddie had known he would be. The fact that she hadn’t been able to give him a sibling had tears springing to her eyes.
A few minutes later, everyone was seated around the table, the fourth chair that had sat unoccupied for five long years filled with a bright-eyed girl with so many possibilities for the future. All she needed was a chance to realize that potential. Maddie knew that she and Justin could be that chance for her.
Throughout dinner, Justin engaged Sofia in conversation as much as he did Aiden, but it was forced. Not at all the easy-going, comfortable Justin she was used to. He was trying. She gave him that.
If only she’d had a chance to discuss Sofia with him and ease him into it. But that was done now. How they moved forward was more important. And she hoped they would do it together. As a family. It was clear that Aiden loved spending time with Sofia and showed no ill-will toward having competition for his parents’ attention. Not that she was deluding herself into thinking that everything would be this easy. If Sofia were to move in with them, Maddie expected normal sibling squabbles and arguments.
She couldn’t wait.
After dinner was finished, they all worked together to clear the dishes and put away the leftovers. Just like a family. But Justin was quiet. Too quiet. She just had to wait for Aiden to get to sleep and she could explain everything to Justin and convince him this was a good idea. He just had to agree.
But first, she had to take Sofia back to the group home. She hated that the little girl didn’t have a Mom and Dad to tuck her in, to cuddle her when she was scared. Hopefully one of these days this would be that place for Sofia.
Maddie rested her hand on Sofia’s shoulder. “Sofia, how about you grab your coat and your bag and I’ll take you home.” She wanted this to be Sofia’s home so badly that she ached with it. She turned her attention to Justin “Should we all go or did you want to stay here with Aiden while I run her back?”
Justin appeared to ponder the question for a moment. At least he wasn’t making snap decisions. It boded well for their conversation later. He shook his head. “No, you go. I’ll get Aiden into bed.” And then we can talk. The words were unspoken but they were there. Lingering between the two of them.
She was disappointed that he didn’t want to go with her. To see where Sofia lived now. Maybe if he saw the room full of bunks lined on either wall, the small trunks at the foot of each bed that held their few possessions, he’d feel the urgency behind her decision as much as she did.
But having him spend some time alone with Aiden would be good for the two of them. Aiden needed to know that, no matter how many other people joined their family, they still loved him. And who knows? Aiden might have some positive words to say about Sofia that could convince Justin better than anything Maddie had to say.
With a final glance at her husband, she shuffled Sofia out the door and to the car.
* * *
The door click that followed Maddie out the door struck Justin like a sonic boom. A marked difference from the awkward silence that had grown between them. At least he had a moment to try and make heads or tails of everything that had happened since he walked in the door tonight.
What was Maddie thinking, bringing Sofia here without discussing it with him first? Sure, she’d mentioned that she’d hoped to talk to him after his meeting with Rachel, but he thought she just wanted to know how it went. And he’d been pleased that she was showing an interest in something besides getting pregnant.
But their time with Rachel had lasted late into the evening, and he’d been physically and emotionally wrung out by the time it was done. He’d debated coming over and crawling under the covers with Maddie, to seek comfort in her arms like he had so many times in the past. But something had held him back.
Aiden tugged at his shirt. “Are you going to help me with my bath, Daddy?”
“You got it, buddy.”
They worked together to collect his pajamas and towel. Aiden had been great with Sofia all night. Justin had been especially impressed that his son had been so gentle with her as he showed her how to set the table. He didn’t talk down to her or question the fact that she didn’t already know how. It was like his son knew that her life hadn’t been the same as his … but it didn’t matter.
A few minutes later, Aiden was in the bath, bubbles floating on the surface, and he’d made a beard out of the suds. Justin’s heart grew as he watched his son, part him and part Maddie. He’d grown up so much. Memories of Aiden as a baby flashed through Justin’s mind, both he and Maddie bleary-eyed, pacing the floor with him night after night when he couldn’t sleep. Justin had barely blinked and Aiden was toddling across the house, Justin’s heart stopping when his son tumbled over. But each time, Aiden picked himself up and kept going. Determined. That was what Aiden was.
And then Justin turned around and Aiden was five. Had he been so wrapped up in Maddie trying to get pregnant and the daily grind of life that he’d hardly noticed their son was growing up. But Justin was noticing now. If only he had a way to slow down time, to appreciate the moments like this he had with Aiden.
He dipped his hand into the bath water and splashed some on Aiden. “Dinner was fun tonight.”
Aiden sputtered and spit out the bubbles that had snuck into his mouth. “So fun. I like playing with Sofia. I hope she can come over again soon.”
“Did Mommy talk to you about Sofia?”
Aiden shook his head so hard that suds flew onto Justin’s face. His son laughed as he stretched up and swiped at Justin’s cheek. “Naw. Just saying.”
At least Aiden liked Sofia. Not that Maddie would bring someone into their home without taking Aiden’s feelings into consideration. Justin knew better than that. But he was curious as to her long-term objective. Because Maddie never did anything without a plan. The last year had proven that if nothing else.
“Okay, buddy. Time to finish up.”
A few minutes later, Aiden was out of the tub, dried off, teeth brushed, and pajamas on. Justin carried him to his room, wanting a reminder of when his son was little and begged to be held. Justin settled him into bed, pulled his covers high, and opened the book on the nightstand to the place Maddie had left off.
He’d barely gotten through two pages before Aiden’s eyes grew heavy and he floated off to sleep. It was just as well. Justin was having trouble paying attention to the story, his mind racing with what he had to discuss with Maddie. He brushed his hand over his son’s hair and then clicked off the light.
He had barely stepped back into the living room when Maddie came through the door. Her gaze locked with his, but she didn’t say anything. She just turned and closed the door, then shucked her jacket and hung it on the coat rack. The silence grew uncomfortable between them.
“Is Aiden asleep already?”
“Yeah.”
Her face fell. “I’m sorry I missed him, but I’m sure he loved having Daddy put him to bed.”
He bit back a retort. What he wanted to say was that she wouldn’t have had to miss putting Aiden to bed if she hadn’t been driving Sofia home. But he didn’t want to be petty. Not when he hadn’t given Maddie a chance to explain what in the hell she was thinking.
Clearly he needed a minute before he had this conversation. He made his way to the kitchen, snatched open the refrigerator, and pulled out a beer. That was new. For so long, Maddie hadn’t wanted alcohol in the house. If she had relaxed about that aspect of things, had she relaxed about others? She had to be, to be focusing on Sofia instead of getting pregnant. Come to think of it, he hadn’t heard her mention anything about getting pregnant in quite a while. He only hoped she hadn’t completely foregone one dream and replaced it with another.
Maddie followed him into the kitchen, grabbing a sponge and wiping at the already clean counter. He tipped up the brown bottle and sucked down a long gulp.
“Can we talk about it?” Maddie’s voice lacked the strength and determination that he’d come to expect, especially when discussing a topic as important as this.
But he didn’t want to have this conversation standing over her in the kitchen. He gestured for her to go ahead of him and he followed her to the living room. His hand itched to rest on the small of her back, to seek the grounding he needed, but he shouldn’t let his physical attraction for her cloud his judgement.
Once she was settled on the couch beside him, turned so they could face each other, he finally spoke. “So, talk. Tell me how we got here.”
“First off, I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk about this before dinner. I wanted to but our timing was just off. But that doesn’t matter now. What matters is Sofia.”
“Right. And Aiden. And you and me. There are a lot of people we need to consider here, Maddie. What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking that I want us to become foster parents to Sofia.”
“Wha—, uh what?” He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but that was nowhere on his radar. “Foster parents?”
“Just hear me out. I became obsessed with getting pregnant for so long that I lost sight of the bigger picture. All along, what we’ve always wanted was a big family. Siblings for Aiden. After seeing Sofia again last weekend, I began thinking. Getting pregnant isn’t the only way to have a big family There are so many kids out there who need homes. Why can’t we open up our home to someone who needs it?”
Wow, that was a complete one-eighty from just a short time ago. Especially after all this time and her singular focus on having a baby. But was it wise? “That sounds great in concept, Maddie, but, um, I don’t know how to say this so you won’t take it wrong.”
“Just say what you’re thinking. I’m not fragile. Think out loud, do whatever you need to do.”
That was the old Maddie talking, the one he knew was strong enough to handle whatever life threw at her. That was the only reason he felt comfortable discussing this topic in this way. “What if you’re replacing one obsession with another? What if Sofia is a replacement for your need to get pregnant?”
Maddie’s kept her eyes locked on his and she didn’t try to shy away from the tough conversation like she had in recent months. “She isn’t. Well, she is but she isn’t. Not in that way. Sofia and I connected the first time we met. You saw that. Her story is heartbreaking, and when we spent time together on Saturday, and I had to hand her over to Wanda at the end of the day, my mind started racing with ideas.”
“Don’t you think this is something we should have decided together?” She’d had several opportunities to discuss this with him, but she hadn’t. That was what was bothering him more than the concept of Sofia—Maddie’s need to take this on alone. Cutting him out of the process.
“Of course. I know it’s been a rough time for us recently, but things are so much better. I feel it deep within me that we are back on the right track. And I’ve seen how you brighten when you see Sofia. She is comfortable around you and you were great with her tonight.”
He couldn’t deny the connection he felt to Sofia. But was it true feelings for the girl or sympathy for her situation? “She needs stability more than anything else. I’m afraid we can’t give that to her. Besides, what does Wanda think about the fact that we’re separated?”
Maddie reached out for him, her hand hovering over his arm, but he pulled back.
Her touch was so electric, had such an impact on him, that he was afraid he’d be unable to think clearly if she touched him. Maddie’s expression fell. He hadn’t meant to spurn her. That wasn’t the issue at all. He had to explain this in a way that managed her expectations.
But before he could, she piped up. “I discussed the possibility of being a single foster parent. But I hope it doesn’t come to that. We’re getting closer, aren’t we? We’ve talked about so many things that were wrong with our marriage, with me, and being with you has been better than ever.”
He couldn’t deny that. But were they in a good place to bring another child into the mix, someone else who would be impacted by the turmoil in their relationship?
She sighed. “The process to become a foster parent takes so long, I didn’t want to wait to start. I’m asking for your support. I’m willing to do it alone, but I don’t want to. I want us to be together in this.”
He wasn’t sure about anything right now, but he couldn’t deny how Maddie’s eyes lit up when she looked at Sofia. How good of a mother she was to Aiden, and could be to Sofia, however temporary it was. But could Maddie handle it if they welcomed Sofia into their home only to have her snatched away by the system? There were so many things to think about. “It sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought.”
Her expression brightened. “I have. I’ve been reading about foster families and what struggles we may face. But the benefits to Sofia… and to us… will outweigh any of the challenges. Will you at least consider it?”
He owed her that much. It had been so long since he’d seen her really enthusiastic about something. Even getting pregnant had become more of an obsession than anything else in recent months. But he saw hope in her eyes when she considered the possibility of having Sofia in her life. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
She hopped up from the couch almost before he had finished speaking. A minute later, she rushed back into the room with a pile of papers in her hands. She shoved the stack at him. “This is some of the paperwork. I filled out most of yours, to make it easier. All you have to do is review it and then sign. There are background checks and then they’ll want to do a home study, and you’ll need to be here for that and then they’ll evaluate our application to be foster parents. In the meantime, Wanda came over earlier today and checked out our house and authorized temporary visitation, a few hours here and there, while the paperwork is being processed.”
Justin held his hands up. She had clearly been doing her research. “Maddie, hold on. That’s too much information all at once. I’ll take the papers and I’ll do some reading. That’s all I can promise right now.”
“That’s good enough for me.” Maddie flung her arms around him.
He relaxed into the couch, enjoying the feeling of her on his lap. This was the Maddie he had fallen in love with, the one full of hope for the future and excitement about life, and he hadn’t seen her for a long time. If Sofia could put that kind of light back into Maddie’s life, her plan deserved his serious contemplation.
This night hadn’t turned out at all how he expected when he’d walked in the door. But this was clearly important to Maddie, which meant it was important to him. He had a lot to ponder about, and he doubted he’d be thinking about anything else.