Chapter Twenty-Nine
Justin spun the empty glass sitting on the coffee table. He couldn’t bring himself to open the bottle beside it and pour the amber-colored liquid into the glass. He’d been staring at these two objects since he slammed his way into the cottage at the end of Sports Day.
After his blowup with Maddie, he’d retreated to the confines of the tent, knowing that Maddie wouldn’t follow. She knew better than to press him when he was angry like that—leaving him alone would give him a chance to cool off.
Justin raked his fingers through his hair. Damn, he was just like his father. Growing up, Justin had always told his sisters to steer clear of their dad when he was raging. Just give him time to calm down.
He spun the empty glass again. What in the hell happened today? When he woke up this morning, he’d felt good about the day ahead. He was happy about the uptick in business that Sports Day had created, even before the actual event. Things with Maddie were better than they’d been in a while. Long before he’d finally mustered the courage to suggest they separate. He’d even planned on telling her that he would sign the papers to start the foster parent process.
And then Maddie went and made plans without him. Again. When he heard her talking to Sofia, suggesting that she come over to the house, without consulting him, he’d barely contained his retort. Even after all this time, Maddie didn’t understand him. Hadn’t she learned anything about him in all their years of marriage?
After he’d had a chance to calm down, he admitted to himself that their argument had very little to do with Sofia and everything to do with his feeling out of control in his own life. The entire time she was obsessing over getting pregnant, he’d had little input over their sex life, only having sex when she thought it was a good time. She might not be solely focused on getting pregnant anymore, but she’d just transferred that tunnel vision to Sofia. All he wanted was a chance to be involved in the decisions that affected his life. That wasn’t too much to ask.
The front door swung open and Izzy pranced into the cottage. No knock. Nothing. “I figured I’d find you here.”
Great, he didn’t have any control at home, either, people walking into his house as they pleased. But this wasn’t really his home. His home was across town. With Maddie. Before heading out to Sports Day, he’d packed his bags, planning to tell Maddie he was ready to move back home. The bags were still packed but he wasn’t sure what to do. “I don’t want to talk right now.”
“Too bad. You’ve supported me and this whole family for your entire life. You’ve been there for us and now I’m going to be here for you…”
His heart lifted to know he had his family behind him.
“… even when you’re being an idiot.”
“What?”
Izzy sank onto the couch beside him, her gaze landing on the bottle. She asked an unspoken question with her eyes and he just shook his head. She didn’t say anything for a few minutes, like she was trying to decide the best way to tell him how he had screwed everything up. “Now that things have calmed down a bit, we can talk. I know you’re upset. What is it? I thought you liked Sofia. And it’s been a long time since I’ve seen Maddie as happy as she has been the past few weeks.”
“I do like Sofia. And I agree, I’ve seen the change in Maddie, too. I’d like to think that I had at least some part in her transformation.” He smirked at Izzy. Leave it to her to get him out of his funk.
Izzy nudged his shoulder with hers. “I’m sure you did. So what happened?”
“She didn’t talk to me before she got Sofia assigned to Aiden’s T-Ball team. And then she invited Sofia over, right in front of me.”
Izzy sighed. “Yeah, that’s not good, but you need to get past how annoyed you are with her methods and concentrate on the core issue. Did you disagree with either of those decisions?”
Sure, he’d argued that he wanted time to talk to Maddie but having Sofia over wouldn’t have changed that. They wouldn’t have discussed the important topics until Aiden went to bed anyway. So did he really need to get so upset over what amounted to a lack of communication? “In concept, no. I think it’s a good idea to make sure Sofia fits in before we finalize being her foster parents.” Justin had talked to Izzy about Maddie’s plans after their tense dinner last weekend. Izzy had been thrilled by the idea of bringing Sofia into their family but understood his need to think about a decision that important. “But what if this is like her getting pregnant? What if she starts obsessing and that’s the only thing she can talk about or think about?”
“That could be. But isn’t that something the two of you can work on together? It’s kinda hard to do that when you’re here and she’s there, don’t you think?”
Of course it would be easier to deal with problems if they were together. But what if things went back to the way they were before he moved out, his anger on a hair trigger? “I was so pissed at her today. I was afraid I’d say something wrong.”
“You think other couples don’t get angry with each other? There are some days I’m so mad at Tanner that I can’t stand to look at him. Sometimes it’s an important issue, and we need to stop and talk about it, but other times, it’s just stupid, like him dropping his T-shirts just short of the hamper or not putting the peanut butter back in the pantry. But both of us know that we need to take a step back and realize that it can all be worked out. And the bottom line is that I still love him.” She grinned at Justin. “And then there’s the makeup sex…”
He mocked covering his ears with his hands. “Stop. I do not want to hear that about my baby sister.”
He had to admit that Izzy had a point. The sex with Maddie recently, when they’d been focused on each other and their emotions were running high, was some of the best they’d had in their marriage.
“I know you’re worried about being like Dad, but you couldn’t be more different from him. You’ve always protected us, even when we were little. Dad was unhappy and bitter for most of our lives. You are nothing like that.”
Justin didn’t respond. They’d argued about this several times. Izzy didn’t understand that Justin didn’t even want to reach the point where he could possibly act like their father. And the thought of bringing Sofia into an environment where he could rage like Dad had him shuddering.
“Are you gonna let Dad ruin your life because you can’t let go of the fear that you’ll be just like him? You’ve helped Maddie find herself again, and she can help you let go of some of that control that you hold onto like a vise for fear of blowing up. That is, if you’re able to get your head out of your ass and stop arguing about stupid stuff. Maddie can’t help it. When she gets excited about an idea, she runs with it. If you stop and pay attention for a minute, you’d see that you guys agree more than you don’t. And if you find a way to be together that doesn’t stifle her enthusiasm and gives you the control you need, you’ll be just fine.”
Izzy didn’t say anything else. She didn’t have to. She’d made her point. She rested her hand on Justin’s knee for a minute and then left him alone to think. Of course she was right. Justin had been ready to take the next step with Sofia, to move back home, before Maddie had sprung this on him. What did getting angry about not knowing the exact details of the plans change about his feelings?
He was an idiot. If he’d only given Maddie a chance to explain her thinking, he’d be over there now, playing ball with Aiden and Sofia. Having dinner with his family. Instead, he was sitting here staring at an unopened fifth of scotch. He snatched the bottle off the table and carried it into the kitchen, shoving it back above the stove where it belonged. Now if he could fix the problems he’d caused in their marriage as easily.