The crying pierced through his dream like a dart flying through a balloon. Images of a naked Shepard were blown to dust as he woke up. The alarm clock on the night stand glowed a soft blue, telling him it was four-thirty in the morning. Instinctively, he grabbed his phone and rolled out of bed on auto-pilot mode, pulling on his loose gray shorts and walking over to Emma’s room, rubbing his chest as he walked, yawning half the way. He already felt pretty programed to waking up for Emma’s cries, but he was also still human and exhaustion wasn’t anyone’s friend.

Her room was right next to Nick’s. It used to be his home office, but he had emptied it a few months before Emma came around and completely converted it into a little girl’s paradise. The walls were a calming pale yellow, with a few inspirational quotes scrawled in a smooth white script across the walls. There was a nook that had a window facing the backyard which Nick had turned into a little mini-castle, which Emma was too young to appreciate but was bound to like once her imagination kicked in. There were shelves holding a variety of different toys and dolls, from a collectible Wonder Woman figurine one of Nick’s patient’s had gifted him to an old black and pink Furby Nick had found in the closet. Admittedly, the Furby was a little aged. Thankfully, the batteries had died long ago and there were no more random calls for food or whatever else that thing needed. Possibly the souls of little children. Nick just thought it was kind of cool and a bit of an antique. There was also a tall, beautiful white bookshelf already holding a ton of children’s books, their colorful spines coming together to create a vibrant collage.

Emma’s room was dark when Nick stepped in. There was some moonlight coming in through the window, enough for him to make his way to the crib. The nightlight shaped like fairy wings helped as well, casting a soft orange glow on the scene. “Hey, baby,” Nick said softly, cooing as he got closer. Emma immediately fell silent when she realized her dad was in the room. She started to gurgle, the cries already forgotten. No matter how tired Nick had been, her little noises would always put a smile on his face. He looked over the crib, seeing her looking up, her bright eyes catching the moonlight. They had a slight blue hue to them, most likely set to turn into the same light brown her dad had. She already had a beautiful head of brown hair, straight and soft and perfect to kiss. She was perfect in everyway. Nick’s pride and joy. The absolute best thing he had ever done in the world.

She started to cry again. Not as loud as she had been, but it was climbing in intensity. Nick knew she was hungry and his presence could only go so far in that department. He gently picked her up and held her to his chest, gently bouncing her as he walked, cooing into the air, talking gibberish to her but making sure that she heard his voice, that she felt the vibrations in his chest as he spoke, that she smelled his scent and knew who her dad was. It meant all the more since Nick knew he wasn’t always at the liberty to pick her up and walk around with her. His days were counted, and that hurt him to no end.

But for now, he was going to pretend like nothing else was going on in his life. He held Emma tight and carried her out of the bedroom, her cries getting a little more insistent. She was definitely going to be someone who knew what she wanted and how to get it. Nick couldn’t help but smile, even with the cries ringing in his ears. He grabbed some premade formula and waited for it to get warm. While he waited, he pulled a chair out from his dining room table and sat down. He bounced Emma on his thighs, her cries morphing into giggles. It was only a momentary distraction, though. She was sharp. She realized what Nick was trying to do and stopped her giggles, her smile flipping upside down, her forehead wrinkles scrunching together and her cheeks drawing up. She let out another wail. Louder this time. Nick relented and got up, testing the temperature with a drop of the formula on his wrist before deciding if it was ok, although he had a feeling Emma would have downed anything at that point, whether it was ice cold or not. Her eyes took on a whole new level of brightness when she saw the bottle.

“Wow, if only you looked at your dad like that,” Nick said, chuckling as he went back into her room with the bottle in one hand and a hungry Emma cradled in his other arm. He went to the rocking chair and got set up so he could feed her without losing feeling in his arms. She looked like the happiest little bundle of cheeks on earth the second her gums clamped around the rubber nipple. Nick looked down at her, love clear on his face. It was still dim in the room, but he could make out each one of her features like there was a spotlight on them. She definitely had his nose. And his eyes. And his lips.

“You’re beautiful, Emma,” he whispered into the night, leaning down and kissing her soft head of hair, taking in her sweet scent. It struck him then, a stab of emotion that brought uncontrolled tears to his eyes. He was hit with a dose of reality. Anna could still be trying to block all custody rights from Nick and he wouldn’t have known until it was too late. He had hope that the court system wasn’t as fucked up as some of the stories he had heard. He knew that the decision ultimately came down to a judge who didn’t know him or Emma and wasn’t personally involved in the situation. His only hope was to find something on Anna that would prove she was the unstable one. He wished he had documented the couple of times she had lost complete control in his house, but he had no way of proving anything.

“I’m fighting so hard for you, Emma.” He was still whispering. He started rocking back and forth as Emma drank her fill. Time passed as the bottle emptied, the rocking motion putting both of them in a calm state. Nick’s mind started to wander in the direction of Shepard Kensworth, the man who had captured his complete and total attention. His thoughts went back to their elevator ride earlier in the day. He knew that getting stuck in that elevator was an extremely happy coincidence. At first he was worried he would be stuck in an awkward situation with no way out, but of course, things were never awkward with Shepard. He definitely wasn’t expecting to drop to his knees while they were stuck in a floating steel room, but he also definitely didn’t regret doing it. In fact, he couldn’t wait until he could do it again. He was hung up on the guy and everything about him. He could feel himself finally admitting it. All it took was getting stuck in an elevator and saying an impulsive and heartfelt apology for Nick to realize that something could actually work between them. Shepard was not only a looker, but he was also incredibly smart and had a hugggee… heart (where did you think that was going? Get your mind out of the gutter).

He also had a big dick, which was great, too.

Everything about him was perfect. Nick had been scared for no solid reason, and he realized that. There was nothing Shepard did that had ever thrown up a red flag. It was the complete opposite. Nick saw Shepard at work, saving patients’ lives on a daily basis, having a positive impact on countless number of people. Of course he would trust Shepard with Emma. And from their first meeting, it seemed like Emma had already staked her claim on Shepard. He knew he was a great role model and Shepard clearly loved his daughter, everything about it was right.

Nick was smiling. He felt like things were all lining up the way they should be. Emma was finishing up the bottle, her eyelids already gaining some weight as they dragged down. He held her a little tighter, absolutely loving the warmth that was coming off of her tiny body. She was an angel in his hands. Nick got up and rested her against his shoulder, where he could pat out whatever burps she was brewing before putting her back to bed. He slowly paced around the room, hoping that his life stayed on this upward trajectory. All he needed next was for the court to settle his custody rights and give him a full fifty-fifty split. Then he could feel much more at ease.

Emma rocked the side of his head with two powerful burps. “Nice ones,” he complimented her before going back to the rocking chair. He didn’t want to put her down in the crib just yet. He wanted to keep her in his arms for as long as he could. He sat down and started rocking, singing ”Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” to her. He definitely didn’t have a singing voice to write home about, but he could hold a note in a karaoke bar pretty well. Emma didn’t seem to be complaining. She was looking up at her dad with tired but hypnotized eyes.

Nick was rocking slowly back and forth on the rocking chair, the gentle sound of the wood creaking filled Emma’s room. A sliver of moonlight was cutting in through an opening in the curtains, but Emma didn’t seem to mind and Nick found it comforting. That was when another source of light lit up the room. It was his phone, vibrating slightly against the top of the sturdy white dresser next to them. It was a notification letting him know that someone liked one of his Instagram photos. Nick looked a little closer and saw it was Shepard’s username on the screen.

Maybe he was in too relaxed of a state. Maybe that was what had him opening up his private messages on Instagram and searching for Shepard’s username. Maybe it was because he was sleep-deprived, maybe that’s why he was typing away with one hand, sending a message to Shepard that read: “What are you doing up so late, Shep?”. Emma was already nodding off against his chest, the sudden vibration and light not bothering her. He could feel the beginnings of a drool puddle forming.

He wasn’t really expecting an answer. It could have been a glitch in the notifications. Shepard probably liked the post earlier in the day and it was just showing up now.

Oh, shit. This sounds like a booty call, especially at this time. He might think I’m looking for a quick late-night hookup.

Nick entered into a mini-panic mode. He would have hated to give off the wrong impression, especially seeing how he already had to apologize once about being a complete dick toward Shepard. He didn’t want Shepard to think he was in it just for the sex and nothing else. He pulled up his messages again and typed up another one: “Not that this is a booty call or anything. Emma woke me up. Putting her back to bed now.”

His head fell back on the soft cushioned back of the rocking chair, his neck cracking in the process. “Your daddy’s a buffoon,” Nick whispered into the night, wondering how dumb he was going to feel in the morning, when there would still be no response and he would have to see Shepard in the halls of Sierra View.

Fuck it. I’ll just forget this ever happened. Won’t even bring it u—

His phone buzzed in his hand. He looked at it, squinting in the darkness, the brightness set on the lowest setting so that Emma wouldn’t get bothered. It was a reply.

“Having some trouble sleeping. Bit of drama earlier. And lol, I didn’t think it was a booty call.”

His phone buzzed again.

“Although, I mean, if it were… ;)”

Another buzz.

“Lol jk.” And then a gif of Buffy the Vampire Slayer jumping backwards into the night.

It cracked Nick up. He had to keep his laughter contained, though. Emma wasn’t completely asleep yet. Once she was knocked out, he could be as loud as he wanted and she would have most likely slept through it all.

“Everything ok?” Nick managed to type out. He was able to maneuver himself so he could use two hands without bothering Emma.

Shepard responded almost instantly. “Eh, it’s too long to type out over text.”

Nick chewed at his lip. He considered a few different options in terms of replying. He initially wanted to use that as an invitation for Shepard to call him, because hearing his voice was always a treat. But he wasn’t sure if that was too old-timey for him. Shepard was a good amount of years younger than Nick was, who at thirty-two was a little more comfortable using the phone as a communication device and nothing else. Now, things were a little different. Calls were only made when you had a problem with your internet provider, everything else was done through texts.

Maybe I can just reply with a gif. A funny one.

Wait, no that could be insensitive.

But, maybe not. Maybe he’ll find it funny. Relatable.

Jesus, when did this get so difficult?

Nick was overthinking it. He could feel himself turning over every single pebble in his brain. Looking for a right answer even though nothing was clearly labeled. He put the phone down and got up from the rocking chair, holding Emma tight and making sure she didn’t feel any of the movement. He slowly walked with her to her crib, where he gently placed her down under the plush light blue blanket. She looked like a bite-sized snack in her cotton-candy pink onesie.

“Night, baby girl.”

He left the room, leaving the door cracked open again. He decided to stop overthinking things. He opened his phone and typed up a message, hitting send before he could second-guess himself.

Well, there it is. I asked him to call me. Ball’s in his court.

A few moments later his phone was ringing.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Nick, it’s Shepard.” His voice was just as smooth as it sounded in person. Even with the exhaustion that comes with being up at four in the morning, Shepard sounded like he was ready to headline a concert. “Sorry, I really shouldn’t be calling you at this time. This was dumb. Thanks for asking me to call you—“

“What’s going on?” Nick asked, cutting Shepard off. He didn’t want him to hang up. He wanted Shepard to know that he wasn’t bothered in the slightest by the call. In fact, it was the total opposite, Nick wanted this. He wanted to be there for Shepard when he needed someone to talk to. “What has you up this late?”

Shepard stayed silent for a bit. Nick could hear the rustling of bed sheets in the background. He suddenly pictured himself between those bed sheets, legs tangled with Shepard’s. “My ex,” Shepard started. It sounded like he had gotten up out of bed. “He showed up today. Completely by surprise. Started knocking like crazy, then he must have heard me because he started saying that he knew I was inside and that all he wanted to do was talk. He wanted to apologize and he said he wanted to make things right. That was when I told him to leave or that I’d have to call the cops. I never opened the door, just yelled from behind it. He still didn’t leave, even with me threatening to call the police. He kept banging on the door, saying that I was making a mistake.”

“Shit,” Nick said during a brief pause in Shepard’s story.

“Yeah, it was getting scary. He kept saying I wouldn’t call the cops on him. He was almost trying to guilt trip me at one point. The knockings got louder and I could hear a neighbor come out to complain. That was when I knew I had to do something. I went through with my threat and called the police. He must have seen the cop lights from a hallway window because he gave one last kick against the door and ran off before the officers showed up.”

“Were the cops able to do anything?”

“I filed a restraining order, and I really don’t think he’s a guy who fucks with the law, so I’m thinking it’ll be enough to keep him off my doorstep in the future.”

Nick was in his bedroom, standing by a window that looked out onto his backyard, which was being bathed in white star light. He was one of the lucky ones who had some extra space in the crammed city. It was a good-sized yard, too, with a concrete porch big enough to hold a table and seating for five along with a quality barbeque. Then there was the grass portion, that stretched further out, leading to a perfectly maintained desert garden that lined the wooden fence. It was a river of white and beige rocks with bright green cacti and succulents sprouting up from them. There was a hammock held between two tall palm trees growing at the far side of his yard. He wished he could bring Shepard over. That way he could hold him, make him feel safe. He could lie with him in the hammock and watch the sunrise, seeing as that was happening in a couple of hours anyway.

“He wasn’t himself, either, at least it wasn’t the Rick I remember dating.” Shepard continued, sounding shaken. “I looked through the peephole and he looked strung out on something. I’ve never seen him like that. His eyes were bloodshot and his pupils blown. He was fidgeting. Something was up.”

“Well, you did the right thing. Sounds like someone you don’t need in your life anymore.”

“Not at all.” Shepard gave a deep sigh. “What a terrible way to end the night, huh?”

“Tell me a story, then. One with a happy ending.” Nick was smiling. There was a slight moment of silence. He knew he caught Shepard off guard on the other end of the line.

“I, uh, I don’t know. A story?” Shepard asked. “Like… read you a fairy tale?”

“No,” Nick said, unable to hold back a laugh.

“Oh, good.” Shepard sounded quite relieved. “I was worried you were into some weird shit. Not that I judge or anything… but, fairy tales. Man, that would have been a hard one to get over.”

Nick couldn’t stop laughing. “I’m sure that’s a real kink,” he managed to say when he caught his breath.

“Oh, for sure,” Shepard agreed. “And I’m sure they have a fondness for Pinocchio’s story.”

Nick’s stomach hurt from laughing, which he was trying to suppress as much he could. “What I meant was: tell me one of your stories.”

* * *

An hour later and Nick was wide awake and totally wrapped up in his conversation with Shepard. Time had completely flown by. One second, Nick was dragging himself out of bed, and the next he was sitting on the edge of it, an uncontrollable smile on his face as Shepard recounted the time he swam with manatees and was hit in the face by a big floating “poo ball”. Literally, just a big ball of manatee poop floating through the water.

Nick felt bad laughing, but he just couldn’t stop when Shepard was recounting the story. Nick hadn’t laughed that much in a long time, and it felt really damn good. “That has to mean you got good luck,” Nick said.

“I did win twenty dollars off a scratcher two days later… hmm, maybe you’re onto something.”

Nick chuckled. He got up off the bed and started walking around his bedroom. “Let’s open up an online shop where we sell manatee poo lucky charms?”

“Honestly… I totally think that would sell like hotcakes. Like hot poo cakes.”

“You’re something else.”

“I’m just saying,” Shepard was laughing, too, “I think we’ve got a billion-dollar idea here. It’s going to be the next big thing. Move over rabbit feet, you’ve hogged the lucky charm spotlight for far too long.”

A few more minutes of this and both of them seemed to crash simultaneously, both men giving off equally impressive yawns, both at the same time.

“Did you just yawn at the same time as me? Did we transmit yawns without even seeing each other?”

“I think we did,” Nick said, smiling at Shepard’s playful enthusiasm.

“Interesting… very interesting.”

“Why?”

“No reason, just that I think it means we’re meant for each other. But yeah, no big deal.”

“Not a big deal at all,” Nick said. He could tell Shepard was joking, but wasn’t there always supposed to be some kernel of truth inside every joke?

“Alright, I’ll let you get some rest. You don’t work today, do you?”

“No, I’m off.” Nick didn’t want this to end, but he logically knew they both needed at least a couple of hours of sleep. It was going to be hard shutting off when he was already so wired up from talking with Shepard. That’s when Nick got an idea. He may not have been able to extend their phone conversation, but he could set something up for a few hours from now. “I’m taking Emma to the park for a stroll tomorrow. Or, well, I guess it’s in a few hours now.” Nick was pacing a circle into his soft beige carpet, the light color turning a darker shade around the path he had been taking. “Want to meet us? Thinking of going to Griffith Park.”

There was barely a second of silence. No hesitation. Shepard immediately answered with a “that sounds great”. It was genuine excitement and it was infectious. It pushed away the nerves Nick had been feeling.

“Ok, great,” Nick said, sounding a little more relieved than he had intended. He caught his reflection in the mirror he had propped against the wall. He was smiling.

“Cool.”

It was that time at the end of every phone call you made to your high school crush. The dreaded “hang up” moment. Who would be the first to do it? Both at the same time? Maybe don’t even hang up at all? Falling asleep with the phone next to you isn’t so bad, kind of like those meditative ocean soundtracks, instead of the waves crashing on shore, you get the gentle breathing of you —

“Talk soon,” Shepard said and hung up.

Or, maybe one of you is mature enough to take the lead and hang up the damn phone.

“Well, there’s that,” Nick said. He laughed, his stomach still hurting. He closed his bedroom door and went to his bed, throwing the soft gray blanket to the side, pulling his shorts off and climbing in, grabbing the blanket and tugging it over him.

He started wondering how it would feel if Shepard were lying next to him, sleeping under the same blanket.

I think it’d feel pretty damn great.