He drove slow, even though the roads were empty. Every mile he put between him and Emma felt like a fresh stab in the chest with the biggest, nastiest butcher knife around. He had the radio playing but had to turn it off. The music was only making things worse. He sat in silence at a red light, wondering how things got to the point where he was losing his rights to see his daughter.

The goodbye was the hardest part. He thought looking into Anna’s eyes would be the difficult part, but that didn’t matter to him. All he saw when he looked at Anna was a road block. A wall that needed to be demolished so that he could hold his baby girl again. He managed to hold back the tears in front of Anna. His eyes almost hurt with how badly they wanted to stream out. He didn’t want to show Anna any sign of weakness. He stiffened his upper lip and kissed Emma on the forehead, promising this wasn’t over. Chris had been standing behind Anna the entire time, his arms crossed and his face set as though he were doing a bad impression of a bodyguard. As if Nick was going to start anything with his daughter around. He would never put her at risk like that.

Another reason why this sole custody is bullshit.

Nick had to hold on to that thought. He needed to repeat it like a mantra. He couldn’t lose his cool. Logic was going to win. The good people were going to win. He knew the world often gave victories to villains, but not in his story. He was going to make sure of it.

But first, he needed to go home and collapse into Shepard, letting those big arms wrap around him, briefly bringing him back to the good ol’ days, when there was barely a problem in the world he couldn’t solve. He knew he wouldn’t feel completely ok until he had Emma back, but he was confident that Shepard could lift some of the anguish that was coating him like oil from a spill.

He started to tear up, but for another reason now. He was becoming overwhelmed with how thankful he was that he had Shepard in his life. He may not have been dating him for an incredibly long time, but it certainly felt like he’d known Shepard his entire life. And that sense of comfort meant that Nick could truly feel safe around him, even when the world felt like it was crashing and burning all around him. At least, when he was with Shepard, there was a kind of pause button pressed. He could lose himself in the way Shepard smelled, or how he spoke, or the way he smiled. Anything he did had the ability to teleport Nick into a different mindset. It was one of the reasons Nick was sure that Shepard was the one. He couldn’t think of anyone else who offered him that same sense of comfort. Or even a fraction of that comfort. Maybe at one point it was his father, who was a solid support against life’s tougher times as Nick grew up, but that felt like it was an eternity ago. Things were completely different. And that only made Nick even more grateful he had Shepard in his life. If he didn’t, he may very well have been alone. Sure he had a couple of friends at work, and his mother still supported him, but other than that, he wouldn’t have anyone to weather this storm with.

He rubbed at his eyes, making sure he could see the road clearly. The last thing he needed was a car crash. He took a few deep breaths and lowered his window, letting the cool night wind blow in as he drove. The street was wide, the palm trees tall, backlit by a full moon that hung unusually low in the sky. Nick could make out the massive craters scarring the surface like huge pimples.

Nick was almost home, still distraught and feeling empty, when he got a call. He was on his street, just about to pull into his driveway. He reached for his phone and saw it was Zane from the detective agency. It was twelve-thirty in the morning, so this had to have been important.

“Zane, what’s going on? Please tell me you found something.”

“I found quiet a few somethings. I need you to come into my office.”

“Now?”

“Right now.”

Nick stopped the car and made a U-turn, driving away from his house. He figured Shepard was probably sleeping.

The drive to the agency wasn’t a long one, especially since there wasn’t any traffic to get through that late at night. Another benefit was an ample amount of street parking. Nick pulled up to the front of Stonewall Investigations. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting anymore, but he was trying hard not to get his hopes up. The night was chilly. The trees that sat at the front of the agency rustled in the wind, their dried branches clattering together as if they were praying for a good rainfall soon. By the time Nick reached the front door, it was already opening. Andrew stood in the doorway. He looked tired, wearing an old pair of gym shorts and an oversized black t-shirt that was probably meant for sleeping only. But Andrew’s eyes were bright and alert. He was running on adrenaline, Nick could tell. There were plenty of nights he experienced that rush, knowing exactly what it felt like.

Holy shit, maybe they really did find something that could get Emma back.

“Nick, come in, Zane is in his office.” Andrew turned and started leading Nick through the hall. The place took on a different quality at night, when the offices were empty and only the hallway light had been turned on, throwing the rooms past the hallway in shadows that left an eerie feeling in the air. The cozy warmth that Nick had first experienced when he entered Stonewall Investigations was replaced by something colder. The energy was different, and Nick knew it wasn’t entirely because of the time of night. This wasn’t just because Nick didn’t like the dark. There was something else in the air. As if whatever Zane had found was already seeping out into the atmosphere, spreading a miasma of negativity.

“Zane, it’s Dr. White.” Andrew entered the room with Nick following right behind. Zane’s office was a controlled chaos. There were books stacked upon books in a few different piles next to Zane’s desk, the glass tabletop covered in organized piles of paper clipped files. Andrew took a seat on an old beige couch that hadn’t always been inside Zane’s office, by the floor-to-ceiling window, his laptop laying open on the floor, its screen glowing as if it were asking for attention. Next to the couch was a cardboard box, papers and folders sticking out the top. There were papers laying on the couch, too. Andrew’s workspace wasn’t as organized as Zane’s, with no paperclips in sight around the couch.

“Nick, how are you?” Zane got up from behind his desk. Instead of shaking Nick’s hand, he opened his arms for a hug. Nick appreciated it. Zane obviously knew what was going on, and although he probably couldn’t fully grasp the pain Nick was feeling, his comfort was definitely welcome.

His information was more than welcome, though.

“What did you find?” Nick asked, dodging the question about how he was. He didn’t want to get into his feelings.

“Sit,” Zane said as he went back to his chair. His voice, still as powerful as when they first met, had taken on a softer tone. The way Zane was acting was beginning to make Nick nervous. What had he found out? He didn’t look as bed-ready as Andrew did, but Nick could tell that was only because Zane hadn’t left the office in days and was probably wearing the same shirt and slacks he had come in with.

“First let me show you these photos.” Zane opened up a blue folder and pulled out a stack of photos. He reached over the desk and handed them to Nick. Immediately, Nick saw the side of Anna’s face. She was outside of her apartment building, speaking to someone. A man. He looked vaguely familiar. His face was in full display for the photo, which looked like it had been taken from across the street and zoomed in. The quality was a little grainy, but still clear enough to make out the details.

“Wait… that’s Rick. Shepard’s ex. What is he doing talking with Anna?”

Nick set that photo down and looked at the next one. This one was taken outside of a church. Nick recognized it, a big chapel near Santa Monica. It had a view of the beach and a beautiful stained glass window set above the entrance. In front of the church stood Chris, speaking to Rick with a hand on his shoulder. They were both wearing church clothes, and other people were coming out of the church, marking the end of a service. Nick looked up from the photo to Zane. Confusion was fully setting in, now.

“I want you to see the photos first so you don’t doubt for a second what I’m about to tell you.”

The next photo was of Rick, but this one was printed out from a traffic camera. And Rick was behind the wheel of a bright red Ferrari, his hair was a bright blonde and he was wearing a pretty thick beard, but Nick was sure that was him.

“That was shortly after he stole that Ferrari and then dropped off the grid a couple of years ago.”

“What’s going on?”

“Your suspicions were right,” Zane said, “Anna is up to no good. She’s addicted to pills and she’s getting them from Rick, who was introduced to her by Chris.”

Nick’s jaw dropped to the floor. “What the fuck?”

Zane leaned in, over the table. “It was when we started tailing Chris a few days ago that everything made sense. He leads a relatively simple life, to people that aren’t really paying attention at least. He goes to church, volunteers at the soup kitchen, and works days at a real estate firm as an administrative assistant. Following him painted a different picture, though. One of late nights spent in seedy spots known for cruising for men. I saw him speaking with Rick, who seemed a little out of place leaving the church service one day. Chris was also being very handsie with Rick, something I noticed he didn’t do with anyone else. A couple hours later and I followed them to their secret hook-up spot. A Motel Six by the highway.”

“But, Chris… but he’s, he’s gay?”

“Deep in the closet. And resents himself for it, but resents you even more.”

“Huh?”

“We found these on his phone.” Zane pulled out another set of photos. Nick saw his back in the center of the frame, Shepard next to him, their hands linked together between them. This was from their date in Santa Monica. Nick didn’t even ask how Zane got the photos, he just wanted to know why Chris had them.

“These were the photos he sent to the judge presiding over your custody case, who also happens to go to the same church Chris does. Chris and the judge are close friends. Chris knew exactly how to influence him.”

“Holy fuck.”

“Exactly,” Andrew said from the couch. He had been typing away on his laptop and just then chimed in.

“That’s what the judge meant by hazardous lifestyle?!” Nick’s blood was boiling. This was what had caused his rights to be stripped from him. The fact that he was holding the hand of someone he loved. Oh, the fucking horror.

“And Chris hates himself so much, he’s lashing out at you through the judge.”

“Is that legal? Can they do that?” Nick remembered the forums he had deep-dived through, but the law was constantly changing.

“The judge is discriminating against your sexuality. Unfortunately, that’s still looked past in a few different states. But not here in California. I think this judge was trying to find a loophole, and was probably going to be up all night looking for it. He had until tomorrow to hand everything over to your lawyer. I’m already working on getting another judge to overturn the ruling based on discrimination.”

Nick breathed a sigh of relief, but there was still so much to process, he couldn’t relax. “And Anna? What drugs? Jesus, I need to get Emma out of there.”

He moved to get up from the chair.

“Wait, Nick,” Zane said, putting a hand out on the table. “She’s ok. I’ve passed all this on to Child Protective Services. You’ll see there’s a recording I took of Anna speaking about the drugs to Rick a few hours ago, while she was waiting for you to bring Emma. They were whispering out by the park near her apartment, thinking no one could hear them. I caught it all on tape. It’s all the proof they need. They’re working with the police to make sure they get Emma out of there safe and sound before the morning. The agent I’m working with is keeping me in the loop with constant updates. They don’t want you there in case Anna reacts negatively to you. She’s already going to be angry, we don’t want to instigate anything. Don’t worry, you’ll have Emma in your arms again before the sun comes up.”

Nick leaned back into the chair. Those were words he didn’t think he’d hear, especially not so soon after he had to say goodbye to Emma. This night had been a total roller coaster ride of emotions, and Nick hated roller coasters. He wanted to get off the ride and back onto solid ground.

“She’s addicted to oxycodone. Chris doesn’t know about it. I think he genuinely believes Anna when she says she’s feeling sick and locks herself up in her room. He doesn’t know Rick is a drug-dealer either. Nor does he know Rick isn’t even his real name.”

“It’s not?”

“His real name is Gabriel Del Valle.” Zane pushed a black folder across the glass desk. “This is Rick’s criminal history. He’s been changing identities for years now, moving from state to state and giving different stories everywhere he went. One of those identities is Hanson Morreno, a man suspected for two murders in Ohio. Apparently he baited two guys off Grindr, dated them both without the other knowing, and then killed them both at the same time. I think he joined the church this time around for some deeper cover.”

Nick felt like throwing up. “So the guy Shepard dated has an M.O. for murdering guys he’s fucked?”

Zane nodded, his lips pursed tight. “But don’t worry. The cops already have Del Valle’s home surrounded. I called them and filled them in before you got here.”

Nick breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn’t realized he was holding his breath until then. “So they’ve got him?”

“From what it sounds like, yeah.”

“Holy shit.” Nick dropped his head into his hands. He couldn’t believe everything he had just learned. Zane was right in showing him the photos first. “Thank you, Zane. Thank you.” Nick felt so relieved that everything was all over, and it was because of the incredible detective work Zane and his team had done. He was soon going to be able to hold his daughter and Shepard whenever he damn well wanted, without any time limits or judgment or fear. He was excited for the first time that night. He was allowing himself to feel the hope he had stuffed down to the depths of his soul only hours before. He was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, after all.

Now, he just wanted to get back to Shepard and wait with him until they could see Emma again.

Life is finally back on track.