“Fuck,” Nick hissed out as he fell on his hands and knees. The pavement scratched up his palms and made them pink and raw, covered with dirt and rocks. He heard footsteps running toward him. He got up before any help arrived, wiping off his hands on his black slacks, which managed to survive the fall intact.

“Dr. White, you ok?”

Nick recognized that voice. He turned around, hoping his cheeks wouldn’t flush pink. Of course, out of all the people around, the cutest resident in Sierra View had to be the one to witness his fall.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Nick was short, cold. He was scared and he was angry. Scared because he was looking into Shepard’s eyes and feeling something he’d never felt before. And he was angry because he didn’t have Emma in his arms right that second. She shouldn’t have been with Anna in the first place, not if she was feeling sick. Nick was starting to wonder if there was something going on in that house. He had no idea how to prove it, but he was growing more and more worried. If Anna was doing anything that could put Emma in harm’s way— Fuck.

That thought alone made him want to shatter his car window with his fist.

“Shit,” Shepard said, sounding surprised. Nick was instantly about to apologize for his rude behavior. He hated that he couldn’t control his emotions, but when Emma was involved, all rational thinking went out the window. He looked to Shepard and realized he was looking down at the ground. Nick followed his gaze and saw what had made Shepard curse.

“Shit,” Nick repeated, his shoulders slumping. It was one of those days. The entire universe felt like it was working against him. A flat tire was the last thing he needed, and sure enough, he got it.

“I’ll drive, come on.” Shepard rattled his keys in his scrubs’ pocket. “You looked like you were in a hurry. Let’s go, my car’s over in that lot.” Shepard pointed to the large parking lot across the street. He nodded his head in that direction and started walking. Nick was thinking of an excuse, something else, but ordering a Lyft would take time. He was only focused on getting to Anna’s as fast as he could so he could get his daughter.

“One sec!” Nick called out. He unlocked his car and undid the car seat. Holding it under one arm, he closed and locked his car and ran over to the crosswalk where Shepard was waiting for him. A couple of nurses were standing there as well, and Nick could already tell their eyes were darting in their direction, but again, he didn’t really care. All he cared about was holding his little girl.

When the crossing sign gave them the go-ahead, the two men hurried across the street.

“Everything ok?” Shepard asked. Nick’s anxiety must have been palpable in the air.

“I got a call —” It was then that Nick realized just how much Shepard didn’t know, and suddenly, he was… scared. He became frightened by the possibility of his own story turning Shepard away. Maybe Shepard wasn’t ready to date someone with a baby? Or with a crazy ex?

Why am I even thinking of dating him?

It was a ridiculous thought and an even crazier fear. Nick worked hard to tamp it all down before it spread, like an ember catching on dry tinder and growing into a roaring wildfire. Besides, he was in no way ashamed of his daughter, and if there was a problem with her than there was a problem with him. “I have to pick up my daughter, Emma.”

Nick figured he would start with a spark-noted version and unravel as time passed. It was evening already but the sun was still out, shining its last rays down on the city of angels. Nick looked at the hills ahead, already playing with the orange light of the setting sun. He could make out the houses that laid claim to the stunning views from the sides of the Hollywood Hills, their windows glittering orange and purple.

“Daughter, huh? Emma is such a beautiful name, too. Emma White. How old is she?” Shepard asked. Nick glanced to his left. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but he was caught off guard by how wide Shepard’s smile was. He expected at least a little bit of trepidation, but Shepard seemed to be a hundred percent interested in learning more about his daughter. It was a special feeling.

“She’s four months old,” Nick said, catching Shepard’s infectious smile.

“She must be the cutest thing in the world,” Shepard said, his smile practically painted on his voice. Nick liked how he didn’t have to look at Shepard to know that he was smiling. “Does she have any siblings?”

“Just her,” Nick said. “If there’s any in the future, they aren’t making a grand entrance for a little longer. How about you? Do you have any siblings?”

Shepard chuckled. “I’m guessing you’re not a fan of Crow’s music, then.”

“Crow? Is that some trendy new boy band I should know about?”

Shepard was laughing now. “Crow Kensworth. You’ve probably heard one or two of his songs on the radio. He’s my twin brother.”

“No way,” Nick said, genuinely surprised. “I had no idea.”

“His billboards aren’t up yet, but apparently his agent got him a few around Hollywood Boulevard, so you’ll be seeing my face on your drive to work soon.”

“Isn’t that a little surreal?”

“I’m sure it will be,” Shepard said. “I’ve already seen my face staring back at me from random articles on the internet, that’s always a little bit of a shock. But I’m getting used to it.”

“Have people started recognizing you? Thinking you’re Crow?”

“It’s happened once or twice, but I always have to break it to them that it’s just his much-less talented brother. People are generally pretty cool about it. One girl started crying in disappointment, that was actually kind of funny.”

They reached Shepard’s car by then. The locks clicked open. Nick set up the car seat and took the passenger seat. Shepard pulled out of the spot as soon as they were buckled in. The radio started off playing a Lady Gaga song at full volume. Shepard laughed and lowered it, apologizing for the sudden blast of perfect singing.

“No worries,” Nick said, laughing along with Shepard. “She’s one of my favorites.”

“Oh, really? Do you play her songs for Emma?”

“She might be a little too young to really appreciate her,” Nick said, smiling from ear to ear. “Maybe I’ll play her some of your brother’s stuff.” The immense stress he had been feeling earlier was evaporating like a puddle of water laid out under the warm sun. That was how being around Shepard felt like. He emitted a nice, comforting warmth that lowered down your walls and allowed you to relax. “I want her to love all kinds of art. From singing to theatre, she’s going to be exposed to all of it. My parents never really took me to anything except a movie once a year. I don’t want that for her. I want her to be immersed in culture, in art. I think that’s important.”

“That’s incredible, is what it is,” Shepard said, nodding as they pulled out of the lot. “Wait, where am I headed?”

“Oh, right.” Nick took a breath, wondering in what state he was going to find Anna. Anxiety was creeping into his chest. “The Terrace Towers, the apartment building on La Brea.”

“Gotcha,” Shepard said, turning right onto the street. The drive would normally take ten minutes, but LA traffic never made things normal. The GPS was saying they had forty minutes of traffic to look forward to.

“Is Emma ok?” Shepard asked, looking at the time. “I’ll drive between cars if I have to.”

Nick chuckled. “I appreciate it, but no need to go fast and furious. Emma is ok, it’s her mom that passed out. Her brother has Emma now but he says he has a flight to catch tonight.”

“How’s being a dad like, Dr. White?” Shepard smirked Nick’s way. He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know more about Nick. It felt good to be able to open up like this. Nick hated feeling like he was carrying this entire burden by himself, and by sharing the story with Shepard, he felt like some of that weight was eased.

“Call me Nick. And being a father is incredible and crazy and frustrating and the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me, along with one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.” Nick could feel the words in his chest. He could feel the pride he held in being a father. What followed next was a moment of pure honesty. “I just wish it were different. I wish I was experiencing this with someone else. Sharing all of Emma’s firsts with someone who’s meant to be in our lives forever. A man that I love with my entire heart and know that he does the same, and holds that same love for my daughter.” Nick took a breath. “Sorry, it’s been really difficult lately.”

“No need for any apologies.” They pulled up to a red light. Shepard looked to the side, his face somehow looking like a damn painting with the light of the setting sun reflecting off the hood of his car. “I don’t know your entire story, but I do know you’re an exceptionally good man. I also know that exceptionally good things happen to exceptionally good people. Emma is one example. And you’ll see that she won’t be the last good thing to happen to you.” The light turned green, drawing Shepard’s attention in time for Nick to look away, just before a tear formed at the corner of his eye. He wasn’t sure what was getting into him, but he knew that something was happening inside the confines of that little red Honda.

“It’s also scary because Emma is involved.” Nick was a fountain now, spilling the anxieties he had been holding inside himself. “I want the absolute best for her, and I feel like every day I spend wasting on this custody battle, every day I spend alone, every day just turns into a waste. That was all time I could have had to be holding her. It’s overwhelming.” Nick felt the carefully constructed barrier around himself start wavering. “And to think that Anna is assassinating my character the way she is.” By the look on Shepard’s face, Nick realized he had more to explain, except he started catching himself and pulling back. Shepard was an incredibly nice guy and Nick owed him for the ride, but that was all. This wasn’t a date, nor was it a time to unravel completely in front of a resident. The walls started to strengthen again.

“I told you,” Nick said, hoping to close off the topic, “there’s way too much going on.”

Shepard ‘tsked’ and reached across the gear shift and squeezed Nick’s thigh. It was quick and reassuring and, somehow, exactly what Nick had needed. It made him feel like it would all be ok. All from a gentle squeeze. “I think what matters the most right now is that you’re an incredible father and I can tell that you love your little girl with every fiber in your being. That doesn’t go away. Whatever is going on with the court system, I’m sure that they’ll see the love you have for her and get it sorted. They’ll realize that there’s no way Emma should be away from you any longer.”

“Thank you,” Nick said, looking out the window at the tall palm trees that seemed to be crawling along with them as the traffic moved. He knew he couldn’t look into Shepard’s eyes. He knew he would find too much of what he wanted staring back, and he couldn’t have that. His life couldn’t get anymore complicated than it already was. Maybe once the custody battle finished… No, no. Why risk getting hurt again? Why risk bringing someone into Emma’s life when it was just beginning? It can get too messy.

Nick was resisting something magical, he could feel it and it frustrated him because he couldn’t control it. He previously thought Anna hadn’t caused any lasting damage to his psyche, but it seemed to be the complete opposite. It was like the dust was finally settling and the damage was now apparent. All Nick could picture was Shepard hurting him and Emma, somehow, someway. He felt like it was bound to happen. A terrible thought, but one he couldn’t shake.

Shepard started with another question. “You think—“

“Let’s talk about something else,” Nick said, cutting in, still looking out the passenger side window. His posture straightened up on the gray-clothed seat. He flexed his neck, a few pops filling in the awkward silence. “How, uhm, how’s medical school going?” Nick immediately felt bad for being cold toward Shepard. He didn’t want the silence to last a second longer.

“It’s going,” Shepard said, an exhausted laugh slipping through. “It’s easier now that I’m a resident. Those first two years were rough. It was undergrad multiplied by a thousand. Tests every single day, nights spent crashing in the library. It was rough, but it’s been worth it so far.”

“And it always will be,” Nick assured him. “I remember those days. I was a mess, especially my first year. I was close to dropping out, actually.”

“It’s no joke,” Shepard said.

“Nope. My dad was one of the main reasons I pushed through. He talked me off the ledge quite a few times, and when his words weren’t working, I’d remember the mountain of debt I was under and I’d drop my head and bury it in the books again. You’re leagues ahead of me in the academic department from when I was a resident, that’s for sure.”

Shepard waved his hand in the air. “I’m part of the best, right?” he asked, quickly changing his tune. The abrupt shift had them both laughing as the car inched along down Santa Monica Boulevard.

“Not just part,” Nick offered. “The best.”

“Ok, now you’re just looking for a free ride, huh?”

“Free? I didn’t know the meter was on.”

“Oh, yeah.” Shepard nodded, pursing his lips. “Mountain of debt, remember?”

Nick laughed again, relaxing back into the seat. He looked to Shepard, who was looking so damn handsome in the low light. The sun had already set and the streetlights were all on, shining down white light that illuminated Shepard’s sharp features. He was definitely a looker. The kind of guy that Nick had always fantasized about. And it didn’t hurt at all that he had a great sense of humor and a big heart.

How can someone with such a warm smile be capable of hurting anyone?

Nick looked away, taking a breath. Writing Shepard off was going to be way harder than Nick had thought.