Third Street Promenade was bustling with people, shopping bags in hands, sunglasses and caps obscuring faces. It was a beautiful stretch of shops that took up about five large blocks, just a few minutes away from the world famous Santa Monica Pier. The street was closed off to traffic, so people spilled out from the sidewalk and made their way down the center path. There were street performers working for their tips; from a singing duet made up of teenage twins to a slightly disturbing clown blowing up balloons and taking requests, there was something for everyone. And if the street performers didn’t do it, tourists could spend their day sitting on a bench and watching celebrities pass by, some trying to be as discreet as they could while others seemed to wear a glowing neon sign that said they were famous.

It was the perfect place for a date. There was so much to see and talk about, even if the conversation was dying down (which, let’s be real, Shepard was not expecting that to happen) there would be plenty to point out. It was also later in the evening, so there was a little bit of cloud cover and a refreshing wind that blew in from the ocean nearby. The cool temperature allowed Shepard to dress up a little fancier than he was expecting. He thought he’d have to wear a damn speedo with how hot it was getting in Los Angeles, but thankfully the past few weeks had been blessed with cooler weather. Shepard had on a pair of fitted jeans and a long-sleeved button-up shirt that had the first couple of buttons popped open, showing off a bit of his chest and the glint of a rose gold necklace.

He was waiting by the triceratops fountain. It was definitely an interesting piece, with the dinosaur covered in dark green leaves, a stream of water shooting from its open mouth. Across from it was a t-rex doing the same thing. As Shepard was wondering how high the designer had to be to commission two dinosaurs made out of hedges for an outdoor mall, he felt a hand fall on his shoulder. He had been sitting on the edge of the fountain with his back turned to one of the main entrances. He wasn’t sure which way Nick would be coming.

“Hey, Shep,” Nick said as Shepard got up from his seat. He was already smiling wide as Nick opened his arms for a hug. Shepard already had trouble letting go. There was just something about Nick’s big arms wrapped around him that made Shepard feel giddy. Like a kid on Christmas, except Nick was the gift that seemed to never stop giving.

“You look great,” Shepard said as they separated. And he honestly did. Nick was wearing a sleek pair of navy slacks and light brown shoes that seemed like they were freshly shined. His white shirt, tucked in underneath a belt that matched the shoes, was rolled up at the sleeves, giving him a little bit of a more casual look and showing off those sexy forearms that Shepard couldn’t get enough of. He was beginning to realize just how much a white coat ended up covering. Then again, if Nick looked like that every time he stepped into the hospital, Shepard would have had a very tough time concentrating on his patients. Hell, he was sure the patients would join him in his gawking.

“I knew you’d come here looking like a model, so I thought I should step things up a little bit.”

“Oh, stop,” Shepard said, dropping his head to the side. “A model, huh? What else you got?”

Nick laughed, dropping his head slightly. Shepard stood there, waiting for more compliments, a smile on his face.

“Let’s go before I inflate your ego so much you end up floating away.”

* * *

Their date was perfect. Shepard could walk for hours with Nick at his side and never get bored. They always had something to point out or joke about. And even when there wasn’t any conversation, Nick’s presence alone was enough for Shepard to have a good time. He couldn’t help but compare it to the early days he was dating Rick. Hindsight was twenty-twenty. He never felt anywhere near as happy with Rick as he felt with Nick. He thought he had felt the big L-word for Rick, but he could see that he wasn’t anywhere close to loving Rick. To really loving him. He dated him and had decent sex, but he never felt the kind of connection that was obvious between him and Nick.

“So have you given your specialty any more thought? Residents have to apply for fellowships soon, don’t they?” Nick asked. They had been talking about Nick’s decision to work in emergency medicine.

“Soonish, yeah,” Shepard said. They walked past a Starbucks, the scent of coffee drifting out from the open door. The patio was filled with people sitting underneath the green umbrellas, some with their laptops opened, most likely all working on a screenplay of some kind.

“I’ve been pretty lost since I got into medical school,” Shepard said, “I thought I wanted to do surgery, but thinking about the hours and lifestyle make me want to drown in a puddle of my own tears. So that quickly got scratched off the list. I thought, ok maybe I can do emergency medicine like you. It keeps me on my toes and I could still have decent hours. I just don’t want to be a slave to Sierra View, either. I want to be able to enjoy time off so I could spend it with family and not worry about being on-call all the time.”

“Good thinking,” Nick said. “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

“But,” Shepard said with a wink, “I’m hesitant about that because I really enjoy connecting with patients. I like how family medicine doctors practically grow up with their patients. Emergency doctors like you save lives on the daily, but you don’t really create deep connections with patients, do you?”

Nick shook his head. “Not really, no. There’s definitely a connection that comes with saving someone’s life, but it’s not like I see every milestone in their lives or anything like that. It’s what had drawn me to emergency medicine in the first place.” Nick laughed at how opposite the two seemed in terms of their wants for a medical specialty. “The energy in an emergency room also really called to me.”

“Which is also why I can’t do family medicine. It’s too slow for me.” They reached the part of the street where the mall ended and regular business resumed. Cars stopped as the crosswalk lit up across the way, releasing a flood of pedestrians. Nick and Shepard jumped into the flow. They hadn’t really talked about what they were doing after the walk around the mall, but it felt like they were naturally headed toward the Santa Monica Pier. “So I was actually pretty stressed about it until a few days ago.”

“What happened a few days ago?”

“Emma,” Shepard said, with the same reverence as if he had discovered the cure to the common flu.

“Did she tell you what she thought was best? I mean, I trust her opinion, but she is just a baby.”

“Well, that’s the thing, she’s a baby.” Shepard’s pearly white teeth caught the sun as he smiled. “I was always uncomfortable around kids and babies, but after being with Emma, I think that’s all gone away. I think I know what I want to do for the rest of my life.” He was beaming, from the inside out. “I think I want to be a pediatrician. I really want to help kids, I want to see them grow up and know that I’m helping keep them healthy and safe. I want to connect with the parents and help them keep calm through whatever comes up. I know I’d be happy. I get I wouldn’t be making a dermatologist’s salary, but I’m totally fine with that.”

Nick looked just as happy as Shepard felt. “That’s incredible. I think you’d make a great pediatrician. Especially since it’s obvious you really want to do it. And yeah, kids can be scary at first, but remember you’ve always got the upper hand.”

“Sometimes, I’m not so sure about that,” Shepard said with a laugh. “I’d probably be better if my mom had given me the little sister I was begging for back in middle school. I thought it’d be so cool to brush her hair.” Shepard smiled fondly at the memory of a simpler time, when his biggest problem in the world was that he didn’t have a sister to groom.

“You’re an only child, right?” Shepard asked as they walked away from the promenade and toward the beach. The ocean breeze started getting stronger as they got closer to the beach.

“Yep, just me. I think I asked for a little brother once, and my mom shut me down real quick. I do have a half-sister, though. My mom had her with her new husband.”

“Oh, wow, I didn’t know you had a sister. How old is she?”

“Twelve, her name’s Megan. She’s a sweetheart. Super smart, too. Says she wants to be a doctor.”

“Must be your mom’s genes then.”

“Oh, for sure,” Nick said. “All I got from my father was his oversized nose.”

“Your nose is the perfect size,” Shepard said, playfully bumping into his side with a shoulder. They crossed the street, the salty sweet scent of the water becoming stronger. They could see the pier stretching out into the ocean, the huge Ferris wheel spinning right next to a small roller coaster, both set at the middle of the pier. “Everything you’ve got is sized perfectly.” Shepard smirked toward Nick.

Nick laughed. He surprised Shepard by grabbing his hand. It was such a smooth move, Shepard barely noticed until a few moments after his fingers were entwined with Nick. He had a second when his thoughts flashed to “oh shit, what if someone from the hospital sees us” but he quickly pushed those thoughts away and focused on just how happy holding Nick’s hand made him. That was the important part. Not what other residents would say if they saw them. That stuff didn’t matter anymore. It was all about how good he felt with Nick at his side.

“You know,” Nick said as they walked, their steps in sync, “I’ve never held a man’s hand in public before.”

“It takes a little bit to get used to the random stares, but you learn to ignore them. Besides, we’re in Los Angeles, I feel like the majority of people here are fine with two men holding hands. It does suck though, how it feels like it puts a spotlight on you. You’d think we were about to stick each other’s dicks in our mouths. Why does anyone care whose hand I hold?”

“Because of the children,” Nick joked, changing his tone to sound like an old handmaid, “What ever will we explain to them?”

“Oh, dearie me, you are right,” Shepard said, joining the game. “We mustn’t spoil their innocence with thoughts of love. The homosexual kind!”

“So stupid,” Nick said, laughing. “There are people out there who seriously can’t sit down with their kids for five minutes and explain what love is. Crazy what unfounded fear and prejudice can do to someone.” Nick’s hand squeezed a little tighter. Shepard loved it. He knew Nick must have been a little on edge, he certainly was when he held Rick’s hand in public for the first time, but that feeling would soon go away. Things were changing. There was still a long way to go, but holding Nick’s hand for everyone to see would only push things forward, not back.

Neither of them noticed the portly man who walked out of his church service a few feet behind them. He noticed them, though, his phone in his grubby hand, his camera open and aimed at the two men. He got his photos and walked the other way.

Nick and Shepard reached a set of stairs that led down toward the beach. They decided to skip the tourist packed pier and chose to sit on a bench by the beach instead. Shepard remembered finding the seat a few months ago, when he was determined to study outside. It was a bit of a secret spot, hidden from the main beach by a large outcropping of rock. Shepard led the way down the stairs. When they reached the bottom, they both took their shoes off so they could walk barefooted through the warm sand.

“Have you come out yet? To your parents? Friends?” Shepard watched Nick’s reaction closely. He knew that Nick had been married to a woman, and clearly got things to work at least once. Shepard also knew that Nick got it to work with him way more than just once. So there was a little bit of a question mark in Shepard’s head, clouded by some fear as well. Shepard was nervous to see how Nick would handle being with a man when it came to his family. Shepard’s parents were hippy liberals who completely accepted their twins coming out as gay, but Shepard knew that everyone’s experience was different. They reached the bench then, both sitting down.

Nick’s reaction was composed. A sad smile crept onto his lips. One that was pursed and hung half-crooked on his sculpted face.

“I told my father, and he, well, uhm,” the smile disappeared altogether. “He cut things off.” Nick’s voice choked at the end. Shepard squeezed Nick’s hand, which was still holding his and resting on Nick’s thigh. The fresh ocean breeze drifted in as waves crashed feet ahead of them. The bench wasn’t located on the sand, but instead on a small island of concrete. The breeze felt cool, a contrast to the warm sadness that was filling Shepard. He held onto Nick’s hand, letting him compose his thoughts and figure out how best to keep talking. “I told him about two weeks ago. Told him that after a year of being alone, I found someone I think is really special. Someone who’s worth letting into Emma’s life. Someone whose reminding me that not everyone is out to destroy me. I told him I think I found the one. I told him that person was you.”

Shepard felt his breath hitch. He was filled with an even deeper sadness. A moment that should have been filled with smiles — he thinks I could be the one — instead turned out to be a moment anchored by guilt. He shouldn’t have felt guilty for what happened between Nick and his father, but Shepard couldn’t help it. He was the reason the man was turning away from his son and granddaughter. All because he was a man and not a woman.

“It’s tough,” Nick continued. Shepard could almost see the bricks holding up Nick’s walls come tumbling down, in the way his neck moved, his jaw twitched. In his eyes, which looked up from his toes to stay on Shepard’s gaze. There was sadness, but also an honesty that Shepard hadn’t really seen before. Nick was allowing him past another layer, and it seemed as though they both realized how powerful that was. “I just want what’s best for my daughter.” Nick took another moment, taking a deep breath. “I want her to grow up with grandparents that spoil her, with a father that loves her unconditionally, with another who does the same. I want her to grow without a care in the world. Plus, I was close to my dad. He pushed me through medical school when I needed it.” Nick shook his head. Shepard squeezed his hand a little tighter, his thumb rubbing circles over Nick’s soft skin. He wished he could just reach inside of Nick and take whatever pain he was feeling. He could see how big of an effect this had on Nick. It hurt them both. “Instead, I’m going to need to explain why her grandfather refuses to talk to his own son, cutting her off as well. She’ll see the world for what it is, way too soon, much earlier than I’d ever want her to. I wanted to protect her from all the fucked up shit for as long as I possibly could.”

“You can’t hold your dad’s decision over yourself,” Shepard said, speaking over the gust of sea breeze. “And you can’t assume you know how this is going to impact Emma. I hear you, I wish there was something I could do to protect that little smiling cinnamon roll—“ Nick chuckled at that, “—but the thing is, the world was going to show its teeth eventually. At least this way, you still have some control over how she receives the info. She’ll clearly still love you endlessly and she’ll just be a little more aware of how people are acting. I think something like that could make her wise beyond her years, and that’s nothing negative. She already looks like she’s ready to run a Fortune 500 company all before nap time hits. She’s got those sharp eyes. She’ll be just fine.”

Nick was smiling. The mask of sadness he had suddenly donned was discarded. This was the Nick that Shepard wanted to see. The man whose smile could headline a damn Super Bowl half-time show.

“She does have that look, doesn’t she?”

“Yep. It’s almost intimidating, if I’m being honest.”

Nick laughed, the sound mixing with the crash of the waves. “Thank you, Shep. You know exactly what to say. I’ve been feeling like shit, honestly, feeling almost like I’m supposed to be mourning my father, mourning the world I brought my daughter into, but then I’m reminded that there’s so much more to be happy about, and it all starts with you. Who knows, maybe he’ll come around one day, but even he doesn’t, looking into your eyes is going to remind me that I did the right thing.”

“Of course you did. It took courage and it took strength. It’s weird. I mean, we’re obviously both two grown—grown,” Shepard emphasized with a wink and a quick glance down at Nick’s lap, a chuckle coming from them both, “men, but in a position like coming out to your parents, it doesn’t matter what age you are, you’re suddenly transported back to being twelve and vulnerable and scared. You’ve got this big secret, which shouldn’t even be that huge of a deal in the first place, and suddenly the entire world hinges on someone else’s reaction to it. It’s hard. But you did it, because you knew you wouldn’t be happy otherwise. If that’s not role model material, I don’t know what is.”

“On the upside, my mom took it in much better stride. She was caught off guard when I told her I was with a man, and even more surprised when I told her I was feeling something special for you. I don’t think she was expecting me to find anything very serious after Anna, but the second she realized how much you mean to me, she broke into a teary smile and hugged the air out of my lungs. Said she could see how happy I was and that was all she ever wanted.”

Shepard smiled at that. There was a kite shaped like a cartoon dragon cutting through the wind in the distance, its long green tail whipping back and forth with the shifting ocean winds, the clawed hands coming up and down and the face showing its teeth as the jaw flapped open and shut. “She sounds like a great person.”

“She is. She got divorced from my dad back when I was in high school. I didn’t understand it back then, but I see it now. They were just never a good match. From the start, it wasn’t meant to work. My mom explained that she had fallen into a routine with my father, but that the routine was all it was. There was zero passion, and that was really hurting her. When she left, he went deep down a religious rabbit hole, coming out as a born-again Christian.”

Shepard nodded. “That explains things.”

“Yep.”

“Well, I think he’ll come around,” Shepard said. “I think you’re too important of a person to completely shut out of anyone’s life. And Emma, there’s no way anyone can stay away from her for too long.”

“She’s something else, isn’t she?” Nick was looking out toward the waves. Shepard put a hand on his thigh. He was feeling more and more connected to Nick as the seconds passed, as the stories unraveled, as they both opened up in ways neither expected.

“With you as her father, she’s bound to be.”