We spent a week in Ohio after she passed. Her will stated her wishes and she demanded no funeral. She wanted to be cremated and her ashes be spread in her homeland. Aidan booked a flight for Ireland, and Liam and I returned home. He’s been quiet but seems okay. Aaron is coming over tonight and asked if they could talk. Mason and Liam had a call today and they’re going to allow him to stay behind from the deployment since a few new guys checked in. Instead of sending him to finish out the month, he’ll train and get everyone settled here.
Part of me thinks it was a favor, but all I can be is grateful.
“Okay, Aara, I’ve got ten bucks that says you can go on the potty.” He sits on the floor and plays with her while I rest on the couch.
The flights were a lot for me, and even though I did my best to take it easy, I want to be more careful now that we can be.
“You know she’s too young to be bought and you’re about to have a whole heap of diapers in your life.”
“But if we can get rid of one of them with diapers that’s a win,” he scoffs and goes back to Aarabelle. “Okay, princess, how does this work? Do you just tell me? Do we stick you on it?”
“Oh, Jesus.” I lean up, and he pins me with his eyes.
“Don’t make me tie you to the couch.”
“You don’t scare me.”
He crawls toward me with a gleam in his eyes. “Oh?” His moves are lithe and catlike. Liam’s mouth is a thin line as he approaches. “I think you like testing me.”
“I think you like to be tested.”
He reaches the couch and he scoops me into his arms. Quickly he places me on the floor and hovers over me. “No more tests. I think we’ve passed them all anyway.”
I smile and thread my fingers in his hair. “I’d say we have.”
Aarabelle stands and lies on top of Liam’s back. “Dada, up?”
He does a push up with her hanging on his back and kisses me when he comes down. She giggles and I hold her sides so she doesn’t fall. Liam goes slow and lingers when he reaches my lips.
“I think you’re enjoying this,” I giggle in between kisses.
“I’ll enjoy it more when you’re my wife.”
I struggle with how fast we’re moving. I want to marry him, give him a life, be his everything, but I also don’t want to hurt Aaron terribly. Aaron’s a good father and he’s trying to be a good friend. The one thing I think both of these men need is their friendship back. Liam saved Aaron’s life, and in a way, Aaron’s death gave Liam something. It’s messy and ugly, but my marriage wasn’t what it appeared.
Aaron and I have worked to find a way to get along for Aarabelle, and Liam will be her stepfather. She’ll live with us, and I want Aaron to be a part of Aara’s life.
“Liam,” I sigh and he stops. Aarabelle climbs into his lap when he sits. She’s so attached to him. “I’m not trying to put anything off, but I don’t think we need to rush.”
He looks away and resignation paints his face. “I’m marrying you before you have this baby. I want to bring our child into the world with two loving and married parents. I’m not asking for anything big. All I want is you, me, and Aarabelle on the beach.”
“This baby will have two loving parents whether we’re married or not.”
“This is going to sound really bad, but I don’t ask you for much. I didn’t push you to choose me because I knew you would. I don’t get upset about your ex-husband hanging around the house because he’s Aarabelle’s father and he was my friend. I’ve sacrificed and lost a lot. Now, though . . . now, you are mine.” Aara moves off his lap and he moves toward me. “I want this because life is short. I want this because if I have to leave again, I need to know you’re set. I need this because I need it.”
My mind spins in circles on how to respond. Before I can answer, a knock comes.
“We’ll revisit this . . .” Liam says and he gets up to grab the door.
I look over and Aaron is standing there. Neither of them speaks and you can cut the tension with a knife.
Aaron steps a little closer and extends his hand. “I’m sorry about your mom.”
Liam grips his hand. “I appreciate it.”
“Glad to hear you’re okay too. I know everyone was worried.”
While this is the most awkward thing I’ve ever experienced, it gives me optimism. They’re talking—civilly. Aarabelle peeks from behind the couch and begins to giggle.
“Hi, pumpkin!” Aaron exclaims and she runs full speed.
“It was a mess . . .” Liam begins but hesitates.
Aaron raises Aara up and kisses her, then turns to Liam. “The mission?”
I breathe a heavy sigh of relief and fight the smile that’s building. Maybe we’ll all get through this sooner than we thought.
Liam starts to tell Aaron about some of the stuff that went wrong on the mission and why they went dark. A lot of it either goes over my head, or I just don’t want to know. These two have been friends for a long time and to see their friendship end was hard. I know that there was a lot of hurt between us all, but I think Aaron and I have come to a point where we also know our marriage was over before he died. Neither of us were ready to face facts.
“Athair,” Aarabelle says, which is pronounced “ah her.” It means “father” in Gaelic. We decided to start pushing that more and more over the last few weeks. We want her to have something special to call Liam, but allow Aaron to be her Daddy.
“I’m here. I’m here.” Liam gives her one of his hands as she gives him a toy.
We spend about an hour just playing with Aara. We talk about work and some of the things the doctors have told Aaron. His PTSD symptoms are gradually getting better and he’s starting to feel like the person he was before the deployment where they lost half their friends.
“Do you think we could step out and talk for a minute?” Liam says and my eyes snap up.
“Sure,” Aaron replies reluctantly.
Liam walks over and grabs my hand. “Trust me. This has to happen.”
“Please,” I beg.
“I’ll be right back.”
They step out of the room, heading out onto the deck. Fear grips me, and my chest tightens. I press my ear to the door but can’t hear anything. Minutes pass, feeling hopeful they’re getting along since I don’t hear anything breaking.
“What the heck are they talking about, Aarabelle?” I ask rhetorically and lie down before I get myself worked up.
She climbs on the couch with me, I nestle her into my chest. I love the moments I get her like this. Usually if Liam or Aaron are around, she’s climbing on them, but when it’s me and her, she’s my snuggle bunny.
“Pretty soon Mommy is going to be so big you’re going to have to lie with me on the bed. You’re going to be a big sister,” I say animatedly. Her smile lights up her face, and although she doesn’t know what I’m talking about, my excitement grows. “You’ll get to be spoiled even more, because if I know your uncles, they’ll overcompensate.”
More minutes go by, and finally Liam walks in without Aaron.
Great.
“What happened?” I ask.
“We needed to talk, Lee. Man to man. He needed to know from me.”
I turn my head and try to hold my anger in. “You should’ve talked to me.”
“Natalie,” he tries to capture my attention. “Look at me.”
I let out a shaky breath and then turn to him.
“I did what I would want him to do. I told him the truth. The more we lie, the worse this will be. I know him. I know you’re afraid to hurt him any more. And believe me, I don’t want to watch him suffer either. He was my fucking friend. He’s going to be a part of our lives forever.” Liam looks at Aara. “He’s her father. Aaron has a place in our family, and that’s the reality we face. So I went to him as his friend and told him I asked you to marry me.”
My throat feels like it’s closing in. All of this is so overwhelming. My future husband is telling my former husband that he plans to marry me. I’ve decided that I’m the only one in the world who has to deal with this shit.
“He isn’t happy, but he respects it. He said he knew it was coming and we talked. Will he be at our wedding? No. Will he be happy about it? I sure as fuck wouldn’t be. But he knows and he won’t be blindsided when it happens. We’re both grown men and I won’t lie, and I sure as hell am not going to hide. This is our life and we have to find a way to live it.”
“I know. It’s just a lot. A baby, a marriage, you just lost your mom. I just want us to be sure. I want to build a solid marriage, not one that you or I feel like is because of something else.”
It’s not me who I worry about . . . it’s him. He asked me to marry me as his mother was dying. I’m pregnant with a very high-risk pregnancy. And that is on the heels of him having major complications on a very dangerous deployment.
“I know this . . . you and I have been through hell. We’ve come out stronger, in love, together, and a family. I want to marry you and know that when I’m gone, you’ll have the military backing. I’d wait twenty years if it took you that long to be ready to marry me, but that’s not what you’re saying. You keep saying it’s me. It’s not me, Lee. If you don’t want to get married because you need more time . . . just tell me. But don’t turn this on me, sweetheart. I’d pack the car and go today.”
“It’s not me I worry about. But if you mean it, then let’s do it.”
Liam lifts me into his lap then pulls my face to his. We kiss, and I feel the joy coming from his body. It’s as if I just gave him the best gift. Only it’s him who is giving me more than I can express. I really don’t know how I could’ve gotten so lucky.
We head into the kitchen and I start to fuss about how there’s nothing to eat. I swear I never had any cravings with Aarabelle, but this one, all I want is chicken and cashews. I could eat it every meal and be happy. Of course, I don’t, but I try to convince Liam to order out. Aara sits in her highchair eating her tiny pieces of chicken nuggets while I groan and moan about Liam not getting his pregnant fiancée what she wants.
“I have something for you.”
“You do? Is it an eggroll?”
“Oh, I got your eggroll, sweetheart. I think you’ll like this better.”
“Doubtful,” I huff playfully.
Aarabelle and I make faces at each other while Liam taps his foot. “Are you done being a brat?”
“You did not just call me a brat!” My eyes widen, and I drop the fork.
“I did . . . now, I’m trying to be romantic, and you’re killing the mood.”
“Romance in the kitchen? I’m excited now.” I sit up, pretending to be fully engaged. I’m tired, hungry, and feel nauseated all at the same time.
“Brat,” he repeats as he gets down on one knee again. “Now do I have your attention?” Liam’s smile is soft and his eyes are full of love.
I nod as he extracts a black box and then places it on my knee unopened.
“Aarabelle, I’m going to ask you if this is okay . . .” She looks at him while he grins. “Eat, cry, whine, poop, stare off or at me, or smile if you want me to marry your mommy.”
I laugh and she looks at me.
“Sold!” Liam exclaims. “Natalie and Aarabelle . . . I want to be a part of your lives forever. I want to care for you, love you, and be here for you.” He grabs her hand and I cover my mouth with my hand. “I’ll be your Dad even though I’m not your father. You already own me and I’ll do anything for you.”
A tear falls as he addresses the one thing in this world that would’ve stopped me from being with him.
Liam’s eyes shift and he touches my knee. “This was my mother’s ring.”
With shaky hands, I touch the box and open it slowly. Nestled in the velvet is the most beautiful antique ring. It’s white gold with pave diamonds on the band and around the center stone. The large diamond is round and protected by the other diamonds. It’s absolutely beautiful.
“Liam,” I look up as another tear falls, “It’s . . .”
“My father said he thinks she would want you to wear it. She would’ve loved you and he hopes we have as much love as they shared.” He takes it out and slides it on my left ring finger.
“I think we’ll have more,” I press my lips against his. He holds my cheeks and kisses me with so much fierceness it nearly knocks me off the chair. Aarabelle starts to yell for him and bangs on the table.
“I love you too, princess.” He kisses the top of her head and I melt.
He’s going to make me very happy and I’m going to cherish every second I have with him.