THE DREAM

February 4th

“I can’t believe I’m getting paid for today,” I beam, taking in all the beautiful scenery around me as we walk through Centennial Olympic Park on our way back to the hotel. “This is like a dream come true.”

We spent our morning at the Georgia Aquarium photographing all the beautiful creatures inside, and it was easily one of the best experiences of my life. The Beluga Whales were breathtaking up close. It was so fascinating to see the way they interacted with people. They have a tremendous amount of personality.

“Yep, this career has its perks,” Eric smirks as I look over at him.

My gaze lingers as my heart stutters and stomach flutters. I’ve been trying to ignore the elephant in the room all day, pretending as if I hadn’t confessed I was in love with him last night and he hadn’t admitted to still wanting me now.

More than I wanted my next breath. Holy shit. That’s intense. The memory of those words alone causes my pulse to race and hands to tremble. My self-doubt doesn’t want to believe him, but I saw the sincerity in his eyes—felt it in the beat of his heart.

It’s beating for you, waiting for you to claim it. If or whenever you’re ready, it’s yours. Eric deserves better than me. I’m too damaged. You can’t love someone you don’t truly know, and he doesn’t know me. No one does. I’m not even sure I know myself anymore.

“So…” Readjusting the bag on my shoulder, I force myself to focus on where I’m walking instead of Eric. “How did you end up getting back into photography?”

Eric and I took a photography class together in high school, and though I’d been interested in it before, that’s when I’d really fallen in love with the art of it. We’d even talked about opening our own photography business one day. He said we’d call it Eric and Julianna’s, to which I argued it should be Julianna and Eric’s. It’s strange how things work out. We’re living that fantasy now. Well…almost.

“After the economy went in the shitter and I hit rock bottom, I decided it was a great time to take that risk and do something I loved. I was already rebuilding my life from the ground up, so it made sense to rebuild it the way I wanted it this time. I quit smoking and drinking heavily. I started dressing like an adult and stopped hanging around the toxic people in my life. Then I put all my time and energy into starting my business.”

“That’s awesome,” I gush, smiling as I allow myself another quick glance in his direction.

“What about you? What made you stray away from photography for so long? You were so passionate about it, what happened?”

My face heats as my body goes tense. Taking a deep breath, I let it out in a long exhale to shake the feeling. Jim’s what happened. That night, he took so much more than my virginity from me. He stole my hopes and dreams for the future, my drive and ambition. He crushed them all in that moment, and I’d been too weak and afraid to try to piece them back together.

“Well, I dropped out of school when I married Christopher,” I admit, leaving out the fact that I was already failing my courses at the time. Even after Jim graduated, I had a hard time going to class. I was constantly worried about who he might have told and what he told them. I lived in fear of him showing up to hurt me again because I never reported him the first time.

“Why not transfer? They have plenty of schools there,” he questions, holding the door to the hotel open for me.

My chest tightens as I walk past, watching him out the corner of my eye. His stare is full of genuine care and interest, threatening to peel away my layers of falsehood. I’ve spent years pretending, but I hate pretending with Eric.

He steps in behind me as I shrug. “I’d always planned to go back to school eventually. I was so busy and distracted helping Christopher start up his practice…I guess time got away from me.”

My eyes skirt over to him as we arrive at the elevator, and he lets out an exasperated sigh, his jaw ticking as he reaches up to push the button. The doors slide open, and I hurry inside, suddenly needing to put some distance between Eric and myself.

He selects our floor as I lean against the wall in the back, then props next to me, placing his bag on the floor as we begin moving. Avoiding eye contact with me, he blows out a puff of air before running both hands through his hair. When his eyes finally land on me, he shakes his head.

“I should have fought for you.”

My heart slams against my chest and falls into my stomach as he reaches out to tuck my hair behind my ear, his fingertips grazing my jawline as his eyes drift to my lips and back again. My instinct to run battles my desire to get closer to him, leaving me frozen and speechless.

“I won’t make that mistake again,” he vows, taking my hand in his as the elevator stops and the doors open. “Come on. Let’s put this stuff up and go get a bite to eat.”

He smirks as I nod, then grabs his bag before exiting the elevator, pulling me along behind him. Moving down the hallway toward our rooms, my head swims with confusion as I stare at our interlocked fingers. The huge shift that seems to have taken place between us over the past twenty-four hours is overwhelming.

Though Eric made his intentions clear, my thoughts remain foggy with my own uncertainty. We could have a real chance at being together, and I’ve never wanted or been more terrified of anything in my life.