THE OTHER SHOE

April 9th

The sound of birds chirping outside my bedroom window wakes me, and I mentally curse them as my eyes start to flutter. When Julianna’s raven hair comes into view, my mood quickly lightens and I revel in the warmth of her naked body.

One arm is draped over her, while the rest of my body spoons hers. The skin to skin contact and her smell overloads my senses, filling me with need. Memories of our night together flood my mind, causing my morning erection to become almost painful.

Jules and I made love last night, a first for both of us, and I must say, nothing has ever or could ever compare to it. The love I have for her and the strong connection we share took the experience to a level I didn’t even know was possible. With sex, the ending has always been the best part—the goal—but when I was making love to Jules, every touch, every kiss, mattered. It was like having tiny little orgasms repeatedly—only better, and I didn’t want it to ever end.

Being careful not to wake her, I rest my free elbow on the bed, then lift my head and perch it on my hand, giving me a better view of Julianna. This isn’t the first time we’ve slept in the same bed together, but everything feels different. As I look over her peaceful face, glowing from the sunlight peeking in, she no longer seems like a dream I’m terrified to wake from. All of this finally feels real. Jules is really mine. She loves me.

Admitting this out loud would cause me to lose my “man-card” for sure, but I’d been extremely nervous about having sex with her. Not only had it been a while for me, but it was Jules. I didn’t want to fuck it up. In true Julianna fashion though, she’d been able to relieve the tension with a simple joke.

But it was the way she looked me in the eyes as she told me she loves me that melted away my insecurities. It made me realize there was no way for me to screw up that moment. We love each other, and after everything life’s thrown our way to keep us apart, we still found our way back.

We were meant to be. She’s no longer merely a part of my past, she’s my present and my future.

Giving in to the temptation to touch her, I lift the arm draped over her to sweep the hair away from her face, then trail my fingertips over her bare shoulder and down her arm. When I reach her hand, I interlock our fingers, and she lets out a contented sigh as she begins to stir, her bottom nestling into me as she turns her head in my direction.

Her face scrunches as she pries one eye open, then groans as it closes again. “Please tell me you weren’t just watching me sleep.”

“Okay, I won’t,” I quip.

She presses her lips together, trying to hold back her smile then blinks, attempting to focus her eyes. Letting go of her hand, I raise my arm as she begins to shift toward me. When her naked body brushes against mine, it feels like a livewire of electricity. I want her again so badly, but I’m still feeling a little timid about being the one to initiate, and she may not be up to it since we went a few rounds last night. As she settles, I place my hand on her hip, hating the thin material of the sheet that’s keeping me from being able to see and touch her.

“Good morning,” she beams, running a hand through the messy hair on my head before moving it to the hair on my chest, bringing it to rest right over my heart.

Caressing her hip, I fight the urge to pull the sheet off her body. “Morning. Did you sleep okay?”

Nodding, she scoots closer and grins mischievously. “I’ve never slept in the nude before,” she admits, nudging me as she tangles our legs together, her thighs wrapping around one of mine. “I’m rather fond of it.”

Determined to stay in control of my thoughts and actions, I take a deep breath, but my resolve is threatened by the warmth of her center as she presses herself into me.

“Are you hungry?” I question, my voice reflecting my wavering willpower.

Her eyes twinkle as she bites down on her bottom lip and shakes her head. “Not for food.”

“Oh, thank God,” I mumble before bringing my mouth to hers.

Julianna walks into the kitchen as I’m putting breakfast on the table, and I stare at her unapologetically as she makes her way over to me. I love the way she looks right now, wearing one of my t-shirts, her hair still wet from our shower. Everything feels so eerily perfect in this moment, I’m almost reluctant to enjoy it. Like I’m waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me or the other shoe to drop.

What does it say about me that I can’t simply relish in the fact that I’m happy? Nothing good, I’m sure. When you long for something as long as I have for Julianna, it becomes this unattainable dream. Now that I’m living that dream, it’s hard to believe it’s my reality.

“It smells amazing.” Smiling, she wraps her hands around my waist. “Thank you.”

I return her embrace, kissing her forehead. “It’s only scrambled eggs and toast.”

Tilting her head back, she meets my gaze. “I wasn’t thanking you for the food,” she smirks. “Though, I am famished. Let’s eat.”

She gives me a quick peck on the lips before pulling out of my arms to take a seat at the table. Chuckling, I join her.

“So, why did you thank me?” I press.

Shrugging, she finishes chewing the bite of eggs she’d taken, then washes it down with a sip of coffee. “For everything,” she answers, putting her cup back on the table. Her eyes fall to her plate as she begins gathering more eggs on her fork. “For loving me.”

Those last words are nearly a whisper before she takes another bite and focuses on her food, avoiding looking at me. The fact that she feels as if loving her is a chore makes my heart ache.

When I reach over to place my hand on her arm, she lifts her gaze to mine. “I should be the one thanking you.” Her lips curl into a shy smile as she rolls her eyes.

“In that case, you can show me your appreciation when we’re done with breakfast,” she quips, laughing as I start shoveling my breakfast down.

While we’re cleaning up, there’s a knock at my door. We both freeze as we look at each other, and I shrug as she furrows her brow in question. I’m not expecting company, and I certainly don’t want any. I’m enjoying the little bubble of happiness we’ve created for ourselves far too much to let anyone burst it.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” she asks.

Shaking my head, I pull her into my arms, and whisper, “Nope. Maybe if we ignore them, they’ll go away.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, there’s a second knock—only harder this time.

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to work.” She smirks. “I’ll go put some clothes on while you get that.”

She tries to pull away, but I tighten my grip to keep her in place. “Don’t you dare,” I grumble, sweeping my hand under the t-shirt and hooking my thumb into elastic band of her panties before snapping her skin with them. “You just wait for me in my room, and I’ll get rid of whoever that is.”

She smiles as a slight blush colors her cheeks, and I release her after she nods in agreement. Leaning up, she gives me a kiss before scurrying off to my bedroom, and a third knock echoes through my tiny apartment.

Taking long, angry strides, I make it to my door as the knocking stops. I swing the door open with vigor, ready to curse the person standing on the other side.

“Oh, Jesus Christ,” I hiss as my eyes land on the last person I expected or wanted to see. “Cara? What the fuck are you doing here?” I’m practically growling at her like a dog, snarling lip, gnashed teeth and all, but she only smirks, remaining unfazed.

“It’s nice to see you too, Eric,” she scolds, catching me off-guard as she pushes past me and steps into my apartment.

Keeping my hand perched on the edge of the door, I turn to follow her. “What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

She barely acknowledges me as she walks farther into my apartment, her eyes wandering over every inch of it. “We need to talk.”

“No, you need to get the hell out of my apartment. We have nothing to talk about.”

She finally stops and fixes her gaze on me before crossing her arms. “I’d hoped you’d contact me on your own after I came to see you. Since that didn’t happen, you gave me no choice. Now, you’re going to hear me out.”

Rage burns in my gut, then bubbles up in my chest, and I laugh condescendingly. “You’re truly delusional if you believe you can show up here and force me to talk to you. Why can’t you leave me alone? Nothing you say is going to change things between us.”

“Not even knowing I didn’t abort your baby?”

My ears ring as I blink at her, wishing I could wipe the smug look off her face, my mouth hanging open as I try to catch my breath. When I was ten years old, learning how to ride a skateboard, I fell fast and hard on my parents’ driveway. The impact knocked the wind right out of my lungs, and that’s exactly how it feels hearing her say those words.

“What?” My question is nothing more than a whisper.

“I came here to tell you about my son.”

Before I can process her words, a crashing sound comes from my bedroom, drawing my attention, and my heart sinks. Jules. She heard Cara’s little confession, taking the situation from bad to nightmare.

My head spins as my eyes shift from my bedroom door back to Cara.

“Ooops. Didn’t realize you had company.”

Though, the pleased look on her face tells me she did. Knowing Cara, ensuring Julianna heard what she had to say was a part of the plan. Narrowing my eyes at her, I slam my door shut and sigh.

“You’ve got two minutes to explain, then you need to leave.”

“Nope,” she clips, plopping down on my couch. “I’m not discussing this with her here.”

“Don’t play games,” I growl, my shoulders squaring as I take a step toward her.

She opens her mouth to respond, but the sound of my bedroom door opening stops her, and we both swing our heads in that direction. When Julianna walks out, she’s completely dressed with her bag draped over her shoulder.

“Jules,” I rasp, feeling choked with panic. I want to rush over to her and take her in my arms, assuring her nothing is going to change between us—or maybe I want the comfort of her arms. Either way, I remain frozen in place. “You don’t have to go.”

My emotions are running so high, I’m starting to break out in a sweat. I don’t want Julianna to go, but I’m desperate to hear what Cara has to say. If she had our baby—if I have a son—I need to know. I’ve already missed out on years of his life.

Her eyes snap over to Cara on the couch, then back to me. “It’s okay,” she says, coming to a stop in front of me. When she lays her hand over my heart, she gives me a sad smile. “You need to talk to her. I’ll see you later.”

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and nod, then place my hand over hers as I open them again. “Yesterday, today, and forever,” I whisper.

Her chin quivers as she tries to smile, and my stomach knots. Giving me a brief kiss on the cheek, she removes her hand, then heads toward the door. As I listen to the squeak of the door opening, then the click of the latch when it closes, I tell myself everything is going to be okay, but when my eyes land back on Cara, I know that’s not true. This is the other shoe.

April 13th

“Please tell me you have good news for me,” I plead with Steven as he joins me at the table.

Agreeing to meet him at Zane’s probably wasn’t the best idea. My time waiting on him has been spent trying to drown my nerves with beer. After Cara dropped the baby bomb on me the other day, Steven was my first call. If anyone could get me some real answers, I knew it would be him. Having a good friend who works for the police department has its benefits, but this is the first time I’ve ever asked for a personal favor.

All Cara would really tell me was she had a son and he’s six years old. She wouldn’t even tell me his name. Not surprisingly, she’s using this as a way to get what she wants—to drive a wedge between me and Julianna. Cara wants to be sure the two of us can get along before she lets me be around him, which means she wants the two of us to spend some time together. She also said Julianna could not be around him.

I thought about fighting her on all of this, about demanding that she let me see my son and threatening to take her to court, but Steven told me I’d be fighting a losing battle. I hadn’t signed the birth certificate and haven’t been in his life at all. Even if or when paternity is proved, Cara could tell the courts anything to keep him from me. Since they tend to side with the mother, I could end up never getting to see my son. So, playing nice is best, but before I give her any more of my time, I want some proof that the kid even existed and could really be mine.

Steven gives me a tight, apologetic smile as he sighs and picks up the pitcher of beer, his eyes falling to his glass as he fills it. “I guess that depends on how you look at it.” He shrugs, meeting my gaze again. “I was able to confirm she gave birth in late November of two-thousand-nine.”

My heart pounds as I do the math in my head, my hands running through my hair and tugging on the ends. It’s close, but it was possible. This could be real. I could have a son.

Am I ready to be someone’s father?

The air restricting lump in my throat causes my head to spin as I reach for my glass, my hands feeling unstable as I bring it to my lips.

“What are you going to do, man?” Steven questions, eyeing me with concern as I take several gulps of my beer.

After polishing off the contents of my glass, I place it back on the table and shake my head as I sigh. “There’s really only one choice for me. I have to do whatever is needed to see my kid, even if that means playing nice with Cara.”

The tightness in my chest intensifies as my thoughts shift to Julianna. Thanks to Cara, she already knows there’s a possibility I have a son, but we hadn’t really talked much about it. I haven’t told her about Cara’s demands. When I do, she’ll insist I do what it takes to be in my kid’s life. I’m terrified of what that might mean for us. I can’t lose her again.