The sun streamed in, baking my skin not covered under the light comforter. I didn’t want to move, but I knew that was my cue to at least start moving. I wiggled my toes and lifted my arms above my head, avoiding hitting Wilder who is snuggled closely against my chest.
He was warm, almost too warm. His blood ran hot, that was for sure. I took a long hard look at him, his face pressed closely against my neck and hair. His eyes were closed tight as if they were forced shut. Little wrinkles and creases painted a picture against his skin. His dark features – the brown messy hair, the tan skin, his red lips – were a total contrast to mine. We were yin and yang, embraced together but so far apart.
I turned a bit, enough to kiss him gently on the lips. To my surprise, he didn’t stir. I knew he was up late last night, far longer than I was. I knew because I heard him as he whispered into my ears about how he was falling for me. My heart leapt to my throat, my mind refused to stay quiet. He was feeling what I was feeling. We were on the same page regardless if we could admit to it or not.
I slept with a smile on my face, dreaming of a world where it would be possible for us to be together. Perhaps it could be a reality. Our broken families could reunite around us. Maybe our feelings for one another could overcome it if our parents refused to see it. Weren’t we enough? Weren’t our feelings enough?
I wanted to study the future, to find a solution to our problems, but the present was calling me. I had a lecture in a few hours, and I knew I couldn’t get out of that. Luckily, it was a European history course where the professor could not care less if you slept the entire class as long as you showed up. I could ponder all of my life questions then as I looked at charts on European reformation.
I pulled back a bit, getting one small glance at his perfect body – the gentle curves of his muscular arms, the lines on his lower stomach, the path of small brown hair from his bellybutton to his cock. I’d take him again, if I could. Right here, right now. I’d go for a repeat of last night with him dominating me slowly. In those moments where he pushed into me with such gentle power, I felt more like a woman than I had ever before. I wanted that again.
I rolled over slightly, finding the edge of the large bed and placed my feet on the warm wood floor. They creaked slightly as I stood on my tiptoes and headed towards the bathroom. Once I was refreshed and presentable, I found my purse and grabbed my phone. I didn’t have time to wake him, so I found the one little notebook page from the cleaning service and scribbled down a few words so he knew where I had gone:
Will –
If I could do that again every night, I would. What you did to me and did for me was completely and totally amazing. But I’ve got class, and you’ve got work. I’ll see you later this evening for our shoot. I’m leaving behind a trinket of mine just in case you get lonely without me.
Always yours,
Kylie
I placed down the pen and ran towards the pile of clothes. Picking out my black thong, I set the panties and my note on my spot in the bed where I had just laid. I then grabbed my heels and silently sneak out the door and into the private elevator wing. I listened for any signs of stirring, not sure if I wanted him to wake and notice I’m gone or not. Why ruin perfection? We could do it all over again on set later tonight.
The elevator doors opened and I was back out in the Nevada sunshine. It was blistering for a late fall day, but I didn’t mind. A little sun felt good, refreshing even. I rolled down the windows as the taxi driver blasted some happy pop song about love in the wrong places.
To my surprise, Lana was awake, as well. She was frantically looking through my things as I strolled through the doors. I watched her turn horrified towards me, “Kylie! Where the fuck were you? I haven’t seen you in days and you weren’t answering your cellphone.”
My butterflies stopped their flutter as the air was sucked out of me. I knew Lana was justified in her anger. I had never been gone for more than a few hours at a time. I was always here waiting for her. Any change in that schedule without warning was bound to freak her out. “Oh Lana! I’m so sorry! I should have texted you, but it was a change in plans. I had a date with Wilder last night, and I decided to spend the night with him. I put my phone on silent so I didn’t even check it until this morning. I’m so sorry.”
I couldn’t get my apologies out fast enough for her. She was enraged, “You should be sorry, Kylie! I didn’t know what to do when you didn’t answer my texts. I called everyone, even your mom. No one knew where you were.”
I walked towards her, a ball of emotion exploding in me. I reached out my arms and brought her in for a long, tired hug. I was so overwhelmed she even noticed I was gone. After being her roommate for the last few years, I thought she didn’t care past wanting to give me some life advice and changing everything about me. But she had become a friend in the process. She actually cared about me, the real me. I shook a bit as I thanked her.
When I pulled back, she looked at me, studying my mess of hair, my smeared makeup, the wrinkled dress. “So, by spend the night, you mean spend the night?” I nodded my head with a small, mischievous grin. “Kylie, Kylie…I didn’t think you had that in you. Whoever this guy is, he must be totally worth it to bed you on a school night, no less.”
“Who said I had sex with him?”
She laughed, letting go of my arms and turning back towards her bed. “It’s my super power. I can smell the sex on you and your hair looks like someone has been grabbing at it all night. Now, I would have told you to wear a tighter dress than that, but by how wrinkled and dirty it is, I don’t think you wore it for that long.”
I burst out in giggles, as I walked to my closet. I tossed the dress over my head and changed my underwear. I’d normally grab a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, but I was feeling transformed. Instead, I pulled out a white sundress with a cutout back and a pair of red slingback heels. As I was putting on my makeup, I turned my attention back to Lana who was eating her breakfast out of a green plastic bowl, “So, who else did you call when you couldn’t find me?”
“I tried everyone in our study group from that project first. I knew they had your number so at least they could bombard your phone. Then, I went through your things and found a phone number for your dad and left him a message. I know he’s your stepdad, but I didn’t think it would hurt to try. I called your mom last, though. I didn’t want to worry her. I know you said she has a lot on her plate with the medical issues.”
I groaned to myself. Lana had done a great and wonderful thing for me, but I couldn’t help at think of what my parents were going to think. My stepdad, Wilder’s dad, hadn’t seen or heard from me in years since the divorce. When my parents separated, he refused to pay the alimony promised in their prenup, and my mom slowly went bankrupt. We lost the house, the car, my private school tuition. When I moved out to go to college, she went mad, her health declining with her mental state. Almost every week was another phone call for more money for meds or treatments. Every dime I made, outside what I owed Daniel and for this year’s tuition, went towards keeping her sane.
Now that Lana had involved her, I would have to reach out. I concocted a story about spending the night at a friend’s place and my phone not having reception. It sounded totally plausible, at least for my mom. I grabbed my backpack and headed towards class, dialing her number during the long walk to the lecture hall.
“Kylie! Oh my goodness, Kylie! Is this really you?”
“Mom, don’t be overdramatic. It’s me. I’m fine. I’m safe. Lana just overreacted.”
Her voice sounded as if she had been crying for hours, “I was so worried about you. I don’t know what I would have done if you were in trouble, or worse!”
“Seriously, Mom, I’m okay. I just spent the night at a friend’s place. I lost reception, though. That’s why I couldn’t text Lana or answer her phone calls. It’s not a big deal. I wasn't in any kind of danger.”
“A friend? What friend? You never talk about anyone but Lana. Unless it was that Wilder guy you were talking about a few weeks ago.”
I paused, not sure if I should proceed. Red danger lights were going off in front of me.
She could sense my unease, knowing that she landed on it. “Kylie, you have to be smarter that that. You have your whole future ahead of you. You don’t wanna ruin it by getting in bed with someone like that.”
“Mom, it’s not like that.”
She cut me off, not allowing me to defend him. “Kylie, I know I asked you last time, but I need you to answer me again. Is this Wilder guy, is he or is he not your stepbrother?”
“Mom…come on. You know—"
For some reason, she’s angry, as if she can sense I’m dancing around her. “No, Kylie! I don’t know. What I do know is that I got a call from your stepdad telling me Lana called him asking if he knew about this Wilder you were dating. When he asked for a description of him because he was suspicious, she told him it was a tall, brown haired guy a bit older than you with tattoos. It sounds to me like you’re seeing your stepbrother.”
I knew it wasn’t the point, but I had to ask, “He called you?”
“Yes! He called me. He was worried about you so he broke his vow of silence and actually reached out to me. You know the reason why we divorced was because of him? You know why you're so poor, why we struggled to just keep the house together for that long was because of what Wilder did?”
I knew there was a story no one had told me. I remember all the fighting, the closed doors, the empty bed across from my own. I always thought he had run away. Now it seemed like there is more.
I held my breath as she continued, “Will stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from your father and the business. And instead of paying him back, he disappeared. I begged him to call the cops, but he refused. He tracked Will down himself and when he found him, he was in a gutter shooting up heroin with this biker gang.”
“That’s not true. He would never do anything like that.” I knew Wilder had a past, some missing years he kept from me, but I refused to believe this. I refused to believe that he had sunk this low.
“Kylie, if you're seeing him, you need to break it off now. He’s a junkie, a thief, and he's the reason why our family went through so much. If he hadn’t done what he did, your stepdad and I would still be together, happy with money. But he left us with over $400,000 in debt. He’s a selfish punk who doesn’t know—"
“Mom! Stop! I get it.” Tears were welling up in my eyes, blinding me as I walked through the doors of my lecture class. “Listen, I’m heading to class. I’ll call you later.”
She hung up, leaving me to listen to the sound of my phone go silent. I stood in the hall, clutching to my phone as my classmates filed into the classroom. A couple passed me by, holding hands and kissing as they parted ways, each towards a different door. I wanted that to be Wilder and me – two souls leaving one another but always with the intentions that there would be a way back to one another.
But Wilder had betrayed my family, betrayed me. He had caused so much pain and hurt. And even worse, when he had earned my trust and heart, he refused to tell me what he had done. My sadness bubbled to rage as I thought about everything I was put through because of him – all the missed family moments, the empty spots at my graduation ceremony, the mounting bills for my mom’s medical care. He was the reason I was forced to work so hard for no little return.
And at the root of it, he was the reason why I was risking my career, my future, for a few shots of porn that could come back to bite me if I ever wanted to work in a nonprofit or run for office. I was done sacrificing my life, the life I deserved, for him and his mistakes. No matter what my feelings were for him or how they had blossomed – Wilder and I were through.