Chapter 11

It had been a long day, and it didn’t take long for the girls to fall asleep, but as exhausted as he felt, standing in the doorway to his daughters’ bedroom watching them sleep was strangely calming. The first night had been a little bumpy but thanks to his mom, grandmother and Lily, it ended with Grace falling asleep before they’d even finished the book and Lily telling him he did a great job.

Ian smiled as Lily sighed and rolled onto her side. The little girl was such a contradiction. She was six years old, but she seemed to have such an old soul. Gracie babbled something in her sleep, and Ian chuckled when she giggled. At least she was young enough that it would be easier for her to adjust, but Lily worried him.

“Ya did a great job, Inky.” His grandmother whispered as she stood next to him. Ian wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head.

“Thanks, Nan. I hope I can be all they need.” Ian whispered, and Nanny Betty closed the bedroom door before she turned to him and grabbed his hands.

“Ian William O’Connor yer exactly wat dem babies needs and don’t ya forget it, but ya need ta get yer act together and work tings out wit, Sandy. I like her, and Cora says she’s yours.” She squeezed his hands gently, and Ian tried really hard not to roll his eyes at his Aunt Cora’s name. He knew better than to scoff at Cora the Cupid, and what he and his brothers referred to it as her Cupid power.

“I’ll try my best, Nan. I love her, but with all this, it’s a lot for someone to accept.” That was his biggest fear and finally admitting it had his stomach turning. What if Sandy couldn’t live with the fact he had two little girls that weren’t hers? He loved her so much, but his priority now was his daughters.

“She’ll deal wit it better den ya tink. Ya jus’ needs ta be as understandin’ as ya want her ta be.” Nanny Betty said. “Now, I gotta go. Tom’s pickin’ me up and bringin’ me home because da man tinks I shouldn’t be walkin’ at night by meself.” She rolled her eyes. Ian chuckled because if the woman really wanted to walk home, nothing or no one would tell her any different. His grandmother really didn’t mind Tom fussing over her.

“I’m not going to say I disagree.” Ian held her coat.

“I’ll drop by tamara’ and help out fer a bit if ya wants.” Nanny Betty kissed his cheek as she pulled open the door. Tom stood on the front step ready to knock.

“Thanks, Nan. I’ll let you know.” Ian hugged her. “Hey Tom, thanks for driving Nan home.” Ian shook hands with the older man.

“It’s my pleasure even though Elizabeth complains when I fuss over her.” Tom held out his elbow, and Nanny Betty linked her hand into his arm.

“I don’t complain and stop callin’ me Elizabeth.” She snapped.

“Of course, Betty my dear, a slip of the tongue.” Tom placed his hand over hers, and Ian smiled when she grunted on their way to the car. If his father, uncle, he or one of his brothers said anything like that to her, she’d smack them, but Tom seemed to get away with a lot.

Ian was pouring a cup of coffee when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out expecting to see his mother’s number or even one of his brothers. Sandy’s beautiful smile showed on the screen, and his heart started to thud in his chest. He swiped the screen and cleared his throat.

“Hello.”

“Hi.” Sandy’s voice was quiet and almost unsure.

“I’m glad you called.” Ian rested his hip against the counter.

“I wanted to hear your voice.”

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” It wasn’t like her to sound so defeated.

“I miss you.” She sighed.

“I miss you too. I was worried I wouldn’t hear from you.” Ian admitted.

“I just needed to do some thinking,” Sandy said. “I need to talk to you when I get home.”

“That doesn’t sound right.” His heart started to pound in his chest.

“There’s just something you need to know before we can even think of a future together.” Now he was anxious.

“Can’t you tell me now?”

“It’s not something I want to do over the phone, but I wanted to let you know I’ll be home tomorrow and…. I love you.” she whispered the last three words, but it echoed in his brain.

“I love you too, Sandy,” Ian whispered.

“How are things with your daughters?”

“Hectic and terrifying. I don’t know if I’m going to be a good father.” Ian said.

“You’re going to do great, Doc. Look, I need to run, but I’ll see you tomorrow night.” Sandy said.

“Okay.” He didn’t want her to go.

“But Ian….” She stopped.

“Yeah.”

“I do love you.” Before he had a chance to respond, she ended the call, but he sent her a text.

You hung up before I could tell you. I love you too, and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

She didn’t answer, but she’d read the message. Ian couldn’t wait to see her and have her meet his daughters. A sudden pang of guilt hit him in the chest like a punch. He’d hurt her by not being honest with her back then, but he wasn’t losing her again no matter what.

He jerked upright in the bed when a small warm hand touched his cheek. At first, he was confused, but he heard her little voice, and he turned. Lily was kneeling on the bed still in her pajamas. He didn’t remember falling asleep, but he glanced down and realized he was still wearing his jeans and T-shirt with his phone resting in the middle of his chest.

“You sleep really loud.” Lily tilted her head and stared down at him.

“I snore when I’m tired.” Ian laughed and glanced at his phone. It was a little after eight. “Is Gracie awake?” Ian sat up in the bed.

“Yep, she got all her blankets tossed on the floor. She likes to do that when she wakes up.” Lily didn’t follow him, and he stopped at the door.

“Is something wrong, Lily?” Ian asked when he noticed.

“Who’s Sandy?” She asked, and Ian bit back a curse.

“She’s my next door neighbor.” What else was he supposed to tell a six-year-old?

“You said you loved her. Is she your girlfriend?” She did that head tilt thing.

“When did you hear me say that?” Ian had been careful the day before because he didn’t know how Lily would react. He needed her to know she and her sister were his first priority.

“When you were asleep.” She smiled. “Can I meet her?” The kid was incredible.

“She’s away for work, but she’ll be home tonight. You can meet her if you want.” Ian held out his hand. “I think right now we better get Gracie before she tips over the crib.” Ian could hear the crib banging off the wall, and he figured Grace was getting impatient waiting.

Ian was glad Colleen had involved Lily so much with the baby because while he didn’t have trouble getting Grace changed and dressed, but he was a little out of his element with picking out things the child could eat. Lily must have seen the fear on his face and pointed to the box of baby cereal on the counter.

“You’re an excellent helper, Lily,” Ian told her while he was trying to get Grace to keep most of the food in her mouth.

“I like to help.” She informed him as she dug into a bowl of Cheerios. She’d insisted they were the healthy option.

“Good, because I’m learning and I’m gonna need all the help I can get.” Ian groaned as Grace spit yet another spoonful of cereal at him, but this time she didn’t miss his face. Lily started to giggle as he wiped it off.

“You think that’s funny.” Ian smiled at her, and she nodded. “Maybe I should get you to feed her.”

“She doesn’t spit at me.” Lily giggled.

“Well let’s see about that.” Ian pushed the high chair next to Lily and handed her the bowl. He stood back and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Look, Gracie, it’s a plane, vroom.” Lily held the spoon in the air and slowly brought it to Grace’s mouth, and Ian smirked. Any second the baby was going to make a mess, but Grace opened her mouth and took the whole spoonful of mush into her mouth without spilling a drop. All he could do was stare. Grace flopped her arms up and down with each spoonful Lily gave her.

“And why didn’t you tell me she liked the airplane game?” Ian narrowed his eyes at Lily.

“Because it’s funny when she spits it at you.” Lily giggled as Grace took the last spoonful of food and looked up at Ian with a grin.

“So, you think it’s funny to do you?” Ian reached down and tickled the baby’s stomach making her squeal with laughter.

“That’s probably the only girls you can get to squeal for you.” Ian didn’t need to turn around to know the mocking voice.

“Good to see you too, A.J.” Ian cleaned Grace’s hands and face.

“Hi Uncle A.J.” Lily smiled as she brought the dishes to the dishwasher. “I’m gonna go get dressed, Daddy.” She said as she dashed out of the kitchen.

“She seems to be settling in fast.” Aaron poured himself a cup of coffee and sat in the chair next to Grace. “How’s this little dolly doing?”

“So far, so good but I think Lily is helping with that. I’m a little worried at how well Lily is doing. Last night she had a little breakdown, but today she seems fine.” Ian admitted.

“At least she’s got lots of support with the family.” Aaron was letting Grace play with his fingers.

“I hope you washed your hands before you let my daughter touch them.” Ian sat across from his youngest brother.

“I had a shower at home before I came here, ass…. jerk.” Aaron stopped himself when Grace giggled as he tickled her.

“I see. So you slept in your own bed last night.” Ian chuckled, and Aaron put his hand over Grace’s ears.

“Fuck you,” Aaron said in a hushed voice.

“Danny said Nanny Kathleen puts pepper on your tongue when you say bad words.” Ian and Aaron looked toward the door where Lily stood with a brush in her hand. “Uncle A.J. you’re lucky Nanny’s not here.” She held out the brush to Ian.

“You know James’ boys have big mouths.” Aaron sipped his coffee.

“Can you brush my hair?” Lily asked, and Ian felt a sudden wave of panic.

“I can try,” Ian said taking the brush. Lily’s hair was a mass of curls, and as he gently tried to pull the brush through her hair, the brush got stuck. “Well, this isn’t going well. I’m going to call my mom to come over and do this.”

“Come over here, Lily.” Aaron sighed and glared at Ian.

“This should be interesting.” Ian scoffed.

Five minutes later, Aaron had Lily’s hair tangle free and pulled into a ponytail at the back of her head. Ian stared in shock and then grinned.

“Don’t even think about laughing,” Aaron warned.

“Where did you learn to do that?” Ian pulled Grace out of her chair.

“While all my big brothers were busy ditching our annoying female cousins and leaving Nick and me at their mercy, they taught us a few things that come in handy with the ladies.” Aaron wiggled his eyebrows. “Besides with the older girls, ponytails come in handy.”

“Watch it, bro.” Ian nodded toward Lily who was staring up at Aaron waiting for him to continue.

“What? It comes in handy when we’re eating, and their hair is in the way.” Aaron gave him an innocent smile that was nothing close to innocent.

“Thank you, Uncle A.J.” Lily left the kitchen.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Ian asked as he put Grace in her playpen with her bottle.

“I wanted to see how it was going.” Aaron plopped down on the couch.

“Come on A.J. you don’t just drop by to see how it’s going,” Ian said putting air quotes around the how it’s going.

“Fine, mom asked for one of us to drop by every day to make sure you’re not getting overwhelmed because you’d know it if she was here every day. So today I pulled the short straw.” Aaron said.

“I figured she’d be dropping by every day, but I guess she has the cavalry looking out for me.” Ian rolled his eyes.

Aaron stayed until supper, and he didn’t know who was having more fun playing crazy eights, Aaron or Lily. Lily was winning most of the hands, but Ian was sure Aaron was letting her because when she’d win, he’d make a big deal about losing and if she was cheating. It made her giggle when he’d slam his cards on the table and exaggerate his whining. Grace seemed to enjoy it too because he’d turn to her and ask her if she was helping Lily cheat.

Aaron entertaining the girls gave him a chance to shower and tidy up around the house. It also gave him the opportunity to run to Isabelle’s restaurant and pick up supper. If he was being honest, he was enjoying the day with his brother. Aaron was always the jokester, and although he was a bit of a playboy, he still had a heart of gold.

“I’m telling your daddy you’re cheating.” Aaron picked Lily up off the chair and tossed her in the air making her squeal.

“You’re just a sore loser.” Lily wiggled away from him and ran out of the living room.

“You’re a bigger youngster than she is.” Ian shook his head as he handed Aaron a cup of coffee.

“She’s a great kid, bro,” Aaron said.

“It’s only been a couple of days, but she seems to be comfortable with the family and me. I just worry that she’s keeping everything inside.”

“Kids bounce back pretty quick but shouldn’t she see a shrink to make sure she’s dealing with that shit? I mean losing her mom and her step-dad has got to be rough on her.” Aaron had a point, and Ian knew it. Lily was dealing with the death of her mother a little too well.

“I think I’ll give one of my old classmates a call. He’s a pediatric psychologist.” Ian said.

“Maybe she’s like you and just keeps everything locked up tight,” Aaron was probably right. It’s why he always got sick in stressful times.

Over the years, Ian hadn’t been great at expressing how he felt and when he was hurt he usually kept it deep down. He knew from experience it wasn’t good to keep things locked up.

Aaron left as he was getting the girls ready for bed. It was a little awkward bathing them, but part of his life now.. Ian got Grace’s bottle, and when he walked into the living room, Lily was already sitting on the couch with a book. He looked at the cover, and his heart sank. The book was called ‘We’re making breakfast for Mother,’ and he knew that Lily could read so she had to know the name of the book.

“Is that the book you want to read, honey?” He tried to sound casual as he settled Grace in the crook of his arm. Grace quickly popped the bottle in her mouth and snuggled into his chest. He smiled as he glanced down at the baby.

“I like this story.” Lily climbed onto Ian’s lap and opened the book. “Mommy read it all the time.”

Maybe it was her way of feeling close to Colleen. He wasn’t going to rock the boat by asking her if it would be a better idea to read another book.

As he read, Lily turned each page, and Grace drifted off to sleep. He was constantly glancing at Lily to gauge her reaction, but all he could see was her lips moving as she silently read along with him. By the end of the book Lily’s eyes were droopy, but emotionally she seemed to be fine.

“I think it’s time for sleepy little girls to go to bed.” Ian stood with both girls in his arms. Grace was sound asleep, and Lily rested her head against his shoulder as he made his way to their room. Ian sat Lily on her bed and carefully settled Grace into her crib. The baby babbled something and sighed when he covered her.

When he turned around, Lily curled up in her bed staring at him.He pulled the covers over her and sat on the side of the bed. She still didn’t speak, but her eyes never left his face.

“You’re a good daddy,” Lily said sleepily and tucked her hands under her cheek.

“Thank you, and you’re a terrific big sister to Gracie.” Ian smiled remembering all the times his mother would tell him how great a big brother he was to his younger brothers. It always made him feel good as a little boy even though John and James were older than him, it still made him feel like he was king of the world that his mother would give him that compliment.

“Can you sing like Uncle A.J.?” She asked. Aaron had been singing with her earlier and had made the mistake of mentioning the band his brothers had. He’d also told her that Ian could sing and play the guitar. It wasn’t that he couldn’t, it was just that it was something he did alone.

“Well Uncle A.J. is probably a better singer but don’t tell him I said that.” Ian tapped her nose with his finger, and she giggled.

“Can you sing me a song?” There was no way he could deny her when she used those big blue eyes on him.

“Sure, honey.” Ian tucked her hair behind her ear and sang the first song that came to his head. Irish Lullaby was a song his mother would sing to them before bed time as kids, and since it was a lullaby, it just seemed fitting to sing to his little girl.

He’d been about half way through the song when she yawned and closed her eyes, and for a few minutes, he just watched her sleep. He didn’t know what she was going through and it was killing him. He still had his mother and the thought of something happening to her made his chest hurt.

He closed the door quietly as he left the room. Sandy was going to be back that night, but he hadn’t heard from her. Maybe she’d changed her mind about coming to talk to him or maybe her flight didn’t get in. He missed her and prayed with all the changes in his life, they could still move forward in their relationship. He couldn’t change what happened that night as much as he wanted to but it killed him to know it hurt Sandy.

He grabbed a beer from the fridge and settled in on the couch to wait for Sandy. It was the first time he’d sat down to relax since he got out of bed that morning. How the hell did his parents raise seven boys? He was dead on his feet with two little girls, and they weren’t nearly as rambunctious.  Was he really going to be able to raise two girls by himself? What did he actually know about raising kids especially girls? Sure, he grew up around four female cousins, but all he remembered about that was terrorizing them. He needed to talk to someone who knew about raising girls, and the only one he could think of was his Uncle Kurt.