The entire ride home from the hospital, I couldn’t stop thinking about Simon attending the field day event and what that meant to Brendan.
On one hand, I thought it was the sweetest, most heartfelt thing anyone had ever done for us. On the other hand, it was a bit irresponsible. I didn’t want Brendan becoming attached to Simon only to be devastated when he ultimately moved away. Simon being there for Brendan was like a temporary Band-Aid for a wound that wasn’t going to go away, and there was a very good chance that my son could end up hurt even more. Simon leaves and then what?
But through my rearview mirror, the smile on Brendan’s face couldn’t be ignored. He seemed to be mentally reviewing the day’s events. He deserved these moments of joy, which were few and far between. Thus, my conflicted state.
Simon had apparently switched shifts with another doctor in order to attend the field day, so he wasn’t working tonight. He was already home when Brendan and I arrived back to the house.
Simon didn’t join us for dinner that night, though, like he sometimes would. I assumed he must have been exhausted from his role as a human punching bag for a bunch of grade schoolers. So, I didn’t bother him, even though I was itching to talk to him.
Around nine-thirty, after Brendan had gone to sleep, I heard Simon in the kitchen.
After lowering the volume on the TV, I got up from the couch and tied my cardigan around my waist before venturing into the kitchen. “Hey.”
“Hi,” he said. “I was just going to make some tea. You want some?”
“Sure.”
The tone between us tonight seemed different, less playful. There was definitely an awkward tension in the air.
“Thank you for being there for him today.”
Placing the teabags into the cups, he shrugged. “It was nothing. It was his idea. I couldn’t disappoint him.”
“I know. He told me he asked you to go.”
Simon looked at me. “I didn’t want you to think I overstepped any boundaries because I happened to see that flyer. If he hadn’t come up with the uncle idea…I would never have—”
“No, I understand what happened. He’s very hard to say no to when he gets excited about something. I get it.”
He could apparently sense that there was something more on my mind.
“What’s wrong, Bridget?”
“I’m just a little concerned he’s going to get attached to you.”
“You think it’s bad that he’s getting close to me…”
“I don’t know.” I just kept shaking my head. “I don’t know what the right answer is.”
“If he looks to me like a favorite uncle, I suppose there’s no harm in that. As long as it’s not like…” he paused.
I finished his sentence. “As long as he doesn’t look at you like a father.”
“Yeah. I suppose that’s what I was getting at.”
“The only problem is, I know my son, and there’s really no limit to how he loves or gets attached. I don’t know that he’s truly able to compartmentalize. I think the longer you’re around, the more attached he’s just going to get regardless of what label he places on you.”
“What are you suggesting, then?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I’m struggling with this myself.”
“If you think it’s best that I keep my distance from him, I—”
“I didn’t say that, Simon. I’m just confused.”
He held out his hand. “I get it.”
Simon seemed a little upset, so I attempted to change the subject.
“So, Miss Santoro was smitten with Uncle Simon, I take it? She’s attractive, too.”
“Yes, she is. And she wants to tie me up.”
“What?”
“Just kidding. Sort of.”
I felt like my jealousy was smoking out of my ears. “So, are you gonna go for it?”
“No.”
Swallowing, I asked, “Why?”
“Not gonna cross the line with Brendan’s teacher. But moreover, I don’t want to piss my sister off.”
“Your sister?”
“You. I told her you were my sister.”
“Oh God. Are you kidding? How did you explain the accent?”
“I spent some time in England while you stayed back here?” He flashed a crooked smile.
“Goodness. You’re teaching my son lying?”
“He’s a pretty good fibber all on his own. Trust me on that one.”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “I don’t even want to know.” I watched him steep the tea then continued harping on the Miss Santoro issue because I just didn’t know when to stop. “So, you really wouldn’t ask his teacher out?”
“Even if she weren’t his teacher, she strikes me as the type who wants to nail down a man, settle down.”
I used the opportunity to ask, “Have you ever had a serious girlfriend?”
“Once.”
“What happened?”
“We realized we were much better off as friends. Then we went off on our separate ways to different colleges.”
“Do you ever think about her?”
“Only when I’m interrupting her yoga class to stare at the variety of apple bottoms.”
It took a few seconds before it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Wait.
Simon dated Calliope?
“Oh my God. Calliope? You…and Calliope?”
He laughed at my reaction. “She’s my best friend, but she was my girlfriend for a brief time. I like to think of it as a small lapse in sanity.”
“Wow. She never told me.”
“It was a long time ago, long before she ever met Nigel.”
“Does Nigel know?”
“Yeah. We make jokes about it. He’s cool with it.”
My mouth was agape. “Wow. I don’t even know what to say.”
“There is nothing to say. It was eons ago.”
My face was hot with jealousy. “No other steady girlfriends?”
“No.”
We moved to the table to sip our tea and carried on a casual conversation about happenings at the hospital until I decided I wanted to delve a little deeper.
“What made you decide to become a doctor?”
He kept steeping his tea and staring into his cup until he looked up at me and said, “I have an unhealthy and incessant need to save people, I guess.”
That was sort of an odd answer.
“You wanted to be like a real-life superhero?”
“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” he said, almost under his breath.
“Did something happen?”
Simon didn’t answer and simply looked down at his watch. “Actually, I forgot I have an early meeting tomorrow with hospital management before my shift. I’ve got to be up at five. So, I’m gonna turn in, alright?”
“Okay,” I whispered, hoping I hadn’t upset him.
He left me alone in the kitchen. I looked at the clock. It was late, but I decided to text Calliope, knowing she’d told me once that she stays up pretty late.
Bridget: Are you awake?
Calliope: Yup. Just watching the telly. What’s up?
Bridget: Can I call you?
Calliope: Sure.
She answered, “What’s up, Bridge?”
I came right out with it. “You never told me that you and Simon dated.”
Calliope sighed. “It was so long ago. I didn’t think it was significant. Are you mad?”
“No…no. I just…I’m surprised. That’s all.”
“Honestly, we started out as friends and have remained friends. The romantic relationship was sort of like a strange detour in the middle that didn’t work out. We were always meant to be just what we are—friends. He’s very special to me, not someone I could ever see disappearing from my life.”
I could kind of relate to feeling that way about him.
“I can understand that.”
“Nigel is the love of my life. Everything turned out the way it should have in that respect.” She paused then said, “Bridget…”
“Hmm?”
“Are you falling for Simon?”
I hesitated. “No.”
“Be honest.”
I sighed. “I don’t know what I’m feeling. I’m very attracted to him, though.”
It was the first time I’d ever admitted that out loud to anyone.
“Enough time has passed since Ben died. It’s okay to have feelings for someone, you know. Especially someone who’s truly a great guy.”
“I thought you agreed he was a manwhore.”
“Well, he is.” She laughed. “Or at least, he was. But that’s not necessarily because he’s a bad person. Simon thinks he doesn’t want kids, doesn’t want to settle down. He’s always said that. But I don’t truly believe him, because a lot of his actions contradict that. I think he’s just scared of hurting people or getting hurt—one or the other, maybe both.”
“Why?”
“He has his reasons. Not my place to talk about it, though.”
What does that mean?
I chose not to pry. “Okay.”
“But I can assure you of one thing,” she said. “Deep down, underneath all that brawn and wild personality…is a really decent human being. I don’t know exactly whether that makes him good boyfriend material or not, but Simon is certainly someone I would trust with my life.”