It was the longest three days of my life.
The day after I met with Gina, I brought Brendan to the hospital at the end of Simon’s shift for a quick swab. I hated lying to my son, but there was no reason for the memory of his father to be soiled. In just another day and a half, I’d know the truth.
Oddly, for the last day, the object of my obsessive thinking wasn’t my cheating, dead husband. It was something his mistress had said that I hadn’t been able to shake. She’d reminded me of the struggle I had getting pregnant. I wasn’t even sure if Simon wanted kids. But it wouldn’t be fair of me to not warn him there was a distinct possibility I wouldn’t be able to give him any. It was hard enough almost ten years ago, and now I was getting older.
Simon had taken a quick shower after dinner and went to his room to get changed while I put Brendan to bed. I found him in the kitchen pouring two glasses of wine. “You read my mind,” I said.
“I figured you could use it.”
He’d slicked back his wet hair after the shower, but a long, blond piece fell into his eyes as he handed me a glass. I eyed it and brought my wine to my lips. “Brendan has an appointment with the barber next week. I’m thinking I should bring you along with him.”
“I’ll cut my hair if you don’t like it.”
“You will?”
“Absolutely.” He shrugged. “You just have to show me a boob.”
I sputtered swallowing my wine. “What?”
“You heard me. I’ll trade you a haircut for a peep show.”
“You’ll cut your hair if I…flash you a boob?”
“Deal?” He arched a brow.
I reached out my hand. “You’ve got yourself a deal, Dr. Hogue. Maybe Brendan will stop complaining if you get yours cut, too.”
Simon took my hand in his, and then used it to yank me flush against him. He whispered against my lips, “I had an appointment set for this Saturday morning, but now I’m gonna get some tit, too.”
“You tricked me!” I laughed.
“Sweetheart, I’d shave my damn head just to get this smile for one minute.” He traced my bottom lip with his pointer finger. “I’ve missed it.”
I took a deep breath. “I know. I’m sorry. Why don’t we go sit in the living room? There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“If that’s code for you’re gonna unbutton your shirt and let me lick a nipple, I’m in.”
I shoved him playfully before taking his hand and leading him to the couch.
Simon figured out that something was up when I let out a long breath and rubbed my palms.
He placed his hand on my knee. “Are you nervous about the test?”
“I am, but that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”
His expression turned serious. “Alright.”
It took almost a full minute for me to gather my thoughts.
“I feel a little embarrassed to be bringing this up to you now, and I’m certainly not looking to freak you out…”
“The only thing freaking me out is not knowing what in the bloody hell is bothering you if it’s not the DNA test. Whatever it is, say it.”
“I’m going on thirty-five…”
“Total MILF, yes. I’m aware of your age.”
“What I mean by that is…I’m really getting to a point where it’s going to be more and more difficult to conceive with each year that passes. I’m worried that I won’t be able to give you a child of your own, if that’s something you want.”
“This is what’s been on your mind?”
“Yes. Well, it’s something I should’ve given more thought to earlier, but it wasn’t until my conversation with Gina that I was really reminded of the struggle Ben and I had trying to have a baby. I have polycystic ovary syndrome. That means that my hormones are out of balance. Add in the factor of my age now compared to then and—”
“Whoa!” He interrupted. “This is all too much for you to be worrying about right now on top of everything else.”
“I know. I can’t help it. It’s a serious concern. It feels so premature even bringing this up to you, but I feel like you need to figure out if you’d ever want a baby of your own. Because I may not have much time left to give you one—that is, if I’m even able to give you one at all.”
Simon blinked several times in a row and seemed to be absorbing my words. “Wow. Alright. I’m going to be honest here. For many years, I was convinced that I didn’t ever want to bear the responsibility of a child. Part of that had to do with my maturity level at the time and an even bigger part had to do with guilt feelings over Blake—fears of inadequacy, things like that.”
Interrupting him, I said, “I feel awful bringing this up now. I know it’s too soon to even be thinking about this.”
“Why are you feeling awful? I always expect you to tell me exactly what’s on your mind. We need to always be honest with each other.”
“I don’t expect you to make any decision now or anything. But I do want you to ponder it. Because if a baby is something you do want, I can’t be sure it will happen, and we don’t have forever to try.”
“Okay…I’ll think about it. Give me a few.”
“A few months?”
“No, a few seconds.” He closed his eyes tightly before his eyes flashed open. “Okay, I’ve thought about it.”
“You have?”
“And my conclusion is that I don’t need to think about it. Because in my heart, I know that I would love to have a baby with you. But not if it’s going to cause you stress and anxiety. Do I want it? Yes. Because I love you, and I would love to experience that with you. And of course, it’s crossed my mind before, Bridget—often, actually. So…as long as it’s not putting you in any danger, I would be open to whatever you want. But I’m going to make it very clear that I don’t need a child of my own blood to feel fulfilled. So if it doesn’t happen, that’s fine, too.”
“I think you say that now, because you’re still young. But you’ll regret it if you don’t. You’re such a beautiful man. I couldn’t imagine you not procreating.”
“Let me ask you this. Do you want another child? That’s just as important as whether I want one. I wouldn’t be the person carrying it, you know.”
I didn’t have to think about the answer to that question. “Yes. I do. I just never thought that would be possible for me again.”
Simon pulled me into him, caressing my hair as I rested my head on his chest. He spoke softly. “This entire year has felt like fate to me—the way we met, how I ended up here of all places in the world. Why not leave this up to fate, too? Let’s not worry about it so much that it causes stress but rather take the attitude that if it happens, it happens.”
“Well, I’m on the pill…so it’s not going to happen if—”
“Why don’t you throw those out tonight?”
I looked up at him. “Are you serious? You…want to start now? Would you be ready if it happened?”
“This baby would be a part of you and me. I don’t even have to think about whether I would want it. I am prepared for it to happen. We would also have to be prepared to deal with things if it didn’t happen, either, I suppose.”
“Yes. I’ve been down this road before, and it can be very devastating when you’re expecting it to happen and it doesn’t.”
“Here’s what we’re going to do,” he said. “We’re gonna fuck each other a lot and love each other a lot—like we always do. And we’ll leave it up to fate, okay?”
I smiled, so relieved that we’d had this conversation. “Okay.”
The next day, I’d just gotten home from picking up Brendan from school. Simon was in the kitchen making us an early dinner before his shift later that night.
“You think the results might be in?” he asked.
“I’m gonna head to my room and check.”
He put down his pasta tongs. “Want me to come with you?”
“No. I’ll be fine. Be right back.”
Once in my room, I opened my laptop and logged into the DNA testing company’s secure online portal. I punched in my password. To my surprise, the status had changed from Processing to Results to Available. I knew if I clicked, that was going to be it. I would find out if my son had a half-sibling.
Should I wait?
Was I ready?
Without thinking it through too much, I clicked and scrolled down to find the words that would completely change the tone of my night.
Results: Brendan Valentine is excluded as a relative of Olivia Delmonico.
I looked up at the ceiling and screamed, “Yes!”
I could hear Simon running from the kitchen.
He appeared in the doorway in a matter of seconds. “Bad yes or good yes?”
“Good yes. It’s negative!”
He lifted me up into the air and spun me around. “I’m so goddamn relieved.”
With my hand over my heart, I let out another breath. “Me, too.”
Simon kissed me hard then said, “If Brendan’s going to have a sibling someday, we’re gonna be the ones to give it to him.”
A week later, it must have been a full moon. Brendan had been in a horrible mood all day. It culminated in him swearing at Simon, who’d merely asked him to do a simple chore. It was unlike my son to be so flippant.
I was doing laundry down in the basement when I heard them talking above me.
Simon was yelling, “Excuse me. What did you say?”
“Nothing,” Brendan said.
“You don’t talk to me like that. Do you understand? You need to have respect for your mum and for me. Finish putting the bottles away and then I want you to go to your room until I tell you to come out.”
Brendan whined, “Simon…”
“Go!” Simon repeated. “I’ll call you when dinner’s ready.”
I rushed upstairs to find Simon leaning against the counter, looking upset.
“I heard everything. You did the right thing,” I assured him.
“If I had spoken to my dad like that, there would’ve been hell to pay.”
My dad. I wasn’t sure if he realized the way he’d said it implied that he considered himself Brendan’s dad.
I couldn’t help smiling at him.
Simon picked up on my expression. “What?”
“You’re cute when you’re mad.”
“Oh yeah? I’ll take it out on you later. How about that?”
“I’d like that. And I think you should move in permanently,” I said.
“Um…yeah…I’ve been living here for quite some time. I’d say it’s permanent.”
“I meant into my bedroom.”
He lifted his brow. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, alright, then. You’re not gonna hear complaints from me on that.”
And just like that, on a random night with a full moon, Simon officially became the man of the house.